The Girls of S.L.E.E.P. - N.C.U. - Editing Banter

“Sigma Lambda Epsilon Epsilon Pi”

Editor (SG): should we start a pool on how often I’m going to drop trying to edit these? :op
Me: Yes!

SG: You’re a little too willing… :oP

Me: Yes!

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“Needless to say, [Klaire] was angry. “

SG: Klaire? Angry? that seems so out of character for her…

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[Random usage of one of SG’s hypnotic triggers, but not typed in all caps which is required to actually activate it]

SG: yet again, i have the urge to put that in all caps... :oP

Me: *innocent whistle*

SG: riiiiiight....that's believable…

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“Before Klaire could react, Rayne spoke in a very commanding, yet soothing, tone. “Relax…” The shock of the command and the confidence in Rayne’s eyes visibly took Klaire by surprise. For a brief moment, Klaire’s jaw dropped and she nearly gasped. Not to mention, Rayne noticed, that Klaire’s pupils happened to dilate ever so slightly, a clear sign that her snotty roommate was dropping into a trance, however light that trance may have been.”

SG: i like this scene...i wish i could articulate why, but words are hard...

Me: because you've seen it happen to the real life person?

SG: that...would probably be why, actually

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“The worst part, though, was that not a single retort, snarky comment, or even an expression of disapproval seemed to come to mind.”

SG: i hate it when that happens :oP i need snarky remarks for everything, damn it

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“The worst part, though, was that not a single retort, snarky comment, or even an expression of disapproval seemed to come to mind. No matter how hard she tried, Klaire just couldn’t manage to come up with a response. And then one word finally came to mind. “Okay.” “

SG: ok that pushed buttons, because i know this thought process...you're trying to come up with a smartass response, racking your brain over and over and over, etc...and then finally your brain just gets overloaded and agrees whether you want it to or not

Me: That's why it's in the story =cP

SG: oh i know, i'm just saying i can relate to that very well :oP

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“You can see that to be true…can’t you Klaire.”

SG: I got to the end of this sentence, blinked, and had to bite my tongue to keep from saying yes...the trials and tribulations of editing hypnotic language

Me: LOL!

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“She was completely frozen in shock, surprise, and confusion”

SG: would be more fun if she was actually frozen from it :oP

Me: not sure how i would work that in though.

SG: oh you don't actually have to by any means, i was just thinking out loud

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“What…the hell…just happened?” 

SG: the world may never know...well, the world will, but it's more fun if she doesn't

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[Sg Deleted a sentence that I had in the original draft of the story]

SG: I removed the sentence that was after this one, about it being weeks in the making, etc. I tried to figure out a way to make it work with the rest of the sentence but it didn't seem to fit

ME: That is why your the editor, and I just vomit this crap onto the page.

SG: *pat pat* but you still manage to make it come out pretty coherent :oP

ME: You should see what it looks like... BEFORE I go through and edit it to be somewhat coherent and then send to you.

SG: why do i feel like it would probably make my head implode?

ME: oh it would.. im aweful at this shit =cP

SG: it could still be much worse, trust me :oP

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“But every time she started to think about it, the memory slipped further and further away.”

SG: i know that feeling :oP

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“all three said “Sleep!” in their own unique way”

SG: damn it, now my heads fuzzy

Me: aaaaaand that's the point.

SG: running tally of 2 times getting dropped...and I haven't even finished the story yet

Trance Tally = 2

Editors note: “... You actually started a tally?!?!?”
Authors note: “Of course!”

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“this whole display hit Eve like a blackjack to the brain”

SG: that makes two of us!

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“You can see that to be true, can’t you Eve?”

SG: and once again, here I sit...refraining from answering yes to another question not aimed at me :oP

Trance Tally = 3

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“We…are the girls…of S.L.E.E.P.”

SG: yeah these stories are going to be interesting to edit...(and in case you needed confirmation, yeah...that most definitely did get me :oP)

Me: Figured.

Trance tally = 4

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Part 2

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“Hugging ensued. “

SG: i don't know why, but this line just kinda makes me laugh :oP

Me: You know it's true!

SG: oh it is, i completely agree

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“I don’t believe in hypnosis, so joining a sorority based on it seems a bit disingenuous. I’m simply here because Trisha and Laura asked me to show up and I want to support them in any way that I can!” 

