Switching to a new treatment

I’ve been thinking for a long time about how to write everything, but I didn’t have the strength. With this text, you can turn your back on me or start hating, but I want to speak out. I previously discussed this with a psychologist and I want to write about it.

I’ll say right away that the video will be released soon, subtitles are being written now and the video will be on Patreon. And then on YouTube.

I had all the examinations and MRI scans showed that I have a lot of lesions in my brain, and there really are a ton of them. In addition, they found several lesions in my neck and back that have been there for a long time, which is a very bad sign. This means that the treatment does not help... That is, more than one doctor in Ukraine and Germany did not even think about conducting a full examination, but just looked at the ready-made images and diagnosed only them. Well, I have no words, only sadness. The doctors met at a consultation to discuss my treatment and came to the conclusion that my treatment should be more aggressive. I have to be given a drip every 6 months with the drug "Rituximab" (if anyone is taking it, write in the comments, I need more information about whether it helps you or not).

And what I’m very worried about now is the first days of taking treatment. With regular droppers, I feel like I’m dead all week, and I can’t even walk, but here the drug is 3 times more powerful, which means (I’ve already been told) that I’ll feel worse from this.

It's really hard for me not to take out my emotions on the text, knowing that it will irritate you because I talk a lot by complaining. It is very difficult for me to survive in all this. I've been in the survival stage since childhood. It’s much easier for me to write to you now than to just tell my parents what’s going on. It becomes very difficult to hide my emotions and only a psychologist helps me. I love Ukraine very much for its nature and accessibility to visiting everything, but I really curse my system that is built for people so much. By the way, yes, let's talk about Ukraine. Still, now everyone root for it and love it. I know that a lot of negativity will come towards me now, but I want to write it out. Let’s take the situation that I didn’t leave, or returned due to money problems (and this is very close now). A simple question “How does MY country want to help at this moment?” In the worst case, of course, I will be sent to the army. They accept my disability group (people without an arm/leg, schizophrenia, etc. are accepted without problems). In the best case, they will admit me to the hospital (at my expense, of course), prescribe treatment (well, it’s already free, but if I give money, the process will go faster), and prescribe medications that I will need to buy. Oh, there’s no money, well then we’ll look for your relatives to raise money for you, no relatives, no money, which means no treatment. I know that in America the situation is similar, but there disability works fine, but here it’s 70 euros for all your expenses and medications per month, so survive as you wish.

I'm very stupid and realized this very late. Only when problems appeared did I realize that health is a very important thing. But when it comes to the fact that it is very difficult for me to walk, I understand that I am of no use. I either have to die (or, by Ukrainian standards, fight in the war) or it’s time, or take every opportunity to ease the effects. But I don’t really have a choice, either try to survive in European countries or return and hope for luck.

I will try to continue working because my Patreon is my official income. In the country I live in at the moment, I registered it as my salary and I pay taxes, and unfortunately, I do not make enough anymore to pay for taxes and even my insurance. But my personal money will soon run out and I will have only one option, to go back to Ukraine. I'm not asking for anything more than to increase my activity on YouTube to attract a new audience. At least this way I can survive a little longer.

I know that it may sound like I am complaining about life a lot, but in all honesty, those are just built-up emotions of me being scared of the future, what can happen with me and my health. I do not have so much power to take care of myself anymore. I really hope that one day I can pass all of the hardships and come on the top go mountain. That’s only thing what I would want right now.

Thank you for your attention. I will continue to try to show that I am still capable of something and set myself the most impossible goals to fight myself.