TGIF: A Hairy Situation

Hello and happy Friday, patrons! How is everyone doing this week? I’m doing pretty great all things considered. I’ve had a solid slew of good health days recently. It almost makes me forget that I’m in the middle of treating breast cancer. Almost. I remember. I think about it. A lot. But not too much. A normal amount I think. But who’s to say! Regardless, I’m doing really good this week!

Except I do keep looking at my hair and wondering if/how/when it might start to go. I give it gentle tugs here and there and wonder if it’s about to abandon ship. I think of it like one of those “hang in there” posters, the whole mop is a bunch of kittens holding onto some branches. What a strange motivational poster. Someone should help that cat. I check my eyelashes and my eyebrows to see if any of those hairs have decided to give up. So far they’re all staying strong. But what an absolutely strange thing. To know that at least some of your hair, if not all of your hair, might potentially start shedding itself at some time around now-ish but there will be no warning as to when it will start or if it will end. WHAT A FUN LIL PRANK CHEMO PLAYS ON YOU. I just gave my brother a call before writing this and it went like this:

Tim: Hello this is Tim Helbig.

Me: Hello, Tim Helbig this is your sister, Grace Helbig.

(This is how we've developed answering the phone for each other 🤷🏼‍♀️)

Tim Oh, good, how are you?

Grace: I'm good, I still have all of my hair.

Tim: That's great, that was in my top two questions to ask you.

So I think I'm doing okay about it. (Also I don't remember what the second top question was that Tim asked me) Anyway, it’s just hair. It’s especially funny that as a women I’ve been conditioned for years to get rid of all the hair in the cracks and crevices that society deems unsexy and spend hundreds of dollars manipulating the hair that sprouts from the top as my socially approved beauty currency. Maybe I should be glad it might fall out. I’ll save some money. Still strange though. I think the hardest part is not the look of a bald head but the signifier of your sick staring back at you. But that's part of the process and part of the processing. It can also be a sign that the war is on and we're fighting forward. When I talk about the poison in my body Elliott does a good job reminding me that we like the poison. The poison is our friend. It's killing the cancer. It might be doing a messy job of it but it's doing it. And the hair is a minor, temporary casualty in a bigger, longer battle. And who knows it might even stick around. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, and we might not even get there. So all of these preemptive mental gymnastics aren’t totally necessary. But, ya know, it’s one of those impossible things not to think of. Like when you tell someone not to think of a pink elephant. How can you not, even if just for a flash. Oop, pink elephant. So we’re flashing the bald thoughts but staying chill.

Did you see the blue supermoon last night? Wow, was it cool. I was driving home from Mamrie's house (she made Val and I a deeeeelicious dinner) and I audibly gasped in my car when I turned the corner and was head on with that incredible moon. Truly super. The next blue moon will be Aug 2024 and the next blue supermoon won't happen until 2037. What's really cool is a NYT article said, "unlike some other celestial events, everyone on Earth sees the same phases of the lunar cycle at night, so the blue supermoon was visible anywhere it was not obscured by clouds." I think it's oddly magical that we all could see the same blue supermoon through our different windows. Seeing people in Europe posting about the same moon I saw last night was weird and beautiful. A good strange. A fun strange. Reminds me that we're all tinkering and trying in our little lives on this floating rock together at the same time. A bunch of complex ants carving out nooks and crannies for ourselves in this hugely contained ant farm. Everything is so big and so small. And hair is so small. Oop, pink elephant.

I need some new books to read I think! I haven't picked anything up since Anthropocene Reviewed and I should get my peepers on some new pages. Got any suggestions? I'm open to anything at the moment...motivational, educational, fictional, non, biography, fantasy, psychological, etc...let me know if you've read anything that stands out lately! I've been clocking plenty of hours of reality TV it's about time I mix things up with a book. Keep the brain guessing! 

Well, I've got a big night ahead of me now. We're kicking off our weekend by ordering pizza. Yeah, it's about to get serious. We're going to have a cozy, gluttonous pizza slumber party and I'm BEYOND EXCITED. Whoops, gotta stay calm. Tim made a good point on the phone that if I get too emotional my hair might fall out. "What if you get too scared and it all falls out?" he said. I laughed. Hard. Then had a flash of it all falling out. Pink elephant. But a hilarious pink elephant. Elliott's literally texting me as I type this asking when he should schedule the pizza delivery. That's how serious we are about this. lol. We're enjoying the simple things over here. The simple greasy, cheesy things. Okay, I gotta go mentally prepare myself for a perfect pizza night. Oh gosh, which comfy do I wear!?! Thanks for reading my internet diary. Anyone getting up to anything fun this weekend? Whatever you get into I hope you enjoy it! Thanks, as always, for being here! 💚G