SG: famous last words :oP

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“Nope, I’m sorry to say that I’m completely unable to be hypnotized.”

SG: wait wait, famous last words take two :oP

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“As expected, more high pitched squeals, hugs, and introductions followed. Do I really have to write that all out for you guys? No? Sweet!”

SG: yes, how else are your readers supposed to imagine these things? :oP (kidding, i promise)

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“Jackie and Cheyenne both happened to notice the looks that were being exchanged. Fortunately for the more devious girls here”

SG: so...everyone other than the two of them, basically? :oP

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“Cheyenne was clearly about to question what was going to happen that needed to be reported,”

SG: she wasn't going to question why the paper was writing an article on hypnosis, in the first place? :oP

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“Whoever succeeds first will be installed as an officer!”

SG: she makes it sound so simple... :oP

ME: It is just a porn story

SG: that's true, I guess we don't have to complicate everything :oP

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“What happens if no one gets hypnotized? I mean…I’m not a hypnotist, and I’m not weak minded enough to go under hypnosis. And I have a feeling based on conversations I’ve had with everyone else that that is a common theme here…”

SG: in a hypnosis based sorority? nah...that can't be right…

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“Oh come on Carly! Think about it, you’ll be able to add so much more to your story! How someone tried to hypnotize you, and you tried to hypnotize someone...people will love it!” Trisha said with as much energy as possible. Which, believe me…is a lot. 

SG: so much that just saying it's a lot...still doesn't even begin to cover just how much it is.

Note: We both know the real life girl that Trisha is based on… she is a bit… hyper… to say the least. 

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“No reason to cry…just listen to my voice and let everything drift away…I’m here now, little one…I’ll look after you.”

Sg: well that escalated quickly

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You don’t need to…slip into hypnosis for me now, Carly. You don’t need to…let the room fade away. All you need to do…is focus on my eyes…and let your breathing become slow…and steady. Let your body relax…gently and easily.”

SG: it was kind of funny...i read through this twice, checking for grammar, etc, and i was just a little zoned...by the third time it was like a blunt force hit to the head and my brain decided i really needed to shut down for a few minutes

Trance Tally = 5

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“Let everything simply come to a stop…stiff and rigid…solid like stone. Becoming the perfect, sexy statue. The kind you see in museums and gardens…the kind that men stare at, wishing they were real. And the kind women look upon, wishing they could have the same perfect…chiseled body of the statue. Now you are the statue, Carly. Beautiful and strong. Solid as stone.” 

SG: I think I stopped moving for about a minute here…

Trance Tally = 6

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Alt Ending part 2

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“Anyone have a pocket watch? I left mine in my other pants!”

SG: and this is why you should always carry a spare pocket watch…

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“Watch this watch of gold…and soon you will do…as you are told.”

SG: as if it could be any other cartoon for this scenario :oP

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“Yea...Yeah…I think so…”  Eve said, almost sounding like she was struggling to answer. “It’s just…so hard to… look…look…awa…” Eve’s thought process trailed off as she watched the pocket watch swing from side to side in front of her.

SG: i think i can safely say that would be my response and reaction, too...

ME: thatt would also be [My Girlfriend’s] who Eve is based on.

SG: I do recall you mentioning that :oP

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“You can feel your eyes getting heavier and heavier…it’s ok to let them close…just let your eyes sink down…deeper and deeper…into sleep.”

SG: I think my internal light switch flipped off when I read 'it's ok to let them close'...opened my eyes a minute later and was like well...i guess that was effective

Trance Tally = 7

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“Nice job. You get to be an officer, and that will make a hell of a story in your article.” 

SG: "article" :oP

Me: I'm confused?

SG: you said in the last one that Trisha knew there wouldn’t be an article, etc, etc. So I was just being a smartass and it was in regards to that and there not being a real article

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“Ummm…kneel down!”

SG: well that escalated quickly…

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Her head was still completely limp against her chest but the rest of her folded neatly into a very elegant kneel.

SG: nice image

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“For the rest of the night, you are my slave…understand?”

SG: and somehow it escalated even more…

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she said, blushing as she finally realized what she had just done. 

SG: and that is what happens when you get a little too into your role :oP

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Part 3

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“Just don’t hold it against me if this doesn’t work the way you expect it to.” 

