Cursed relic p49 to 57 basic storyboard
Added 2018-04-04 19:13:00 +0000 UTCThe last pages of the story board :)
Now as soon as I reread them I realized that the moment in the temple is just going too fast. More building up is needed here to raise a bit the stake and set up the atmosphere. That's the interesting things with storyboard, you get to see a version that might end up pretty different compared to the final one ;)
In that case and according to your feedbacks I see 4 to 5 more pages added ( more during the climbing of Elorie's body by Saki where we'll see large shots of Elorie, more internals, more during the digestion, more build up during the temple scene. And perhaps a single large panel of her throat when the guy ( or maybe a girl in the final version) steps in
As always, please don't hesitate to give your opinion, it's very helpful to me ;3
first part : https://www.patreon.com/posts/cursed-relic-p1-11253072
Second part : https://www.patreon.com/posts/cursed-relic-p17-11938064
Third part : https://www.patreon.com/posts/cursed-relic-p29-14543781
Fourth part : https://www.patreon.com/posts/cursed-relic-p37-17672190
Comments
Tommorow I'm posting the 12 first pages inked :)
Karbo
2018-07-14 16:28:43 +0000 UTCSo this is a storyboard and over a month past. How is the story coming? I bet it's great if your doing it Karbo!
Dovah
2018-07-09 07:12:36 +0000 UTCAwesome! This does add some emotional depth to everything. Having her little sister vore him at the end would be pretty great; but at the same time, if he dies then it would make the whole thing seem futile and a little depressing. You could have him getting vored but surviving, or he could almost get vored (like he goes down inside her neck/upper part of her chest) but manages to get out. Maybe Elorie's sister is clumsy too or something and accidentally gets him into her throat. Or maybe she does it on purpose. Just a possibility. It kind of seemed like the last panel was suggesting something like that. Anyway, thanks for all of your great work.
Thatoneotherguy
2018-04-20 20:47:48 +0000 UTCThank you ! And yes that spot... I'm jealous XD
Karbo
2018-04-09 22:04:57 +0000 UTCThank you :) Well i'm glad that balance between bitter and sweet is really what I was aiming for and I'm not too used to this kind of tone so I'm happy it turned out well so far ^^
Karbo
2018-04-09 17:21:12 +0000 UTCyeah she seems not have the same qualms as her XD
Karbo
2018-04-07 15:41:28 +0000 UTCLove it! As I've said before, Elorie is the cutest catgirl in all the lands, and I really like the overall tone of the ending. I don't think ANYONE can blame her for some accidental nomming, when she being all adorably-teary-eyed about it. I also really liked the bit of backstory she got to better flesh out her character. She'll need to watch that little sister like a hawk though. xD
PrinnyDood
2018-04-07 12:01:33 +0000 UTCI agree that Elorie should have her own manga. Probably include the little fella as well. X3
Nodrog
2018-04-07 03:51:22 +0000 UTCThank you very much ! I hope you will enjoy it here :D
Karbo
2018-04-06 19:13:06 +0000 UTCThanks ! :)
Karbo
2018-04-06 19:12:22 +0000 UTCThank you, glad you like it ! :)
Karbo
2018-04-06 19:12:05 +0000 UTCThank you ;D
Karbo
2018-04-06 19:02:40 +0000 UTCI think that Elorie needs to have her own Felarya Manga! There seems to be a real good story here for her and her sister. The comic that the story boards are turning in to would make a great introduction or a point of transition for a flashback.
Nanakra
2018-04-06 13:21:35 +0000 UTChehe ;3
Karbo
2018-04-06 12:54:52 +0000 UTCThat's some great emotional ending. You really can't be mad at Elorie despite all the unfortunate events after hearing about her backstory with the sad fate of her parents and how she wants to provide safety for her little sister. Looks like the little guy really fell in love with her eh ^^ (and that in between breasts spot where she put him in damn he's lucky :O ) . Can't wait to see how with all the feedback taken into account this incredible comic further improves in future versions. There's a real diamond underneath a strong base here. Keep it up man °__^ !!!
JohnboyX
2018-04-05 18:45:49 +0000 UTCI quite like this ending too! A bit of humanization for Elorie after all the vore shenanigans, a "happy" ending for both her and the remaining explorer... it's bittersweet, yes, but also not too dark in closing, plus ending on a note that lets the reader imagine more stories of their own (Elorie, her new "pet" friend, plus her younger sister, no doubt having plenty of ups and downs together). I think you've done really well on the writing for this as a whole, I get the sense that you were trying to make something a little more deep than the usual for these sorts of comics and it's worked well here. ^^
Saftkeur
2018-04-05 16:35:00 +0000 UTCThis guy knows what's up
Doc
2018-04-05 06:25:52 +0000 UTCI LOVE IT! I have to admit I had a bad feeling when they sought refuge inside the temple. I had the impression something bad was about to happen. But fortunately I was wrong. I love happy endings :). And the last page with Elorie's little sister is just the icing on the cake! By the way, I am a new patron here. I have been stalking you on deviantart for two years and now I am finally able to support you. It may not be that much, but I really wanted to follow you on Patreon and feel useful ÷). Maybe in the future I'll be able to increase my please. Anyway, have a nice day and keep up the good work!
NicTad
2018-04-05 05:51:05 +0000 UTCLittle sister vore. LITTLE SISTER VORE.
Agora
2018-04-05 03:15:31 +0000 UTCI honestly really liked it. I'm a sucker for the emotional feels, and I really enjoyed the contrast. Elorie has become one of my favorite characters in such a short time. She's not a callous predator. She's just a girl, trying to take care of her sister, and make sure what she -accidentally- did to three people, isn't purposefully done to her sister by something else. It makes me feel like what she's gone through in her own life, colored her reaction to what -she- did. It was powerful.
The Coat Ghost
2018-04-05 03:14:32 +0000 UTCOh, man, this is excellent! Thank you for taking some suggestions into account.
PG
2018-04-04 22:17:04 +0000 UTCI really like where you are going. And I'mreally happy you did some more detailed digestion. Wouldn't mind even more from the digestion/inside the stomach though if possible. And yeah expanding the temple part might be a good idea. And that large panel of the throat sounds like a good idea.
Signe (dcvfgb1234)
2018-04-04 21:52:43 +0000 UTCEverything here is awesome. DO IT! I support ya broseph!
turboman500
2018-04-04 21:45:49 +0000 UTCOhh damn, this stories of yours, got into a dark plain of reality. I like the ending, but it's also kinda... not just kinda. It's sad. In most other comics you did, there was a strong focus on the pred and vore in general. What happens to the prey or any sort of emotional depth wasn't really focused. But this one is different. With the parents, the fate of the village. The fate of the scouting team, and how they died and how the pred was unwilling. Man this is deep.
Freimgul
2018-04-04 21:04:17 +0000 UTCOh man, you are opening pandora's box in the best way possible with the mention of a little sister catgirl too.
Doc
2018-04-04 20:49:47 +0000 UTCMore internals is great! No arguments from me on that. ;-)
Nanakra
2018-04-04 19:27:02 +0000 UTC
