Midnight Pals: Fuckenstein

Guillermo del Toro: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of Frankenstein
del Toro: but what if Frankenstein was hot
Stephen King: do you mean the doctor or the monster
King: because, technically, the monster is frankenstein’s monster and
del Toro: I know what I said, steve

Del Toro: in this retelling, the doctor is played by Oscar isaacs
del Toro: and the monster is played by Andrew Garfield
Barker: do they fuck
Poe: clive
Barker: no really
Barker: I think in this situation
Barker: this is a good question
King: yeah actually he has a point

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
del Toro: I was just talking about my Frankenstein adaptation with Oscar isaacs and Andrew Garfield
Shelley: do they fuck?
Barker: see? That’s what I was asking!

Del Toro: “do they fuck”
del Toro: what a question!
del Toro: would I, Guillermo del toro, cinema’s most notorious monster fucker, make a film where monsters fuck!
del Toro: it’s like none of you even saw the shape of water
King: oh what happens in that?
del Toro:
del Toro: they fuck

King: wait do they really
King: on screen?
del Toro: hardcore X-rated swim bladder action

Bram Stoker: oh GREAT now you’re gonna ruin Frankenstein!
Stoker: it’s bad enough that they made Dracula horny
Stoker: now they’re gonna back Frankenstein horny!
Stoker: so gross
Stoker: bleh!

Stoker: why do you guys always have to make everything so sexual
Stoker: it was better when Frankenstein was a big green thing with, like, the weird head
Stoker: man, there was NO way yo could get horny looking at that
Stoker: so totally good and unsexy
Stoker: now that’s the way to do it
Mary Shelley: yo bram
Mary Shelley: shut up

Mary Shelley: so they fuck right
del Toro: of course they fuck
Shelley: I got a great scene for ya Guillermo
Shelley: what if they fuck on the monster’s mother’s grave
del Toro:
del Toro: um the monster doesn’t really
Shelly: [flipping switchblade] who’s writing this story, nerd?