SG: famous last words…

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“You’re going to...put a spell…on me?” Cheyenne asked hesitantly. “You know that’s ridiculous, right?”

SG: says the cosplay enthusiast :oP

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you can’t deny that…you know that to be the truth now…don’t you Cheyenne?”

SG: one day I won't automatically answer questions like these even though they aren't directed at me...these are the struggles of editing hypnotic language :oP

Trance Tally = 8

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“Did she really just say ‘the more you struggle the deeper your trance will bubble?’”

SG: i had literally this same thought...

Me: yeah that was too dumb not to leave in there, but had to hang a lantern on it, for the same reason.

SG: sometimes you just have to go with what works

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The image of Laura’s body swaying to a beat that only she could hear was causing Cheyenne to lose focus, and her face had become a mixture of relaxation and confusion. Every so often she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head to try and clear it, until finally she answered Laura’s question.

SG: I liked the image already, but then the added little bit of her starting to give in and not really realizing it...yeah that pushed buttons…

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That’s the point…isn’t that right, my dear?”

SG: yes...yes it is...damn it, I didn't mean to actually answer that

Trance Tally = 9

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“But…hypnos…hypnosis… isn’t real…” she struggled to get out,

SG: yeah the struggle here is definitely pushing a lot of buttons…

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“Sleep!”

SG: ok in my defense...i was only mildly dazed from this…

Trance tally = 9.5

Editor's Note: ok this almost caused a spit take...you have me half a point for only being dazed? Authors Note: Yes… Yes I did. 

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All except for Carly, who was still hypnotically frozen from the last chapter. 

SG: womp womp :oP

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The grin that appeared on Laura’s face was both adorable and frightening at the same time. If this was a horror story, you might expect her to pull out a knife and murder everyone...but since this is hypnoerotic porn, she instead pulled out a hair tie and began to tie up Cheyenne’s long, blonde hair.

SG: ok well that just caused a spit take...

Me: mission accomplished

SG: somehow I knew that's what you were going for...

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As the hypnotized blonde sank deeper into Laura’s lap, she couldn’t help but feel her thoughts simply slip away into sleep. In her mind she was becoming a kitten, she could feel her ears shifting and could hear all the sounds described to her by Laura. Her hearing of course wasn’t getting any better, but her hypnotized mind told her otherwise.

SG: I like this paragraph...i can't pinpoint why, but it just does a good job of relaying what she's feeling in trance...and i didn't articulate that as well as I wanted to, but nicely done either way :o)

Me: Thank you

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“You can wake up now, my little kitten…1…2…3…Wide awake!”

SG: I would just like to make a point of saying that the editor of this story was not affected by this and was not turned into a kitten during the editing process...just saying :oP

Me: *This publication is still waiting on 3rd party verification.

SG: ....who's the 3rd party?!

Editor's Note: ok but really i never got an answer on this... :oP

Authors Note: The world may never know. 

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Snickers

SG: you had this capitalized at first and I wanted so much to make a snarky comment about something related to a Snickers bar, but for the life of me I couldn't come up with one :oP

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Cheyenne was getting angry…very angry…indeed.

SG: all this needs is sinister music playing in the background while a video of an actual kitten stalks and pounces on something...

Me: considering the line is word for word lifted from the He-man and She-ra christmas special. it would work.

SG: the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas special? really? :oP

Me: Yes, horde prime gets show down by skeletor, and I want to say skeletor comments "He's going to be angry at me". The next line is horde prime in a very ominous voice going "you have made me angry skeletor... very angry... Indeed!"

SG: heheh well played

Me: I'm a child at heart

SG: yes you are, but it's endearing and also more fun that way anyway

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Alt Ending Part 3

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“What the hell do I know about hypnosis? I don’t even think this stuff is real! How would I…WHY would I try and hypnotize her?” 

SG: that's a very [Girl Cheyenne is based on] response

Me: I know... I know...

SG: I know you know :oP just a comment because of what you were saying about dialogue last night...it fits pretty well

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“I’m here to support you guys, not try and join!

SG: that's what you think :oP

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She was right.

SG: of course she was, because plot convenience :oP

Me: funny how that works.

