Failed Book Pitch to Big Publishers (pdf)

I've always wanted to make a collected book out of a handful of small projects I've done. F-Off™, Little Comis, and Church Funnies in particular. Just a flat-out simple collection, no whistles, no bells. But big humor book publishers don't like Simple Collections.

When I brought this to a literary agent, she wanted me to think about theming the book around... Something! Cus that's how to sell to these publishers and get comics into big box stores like Wal•Mart, Target, B&N, etc. That's just the way the cookie crumbles for the Humor section and gag cartoonists like me or like others you can actually find and buy at these kind of stores. The book has to be ABOUT something, it can't be JUST comics. Why? No one JUST reads comics. They need some kind of reason, I guess, to read them.

Those comics I wanted to collect are all very different in style, but the vibes are usually similar. So I tried! As you can see from the pdf title attached to this, I tried to come up with something 5 times before I was told no one was interested in it or, more than likely, I gave up on it. Same story with Pinocchio when I tried. They like the work, sure, Oh and the Meme is so funny. But no one knows how to sell this work of mine. Which includes me, I guess.

I figured I'd share the final pitch here, for posterity. The only new thing it contains is some writing I did as an introduction to the book and to one of the "chapters" in the book. It's all very depressing to me to look back on, cus I feel like I have (or had) the energy to give someone a funny book, but the powers that be who actually plunk down the money to make the book want a Good Reason other than my smiling face. And trying to find that perfect balance for these goons is like searching for water in a desert. Especially with an eclectic mix of comics like these.

Maybe there's little room for me in main stream, and the only way I got in there is, well, the meme! My desire for trying has decreased since then. And it shouldn't matter. But here we are anyway. It mattering and all. But just to me.

Anyway, enjoy what you can however you can and be sure to hit like and subscribe and ring that bell and hit the table real loud and feed your pets and cause no problems and boycott this or that or whatever!!!! I'm throwing this post away! It's YOUR problem now