Darkest Before Dawn - 129

Chapter 129

‘What was that?’ Kazuki thought to himself the next day. ‘Why can’t I get that feeling back?’ he wondered, more than a little frustrated, which probably didn’t help.

After the bout of calm that he’d gone through before, he’d asked – and Aizawa had agreed – for some time to try and get into that mindset again. His control had been much better than normal, after all, and that’d really boost his capabilities. Alas, no matter how much he meditated, he just couldn’t get a feel of it.

He’d been sitting in the forest for a good hour already and he’d gotten nowhere. He didn’t even really know what he was looking for, admittedly. Kazuki just knew that there’d been something dramatically different in his mind then and there. He wanted that again, so badly. Not only because it’d make his Quirk usage much better and easier, but also because… because he’d just felt better in general.

It was not to be though.

Kazuki groaned, leaning back and looking up at the clear sky over him in between the tree tops. He wasn’t really in the woods, simply having taken a few steps in between trees. The open space near the lodging was literally right behind him. Facing forward though, it gave the impression that he was in the forest though…

If he ignored the sound of everyone else training some distance away, that is.

“No luck?” he heard, making him turn to the side. Shino had dropped by to chat, it seemed. No surprise there, considering her Quirk dealt with mind stuff. Despite how simple and straightforward it seemed, her power was actually rather complex, he’d come to learn. It required her to have very good control over her own mind and that could come in handy.

Shame that most of her tricks were in regards to projecting stuff, as per her Quirk, and that was something he couldn’t use at all.

She did have some advice to give in regards to control though. Kazuki had made sure to listen to it thoroughly and he’d been trying to apply that ever since. Especially that morning, with his new goal. Alas…

“No, not really,” he answered with a sigh, his shoulders dropping. “Guess it was a bout of good luck or something,” he added. It was a shame, but… maybe it really had just been that. A fortuitous moment that’d let him know what he could accomplish at his best, or in better conditions.

That’d suck though.

“What happened once can happen twice,” Shino told him. “Just because you can’t make it happen again right now doesn’t mean you never will. Keep at it and you should be able to pull it off again and then again,  and it’ll get easier until you can say you’ve mastered it,” she explained and Kazuki found himself a little reassured.

Still disappointed, but not as much as he’d been a moment before.

“Still sucks,” he commented, turning away. He still heard the woman giggling behind him though. “Were you just checking in?” he asked, dusting off his hands before running his fingers through his hair.

“For the most part, yes,” Shino said, but she walked until she was next to him and then took a seat to his side on the ground. “I also wanted to thank you for all the time you’re spending with Kota. He’s already doing lots better than before,” she continued. It was then that Kazuki picked up some less than good feelings coming from her. He didn’t need to be a genius to know what that was about though.

“You don’t need to feel bad,” he commented, giving the woman his best reassuring smile. “He loves you. It’s just…”

“It’s because of that, isn’t it? Why I couldn’t help,” she finished for him, a sad smile on her face. “I figured. Doesn’t make me feel much better, but it’s the truth,” she mused out loud, gazing out into the woods. “He needed someone from outside and the right words, you had both.”

“I feel like you’re still giving me too much credit,” he said. Awkwardly, Kazuki brought a hand up and rubbed the back of his neck as he looked away. Maybe he was thinking about it too much, but he felt like he hadn’t done that much for Kota. He also felt bad for Shino, who seemed to have a high opinion of what he’d done while also feeling bad that she hadn’t managed to do that for Kota.

“I don’t think so,” she refuted resolutely, which made him grimace.

All the same though…

“Even then, you shouldn’t feel bad,” he said, his expression shifting into a slight smile. “You care about him. You did your best and were there for him all this time. Maybe he hasn’t realized or hasn’t really thought about it yet, but it still means something,” he explained, thinking about his own memories of the past. He thought about all the things he saw in a new light regarding his childhood, things that he hadn’t understood then but definitely did with time. “You’ve done more for him than I have, even if it doesn’t look that way right now.”