SG: it's almost like someone is writing it to be that way…

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Laura smiled, knowing that her little plan had worked, and was quite pleased that she had successfully managed to prod her friend into hypnotizing someone. Of course, she hadn’t realized that someone who was going to be hypnotized...was her.

SG: true to fashion :oP

Me: Yeah I know right. [The person Laura is based on is a bit…oblivious…like massively oblivious.]

Editor’s note: “a bit”

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You remember the game we both used to play…I forget its name…but in it there was a little elf running around, trying to save the princess. And you had the ability to use songs to do certain things…

SG: based on an actual thing or made up? (I never know, and I'm curious)

Me: ... ummm yeah... based on a real video game... The Legend Of Zelda... in this case majora's mask I think is the one with command melody.

SG: I feel like I should have known that...then again I don't think I ever played majora's mask that much

Me: You still should have known that =cP

SG: that is probably true :oP

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“And you remember there was that one song…that you could play and it would put the person into a trance…and then you could control them.

SG: yep that definitely sounds like something [The girl Laura is based on] would be into...

Me: heheh Yeah, I tried this on her one time all i got was "your tone is way off."

SG: heheh wait were you trying to sing it? :oP

Me: No I was trying to play it on her ocarina. Which was so massively out of tune anyways that i don't think it was totally my fault.

SG: ...she has an ocarina? (that's what i'm taking from this)

Me: of course she does. Probably several.

SG: I shouldn't be surprised by that, but here we are

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She knew what Cheyenne was trying to do. The song, as she had said, would put whomever it was targeted at into a trance. “But that was just a game…” 

SG: I feel like I'm the last person who should be disbelieving of things that could put a person into trance :oP but i guess if she was convinced that it would, then it wouldn't really be an issue would it?

Me: no it wouldn't. as long as they think it will work it works.

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She could see her friend’s face becoming slack, and the smile on her face was fading ever so slowly. She could tell by the corners of Laura’s mouth, as the grin on her face grew smaller, that her friend was sinking more and more under her spell.

SG: Nice image!

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“Wait…is this actually work…work…woooorrrr…”

SG: ah yes...i know that realization well :oP

Me: Yes.. yes you do.

SG: just thought i would state the obvious there

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her mind simply submitted to the song’s magical sound

SG: there's a lot of alliteration happening here :oP (which is not a bad thing, i just find it weirdly entertaining)

Me: alliter... what?

SG: heheh, alliteration...it's when multiple words (that are usually close together) in a sentence use the same letter or sound ...so in this case, "simply submitted to the song's magical sound"...there's a lot of the "s" sound happening :oP

Me: yeah, umm ok, we both know that wasn't on purpose.

SG: oh i'm well aware of that, but it's amusing none the less :oP

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Finally, she was less than a foot away from Laura, staring into her blank eyes.

SG: ok well that’s a button pushing image

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When Laura’s face emerged from behind Cheyenne’s hand, the blonde’s eyes were closed and her face was completely slack, save for the tiniest hint of a smile visible on the corners of her lips. And even then, only if you knew what you were looking for.

SG: that was a unique way to knock her out, well done :oP

Me: I love doing that to people. [Laura's IRL counterpart] was particularly fun to do that too. she has that little smile while under.

SG: I have noticed that, actually

ME: it was easy to spot if you knew what to look for.

SG: funny how that works

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“Crap! Do I have to do anything for that?”

SG: lol, that seems like an appropriate reaction for her

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Cheyenne rolled her eyes, not really wanting to do anything

SG: see this would be my response after pulling something off like that...kind of an "well...ok then...what the hell do i do now??"

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The other girls all laughed at the sight of their friend as a hypnotized sleepwalker. One or two may have had a few ideas for what to do with the helpless young lady, while some others…simply longed to be in her place.

SG: that would be me

Me: heheh longing to be a sleepwalker... that can be arranged

SG: Oh sorry, was that out loud? :oP

Editor’s Note: I have this really bad habit of having zero filter while I'm editing these things...

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Sleep!” 

SG: I was only dazed for a minute, I swear...

Me: uh huh.

SG: I mean...it felt like a minute…

Trance Tally = 10.5

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Part 4

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As she stood up she noticed Eve and Laura nod subtly in approval, while Trisha smiled and winked at her.

SG: because far be it for her to be subtle, too :oP

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It was as if she was trying to stare her way into Jackie’s mind.

