Darkest Before Dawn - 49

Chapter 49

Kazuki walked as resolutely as he could towards the school.

He knew what awaited him there. The media had been going wild with the fact that he apparently hadn’t gone to school the previous day. Some students – from other classes thankfully – had even confirmed this, making it clear that he hadn’t gotten past the reporters somehow. There were already a bunch of theories about how maybe U.A. had seen the error of their ways and kicked him out, and that was one of the tame ones. Another said that they’d sent him back to the hole he’d crawled out of.

Granted, they never quite said it with those words, but he could read between the lines.

If he were honest, Kazuki wasn’t sure how he’d even get through them this time. There was no hiding himself. To do so, he’d have to cover every part of his body and that’d just be more suspicious than not. His skin, his hair, his eyes, they all gave him away.

So, he’d just have to face the music.

‘Better than the emotions at the Sports Festival, at least,’ he noted to himself, taking a deep breath in as the gates of the school came into view. ‘Focus on walking,’ he thought to himself, even though he knew it was useless. They wouldn’t let him pass through this time like they had with the All Might thing at the start of the year.

Sure enough, as soon as one of the reporters caught sight of him, they rushed towards him. Kazuki made an effort to keep his mouth shut though, trying to find space to walk through until it was impossible. Once there he was forced to stop and he couldn’t tune out the questions anymore.

Why was he trying to be a hero?

Why had he been let out early?

Why had U.A. allowed him in?

Why why why?

Kazuki had half a mind to channel his negativity into his voice. He was sure that would shut them up, but that was also likely to be terrible for his already disastrous public image. He couldn’t do that. He needed to find some other way to-

“I AM HERE!” a voice shouted and suddenly everyone went quiet… for about a second. Then, more questions started being shouted before the voice broke through once more. “I APOLOGIZE, BUT YOU ARE STOPPING ONE OF OUR STUDENTS FROM ATTENDING HIS CLASSES AND I CAN’T ALLOW THAT! PLEASE, MAKE WAY!”

And make way they did, because when All Might told you to move, you moved.

Kazuki felt a big, strong hand be placed on his tense shoulder before gently being led through the crowd of reporters. He didn’t look at the hero. He didn’t look at anyone or anywhere in particular. Instead, he just… walked where he was being led to and kept his mouth shut. He didn’t know what else to do.

What was he supposed to do?

“I apologize for that, Young Endo,” All Might told him once they were both inside the school and out of sight. “They had no business doing that to you.”

“... Thank you,” he said, softly, almost in a whisper. At that very moment, he didn’t remember the last time he’d been so grateful to anyone. It was then that he realized that he was on the verge of a panic attack and he hadn’t even noticed.

‘One. Two. Three. Four. Five,’ he counted, keeping his breathing even or at least trying to. ‘Five. Four. Three. Two. One.’

Feeling better, he looked at the hero for the first time.

“I… They’ll be there when we get out, won’t they?” he asked, gulping and feeling every bit the scared child he’d once been. “They won’t leave.”

“... It is likely that they won’t. U.A. will make sure to help you, however. If I’m not available, someone else will be,” All Might reassured… Even though it didn’t really work. It had worked this time, because it was All Might. Some other hero would likely struggle considerably more. And the man couldn’t do it all the time.

“I took away from your time,” Kazuki realized, horrified.

“Don’t think about it,” All Might told him, patting his shoulder as he deflated into his weakened state after checking that they were alone. “I would do it again and you know why? Because you needed a hero, and heroes have failed you enough times as is.”

“... Thank you,” he repeated with a watery smile. “Some hero I am,” he added self-deprecatingly.

“Dealing with the press is always difficult for new heroes. You are a student and this level of things? Even I wouldn’t want to deal with it. Don’t be ashamed, Young Endo. I’d say you did admirably well as it is,” All Might reassured once more.

“If you say so… Thank you, again. I… I have class to get to,” he said, more as an excuse than anything. After all, he was early, as he’d been for most of the year so far. He had plenty of time to spare, but All Might just smiled at him and patted his arm.