“... Thank you for saying that,” Shino replied and he pretended not to hear the knot in her throat even though he could also feel it. He also pretended not to hear her sniffle, even though he could feel the sting in her eyes and the emotions getting the better of him. “... I should go check on some of the other students.”

“Go ahead. It was good talking to you,” he replied with a nod, his smile widening a little. Soon afterwards, he was once more alone… for a definition of alone. Because if he focused, he could feel it, a small, familiar broody presence behind one of the trees. “Tell your aunt you love her, Kota,” he called.

He got no answer to that, but decided to think the kid would take that to heart as he heard his small steps moving away.

[}-o-{]

“Well,” Mina started, her voice thick with disbelief. “It was good knowing you, guys.”

“I thought I’d have more time to live in this cruel, cruel world,” Kyoka continued dramatically.

“This can’t be!” Toru exclaimed in mock dismay. “I’m too young and beautiful to die!”

It was very telling that Momo didn’t comment on their antics too, but Kazuki could hardly blame any of them. As it was, even Shoto and Eijiro were staring in the same direction as the rest of them, eyes slightly wide. Tsuyu was the only one that looked somewhat controlled, but she was still gazing rather intently at the same thing that they all were.

“You guys are mean,” Kazuki himself said, leaning back a little as if that’d change the sight before them all. “Didn’t know he had that in him.”

Two tables away, Minoru seemed to be having an animated conversation with Komori, from 2-B.

On his own.

“None of you guys helped him, right?” Kyoka asked, her eyes landing more specifically on Kazuki. In response, he raised his hands to signal his innocence.

“Wasn’t me,” he said, leaning away from the girl. “He did comment that they trained together yesterday, right?” he added, but even if that made sense… it was Minoru. The guy was incapable of not putting his foot in his mouth, especially with girls around. Even Kazuki, having a very good opinion of him, knew that Minoru didn’t have an easy time making friendships on his own. “Good on him though.”

Surprising as the development was, Kazuki really was happy for his best friend. He knew he could be a little self-conscious at times, so this was a huge win for the guy. ‘Gotta celebrate or something,’ he thought with a grin, turning some of his attention back to his meal while the rest of the group continued to gawk.

It was also neat because Minoru had been having some rough days, what with his Quirk usage issues. Maybe this new friendship would help him. Kazuki hoped so. He was starting to feel a little guilty, what with him finally getting a bit of a break while everyone else was exhausted, frustrated and so on. Especially Minoru himself, who seemed to be having a particularly hard time before that day.

“Oh, they’re just talking about training,” Kyoka commented, as if that somehow made it less of a big deal. He was guessing she’d eavesdropped a little with her Quirk, otherwise he didn’t know how she’d have figured that out. Kazuki blinked and turned towards her.

“I mean, yes? What did you guys think that was?” he asked.

“Maybe they’d taken a liking to each other?” Toru replied in the rocker’s stead, which only confused him further.

“Is that a thing that happens out of movies? Liking someone that fast?” he asked, blinking some more. That sounded… wild. How did that even happen?

“Haven’t you ever looked at someone and just… liked them? Like imagine how it’d be to date them and stuff?” Mina was the one to take the torch from there and he just shook his head slowly.

“No?” He opened his mouth to continue from there, but he closed it a second later, realizing that maybe he shouldn’t say what came to his mind next. After all, he didn’t think his friends would react well to him saying that, in that situation, the best he’d picture was what it’d be like if the person didn’t have a negative emotion spike because of him.

Giving that some thought, he guessed that was a him thing, very obviously, but still.

His friends grew a little uncomfortable, probably picking up on the fact that they’d stumbled on something less than happy about him. Not a rare occurrence, sadly. Kazuki tried not to give that too much thought though, focusing on his food and considering this new… not revelation, but train of thought.

“How would it be for you then? Liking someone?” Momo asked and Kazuki almost flinched at having everyone’s eyes on him, especially considering the conversation topic. Fortunately, he didn’t have to think about the answer too much… even if it was depressing.