SG: which, basically, she was :oP

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Rayne slowly advanced on Jackie, who was automatically retreating one small step at a time.

SG: well that's certainly one way to corner your victim...i mean subject...

Me: When you do hypnosis like this, either and both apply.

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Trisha, Eve, and Laura sat in stunned silence by Rayne’s actions. They knew on a fundamental level what she was doing

SG: what IS she doing, on a fundamental level?

Me: Expectancy induction.

SG: and the light bulb above my head just flickered...makes a lot more sense now!

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Jackie’s eyes crossed and rolled upward, and as she felt Rayne’s finger touch her forehead she couldn't help but let out a sigh.

SG: yeah that's a nice image…

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She would latch on to anything, anything at all, just to have some idea, some notion, as to what was happening to her and what she should do about it

SG: the internal struggle here is definitely kinda button pushing

Me: Thank you I was pretty happy with it.

SG: as you should be...I was reading through it again, got to that part, and was just kinda like "...damn..." (also I reworded the line underneath it just so it kind of added to her mentality and the confusion, etc)

Me: And it works well thank you!

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And that realization was the last thing to go through her mind, before she let out a long, slow sigh and slid the rest of the way down the wall, landing on the floor in front of Rayne. Deeply asleep.

SG: ok this is pushing a lot more buttons than i expected

Me: Achievement unlocked!

SG: is it really an achievement at this point? my buttons are kind of easily pushed... :oP

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She had hypnotized a girl with little more than her attitude alone!

SG: would that actually be possible? i'm curious about logistics

Me: With the proper set up yes. I've done it a few times but with people that are super suggestible and had an idea of what i was doing as soon as i started.

SG: ever done it with me? (i'm curious, sue me)

Me: I don't think so, it's not something I think could be easily done online, and i am pretty sure i never tried in person on you. it's possible i've done it online. but hard to say for sure.

SG: it didn't sound like something that would be easy to do online, but you never know...i was mostly curious because you said with people who are super suggestible, and that seems to be my category, so

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“Well…” chimed in Laura, petting Cheyenne, who was curled up in her lap like a sleeping kitten.

SG: as if that were the most normal thing in the world :oP

Me: occasionally the hypnotist also falls into the roll.

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“L'auteur ne parle pas français”

SG: I haven't actually started editing this yet, was just reading it...and decided, for the hell of it, to run it through google translate...and now I'm trying not to laugh my ass off while i'm sitting [at work] :oP

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“Holy shit!” shouted Rayne in surprise. “Did she…did I…did I just make her speak French?”

SG: I mean, that was my first thought before I kept reading…

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“J'aurais pu écrire un dialogue ici, mais je pensais que ce serait drôle.”

SG: Well played!

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“I don’t speak French…but this is funny as hell!”

SG: that's a good summary of the easter eggs, too :oP

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“Si vous parlez français s'il vous plaît ne me déteste pas!”

SG: LOL

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“J'espère que vous avez apprécié cet œuf de Pâques.”

SG: also well played

(Authors note: No i’m not going to translate them there. But google translate will translate the french parts pretty easily, and no I don’t speak french.)

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The moment Rayne’s finger touched her head it jerked backwards as she let out a gasp. Her mouth hung open and her eyes fluttered up into her head while her entire body tilted to the side. Without bending a single joint, she fell to the couch.

SG: again...button pushing...not sure why these are having such an effect

Me: Because it's a scene depicting instant hypnotic helplessness but with enough time to give you and that character to realize what it is but not enough time for her to resist it. Not that she is capable of resisting it at this point. as a guess.

SG: that seems...accurate…*shivers*

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Alt Ending Part 4

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Rayne’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest

SG: I read that first as "her head nearly jumped out of her chest" and thought "wow we just went from porn to Aliens"

Me: LOL Stranger things have happened.

SG: they have, but somehow I think that would have topped the list :oP

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Jackie’s reaction, as expected, was far less enthusiastic. “Well, shit.”

SG: that totally would have been my reaction :oP

Me: yeah i thought it worked well

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“I’m not helping you hypnotize me, are you crazy?” 

SG: little did she know…

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She glanced back and forth between Rayne and Jackie a few times, torn between helping the girl whom she wanted in the position of power, and helping the pathetically cute one in front of her.

