Opening up

I'm struggling real bad lately. I'm used to this happening but sometimes it's just harder to deal with. Sometimes even unbearable like now. I'm opening up in this blog a little to show you that in this industry - it's not all it cracks up to be. At least not for me anyway. I'm also opening up to let any other people suffering know - that you certainly are not alone. 

Before you carry on reading this, if you are a patreon only for enjoying my images etc then please feel free to skip all this blog and i promise to you that more exclusive content will be coming up and I'm sorry for the times I go quiet. 

So as some of you may know from either talking to me or even reading the about me in my patreon bio - I suffer with mental health. I have 3 different conditions. Depression, anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder. Each one of them plays a huge roll in my every day life. I have never had a break from them, I've tried everything but nothing works to get rid of them. I fight every day and it's still never enough. Ive had so many doctor and therapy appointments, hospital stays and even on the highest possible dose of anti depressants - im miserable. 

I just want to try to explain that when I go quiet, when I don't respond to messages for a while etc - that it's because the fighting has become to much and I needed to stop. I needed to rest, see my doctor, sleep. Anything that helps me survive at the time. I needed to be away from social media and every day life. Before anyone worries about me or anything, just know, I'm not done fighting yet though. I believe and I hope with all my heart I'm doing all this fighting for a reason, to one day wake up and have a clear head seems like the most amazing thing in the world! I want happiness more than anything else to be desired. 

I feel like you should all know that you help me fight. You help me feel better sometimes. You give me things I can never give myself. I hope you don't think less of me or judge me. I didn't choose these illnesses, i never even knew what they were until I got them. I just know how horrible any mental illness is to live with and my heart really goes out to anyone who struggles  just to be here like myself ❤️ I'm trying my best to give you guys happiness too, from either just something simple like a new image or cosplay to caring about your day! Because I really do! Some of the only bit of happiness I get to feel is from helping others.

I find it hard to talk about this kinda stuff but I wanted too today to try explain about myself and how I'm not ever ignoring anyone or ignorant etc - please remember that if Im ever quiet. I love you all a lot, you are more than fans and supporters to me, especially the few of you I have gotten to know and continue too. I've made some true friends and I'm so thankful! Friends who care about me and motivate me and help me and I can never thank you enough 💕

Trying my best to beat this, I'll be more active again soon I promise,

all my love,

Mistyy 

xxx