Subaru’s Bladder Blunder

Disclaimer: All characters depicted in this story are aged up to 18 or older, regardless of their ages in the original source material. All encounters portrayed are consensual. This work is a piece of fanfiction, intended for entertainment purposes only, and does not reflect the canon of the original story. Content is created for an adult audience (18+) and may include mature themes. Reader discretion is advised.

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Scene: The Roswaal Mansion, early morning. Subaru, eyes wide and legs jittering, sprints down the hall, clutching his stomach like it’s about to betray him. His internal monologue is in full panic mode.

Subaru (muttering): "Why did I drink three mugs of Puck’s ‘special tea’ last night?! My bladder’s staging a coup! Gotta make it—bathroom, bathroom, BATHROOM!"

He skids to a halt in front of the bathroom door, sweat dripping, victory in sight. Without a second thought, he flings the door open with the force of a man possessed.

Subaru: "FREEDOM!"

Inside, Emilia stands frozen mid-step, fresh from the bath, a tiny towel clutched desperately in her hands. She’s pulling it down hard, the fabric stretched so tight it’s barely covering the essentials—her silvery hair dripping, cheeks flaming red. The towel’s losing the battle, hinting at just enough to make Subaru’s brain short-circuit.

Emilia (shriek): "S-SUBARU?!"

Subaru (eyes bulging): "E-EMILIA?! WHY ARE YOU—OH NO, MY EYES! MY INNOCENCE!"

Emilia scrambles to yank the towel higher, but it’s a losing game of tug-of-war with physics. She stumbles back, nearly slipping on the wet floor, her voice a mix of panic and indignation.

Emilia: "D-don’t look! Close the door! CLOSE IT!"

Subaru (flailing): "I’M TRYING NOT TO LOOK! BUT MY BRAIN’S TAKING SCREENSHOTS! AND MY BLADDER’S ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"

He slaps a hand over his eyes, but peeks through his fingers, then immediately regrets it as Emilia’s glare could melt steel. She hurls a bar of soap at him, missing by inches.

Emilia: "SUBARU, YOU PERVERT! OUT!"

Subaru (dodging): "I’M NOT A PERVERT, I’M A VICTIM OF TIMING! MY KIDNEYS BETRAYED ME!"

He stumbles backward, slamming the door shut just as another soap bar thunks against it. On the other side, Emilia’s muffled yell echoes.

Emilia: "You’re explaining this to Rem AND Ram later!"

Subaru (sliding down the wall, groaning): "Why does this loop always screw me over? …And I still gotta pee."

He glances at the closed door, then at his trembling legs, and sighs.

Subaru: "Death by embarrassment or bursting bladder. Great choices, Subaru. Great choices."

Fade out as Subaru shuffles off to find another bathroom, muttering about his terrible luck.