SG: puppy dog eyes always win out, doesn't matter the situation, they just always do :oP

Me: yeah and [the girl Trisha is based on] is very weak against them.

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“Oh well…she’s not going to get me without a fight!”

SG: aaaand famous last words…

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Isn’t that right Rayne?”

SG: thought process while editing: "that does sound relaxing...wait...dammit."

Me: Time #1 (for this story)

SG: I just have this image of you putting a tally mark on something somewhere every time that happens...

Me: umm yup!

SG: it would just be pages upon pages of tally marks...

Me: Yup

Authors note: This conversation happened probably 2 months before I made this banter file and I didn’t realize this conversation had taken place. 

Editor’s Note: I didn't think you were literally going to do this :oP

Author’s Note: You should have. 

Also

Trance tally = 11

(giving her a half point for being mostly awake).

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“Uh huh…”

SG: yeah this was my honest response when i got to the line of 'you can feel that, can't you Rayne' so im sure you can tell where I'm at at this point

Me: and your out!

SG: I don't know what you're talking about...my mental state wasn't compromised at all :oP

Trance Tally = 12

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channeling her inner gamer.

SG: LOL ok well that snapped me out of a bit, well played :oP (pun fully intended)

Me: I was going to ask if I should remove it but then I remembered that im not writing an induction, im writing a story.

SG: exactly, keep it in there, it works

Trance tally = 13

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The perfect place for you to just let everything simply fade away as you gently drift, down…down…down…into a nice…relaxing…sleep…now Rayne.”

SG: and that dropped me right back down...so much for snapping out of it :oP

Me: Yo Yo induction.

SG: was that the intention or just how it happened to work on me?

Me: just how it worked, I don't plan THAT far ahead

SG: I didn't think so, but you never know :oP

Editor’s Note: I refer you to the tally conversation as exhibit A in the proceedings...

Trance Tally = 14

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she screamed and backed up as quickly as she could to get out of the way. 

SG: and somehow this didn't wake her up?! :oP

Me: would depend on the person, [the person Rayne is based on]... no way in hell, when she's out... she's out.

SG: makes sense

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Trisha was expecting this and managed to catch the hypnotized redhead before she completed her arc to the floor

SG: I was going to ask how often you actually have to expect that, but I could see it happening to me so...

Me: again it varies based on the person. I usually expect it with anyone new, and then after that you usually know who is going to fall and who isn't.

SG: unless they decide to surprise you and fall when you least expect it :oP

Me: that happens too but I've only dropped one person and that was because they went wet noodle in a way I'd never seen before or since most people go limp, this girl was intent on hitting the floor. she wiggled out of my grip to fall.

SG: ....she wanted to fall? on purpose?

Me: yup. i camt think of any other reason why her body would have moved that way. her shoulder shifted when it shouldn't have. I don't know that she wanted to hit the ground per se but she definitely wanted to be completely limp. and it’s practically impossible to hold a person that is completely limp from behind, you need their shoulders to say in place to support them and hers both moved in an unnatural way.

SG: huh, well that's...odd...

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Behind the couch stood Rayne, staring blankly ahead as she massaged Jackie’s shoulders, utilizing her strong frame to dig out the knots and tension.

SG: you know, I can honestly say I probably would have gone with a massage as a suggestion too...i think that says a lot about my life right now :oP

Me: Yeah i couldn't think of what I would do with her honestly and as like... what I really need is a massage. so here you go.

SG: I need one too so works for me

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The reversal of power was really pushing her buttons.

SG: oh good so it's not just me

Me: you honestly were the one i was thinking of when I wrote that scene.

SG: really?

Me: yeah that's your wording.

SG: Oh yeah, it is...didn't even put two and two together there

Me: *faceplam*

SG: it was a super delayed reaction, I have no defense for it :oP

Editor’s Note: look i'm a lot of things, but I never claimed to be observant :oP

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Part 5

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She kept her fingers and hand loose which added a random quality to otherwise straightforward pattern it was moving in, left to right and back again. It gave her fingers the appearance of almost fluttering as they passed before the girls’ eyes. 

SG: I've always thought that was a weirdly interesting induction

Me: It's easy to do but if you can get your fingers to flutter... which is usually more someone with thinner fingers then i have. it's super effective.

