Midnight Pals: Sting

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i call before me...
Rowling: hadley freeman!
Hadley Freeman: d-dark lord?
Rowling: DO NOT SSSPEAK
Rowling: i am
Rowling: dissspleassed

Rowling: you promisssed you could deliver unto me margaret atwood
Rowling: and at thisss you failed
Freeman: atwood is wiley oh dark lord
Rowling: you promisssed you could deliver unto me judy blume
Rowling: and at thisss you alssso failed
Freeman:  blume is crafty oh dark lord!

Freeman: one more chance dark lord! just one!
Freeman: i'll bring you
Freeman: i'll bring you
Freeman: i'll bring you sting!
Rowling: sssting?
Freeman: yes! sting!
Rowling: hmm  
Rowling: now ssssting would be a fine prize
Rowling: a fine prize indeed

Rowling: you ssay you can get sssting
Freeman: oh yes your evilness your rottenness
Freeman: your most excellent cartoon villainess
Rowling: very well
Rowling: i sshall allow you
Rowling: thiss one chance
Freeman: oh thank you dark lord thank you!
Rowling: thiss one FINAL chance

Hadley Freeman: hi hadley freeman, legitimate journalist here, i'd like to interview sting, top song guy and singer of such hits as Stand and the Bee movie cameo
Sting: no thanks
Freeman:
Freeman: what
Sting: i'm declining the interview
Freeman:
Freeman: what

Rowling: did you get sssting?
Freeman: he declined the interview!
Rowling:
Rowling: wait he can do that?
Freeman: that's what i said!
Rowling: my god that wiley devil
Rowling: alwaysss two ssstepsss ahead!

Freeman: apparently my single-minded obsession with tricking celebrities into making anti-trans statements was the deal breaker
Rowling: but
Rowling: that'sss what makesss you a legitimate journalisst!
Rowling: that'sss literally the point of journalisssm!

Rowling: go back to sssting
Rowling: tell him i know the awful truth
Freeman: dark lord?
Rowling: sssting'ss not even hiss real name you know
Freeman: what?!
Rowling: yeah itsss gordon sshumway
Freeman: WHAT?!?
Freeman: i don't even know what to believe now