“Go along, Young Endo. And congratulations again for your victory. Be proud,” the hero told him and, somehow, that hit Kazuki just as hard as his speech had when he’d been on the podium. He could barely believe that he’d won the Sports Festival. After working so hard for that… things had spiraled so much afterwards that he almost forgot.

“Doesn’t seem to have done much good,” he replied with a bitter smile. “But thanks anyway,” he added, turning and starting walking down the hall once more.

“It did more than you realize,” All Might said behind him. “There’s people on your side, Endo. Always. Don’t forget that.”

He didn’t respond to that, instead continuing to walk forward and nodding. ‘I’m trying,’ he thought to himself. He was trying, but no matter how hard he did so, he remembered the negativity, the crowd, the news…

“I’m also sorry. Sorry, for not having been able to keep this from happening. I’m sorry for contributing to this. To all his victims, I’m sorry.”

Kazuki paused, gulped and sighed, deflating.

‘I’m trying.’

[}-o-{]

“It wasn’t too much, I hope?” Yaoyorozu asked when he took a seat next to her. Todoroki had been sitting across from her and they seemed to have been talking about Quirks, from what he picked up. He wished he could just join that conversation instead of talking about…

Kazuki sighed.

“All Might had to help me get to the school,” he answered, making the girl purse her lips and Todoroki frown a bit. “I don’t want to talk about it. What were you two talking about?”

“... Yaoyorozu and I started discussing yesterday about whether I might able to create complex constructs with my ice or not,” Todoroki answered when the girl looked a second away from doing so. If her expression and annoyance were anything to go by, Kazuki would bet that she wanted to talk about something else. Probably about him and his feelings.

Kazuki wanted to talk about anything but those, however.

He was tired of feelings, especially after what had just happened.

“We think that it’s possible, but I think it’s not practical. I just generate ice from myself. I can’t control the shape of it. So to make a complex construct, I’d have to generate ice in certain ways one piece at a time, which would be really slow,” Todoroki continued, thank his social ineptitude… Or maybe he knew what he was doing. Either way, Kazuki was grateful.

“I mean, even if it requires time, you never know when you might need a construct, like a roof or a shield or anything else. Those are probably simple enough, but there might come a time when you need something more complex like you were talking about. Even if it takes time to get them done, it might still be something worth looking into,” Kazuki mused, getting in Quirk Discussion mode like he usually did with Yaoyorozu. It felt nice, to push everything away and just talk theories. “I don’t know if it’s the kind of skill that warrants training focus though, but it might be worth spending some time on at the very least.”

“Hm, I guess I can see what you mean,” Todoroki replied with a nod. “What about you, something you are or will be working on?”

“Endo, are you-?”

“I think I’ll be focusing on the number of Grimm I can make and how fast I can make them,” Kazuki replied, ignoring Yaoyorozu entirely. He knew she was worried, he knew, but he didn’t want to talk about that. He wanted… He wanted a normal day. He needed a normal day, at least for a bit.

“Not making more special ones?” Todoroki asked, apparently either not picking up on Yaoyorozu’s attempts or deciding to follow Kazuki’s example. He might have to explain social things to the guy.

And wasn’t that sad? That he was so bad even Kazuki could teach him?

“No, I… I think I’ve had enough special Grimm for a while,” he replied hesitantly. The thought of having to go through the process that had created the Apathy and the Alpha Beowolf again was… not a pleasant one. He would, eventually, but he didn’t feel like he had the emotional bandwidth to deal with that at the moment. “I’ll be working on other things, strengthening what’s already there.”

“Improving the foundations is never a bad idea,” Todoroki replied and Kazuki didn’t know if he was actually agreeing with him or just doing so because he felt that’s what he had to do.

“I do want to look into support equipment. I might have to check in with the Support Course or something. I wanna see if there’s a way to bounce ideas and such instead of just telling them what I want and seeing what they can do,” Kazuki mused out loud, leaning back on his chair.

“... I do believe that should be possible,” Yaoyorozu said, evidently realizing that she wasn’t going to get anywhere at that moment. She didn’t seem happy to have to drop the issue though, but Kazuki would apologize for that later, he supposed.

“How are the most beautiful people in the world?!” exclaimed a new voice. Kazuki’s lips pulled into a smile as he turned to look at Hagakure… or her clothes, at least.

