The Derptators

Once upon a time there was a peaceful barnyard were the animals lived  happily in pure harmony, where they even had the honor of being selected and killed by the farmer. It was incredibly pleasant, with onions.

One day, however, two ducks unwittingly induced a most curious chain of events. 

Their egg clutch was almost perfect, and all the ducklings were  cuddly and healthy. There was, however, an exception. One egg, instead of white or brown, was instead of glistening alabaster, sparkling like an unicorn's mane. It was very beautiful, and the pride of the farm. All expected a great duck, maybe even one of those fabled stray swans.

Instead, the beautiful shell cracked oddly, as well as instantly, revealing a lamb. Granted, a lamb with crimson eyes and a bleeding neck, but a lamb, sheep, Ovis aries nonetheless.

"I'm on a mission from God" it said whimsically.

Before its parents were even capable of processing what it just happened, it walked to the altar and began preaching. It said semi-sensical things like great floods that were made because  mankind was evil and yet some people were spared because they were evil anyway, as well as stories of snakes that convinced people to eat fruit  and that people shouldn't eat shrimp nor pork nor bats. 

All of this to  an audience of barn animals.

As confused as they were, most farm critters could not help but feel inspired by such a new voice. As such, they followed its teachings, and  they singled themselves apart from the other animals, which they stoned  to death. 

The farmer, insecure of his potential as a killing tool waged war against the lamb. He brought with him rusty scissors, and a black elastrator with a mean face painted on it. Alas, this was his downfall, tripped by a bottle, an action that caused him enough shame to apply his weapons to himself and end it all.

This was met with a collective shrug.

To make matters more interesting, another animal rose to power. A lion, it claimed to be the son of God, and drew crosses everywhere with crayons. It and the lamb were secretly lovers, but their bloodlust was strong so they pretended to be  each other's enemies, and a war between their followers began. 

The once peaceful barnyard was now victim to  chaos, as straw was thrown everywhere.

To make things even worse, another being came into the fray. A camel, it claimed to be another of God's prophets and  got its own share of followers to join the war, although secretly it just wanted the crayons and sparkles. This void in its soul made it strongly resent the artistic capacities of others, so it calmly requested that no pictures would be drawn of anything. 

These requests were denied, so it turned to alchemy instead.

The once peaceful farm was now torn apart by the war loving beasts, worse than locusts and more annoying than zits.  Soon they claimed themselves to be superior to the other animals and  killed them, only to keep on fighting each other for their beliefs. 

This moderately unsettled the trinity of instigators, but it was too late to stop, so they did not.

From the forest, a wise pig watched the civil war. It had been in a journey for enlightenment since the lamb was born (by then a few days), and seeing its beloved barnyard like that drove  the noble swine to tears.

"Please do not fight. Do you not remember the peace we've built here  long ago? Do you not remember how happy we were? Please give in to peace  and lets eradicate our differences."

The three thought for a bit, but collectively decided that they did not care, and their sacrifices and lust for death continued unstopped. But the pig tried again, and again.

Fearing to lose control  and blood to drink, the lamb said:

"Bwah! You're offending us! You're discriminating us, poor followers of the  three faiths, by saying how we are evil! You are very mean to  us! You don't let us kill people in name of our religions, you are a  tyrant! You filthy evil satanist! But we are not afraid of you!"

The lion and camel nodded eagerly, and joined its accusations.

Furious, the usually peaceful pig was filled with fury, and charged at the sinister trinity, headbutting them.

"Bwah! You're so mean to us!"

But it did not hear, and he kept headbutting them. Eventually, they got bored and left.

The pig returned to the forest, leaving the now ruined barn behind. There was nothing left, and bigotry and hatred would not stop overnight.

Except it did, and things were awesome. Again. Maybe.