Another sketch dump during the wait

I am waging a terrible battle of perfecting my treatment plan vs the collapse of my body from years of improper treatment. Since I’ve had two brief windows of promise this year - plus an “oh, if the math error didn’t happen this could’ve worked” bitter revelation - I still believe I can find a way to stabilize and begin working my way back. Because of the loss progression, I had zero margin of error. Ordering pizza because I was too tired to cook, or inviting a friend over when I was physically fragile because it was the only way to stave off an incoming panic attack from accumulated stress, could set me back MONTHS. Twice I got ruined from laughing, sending me into protection mode until the next Botox cycle. In summary: I shut down for preservation. I was a cat willing to sit there for ages until a chance came in front of me, so I could pounce. Everything done and shared since the big April crash was from patiently waiting, being prepared as possible, and striking those rare moments of opportunity. It’s super grim and sucky and expecting folks to wait years for me is a bad plan - but the only one I have! (For me, I’ve been in shutdown mode so long, mentally I’m still in mid 2018. Cuz in those 3.5 years I’ve barely accrued a month’s worth of activity.

Well, I’m starting a new Botox cycle now. I figured out where my weak spots were in the last two “almost there” ones and patched them - tho already new complications manifested, cuz #ChrispyLuck - and now I wait some more to see if I’ve survived the crash month. (Botox wears off early, so I’m a mess for 2-3 weeks before injections, and I’m badly bruised for 2 weeks after. It’s a lot to overcome and too often the new progress had to be used up to negate the new damage.)

So now I dig into the Momentum folder on my phone and look at what I saved, cuz it’s really all I have. As a reminder, Momentum is the safe stuff for me, as I get the good feeling of creation, and I don’t face my regular content, which still burns my soul. (Sorry for the horribly ruined website. It’s an embarrassment I can’t face yet.) Momentum is my scratch paper project. Not really a story, but a way to design characters - the Momentites are archetypes I use as placeholder in any new project, until that project’s real characters reveal themselves - and it gives me OCs to play with. Furries, there’s a lot about you I still don’t get, but watching you have fun with your OCs delights me. I’ve used the Momentites to have OCs to play with, and also try to learn a more furry style, since commission work will be possible earlier in recovery than a comic grind. (Precocious is a comic style. It’s meant to be flat, simpler, and not distract from the strip comic format. Like, it’s impossible to make a faithful 3D model of the Precocites, since they were never meant to have functional turnarounds.)

Ok, so uploading images seems to be much worse in the current Patron app, and I’m guessing I’m in a forced caption spot now? Fine. I love cyclamen, but that flower is very fragile. I’ve killed all I had. This time I tried to keep one as a symbol of hope despite being fragile. It got mites, and now it’s a bulb with one leaf trying to hang on. Just crushing symbolism for getting thwarted even when you do everything right. So I drew my gardener and healer, Nate, bringing my plant back to life.

(Help, I’m scared all I write in the caption space will be lost!)

Here’s - oh, no more forced captioning, app? Fine, whatever. You still make me upload pics one at a time for some stupid reason - Uh, here’s another try at the introduction scene of Aaron and Nate. Phoebe/Meret/Kimban arrive at the site where you confirm you’re in the quest, to find those two arrived before them and were cleaning up. Since it’s a whole magic/fate nexus deal, Aaron’s channeling powers get a huge boost, and he shows Nate the forces swirling around them. It’s neat, dorky, and full of clueless flirting. I’ll keep trying it as a challenge. Drawing two character and not destroying everything is tough on GOOD days, and I don’t get good days!

Pretty sure I drew this off a model that didn’t fit Phoebe at all, but beggars can’t be choosers. If I can get through the legs and it’s not ruined, good enough! Most notable is the try at the whole “discs you find that tell you that you’re a candidate for the quest” design. They are literally locked into the table thing behind Aaron/Nate.

Ever since I put more care into Kimban’s design, I’ve been scared to draw him, since I keep forgetting WHAT the details are. He was just The First Pingoball before, who inspired Soren’s design. To make some distance, I switched him to be a dhole, or a mix. I’ve never cared about accuracy in animal form people. Anyway, he won his disc in a game of cards, so that’s what I tried to draw.

In theory, drawing a vixen should be the easiest thing for me. It’s anthro art 101. Yet I get perpetually snagged on Rhenna. I wanted to learn a more furry style during my lost years, but she slips back into Precocious mode so easily and the dissonance really messes me up. I mean, yeah, 1991 Autumn/Bud were templates for 1995 Rhenna/Aaron, and they were then templates for 2007 Autumn/Bud, with current Momentites envisioned as from a cartoon in the Precociousverse - but there’s a huge canyon between Autumn and Rhenna in my head. Grown up Autumn is IVY 2.0, folks. Rhenna came from the original “jerky genius girl” template, but has gone her own way since. You can see the “don’t do this” Precocious version on this page, versus the force of nature Rhenna she’s supposed to be.

To counter the Phoebe in the wrong outfit, here she is in something far closer to what I envision for her.

In the Precociousverse version of Momentum, since it’s a YA cartoon, 16yo Meret becomes the original main character instead of 38yo Phoebe. They meet up almost immediately, so it doesn’t really matter. I still think Phoebe has a better entry story, but Meret makes sense. Her roles in the quest (and narrative) is as an apprentice type, so she moves from character to catcher, learning about them and their backstory. Perfect for episodic TV, with the day’s quest being about whoever Meret’s glommed onto, fangirl style, at the moment. Apparently this is best Meret drawn since I went dormant, so here! (Apologies to all who follow me on Twitter, btw, since all of these were posted there long ago.)

And now, as I get hopeful that this time Botox will work, I thought about trying another proper drawing for a potential ref sheet. This is as far as I got for Aaron, cuz I know I do not have the control to ink him. Maybe I will if it works. Maybe I’ll redo and have a better start with him if it works!

We shall see.

And, golly, I didn’t intend to write this much. Bruise crashing means I’m forced to sit still for days on end, so it’s not like I had anything else to do. The pic upload thing made me angry, and since I was already forced to make extra effort, fine! I can’t plan for when these surprise bursts happen, nor can I choose what gets done when they hit. Be lucky it lasted long enough to finish.

I’m not going back to proofread anything. I can’t hold up to concentrating on edits once the hyperfocus spell is broken anyway.