Interview: growingboi

In this interview I talk with the incredibly sexy and insightful growingboi hailing from London, England. He really opens up and dives deep into so many topics that relate to this kink and community. Check out his content below and give him a follow. You won’t regret it.

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Gainer Stories: Let’s start with how you identify. How do you feel about the terms gainer, encourager, bear, etc?

Growingboi: Within myself and within the community, I definitely identify with the term gainer. I’m deliberately making myself fatter and I enjoy being the big guy in the interaction more than actively encouraging others to gain - although obviously I look up to lots of other bigger gainers, and I love making friends with other big boys and following their growth too.

I find ‘bear’ is a useful term to use outside the community - with my irl friends, especially in queer circles. It feels like saying I’m gaining weight on purpose would weird them out, but taking on the label of bear and owning it is something within their frame of reference that they can get their heads around easier. I’ve had a really fun, supportive response from friends since I’ve openly been identifying as a bear. I feel like I probably need more body hair to *actually* be a bear though? 🤣

GS: Using “bear” as an inroad to normalize weight gain makes a lot of sense. I think even when you’re describing what you’re attracted to to other gay men outside of the community, “bear” can be an easy palatable term. Body hair or not, you’re bear enough if you say so!

Next question: When did you realize this is what you’re attracted to? And when did you start actively pursuing gaining?

Growingboi: Yeahhh exactly, like they could see I was getting bigger anyway so by just owning it as ‘I’m a bear now’ I’m finding more people just vibe with it as part of my identity, rather than looking at me with pity for presumably accidentally gaining weight.

So honestly I realised the interest in bigger guys was there before I even realised I was gay. As a teen I would pad myself to look fatter and come up with these fantasies and stories about guys getting bigger, but I hadn’t connected it to anything sexual yet and I was so ashamed when I finally did realise. I found the gaining community on YouTube at the time and knew deep down that it resonated with me but I carried a lot of shame about this whole interest for years tbh.

I came out at 16 and I sort of convinced myself that I wasn’t ever into bigger guys. I used to try and train myself to fantasise about conventionally attractive guys to get rid of the thoughts of bigger guys and of any fantasies about gaining myself. This went on for years, it was like an addiction. I’d have long stretches where I’d not look at any gainer videos at all and then cave in and let it take over again. And then I’d always be so ashamed about it afterwards, every time.

I eventually got into a relationship with a ‘civilian’ who I fell in love with and am still with today. He was really open about what kinks he was into, and although he had no awareness or interest in gaining as a kink, his openness helped me to feel more comfortable coming to terms with what I knew I’d been into all along. I told him - initially as though it was something in the past that I was now ‘over’, later admitting that I did still find bigger guys hot, and eventually confessing that actually I wanted to gain weight myself. He doesn’t want anything to do with it but he knows everything and is supportive of what makes me happy.

So when the first lockdown hit and all the gyms shut, and I naturally started putting on a couple of pounds, I just thought ‘why not go for it properly?’. After all those years trying desperately to hide it, I started deliberately getting fatter and loved it. There have of course been ups and downs since, and it’s a long journey towards properly accepting and embodying it - but at this point, three years into gaining, I’m genuinely loving it and feeling more confident with every pound I gain. I feel like I was always meant to be a big boy and it’s everything I hoped it would be.

GS: Wow, this is such a relatable story for me personally, and I’m sure resonates with so many others in this community. Thank you for sharing. I’m honestly surprised you’re only three years into gaining. Would you be open to sharing your starting and current weight?

Growingboi: Yeah sure, I was 150 when I started, and I got up to 220 within a year. Then when lockdown ended and the world started to open up again, I panicked about seeing people again and what they would think of such a drastic change in my appearance so I basically starved myself and over-exercised for six months and lost all I had gained, back down to 160ish. But I knew straight away that it wasn’t what I wanted and I really missed being bigger. So since summer 2021 I’ve been gaining again and it’s been so much easier growing whilst also socialising, so people have just gradually got used to the idea of me being a big boy rather than it being a shock.

So yeah since then I’ve gone from 160 to 240 now. My highest ever was 243 so I’m excited to push into new territory asap 😈

GS: Exciting you’re on the precipice of a new highest weight. Other than numbers on the scale, have there been any significant milestones where you were like “wow, I’m really getting fat”? What about any milestones you’re looking forward to in the future?

Growingboi: I know right, I’m sooo ready for more!!

Oh there have been a few yeah - sometimes I just catch my reflection and I’m like ‘woah is that really me? Is that really how fat I look now!?’ which is such a fun realisation.

