[Spill it Girlies] How do I decide if I want kids?
Added 2025-04-23 13:00:13 +0000 UTCJessi jumping in for advice duty. Shout out to Bianca for today's question about whether or not to have kids.
Hey girlies!! Jessi jumping in for advice duty. Shout out to Bianca for today's question about whether or not to have kids.
What do we think, girlies?? Any advice for Bianca? Drop it in the comments!
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Question: I'm 30 years old - turning 31 this year. While my immediate family doesn't ask if I want to have kids and has told me they genuinely do not care if I do or do not because it's a choice between my husband and me, I'm confused. Even before we got married, my husband said he always said he is okay with or without kids but I really don't know if I want them and I am having such a hard time deciding.
On one hand, I do love my nieces and nephews. I also love spending some time with kids but I love being able to wake up whenever I can and I love being able to go out at any time with my husband. I'm also afraid of passing a lot of generational trauma (my mom used to be an alcoholic and outright told me when I was 15 that she had considered aborting me just for reference) and I don't want to make any child of mine a retirement plan (it's common in my very Catholic centered country - which was also colonized by Spain btw). I tend to lean towards I don't want to have even one because of these reasons but part of me feels like I'll regret now having one that I just don't know! How do I decide?
Comments
As someone with children… if you are on the fence about having them, don’t do it. As someone who really wanted mine, it is still incredibly difficult to have them. I love them and wouldn’t change them for the world. Butttt you can’t chose the issues you are given and my son has autism and ADHD and it is hard as hell. He can be so mean when he is “set off” by really anything. But he’s so smart and loves reptiles, weather and figuring out how everything works around him. If I could do it all over again, would I? My relationship with my husband would be a lot better without kids. He’s a person who thought he wanted children but didn’t realize as an only child that it’s not easy and that you can’t make a child be who you want them to be. It’s tough but I hope he can get through the grief of a son who isn’t what he thought and that he gets to the other side to really love our son BECAUSE of who he is. Bottom line is… if you or your partner isn’t ready or sure… do not have children.
Saruse
2025-08-25 15:01:04 +0000 UTCI have cerebral pasly, just turned 28, and I am planning on starting my family. I am so excited, but the unknown is so valid. Don't let anyone judge you into this huge decision
Kiara D'Orazio
2025-06-19 22:23:51 +0000 UTC
