Book 1 Part 2 Feedback Thread
Added 2025-10-08 16:00:24 +0000 UTCSame deal as the last one. This is where you can leave feedback for either book 1 as a whole, or specifically book 1 part 2 (from chapter 40 and onward). I won't promise the feedback will be addressed, of course, but I will read it and decide if I agree, and make changes as I see fit :)
Thanks for reading!
Comments
Amazing story so far! I really love the different POV chapters you have and the realistic behavior of Vivi and Saffra throughout the various conflicts. I really think the world building and side characters developed so far have added a lot of value to the reading experience and make the whole setting feel "alive" instead of Vivi being the only mover and shaker in the world. Regarding pacing, I personally think it's fine, but I can understand why some people take issue with the serial format, since the updates and plot developments definitely feel a lot better when read all at once. Nothing you can do about it from a serial work perspective I guess.
The D'awwctor
2025-10-27 17:57:27 +0000 UTCI feel like the book might be trying to be too many things. Or is deviating a bit too much from what it was presented as in the first part. It feels like there isn't really any slice of life elements remaining. Slowing the pace and having the characters interact more with eachother, having Vivi resolve problems that cannot be solved with Power alone, etc. would be a lot more satisfying to me. Action isn't what I am reading for. Vivi never even resolved the whole misunderstanding situation with Saffra on her own. Which is what I was waiting to happen. It was all forced to happen because of the fight. That's not character growth. Vivi never even ended up telling Saffra about how she was helping in the background. Now it might as well have never even happened because the Duke did all of this and they never learned how to communicate. So what was all the drawn out drama for if noone even grew from it? Saffra's reaction to the news of who her teacher is wasn't satisfying because she couldn't possibly be surprised anymore either. It took too long to happen. So personally, I guess I just really didn't like Part 2. I really enjoyed Part 1's pacing more. This is a story structuring issue, so characters having explainations for it happening the way it did doesn't matter. The author can always find reasons for things to happen naturally. I mean, if they could write a wyvern showing up the moment Vivi leaves her apprentice alone for a minute than anything is on the table lol.
Joseph (T3mmie)
2025-10-21 17:41:21 +0000 UTCPersonally I think it's fine.
Sophia
2025-10-14 22:12:31 +0000 UTCShould probably drop this here. Spend less time in the characters head. We don't need to know every variation of every thought in their heads. Let them act and let us under what they're thinking, through actions. Class show/tell situation. You can get more done every chapter. This will tighten up the pacing and more will get done per chapter, which leads to that snappiness that's missing.
Forint
2025-10-14 17:37:28 +0000 UTCThis is amazing, I read all chapters and subbed today. I hope red tide stays dead or just becomes a running joke.
Jyan91
2025-10-14 15:07:33 +0000 UTCEnjoying the book but I'd add short povs during the battle scenes because it's always fun. Getting reactions from other characters and kinda raises the stakes for us seeing actual people and not gods dealing with this crisis. So like getting a gale of blades pov for the fight or something could be cool
FiveHands
2025-10-14 01:38:45 +0000 UTCNothing major to add that I haven't already mentioned. I really enjoy the story and setting. I would like to explore the relationship between the world and the old MMO some more in the future. For example, we know the history doesn't align 1 to 1 with the gameplay (being able to farm defeated bosses etc) and other stuff.
Andrew Serle
2025-10-12 06:00:52 +0000 UTCDon't recall that initial meeting between Rafael and Vivi? When she tries to surprise him but fails? That was brilliant tbh, it both shows off his competence, gives us a variation on the more common reaction to Vivi, and serves as well camouflaged exposition and worldbuilding.
Absidy
2025-10-11 12:09:49 +0000 UTCAs others have said, enjoying the Spell Names/Skill Names. It sort of reminds me of how Chinese Wuxia or Xianxia often label martial or other techniques with a flowery description. It's toned down a bit and given a little MMO "this would sound cool!" dev edginess but I think they are well done. It also reminds me a little of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time where all the sword forms have long winded flowery names but yet you can still imagine what kind of sword strike the person is doing by hearing it. I really like Viv as a character, I like how her internal emotions don't match what she displays on her face. I like how she is a bit socially awkward/inept but it's not done in the stereotypical over the top 'terrified of talking to people' stereo type that is so overdone. I like how her addiction/obsession is magic. The fact she draws out fights makes them more interesting rather than her just casting insta-kill spell because she is so much higher level and OP. I like how you've woven that into a character flaw where drawing out the fight is her bad habit and can cause major problems, like putting Saffra in danger with Red Tithe dude. If I had any criticism it would be probably around pacing, sense of time passing vs the events described, and I feel like too many side characters we see their PoV from have the same internal 'voice' reaction to Vivi. Feel like some of them could be tweaked a little to make them feel more real as people. Character wise I feel like Rafael is the 'weakest' character. We are told he is incredible competent as a spy master/information gathering but he seems incredibly inept and we are never really shown this skillset. All we see is him constantly nagging Viv to not do anything at all. I think it would work a lot better if he had lots of unconnected pieces of information, but it takes Viv and Saffra/Isabella stories to give him the 'ah ha!' moment and show his true ability. It can often feel like the pacing is glacier speed, but I think that is more an effect of one chapter every couple of days. I am keen to re-read/re-listen (Tess Irondale is AMAZING VA btw I hope she can do all the books.) and see how it feels. I am glad this Void Invasion / 8th Cataclysm and her reveal to the world is the end of book one, I think it makes way more sense as a payoff/climax to how the story opens.
