Midnight Pals: Fatality!
Added 2023-02-20 18:39:50 +0000 UTCRoss Douthat: [wearing hat with PRESS tag] why are kids today so depressed?
Douthat: I, Ross Douthat, serious thinker, take a hard look at the question in today's new york times
Douthat: because sometimes even the grey lady needs a break from cheerleading genocide
Douthat: could it be that they live in a soul-crushing panopticon with no hope for the future amid rising fascism, climate catastrophe and unchecked disease?
Douthat: or it it be
Douthat: cell phones?
Douthat: kids today, all they want to do is look at their cellphones!
Douthat: and while i'm at it
Douthat: [shaking fist at cloud]
Douthat: why are kids today so obsessed with cellphones?
Joyce Carol Oates: maybe it's because you're a boring little bitch
Douthat:
Douthat:
[FATALITY! appears on screen]
Poe: did you guys hear? Joyce bodied ross douthat!
Barker: Joyce? our Joyce?
Barker: Joyce Carol Oates?
Poe: yeah
Barker: damn
King: how's her foot doing?
Poe: well she still has it
Poe: so i imagine it must be doing better
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Poe: joyce carol oates just killed ross douthat
Shelley: huh
Shelley: [putting away shiv] well guess i won't need this today
