Midnight Pals: Playground of Death

Aron Beauregard: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the playground of death
Beauregard: so a rich lady invites these kids to test out a new playground
Beauregard: with all sorts of dangerous equipment
Beauregard: and i don't mean ziplines

King: finally! getting back to our origins!
King: see, that's the problem with playgrounds nowadays
King: they're way too safe
King: and yeah they need to bring back ziplines!
King: those were awesome!
Poe: they were pretty cool
Barker: they fuckin ruled

King: so when you talk about a dangerous playground
King: you mean she's bringing back woodchips right?
King: getting rid of that dumb weird foam rubber
Poe: oh i HATE that stuff
King: see? that's exactly what i'm talking about

King: kids hate these new overly safe playgrounds!
King: right, joe?
Joe Hill: dad i really have no opinion on playground safety
King: c'mon joe back me up
King: it's boring right?
Hill: dad i'm not a baby anymore!
King: joe thinks they're boring
Hill: daaaad!!

King: see, in my day, a couple skinned knees were the price of entry to a playground
Beauregard: no i'm not talking about woodchips steve
Beauregard: i mean a playground that can kill you
King:
King: so you mean like
King: it DOES have a zipline???

Beauregard: no i mean-
King: see, our local playground used to have this super cool zipline
King: but they thought it was too dangerous, so they lowered it
King: now your feet drag!
King: they totally ruined it!

Beauregard: this is a playground that kills
Beauregard: like its got slides with sawblades
Beauregard: and there's spikes in the see saw
Beauregard: and the sandbox is full of acid
Beauregard: and the tetherball is on fire

Beauregard: and you know those weird spinny tic tac toe panel things?
Beauregard: what if it was made of poison
King:
King: oh wow actually that might be too much of a recorrect there aron
King: that does not sound up to code at all

Koontz: b-but the kids are ok right?
Beauregard:
Beauregard:
Poe: aron just say they're ok
Poe: for dean
Beauregard: they're ok
Koontz: oh good!
Beauregard: [whispering] i'll tell you all the real story after he goes to bed