Daniel McConville
2025-10-11 00:45:37 +0000 UTCI love this series. It was really engaging and kept me hooked from start to finish. I like the POV chapters and I think that like with most good op protagonist stories they are some of the best or fun parts. They give perspective and characterization that Vivi’s pov simply can’t. Do listen to the people complaining about Saffra but not too much. I really liked her and I think that as a character she has a lot of potential. She is meant to be flawed so it’s no surprise that people are complaining about it. What matters most is how her character is going to develop from here. The same is true for Vivi honestly, she too has much character development to go through before she can truly be The Sorceress. One thing that I dislike the idea of but was not actually a problem yet is the void material. That and the Red Tithe possibly coming back. The void dagger being something that managed to injure Vivi even very slighty because it took her by surprise is fine, but such weapons are meant to be gimmicks in a way. Sure they add danger to the fight like how it made her erase the Red Tithe because he got close to Saffra. But a scenario in which Vivi or another archmage loses simply because the opponent had a void dagger is dumb, anticlimatic and annoying to read. Which is why I liked the way you did it with Vivi quickly coming up with countermeasures against it and then probably everybody else doing the same making void weapons powerful and something to keep in mind but not overpowerd. As for the Red Tithe coming back, I think that in the same way a lvl 2100 archmage getting invalidated by a special dagger is anticlamatic and annoying to read, so is him coming back because he had cool armor or something so he survived being severed from existence, because he is not a hyped up or great character. At least that is the case if he comes back as a powerful villain, if Vivi just meets him in the void and slaps him that’s great honestly. I don’t think Caldimore is bad as a character although he deffinetly could have been MUCH more and that is something to keep in mind. Vivi’s reveal to Saffra was pretty anticlimatic and quickly forgotten. I want to see more character interactions and development. A world ending Void Cataclysm is great, but honestly, unneeded, It could have been left for later and you could have focused more on the characters and the world instead. I like what u tried to do with the day to day pacing but it had its flaws. There was a lot introduced and many things were left unexplored, although exploring all of them would have been impossible. It is the first book so that’s fine but something I think you should keep in mind going forward. Again, I like the day to day pacing, I would recommend keeping it, but for shorter periods of time and chapters. I do love this book, great job, and keep going!
Sorin
2025-10-09 10:11:21 +0000 UTCNow, I want to seperate this second part off because it's not feedback - it's wishes for the future, what I'd like to see from here on. Just like with the feedback, I'll keep myself to two points. 1) Character and character relations development. More of it, please! Your characters are really interesting - use that, and expand on it! Have them develop, both in and off themselves as well as through interaction with one another. I especially want to see both Saffra and Vivi grow into their respective roles. I know Saffra is getting quite some flak in these comments, and I certainly see how she can annoy people at times, but I see her flaws as a natural result of her history so far and her age, and the lack of change to it as a normal result of the very short timeframe this story has played in so far. Has it even been a full week in-story yet? It's fine that she's been this way so far, I just don't want her to stay that way and grow not just in power, but as a person. 2) Please no massive void arc. You already have a brand new world that is begging to be explored and built on. We've barely seen scraps of it. The story's barely gotten started on setting the stage, and here Vivi is exiting the stage already after setting off so many threads to be pursued. It'd be such waste to now spend more than a couple chapter on retrieving Isabella and making her way back to her own realm. The void can wait until a later time, it's not going anywhere. Meanwhile there is so much to do and see with what is already here. It's basically the same notion as with the characters: you've got something cool, use it and expand on it.
Narf
2025-10-09 08:00:44 +0000 UTCB1P2 was very enjoyable, thank you. The vast majority of it was absolutely great. But I do have two points I think could see improvement: 1) The reveal of Vivi's identity to Saffra. After working up to it for so long, it was extremely undercooked. A quick "well, shit" moment from Vivi's side, and from Saffra only a "I already knew it but rejected it in my mind"? After all the teasing, all the build-up? That moment ended up being really weak of a moment, and quickly forgotten between all else that was going on at the time. 2) The villains. The Red Tithe is just your normal-arse evil-for-evil's sake onedimensional psychopath. If it wasn't for the void material he would have been your average start-of-story encounter with some nameless random thug who tries to bully the MC, who subsequently gets relegated to a mop (because the floor gets wiped with them). A character without character, just a tool to make the MC stand out, but with no interesting or memorable features. Personally, I hope we never see him again, he has served his very brief purpose, but I expect he'll return at some time. Duke Caldimore has a bit more depth, but only marginally so. His characterisation starts out as a noble that had been highly respected for a century who is now doing something bad for a noble purpose, to help save the kingdom and world, who cares for his guild members and refuses them to be sacrificed, and his daughter's use in the scheme is a noble duty and a risk for her, but not certain death. If the story stuck with that and developed it, he could have made for an actually interesting antagonist. But he then very quickly just becomes your random throwaway arsehole who doesn't give a shit that he basically just called another cataclysm down on them, his entire reaction is first just being mad that Vivi interfered and ruined his plan and then gloating that they can't sentence him because they need his supposed expertise. He also also fully expects his daughter to be dead and if anything he seems glad that the kid which he clearly hates so much is gone. It's a really quick and steep drop off to just some power-drunk bastard who only acts and cares for his own benefit. A waste, really.
Narf
2025-10-09 07:10:56 +0000 UTC
