Midnight Pals: A fable

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: today i want to introducce a very sspecial guessst- john boyne
Rowling: author of the boy in the sstriped pajamassss
John Boyne: ahem, that's the boy in the striped pajamas colon a fable
Boyne: get it right!

Boyne: listen up people
Boyne: Here’s a tip for anyone interacting with a novelist online
Boyne: you can say our books suck  
Boyne: you can call us bad writers
Boyne: you can say we’re stupid, ugly or fat
Boyne: you can say we're bald
Boyne: you can say that we're lazy...

Boyne: you can say that we're plagiarists
Boyne: you can say that we whitewash history
Boyne: you can say that our work actively makes people dumber
Rowling: where are you going with thiss
Boyne: hold on i'm working up to something
Boyne: you can say that we smell bad

Boyne: you can say that we're liars
Boyne: you can say that we're pigs
Boyne: but the one thing you cannot say is that we're cis
Rowling:
Rowling: well sssaid! well sssaid!

John Boyne: look, i wrote this really sympathetic book about how hard it is to be related to a trans person
Boyne: i mean, if you think about it, being related to a trans person is really hard
Boyne: probably harder than being trans
Boyne: that just stands to reason

Boyne: anyway the trans didn't appreciate my hard work, so i don't like them now
Rowling: how do you feel about the jewsss after they didn't appreciate the boy in the sstriped pajamass
Boyne: ahem you mean the boy in the striped pajamas colon a fable
Rowling: yess yess of coursse

Boyne: look i just think it's my duty to speak to the true victims of the holocaust
Boyne: SS officers who might be really sad if they accidentally killed their sons when they meant to kill jews
Boyne: i'm getting misty just thinking about it
Boyne: [wiping tear] those poor guys

Boyne: i don't believe in the word cis
Boyne: i just thought it was really important i weigh in on this controversy
Boyne: this is in no way a diversion from my other scandals
Boyne: my new book is about a guy trying to buy lamp oil, rope & bombs but he doesn't have enough rubies