Another slow step
Added 2022-10-24 14:09:11 +0000 UTCFirst, the medical update: After my tragedy combo, my body had to hold out until my next Botox injections. Instead, it crashed a few weeks early with me (apparently?) TMJ-ing to the point every meal was excruciating. Now, I’m supposed to get extra help during the Botox period, cuz it wears off earlier than I can get it renewed, and the bruising kicks my ass for two weeks after. Buuuut, my doc decided I was a monster for being in crisis two months in a row, and threw me to the wolves. I should’ve started emerging from the funk by now, and instead we’ve wasted our best opportunity! So I’m useless until this recovery month is over - a pointless and cruel delay. (At least the renewal point is this week, tho a LOT of opportunity is still gone. I can’t be optimistic, cuz part of my doc punishing me is cuz he decided my “Timing means all I can do is hold out until injections!” gallows humor two months ago meant I was health cuz joking - and how DARE I betray him by having my body do exactly what I told him it would probably do. I told him that with a smile, so of COURSE he didn’t listen!)
Anyway, when I get a moment of focus, most is spent on catching up on chores, but I’ve really gotta finish my Fancy Feast sketch set, as I forgot my Dropbox sub (useless until I can return to comics, but I also gotta keeping it going) comes out of PayPal. It took me to zero! Then I got a $20 gift, and it barely saved me when a consolidated bill (I switched one monthly billing thing to yearly, cuz it was a 75% off deal) zapped almost all the new stuff away. Still don’t know how to handle this donation event, cuz everyone who is kind is hurting as much as me and/or has already given their share. But, eh, I’ll actually have *some* art to use if I can finish.
Imagine my function like I’ve given a circle of energy every day. I can only do a task that would fit through the circle. If it’s bigger, it won’t get done and I’ll fall apart. This is why VITAL stuff, such as a piles of medical paperwork and removing the failed Precocious filler on the site, don’t get done. It’s too big, cuz those things are more mental focus than labor, which is the hardest for me! Patreon posts only make it through the loop because I’ve trained myself to go half-blackout and type in autopilot rambling when stuck resting. (Hi, my two friends who get rambling and uninteresting novels every time I wait too long to take meds and find myself waiting an hour to cook even tho I’m hungry NOW! Distraction needed!)
Fancy Feast sketches are great for the circle trap energy thing, as they are deliberately loose and can be done in multiple steps. If I don’t trust myself to ink or color, each which requires a certain flavor of energy and focus, I can sketch a new one.
I’ve done some of each step this sucky month. I finally colored my Buds - tho I did crash before the DoomBox got colored, and haven’t returned to that level yet - I inked the Soren and Ivy sketches, and when I didn’t trust myself to ink and without ruining it, I started re-doing prior sketches I felt fell short. Sometimes inking and color greatly helps the sketches that slide a little off-model - the Dr. Oven sketch is one of those, as I’m so thrilled my background idea worked so well - but sometimes the inking is more of sacrificing a board as a warm up. (No inked Ivy pic! Tho it’s over on Twitter - @chrispco - cuz Tweets are small chucks I can fit through my limited energy circle, and is usually the lone way I can connect with the world in my state. If I have only two minutes of focus in a day, that could be 5 tweets that make me look present!) I didn’t like the sketches I had for Yvette and Ursula (and Ivy), but I’m pretty happy with the fresh attempts. Now I just gotta have the steady inking hand, cuz both could be given rough left-handed skew if I get sloppy!
Oh, and there was one more foster kitty since the last post. I don’t have a Sunkist update, as she got passed on through another fosterer when my mother went on a trip to Greece, but Sunkist’s cuddly purrballitude means she was golden. I was worried I’d have to foster the new kitty, Cosmo, since my morning caught Covid on the plane. (I was VERY against the trip for this exactly reason.) Fortunately, she’s on the mend, tho I will never let her go in public without a mask again! The #ChrispyLuck potential had me breaking down. It takes, what, two weeks for the booster to take effect? She caught it just under two weeks after her shot. So *phew* for barely sneaking by. (*knock on wood*) Anyway, Cosmo was one of those kittens who hid in the warm engine of cars on cold days, and luckily did so at a car repair shop, so they opened the engine to check before any startup disaster and found him. He’s already been claimed, so happy ending for someone!