SG: because confusion and overload i'm guessing?

Me: Yup!

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And Rayne...well, Rayne’s heart was skipping a beat as her mind raced to find a way out of the situation that wouldn’t cause even more embarrassment for her.

SG: Oh Rayne...i don't think that's possible at this point :oP

-------

Trisha moved her other hand directly in front of Eve’s face and snapped her fingers between the brunette’s eyes. “Sleep!” she said to Eve while still looking directly at Rayne.

SG: well played, Trisha :oP also still somehow ended up slightly dazed from that…

Trance Tally = 15

Editor’s Note: wait how come that one didn't only get me half a point? :oP

Author’s Note: Because math is hard. 

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So far around, in fact, that it landed squarely on Rayne’s forehead as Trisha pushed her head back and whispered the word “Sleep!” in a commanding yet playful tone

SG: and this is just one of many reasons why you don't get distracted around hypnotists :oP

------

Trisha stopped Laura’s train of thought in its tracks

SG: reworded, and pun fully intended :oP

Me: heheh

SG: trying to make you laugh here, let me have it :oP

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Laura’s facial expression didn’t change at all, nor did her posture, she simply sat there with her body angled as if she were still looking at Trisha through closed eyes.

SG: that's strangely button pushing...

Me: I'll send you the video.

SG: theres a video? that was based on something that actually happened?

Me: Yes =c)

-------

Trisha took a moment to savor the scene before her...as she silently bounced up and down in excitement

SG: because priorities :oP

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otherwise known as S.L.E.E.P...were seated.

SG: Damn it… got me

Trance Tally = 16

---------

“What just happened?”

SG: ah yes...the ever popular *blink blink* "what the hell just happened?" reaction...I'm familiar with it a tiny bit :oP

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You managed to hypnotize the other girls and have been installed as officers of S.L.E.E.P.!” 

SG: and down the editor goes again…

-------

“How the hell did I do that?”

SG: that would have been my reaction too

---------

An image of…Trisha’s nipple?

SG: that escalated quickly :oP

-----------

She’d checked out that butt on more than one occasion…she knew what that indentation would look like

SG: at least she admits it :oP

-------

The sorority in which she had just been installed as an officer.

SG: I think harem would be more accurate at this point :oP

--------

As Rayne contemplated the scene in her mind, she could see the image of Trisha climaxing as she moaned “That’s it…that’s it…that will be fine! Just fine!...Just fine…Just Fine.”

SG: honestly my first thought here was "you know...that's probably not the weirdest thing someone has ever said during an orgasm..."

------

As if on command, Carly, Cheyenne, and Jackie all stood up, almost in perfect unison, turned to the right and walked single file around the couch and out the door. Never once did they show even the slightest hint of waking from their trance.

SG: ok well that pushed a lot of buttons…

-------

“I want what you have.” she thought to herself. “I want to control this sorority. All of it...even you!”

Sg: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN

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The three young ladies, all of whom had been hypnotically triggered by the mere act of walking through a doorway, replied “Good night.” in unison and began to walk to their respective dorms.

SG: reworded...and also that pushed buttons too

-----

the sorority.

SG: the sorority that, thankfully, was not named again, saving the editor from dropping into a trance for...at this point I've lost track of how many times, for this edit :oP

-----

A tight shirt and a warm smile can get you all kinds of information if you ask the right way.

SG: she's not wrong :oP

---------

Alt Ending part 5

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S.L.E.E.P.

SG: I would just like to state for the record that this didn't knock me out...completely...it just dazed me a little... :oP

Trance Tally = 16.5

--------

“No! Scorpion, like in the episode of Star Trek: Voyager, where they tell the story about the wolf giving the scorpion a ride across the river.

SG: nice way to work that in :oP

Me: Thank you, it was actually the whole reason I wrote this one, was i had a good 'scorpion' idea.

SG: it worked out really well, i'd say

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“Get her!” Cheyenne shouted as she leapt off the couch and tackled Trisha

SG: well shit, that escalated quicker than i expected

Me: 3 straight girls being approached by a horny bi hypnotist... what would you do? and given that you know [Trisha] IRL, it's a valid question.