“You are still half-asleep, aren’t you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at the girl. He was getting some weariness from here. A feeling that was soon followed by annoyance at his question. That just made him grin wider. “What are you doing here? You usually don’t arrive until much later.”

“Felt like it,” she said and he got a hint of worry there that told the whole story. She’d arrived early because he arrived early. That made him sigh internally and his expression fall.

Of course.

He couldn’t just ignore things for a bit, could he?

“So, any ideas you were discussing for your own quirk, Beauty?” he asked, determined to try and have a normal conversation. Because dammit all he was tired of dealing with emotions and problems and…

“We talked a bit about whether or not I could pull off a pseudo-ice attack like Todoroki’s. I tested it in the training facilities and I can make ice, but I can’t make enough for it to be worth it and I can’t produce the  cold that makes Todoroki’s ice more effective,” Yaoyorozu explained, which was a relief. Now that Hagakure was there, he almost expected them to team up against him. Thank God for small mercies.

“That sounds interesting though. Can you make fire?” he asked, making the girl blink at him. “Can you make hot air or cold air? Maybe you can pull it off… Although, I imagine it’d take a mad amount of control and probably not enough quantity.”

“But it might be a great way to push the limits of my Quirk,” the rich girl finished, looking thoughtful.

Kazuki just leaned back, happy that things seemed like they’d go for a more normal route from there.

He could only hope it’d last.

[}-o-{]

He was feeling a lot better a good half an hour later, right before class started.

After all, he’d spent all that time talking with his friends. They’d still tried to bring up his state of mind from time to time, but he’d steered them away from that as best he could, either subtly or obviously. He could tell just by how worried they were at all times, even when they tried to play it off, of course, but he didn’t want to focus on that for the moment. Who knew? Maybe Hagakure had told them about the day before too. That would have been even more annoying than their attempts but…

Kazuki didn’t know if it had happened though, so it was better not to assume. Even then, he appreciated the thought. He appreciated that they cared, he really did.

He just didn’t want to deal with any of that at the moment.

The point was that it was nice to get back to the routine, in a way. Sure, the start of the day could have gone better, but once inside, he could almost imagine that things were back to normal. Almost, but not quite. Especially when Aizawa made his entrance and started the day’s class.

“Today’s class will be… special, let’s say,” Aizawa announced, making more than one perk up. “We’ll start off with a heroics class today, for one.” And that was new by itself. Usually they had normal classes in the morning and heroics classes during the afternoon. “For another, it’s an important day for most of you…” their teacher continued, apparently feeling dramatic if the pause was anything to go by. “It’s time for you all to formulate your codenames, your hero names.”

There was a brief pause from their teacher as the class devolved into very excited whispers going all the way to loud exclamations that were met with a harsh glare from Aizawa. It made sense though. A hero name was important, it was what would set them apart from everyone else. There weren’t two heroes with the same name at the same time. At least not within the same country and it was frowned upon for a hero to use another hero’s name if they were well known.

One wouldn’t be seeing another All Might anywhere else, for example. Neither would one see a Stars and Stripes, for that matter. It was, basically, something that was unique to a specific person. Especially for U.A. students, who usually were well known enough that they didn’t get their names unknowingly taken by someone else.

Kazuki didn’t share his classmate’s excitement though, simply keeping to his place in silence. A hero name was something he’d given a lot of thought to, of course. However, most of what he’d come up with either didn’t fit him or it didn’t fit his Quirk. Because no matter how much he wanted to call himself something friendly and nice… That wasn’t him.

“Sorry, for not having been able to keep this from happening.”

And yet, even realizing that, he didn’t want to name himself something more according to his Quirk. He didn’t want to name himself something monstrous or dark. It made him feel like he would still be the Black Rampage if he did. It made him feel like, if he did that, then he’d be exactly who everyone thought he was.

So, he sat in uncomfortable silence as Aizawa explained to them that their name choices were important and related to the internship offers they would likely talk about soon. After that, he went a little more in depth about that. Their teacher told them about how, for first years, it was more of a show of interest than anything else. If that interest remained or changed in the following years, then that was entirely on them one way or another.