“I don’t know,” he replied with a shrug. “I’ve said that I don’t have a clue about romance in general, haven’t I? Could have sworn.”

“You’ve said things to that effect,” Shoto confirmed with a nod.

“So, yeah, but… I guess it’d be something to develop, right? You meet someone, you get to know them, you like what you find in them and then you like them,” he explained, although… maybe that was naive of him or something? Innocent? It was weird to use those words to describe himself, but he’d admit that he had no idea on the matter easily. So… it could be the case, he supposed.

“That’s… actually kind of sweet,” Mina commented, and he picked up a tinge of negative feelings from everyone, especially some of the girls. Kazuki’s best guess was that they were still processing the moment from before, when they likely realized that they’d gotten through another “Kazuki’s messed up childhood consequence” moment.

He hated that they had to get through so many of those, but… It wasn’t like he could do something about it. He was also a little ashamed, but that changed little and… his friends never thought too badly of him for it all. At most, they’d show their care through their words, actions and even emotions, and Kazuki liked that, even if he didn’t like the reasons, nor making them feel bad.

He found himself very relieved when the girls spiralled into a romance conversation that he tried not to pay too much attention to. Romance was not in his immediate future, or in his future at all, so why bother. It’d be useless to give the matter any thought. Worse than useless, even. It’d hurt.

So, Kazuki just focused on his meal and tried not to envy his friends too much.

[}-o-{]

With his mood a little down, Kazuki had decided to use his next training slot to cheer himself up a little.

Granted, he couldn’t very well do that without some actual exercising, but the idea he’d had was entirely new and Aizawa hadn’t even blinked before agreeing. Maybe some of his emotions had shown on his face, or maybe they were still trying to make up for the Neito fiasco and helping him relax… Whichever way things were, Kazuki was happy to take the chance to enjoy himself for a bit.

That’s how he found himself playing the violin in a slightly separated area from everyone else.

His idea was to check how his control held up while he was doing something else. He’d trained fighting at the same time as his Grimm did, but he had never really tried to do something else entirely. Maybe the day would come when he’d have to focus on something equally as important as controlling his Grimm for fighting. Maybe a hostage situation, or maybe needing to do two things at the same time, one of which would need skill and focus on his body instead of something simple that Grimm would be able to do.

Granted, then and there it was just an excuse to play violin, but the point stood.

The whimsical experiment was turning out to be interesting though, because Kazuki felt like his focus was predictably worse. Yet, somehow, his control over his creations remained somewhat stable. Playing seemed to keep the whispers and urges of the Grimm on the back of his mind… not calm, not at all, but it made them less loud, less powerful. Probably for the same reason that listening to music helped him deal with emotions.

It pushed them aside, further into the back of his mind to a corner where he barely noticed them.

He had a feeling that if he had to do something else other than playing violin, his control would have been more thoroughly ruined. That was an experiment for another time though. What he was doing was relaxation first and training second. Nobody was overseeing his training at the moment anyway, so he was wasting nobody’s time.

He had a feeling that Aizawa had left him on his own for that new “exercise” because he knew what Kazuki was doing. If so, then the man had his gratitude. Maybe he could do something nice for the guy once they went back home after the trip? He wasn’t sure what he might like, admittedly. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy that liked things.

Was that shallow of him?

Maybe he could ask Nemuri.

Either way, Kazuki focused on his music for much of his training time during that slot of the day. He was grateful for it too, since it allowed him to practice more for the party Momo’s parents wanted him to play at. He wondered how good an idea that was still, admittedly, but it wasn’t like he could change their minds. Not without making things incredibly awkward and potentially insulting someone.

Eventually, he had to take a break from playing too, sadly. Setting his violin back in its case, Kazuki took a deep breath in and sat down with a book and a notebook. The next order of business was doing something more appropriate “exercise”, sadly. He’d try to control his Grimm while doing some work for his other creature projects for the future.

