Winter Bulk: Week 1

I’m going to bulk hardcore, starting today. 

Last year I put on a lot of mass in the gym and I’m feeling great about it, but I need more. The bony dude of my early twenties is finally a thing of the past and now I’m ready to get seriously big. Enough with this lean brawn, size medium and small shit. I want people to be intimidated by me. I want them to know I could fuck them up. 

That’s why I’m going to bulk. Last winter I didn’t do a true bulk. I mean, I kind of tried but I didn’t go all the way. I don’t think I even could have if I wanted to. I didn’t have the capacity or even the drive. It wasn’t until I got serious in the gym that my appetite started growing. Plus, my metabolism is pretty fast so I really have to eat a lot, and I mean a lot, to put on any weight. Last Christmas I would eat like two cookies and think I was bulking. Now I realize what goes into serious growth. 

So I’ve created a plan. Lift weights every day. Cardio three times a week. Protein shake in the morning with a big breakfast of eggs, bacon, all that shit. Snack until lunch and then eat something big again, meat and dairy included. Protein shake at lunch too. Then keep snacking and go ham for dinner. Like I mean big, with dessert too. The goal is over 1,000 calories and at least 20 grams of protein at each meal. Preferably more. Granted, it will take me some time to build up my capacity. 

So, today I’ve already been pretty successful with this plan. For breakfast I made two breakfast sandwiches with eggs, bacon, hella cheese, and aioli. I topped it off with a protein shake which admittedly left me feeling pretty fucking full. When lunch rolled around I wasn’t even hungry but I forced myself to eat. I got a foot long meatball sub and poured ranch on it. I also ate a pretty huge brownie which was difficult to get down. The protein shake was the hardest, but I powered through. I just gulped that shit down in two minutes flat, filling all the empty crevices in my stomach. 

After lunch I couldn’t help but drift asleep. I ate my sub on the couch watching TV and drifted off the second that shake was down the hatch. I woke up feeling bloated beyond belief. My stomach was so distended it looked like I was pregnant. It gurgled and churned trying to process all the food I’d packed away. Honestly, it was pretty uncomfortable. Still, that didn’t stop me from going hard at dinner. 

I decided to spring for fast food for the first time in at least six months. I drove through McDonald’s and ordered a big mac, chicken tenders, large fries, and a McFlurry. It was rough but I was able to get it all down. I went to bed feeling like a stuffed pinata that was about to explode. 

I was uncomfortable, but I felt accomplished. I could do this. I was going to grow massive and nothing could stop me.