Also outgrowing clothes is a big one for me, I’ve kept loads of my old twink clothes and I have a few specific things I try on every 10lbs or so just to see how much tighter they are on me. That’s what really makes me go ‘wowwww I’ve gotten SO fat. This used to be comfy and now it can’t contain me’ 🥵 like I was an XXS and I’m now in XXLs as my everyday clothes, and I’ve gone from fitting 28in waist jeans to basically filling out 38s now 🥴 It’s a struggle to even get into a size M or a 32 waist these days, let alone the really small twink stuff. Those really feel like milestones.

Also every now and again I measure my gut and my ass and they’re both 50 inches around now which feels amazing. I love how I’m gaining on both sides haha

As for future milestones, I’m soooo close to hitting +100lbs from my starting weight so that’s a big one. Then being twice my twink weight. Then three times idk 😅 I’m aiming high, put it that way. I’m looking forward to breaking furniture and being too big for things in public (seats on public transport, booths at restaurants, stuff like that..) I’m also excited to just be the biggest guy in the room more often - like it already happens now cos I have a lot of smaller friends, but it’s exciting to imagine obviously outweighing everyone in the room no matter where I am.

GS: I think we’re all looking forward to you hitting those benchmarks. How has gaining changed your sex life? Have you had experiences with other gainers or encouragers? What about civilians?

Growingboi: Okay this is a bit of a tough one tbh. I’ve never had a particularly comfortable relationship with sex.

I lost my virginity pretty late and ended up doing things with people I had zero interest in - mostly out of desperation, people pleasing and a need for acceptance. My boyfriend was the first sexual encounter I had where I actually wanted it to happen.  I’ve since worked out that I’m somewhat demisexual and I *need* that deeper emotional connection in order to feel sexual attraction to someone. He’s the opposite though; he thrives off the novelty and danger that comes from hookups so for the last couple of years we’ve been open so he can pursue that and I can gain. In that time we’ve done very little sexually together because he’s actively turned off by my gains.

So yeah, since gaining I basically have no sex life anymore. It’s frustrating because I feel like I have more of an idea of what I want from my sex life but I just don’t know how to make it happen. The dream would be for my boyfriend to be into sharing all this with me, but I can’t magically make that happen, so the next best thing would be a friend with benefits. There are definitely people in the community I’ve clicked with and would love to try that kinda vibe with but they’re all prohibitively far away from me.

It’s also so so rare that I’m sexually attracted to someone that whenever I do find someone hot I have no idea what to do to instigate anything, so more often than not the idea of sex just makes me sad.

I’ve met up with other gainers and encouragers before, and I know in a lot of those scenarios they would have been down to do something sexual, but I just wasn’t feeling it *with them*. I’ve found myself trying very hard to make sure things stay platonic in these situations because I want to make friends in the community but I know a lot of people want hookups etc instead so it can be hard to navigate. I hate feeling like I’m offending someone or letting them down by turning down sex.

I would love to build a regular thing with someone I was into, who I got along with and felt safe with. I would love to enjoy being fed sexually, get loads of belly attention and basically just have someone loving my growing body as much as I do. Mutual gaining is hot, contrast is hot, I’m quite open to being attracted to a range of body types etc, I just don’t know how to make it happen.

GS: Thank you for being so open. I think a lot of people in the community struggle with similar issues and it’s so important to talk about. Sex and love is difficult to navigate for everyone and this kink adds another layer of complication.

Growingboi: Exactly!! It’s like.. it’s hard enough as it is to find those kinds of connections anyway, let alone when you gotta also take into account being bigger, and the whole kink side of things too. It makes it so complicated. But I do think the more people who feel comfortable talking about it, the better.

GS: Exactly. This is a good segue to some of the more public aspects of gaining. What has your experience been sharing your gains online?

Growinboi: I love sharing gains online tbh. I feel in control of it and I love the attention that comes from being a big boy and owning my size online.

It’s helped me make friends in the community which makes the whole gaining experience so much more fun.

I’m still kinda surprised at just how many people follow and interact with the things I post really, because my irl experience is so different. I love that we have this corner of the internet where fat is celebrated. Most of the time it doesn’t even feel like a niche anymore, it feels like I’ve found my people here.

GS: I really think it’s becoming less and less of a niche. What about irl? You touched on this a bit with the regains, but how do people react to your growth in the flesh? Whether friends, family, or just random gay guys outside of the community.