As expected though, his handle on the monsters of negativity was shot to hell if he tried to do anything complex. Enhanced multitasking – or just trained multitasking, Kazuki was never too sure which it was – ultimately wasn’t enough to do something that required actual, focused thought and keeping every Grimm he created under control. He did manage to with a few though, so long as they didn’t have to do anything too complex. He tested the waters for a while, measuring the limits of what he could do in that situation.

It took a while, since he couldn’t very well give his focus to keeping track of the situation though. That kind of didn’t really help the exercise. Odd as the entire situation was though, it did end up being productive. It took a while though, which meant-

“Having fun?” Pixie-Bob asked, snapping him out of his thoughts and making him turn to the side. “Aizawa was sure you’d be playing violin and nothing else,” she added with a casual smile.

“Had to stop at some point,” he replied, not at all trying to cover for himself. Still, that made him think and he was already a little rested. “I could play some more though,” he added absently. Tentatively, he stretched his arms and neck. “Want to hear?”

“... I shouldn’t,” she said, but Kazuki could feel her doubting and he just smiled at her. That seemed to be enough. “Ok, one song.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason.” He got a half-amused and half-exasperated huff at that, but he took it as a victory anyway. Before she could take that back, he moved to take out his instrument and get to it. Still, in the spirit of not being an asshole, he tried to balance playing with some shadow work, using some of the stuff that he’d gotten advice for from Pixie-Bob herself. 

Might as well, he supposed.

“By the way,” she said and his focus shifted the smallest bit, ruining the shadows and almost his playing. “Shino says thank you.”

“I’ve got no idea what for, but she’s welcome,” he replied, eyes half-closed.

“Sure you don’t,” the woman told him with a soft snort. “Girls love a guy that’s good with kids, you know?” she added and he almost rolled his eyes. “So do women too.”

“You know I know you’re just acting, right?” he asked her, only giving the teasing woman a grin. “When people aren’t sincere, there’s always some bad feelings that give them away. Sometimes it’s not so clear, because they don’t feel bad about it, but there’s this little corner of their minds that feels off. I can pick up on it if I focus.”

“That’s neat… must suck though, to know when people aren’t being authentic," Pixie-Bob said then, her expression falling into something more… serious – not a lot, but noticeable – than he imagined most of his classmates knew her to be.

“It’s better than falling for it, I think,” he replied, focusing on his playing. “It does suck though.”

[}-o-{]

“Why am I not surprised that you like Dungeons and Dragons?” Kazuki asked, pointing at Neito with his fork.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the blonde asked, scandalized. “Why do I feel like you’re insulting me here? You got something against Dungeons and Dragons?”

“Not at all,” he replied, because he really didn’t. Hell, he thought it sounded fun. He just didn’t think his friends would be too into it, really. He’d have been a little too self-conscious to really try too, once upon a time. That had kind of gone out the window though, obviously. After all, he had started an acting career. “You have the dramatic flair that really fits though.”

“What?”

“Definitely,” Chikuchi agreed with a nod. She did a good job at pretending to be serious too, and she hid her grin by turning back to her food.

“What’s your alignment though?” Kazuki asked before pausing and raising a hand. “Wait, don’t tell me. You’re true neutral.”

“... How’d you know?”

“And you like playing bards, probably true neutral too, or chaotic neutral.”

“... Have you been lying this whole time?” Neito asked, eyes narrowed. “Can you read minds?”

“No, you’re just a little obvious,” Kazuki answered with a chuckle. “I did a test that said-”

““Lawful Good,”” both Neito and Chikuchi said, turning his grin into a wry one.

“Guess I’m obvious too,” he mumbled, turning his red gaze towards the girl by his side and trying to guess. She was a little more difficult. “Lawful, I think.”

“Sounds about right,” Neito agreed with a nod, apparently having joined him in his efforts. The girl looked a little uncomfortable, but she wasn’t feeling enough of that for Kazuki to stop. Good thing, because he was having fun.

Actually, there were some other emotions there that were interesting.

