Midnight Pals: A Bad Look

Tom Monteleone: hey everyone did you hear me on that podcast?
Poe: oh which podcast?
Monteleone: I think it was called “Groyper Final-Solution and Loli Wendy’s Mascot Present the 14 Word Retvrn Cast”
Poe:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
King: um
King: what did you talk about

Tom Monteleone: trans people are satanic, black people have it too easy, and they/thems…
Monteleone: don’t even get me started on the they/thems!
Monteleone: and while I’m at it what about that cloud?
Monteleone: [shaking fist at cloud] why you, I oughta---!!!

Poe: whoa tom
Poe: I’m afraid we don’t brook with that kind of thing here
Poe: I’m going to have to take your caricature down from Mt. Slashmore
Poe: and I’m pulling your favorite song outta the juke box
Monteleone: gasp! Not “The Monster Mash”!!
Poe: you are no longer a graveyard smash, tom

Lovecraft: i-I really don’t see what the big deal is
Poe: howard I’m going to need you to be quiet now
Poe: really, for your own sake
Poe: nothing you would say now is going to do you any good

Monteleone: whoa whoa whoa, everyone’s mad? Hey look, I apologize
Monteleone: but also trans people are satanic and black people have it too easy
Poe: wait
Poe: whats the point of the apology
Poe: you just said it again
King: yeah I think we’re all a little unclear on what’s happening here

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Monteleone: I was just explaining how I think it’s about time that white men got their due
Shelley: do you now
Poe: now, mary--
Barker: no no no no
Barker: I think mary should talk
Poe: yes but
Barker: we should definitely be elevating womens voices right about now don’t you think edgar

Monteleone: I’m just tellin’ it like it is
Shelley: you got a lotta opinions, nerd
Shelley: I got an opinion too
Shelley: [flipping switchblade] right here

Shelley: [juggling switchblade] be a real shame if something were to happen to that HWA lifetime achievement award
Shelley: like if it got stabbed
Shelley: [stabbing HWA lifetime achievement award] oops my hand slipped
Monteleone: nooo! Not my HWA lifetime achievement award!
Monteleone: I need that to live!