Growingboi: I’ve had zero comments from family which I’m SO grateful for, that’s up there in worst nightmare territory for me. I don’t want any comments from family, that’d be like wearing a pup hood at Christmas dinner or something… mortifying.

There are maybe like five or six close friends who I’ve told outright that I’m gaining on purpose, and they all reacted really well, and some even have fun teasing me about how big I look sometimes which is more than I ever thought possible tbh. I’ve also got really nice vibes from friends who don’t necessarily know I’m gaining on purpose, but who’ve obviously registered I’m bigger - they’ll refer to me as a bear and make affirming comments here and there which are nice.

I feel really uncomfortable around a lot of gay guys tbh, more so now I’m bigger because I panic I’ll be judged even before they’ve said anything. That’s something I need to work on cos I know a lot of it is in my head. But having been a conventionally attractive twink and now living life in the same queer spaces as a big boy, I’m definitely feeling like a lot more people just ignore me these days. There are other gay guys who do seem more validating though, so swings and roundabouts.

I think the key is just confidence really. Confidence is sexy, pretty much universally. So if I just own my size and emphasise it as an aspect of my personality as I get bigger, I think I’ll be good 😅

GS: Confidence is definitely key. Communication too— it’s awesome you have people you can open up to about gaining. Do you think the body positivity movement has helped at all?

Growingboi: Erm… in my own head I associate the body positivity movement with women more than men, and that’s of course important for society in general, but I don’t feel like it’s had much of an effect on my life. I guess the movement has helped people be more aware of the importance of accepting your body at any size, and they’re maybe more sensitive and understanding of friends bodies changing as a result.

I still think we have a long way to go when it comes to destigmatising the attraction to fat bodies though. Right now I feel like people will happily look at a bigger person owning their sexuality and be like ‘good for you’ but they mean it in a pitying way - like ‘I’m not interested but you do you’ … I feel like in general, coming out and saying you actively find fat bodies hot is still a bit of a no-go. It’s always ‘he’s alright for a fat boy’ or ‘he got fat but I don’t mind’ not ‘he’s fat and that’s hot’ you know?

Of course as gainers we’re a level even deeper, because we’re not just attracted to fat bodies but part of a community focused on actively getting fatter. So I feel like the only way this kink might one day be as accepted as something like BDSM is if we first normalise the idea that fat bodies are hot

GS: What do you think about popular gainers talking to news outlets? Every year there seems to be an uproar on Grommr over this happening.

Growingboi: Oh god 💀 I’d like to think it comes from a well-intentioned place… but one look at the comment section on any of these articles and it’s just people pointing and laughing, talking about how disgusting we all are. I don’t think those kinda things are ever going to shed light on the community in a positive way. I don’t think people are ready to accept it really. If anything these articles can be actively harmful to gainers who might have their content discovered by people from their real lives.

GS: On a philosophical note, what do you think is the reason people find themselves attracted to this kink?

Growingboi: Honestly I have no idea for myself, let alone for anyone else. I guess there’s always just been this inherent link between fat/growth and being turned on. I don’t think it’s as far removed from regular turn-ons than people think - like everyone appreciates a big ass right? Is a fat belly really that much of a reach from there? And there are aspects of dom/sub/control/teasing etc that can be brought into it, I feel like for some people it’s an added extra to dynamics you’re already interested in. I wish I had a better answer but it’s really as straightforward as ‘getting fat is hot’ 🤭

GS: That it is! I just a have a couple more questions for you. First, what advice might you have for anyone who is trying to gain or just starting out?

Growinboi: I think it’s the kinda thing where if getting fat is what you really want, it’s gonna happen eventually. So my only advice is to just go for it - and own it, I think that’s really important. Accept that this is what you want and enjoy it! You’ll make much better connections in the community if you have that self-assurance. There’s never gonna be a perfect moment, you’ll have ups and downs and regrets but if you realise it’s not for you, you can always lose the weight. It’s a big deal to change your body so drastically, so give yourself the patience to accept the negative feelings as they come up, and trust that the benefits will outweigh (lol) them in the end if you stick with it. In my experience, the worries about people’s reactions are always worse than the reality. Life as a fat boy is so much fun, I’m so glad I decided to gain.

GS: Okay, and a fun one: If you could instantly add 20 pounds to any part of your body where would it go and why?

Growingboi: Omg that’s so difficult hahaha! I’d be happy with pretty much anywhere apart from my face really. Push me for an answer I’d say my belly - my ass and thighs grow faster than my gut generally so I’d give my belly a bit of a head start if I could 😅