SG: run in the opposite direction? (and probably get tackled) so i mean yeah that's probably a valid reaction too :oP

-------

Carly grabbed Trisha’s right arm and tried to wrestle it to her side

SG: that doesn't seem like a wise maneuver

Me: in a 1v1 no, but in a 1v3 it works out a bit better.

------

After all, bonking your head on the ground hurts.

SG: this feels like a public service announcement to the readers :oP don't try this at home kids…

Authors note: The more you know… *Star*

Editor’s Note: I read this the first time and was like "the more you know...star...?" it was a super delayed reaction, but well played :oP

----

a mixture of fear, pride, excitement, and arousal

SG: leave it to Trisha to be proud and horny at the same time

Me: yeah, that's really kinda [The girl Trisha is based on].

SG: yeah it's very fitting

-------

“You won’t get me without a fight!”

SG: speaking from personal experience, i'd file that under "famous last words for $1000"

-------

While the rest of her body kept Trisha pinned down, Carly’s free hand moved to Trisha’s forehead and began to massage it gently

SG: aaaand that's where i would have lost the fight :oP

--------

She did, however, manage to avoid Trisha’s breasts in the process...that was a can of worms she didn’t want to open right now

SG: reworded a bit...also, what's the worst that could happen? :oP (i'll answer my own question and refer us back to the "bisexual nymphomaniac hypnotist" comment)

----------

“No…” she said softly in a calm, almost passive, tone. “I’m not...done…yet…” she said as her eyes slowly opened and instantly locked onto the pocket watch that was swinging back and forth above her head. The pocket watch that she had forgotten was there. “Oh…shit…” she mumbled as her eyes began to follow the watch from side to side

SG: ok...well...buttons pushed…

-------

All you have to do is let go…and sink…into relaxation. We’ll take it from here. Ok?”

SG: when you're dazed enough that you start internally answering the fictional characters…

Trance Tally = 17

-----

Her struggling finally came to a stop as the muscles in her face relaxed, while her glazed eyes struggled to focus on the watch that still swayed back and forth before her eyes. 

SG: nice image :oP

---------

“Because she hypnotized two of them.”

SG: i mean, fair is fair in this case... :oP

--------

“I watch movies.”

SG: or read porn

------

Rayne slowly turned the key to her dorm room and opened the door. She was still quite dazed and confused, still somewhat hypnotized as the girls hadn’t really woke her up properly. She was so confused that she had forgotten she had a ‘meeting’ with Klaire that evening. She had forgotten that she was going to use her newfound persuasiveness to pry into her roommate’s mind and better understand how to control her. She had completely forgotten

SG: I'm not sure what exactly it is about this, but the image this paragraph brought to mind pushed a hell of a lot of buttons...

Me: That was kind of the point =cP

SG: yes but i'm just clarifying that :oP

--------

Her...glowing...eyes? Deep in the back of her mind Rayne knew that something didn’t seem right, but she was quickly overpowered as Klaire grabbed Rayne’s head and turned it until their eyes met.

SG: I added a little bit just to add to the sense of Rayne's confusion and the shift of power between the two of them, etc

Me: This part brought to you buy SG. Improving my stories since... probably november of last year or so…

Editor’s Note: December of the previous year, actually

Author’s Note: Calendars are hard. 

-------

“Look into my eyes.” Klaire said forcefully. “Look deep…into my eyes. I know you’ve been reading my books. I know you think you have the upper hand…but as you look into my eyes now Rayne…you realize…that it was never you…who had control. It was never you that was in charge. It was me.”

SG: ok...well...more buttons pushed...thanks for that :oP

Me: your welcome

---------

Rayne was too far hypnotized to put up any kind of a fight. In fact, she didn’t even really realize that Klaire’s eyes were glowing. She just stared deeply into them like she was told, her own eyes slowly dilating as she fell back down into a trance she had never really left

SG: ok i'll just save myself the comments, I think it's safe to say what's left of the story will probably push my buttons too...apparently power struggles have that effect...

Me: ya don't say..

SG: I know, it's hard to tell with me :oP

----

Final Trance Tally for The Girls of S.L.E.E.P. = 17 times SG went under while editing a porn story. 

Editor’s Note: ok ok but that was in the span of like...6 months! :oP it's fine...doesn't mean i'm super suggestible at all...

Author’s Note: Of course not *snicker*