“I’m thinking Lawful Neutral,” he decided and he felt good about his guess for all of a second before Chikuchi sighed. She was feeling embarrassed, apparently, even uncomfortable. What was that about though?

“Yeah, I can see it,” Neito said then and the girl deflated a bit before speaking.

“I did a test too,” she mumbled, looking anywhere but at the two of them. She must have felt their interest though, because a moment later she sighed and slumped where she sat. “I got lawful evil.”

“What?” Neito asked immediately, a grin spreading on his face.

“Oh no,” Kazuki said dramatically. “Oh no,” he repeated, even more dramatically and Chikuchi groaned. “Please, can you give me like, a week’s notice before your inevitable betrayal? I gotta prepare my fragile heart for it.”

The girl groaned again and it looked like if she hadn’t had her food placed in front of her, she’d have hit her head against the table. Neito seemed to think he was hilarious though, barking out a laugh. Kazuki himself felt pretty proud of that one, if he did say so himself.

“I hate you.”

“I know, it’s usually how the hero vs villain thing goes,” he said, shaking his head sadly.

“We have to warn the others. Do you think it’s too late to add a failsafe to her equipment? Maybe a bomb?” Neito asked and immediately he felt danger.

“Bold of you to assume Mei hasn’t added some of those already, for fun even,” Kazuki commented wryly. “Let’s not give her ideas though,” warned immediately, this time entirely serious and both of the others shuddered and nodded. “Chaotic neutral, that one.”

“For sure.”

“Definitely.”

“Anyway, yeah, do you have like, a group or something?” Kazuki asked, leaving aside that whole thing and returning back to the main point. Neito shrugged, fairly casually, but even without his sense he’d have been able to notice something was off.

“Not really. UA’s schedule is a little too complicated for the group I played with, so I had to leave that,” the boy said with a what-can-you-do kind of approach. “It’s what it is, I guess. Maybe if things stabilize a little.”

“Maybe we can play? Surely someone in UA plays, right? I’m kind of interested in myself,” Kazuki admitted, happy to see the blond perking up. “How difficult could it be?”

“I could play,” Chikuchi mumbled from his side and Kazuki hid a grin.

“It’s not enough that you’ll stab us in the back in real life? You gotta do it in fiction too?” he asked, rearing back and placing a hand over his chest. “Neito, did we do something to offend this fiend?”

“I don’t think so, but I’m no expert in how the twisted minds of the wicked work,” the blonde said. His serious delivery had Kazuki’s own act completely crumbling to pieces as he chuckled.

“I hate you both,” Chikuchi hissed, her cheeks turning a little red.

“You don’t,” Kazuki said, bumping her shoulder with his. “And sure, that’s three of us. Maybe we can make it a club thing and see if the others are interested.”

“Not Mei though.”

“Definitely not Mei.”

“Yeah, no, we don’t need maps with real traps,” Kazuki agreed with a nod.

After a long day of training – for them more than for himself –, he felt like some meaningless chatter was doing great favors for them. Chikuchi and Neito didn’t look dead on their feet anymore, at least. And Kazuki himself… well, he hadn’t been particularly tired, but he’d never say no to some cheering up. He felt so light at that moment, almost able to forget all the exhaustion and frustration from everyone around.

‘If only I could feel like this more… often,’ he thought, blinking as he paused and considered that. Could that be it? Was it that simple? ‘Is something like this what helped me with control yesterday?’ he thought.

He had something to work on the next day, apparently.

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How’s it going?

A surprisingly small amount of Kota in this chapter. I know, I’m shocked too. Other than that, we’ve got some other interactions to take the little guy’s place and accompany the training / relaxing time. Despite it being kind of mild, I have to admit that it’s been fun to write this arc so far. I wasn’t expecting that.

I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter.

Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: So, people in the Discord server should be aware of this, but I recently stumbled into two plot bunnies that seem to be oddly compelling for no apparent reason. What’d you be more interested in me writing, a PJO fic or a Worm fic? (A small summary of these ideas can be found in the Discord server.)

See you.