Comments
First, hope you get through Covid well! Next, yup, insurance wants Botox every 3 months. I only found out LAST TIME, after it went to 4 months due to schedule crunch, which was DISASTROUS, that the neurologist could override it down to 12 weeks. Maybe 11 if he can appeal. And that’s big, cuz when not in emergency hell Botox always wears off at 11 weeks exactly. (It’ll be 13 weeks this time, cuz my due date was frigging Christmas!) As for advocates – I don’t think I’m allowed to break this into paragraphs when typing comments in the app, btw – that’s my biggest need. Before all this muscle crap, I was a dude with severe brainmelt ADD and anxiety issues, which means paperwork is basically impossible on my BEST day. I literally require someone to visit me regularly and look over my mail these days, because I can’t open, read, prep, and respond to bills and such, so stuff could get BAD. (For those who’ve seen me at cons, you’ll note I *never* leave the security of my table, cuz I don’t know how to be part of the crowd! So, yeah, advocate is the biggest need. I technically have one, and all she’s done is send me a list of 10 docs with “maybe one of these will have an opening to be your new primary care doc! Good luck calling for hours!” Meanwhile, I’m so fried I can only do improv autopilot writing like this, not a “sit and compose all my needs in one giant list for a person who is surely gonna be unable to keep up. The second I set my brain from passive to active I’m doomed. So I will dart between subjects erratically! More Botox: I technically have TWO Botoxable issues, with Meige Syndrome and migraines (from malpractice exacerbating the muscle hell!) so I am already getting three units of Botox, which insurance is FURIOUS about. They hate going over two. The solution we’re tying this cycle is a midway point trigger point steroid injection deal to try to boost me to reach all the way to my next appt without the off weeks. It took me YEARS to figure out I made no progress cuz my condition dropped too much during then worn-off time, plus the bruise recovery, negating everything or worse! Docs HATE the solution, which is why I was debited the temp patch this time. We know what works, but paperwork and egos win! And there’s no checkbox on the paperwork that says, “Chrispy’s biology means the negatives don’t happen, only positives. The rules of his condition are DIFFERENT! Which, again, if how common sense solutions were always forbidden, even tho I’d be publishing book 10 if someone bothered to listen! Oh, and I also had a life-ruining toothsplosion, PLUS an expensive out-of-pocket crown! #ChrispyLuck! Ok, I’ve burned out of my impulse energy. (For the record, every essay you see from me is the same: I waited too long to start my meds, and I’m stuck holding still for 45 minutes, so I find an activity that only requires two thumbs moving to distract from the waiting anxiety and pain!)
Christopher Paulsen
2022-10-26 11:44:51 +0000 UTCThanks for the update, Chrispy. While I was awake most of the night last night coughing from the covid that hit me last week (just over one day after my new shot), I had some time to ponder. Is the timing on the Botox strictly an insurance and bureaucracy thing, like there might be a way to cajole them into providing more? I remember my friend's wife who is a private practice surgeon mentioned to me that Botox isn't very expensive but they need to use it up within a certain time once they open a container, so it's not something a doctor wants to do infrequently. It might be possible to work out a discounted rate for an additional treatment. We might need to find someone to help you as a patient advocate to deal with this and medical paperwork. I had TMJ many years ago from clenching and grinding my teeth in my sleep because of how much pain I had in the rest of my body. Eventually, one of my teeth shattered and I had it capped with a zirconium crown. Dental insurance only pays for the cheaper crowns, like the ones my dad had that broke within a few weeks. Anyway, my point is if there's a treatment plan that will work and the only obstacle is man-hours or money then we can find a way to make it happen.
James Walters
2022-10-26 02:57:20 +0000 UTC
