Midnight Pals: Delirious

David Niall Wilson: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the author who writes reality
Wilson: OR...?
Wilson: does reality write her????
Koontz: whoaaaaa!
Wilson: i know right????

Wilson: so there's this best-selling author
King: oh i love it already!
King: see that's what i like to see, a relatable protagonist
Wilson: a best-selling author of sexy potboilers
King: this just gets better and better!

Wilson: so she's writing these sexy potboilers about a sexy reporter who has sexy adventures
Wilson: with sexy results!
Edward Lee: bro why are we talking about this writer bro? we should be talking about this sexy reporter bro!
Wilson: oh don't worry
Wilson: we will!

Wilson: this author worries that she might just be a hack
Wilson: until she finds a mysterious website
Wilson: a website that causes her writing to become reality
Wilson: OR...?
Wilson: reality to become her writing!
Koontz: whooooa!
Wilson: with sexy results!

Wilson: in a fugue state, she writes bizarre stories
Wilson: about a real fucked up panopticon HOA
Wilson: or a kid who commits suicide in church for the attention
Wilson: but are are her stories becoming reality? or is reality becoming her stories????
Koontz: whoaaaa!

Wilson: the question of whether her stories are becoming real OR whether she's somehow writing about things that are real without knowing it requires some investigation
Wilson: [stroking chin] if only there was some sexy reporter on that beat

Koontz: oh! oh! but david! there IS a sexy reporter!
Koontz: oh darn wait never mind, i forgot that she's not real
Koontz: she's only a character in the writer's stor-
Koontz: oh!
Wilson: now you're catching on, dean!

Wilson: now it seems like she controls reality with her own computer!
King: oh, like the-
Wilson: NOT like your 1983 short story Word Processor of the Gods
King: oh then like
Wilson: NOT like the classic 1991 John Candy vehicle Delirious!

King: wait how'd you know what i was going to say?
King: unless you
Wilson: [reveals computer to audience, winks]

King: ya know, this reminds me of my story Word Processor of the Gods
King: it's about the scariest thing I can think of
King: having a fat wife

King: this guy has an awful fat wife and a shitty son
King: but he alters reality with a magic word processor to erase his shitty son
King: but it turns out... now his wife, never having had kids, is even
FATTER!
King: cursed by his own hubris!

King: like, she was ridiculously fat before but now
King: oof! like, she can't even fit through the door she's so fat!
King: she's gotta be, like, 300 pounds!
Barker: really steve? 300 pounds huh?
King: i can't even conceive of a higher number!

King: so the writer uses his magic processor to delete his shitty son and awful wife from reality
Tabitha King:
Joe Hill:
King: oh i wasn't talking about you guys!
King: i would NEVER
King: you guys are the best!