“Now, the tally of offers is as follows,” Aizawa said, gesturing towards the screen behind him. A moment later, several names from their class appeared. Next to them, there were bars and numbers with the amount of offers.

Predictably, Midoriya had gotten a lot of offers, together with Todoroki – who had gotten the most – and even Bakugo, despite how he’d done in the event. Yaoyorozu wasn’t that far behind though. It was a sharp curve down from those first three, however. The rich girl was somewhere in the middle, but every other name under her had some very sad numbers in comparison.

However, maybe less predictably for some was…

‘27,’ Kazuki read, blinking. ‘More than I thought, less than I hoped,’ he mused before snorting. ‘Like usual, huh? At least as of late.’ Considering he’d expected a grand total of zero offers for himself, Kazuki would take twenty seven.

Regardless, he could only sigh as Aizawa continued explaining things. They would, apparently, get an internship even if nobody sent an offer. The school had a list of heroes that offered internships for everyone in the school, so those with few offers could still go through that list if they wanted to, if nothing on their own appealed to them. No that Kazuki expected that to happen a lot, but it was still nice.

‘In twenty seven options, surely one would fit me, right?’ he thought to himself. He wouldn’t want to go with one of the school’s list. They hadn’t chosen him, after all. They had chosen regular U.A. students. He was anything but a regular U.A. student.

“Of course,” Aizawa continued even then. “A placeholder name is fine. Just make sure that it’s something appropriate-”

“Because if you don’t, your lives will be hell!” a new voice exclaimed, making a few students jump as the door was opened. And from there, in came Midnight. “The names you pick now, the world will know you by them and sometimes they’ll stick with you even after becoming pros.”

“Midnight is here to help you with your naming sense,” Aizawa informed them flatly, looking and feeling like he just wanted to take a nap. Kazuki himself wouldn’t mind one. They hadn’t even started and he already felt like he was getting a headache. ‘And the day was getting so much better…’

They were given fifteen minutes to consider the “assignment” and write down their names on a little whiteboard they were each given. Kazuki couldn’t do much else other than stare at his though. Eventually, he forced himself to write down his ideas, even if he didn’t like them.

The Monster Hero: Typhon, inspired by the myth of Typhon, the father of monsters. That’s who he was, in a way. The creator of monsters and nightmares fueled by the negativity of people. That’s who he was, in a way, especially considering his past.

The Hope Hero: Sunrise, inspired by his wish to bring something good with him, despite his power. He wanted to be that hero that, when things were at their worst, would make people feel better. Because they’d know that even if things were bad, especially if things were bad, he’d be able to help.

He wrote down more and more names, each aligning better with one side or the other. And never did he find one that he liked, that he thought fit. Some were too dark for him. Others were too bright for his Quirk.

Eventually, their time ran out.

People started moving to the front, picking names and having Midnight comment on them. Some were ok’d from the very beginning. Others had to be reworked. Some received comments and changed it even though they didn’t need to. Through it all, Kazuki barely paid enough attention to listen to his own friends’ choices.

Fresh-Picked Hero: Grape Juice.

Stealth Hero: Invisible Girl.

Everything Hero: Creati.

Hearing Hero: Earphone Jack.

Through it all, Kazuki stared down at his whiteboard. He wasn’t the only one though. There were some that seemed to hesitate more, like him. Iida and Midoriya, mainly. They hadn’t even gone to the front yet, much like Kazuki himself.

‘Fuck it, let’s try something and see what Midnight says. I can go from there,’ Kazuki decided, but even then he couldn’t bring himself to write down something. Dark or bright? What to choose? One or the other… ‘Or maybe…’

If it didn’t work, at least it should give him some nice feedback, at least.

Gulping down his nerves, he moved to the front of the class. Maybe it was his imagination and his own emotions at play, but he’d swear that the class got quieter than with others. Glancing around, he saw only supportive faces, at least from his friends and the teachers. Nobody got an expression like that out of Bakugo, after all.

With a deep breath in, he turned the whiteboard around.

“I… I wanted something to say… where I come from,” he explained, even though few of the others had had to until they started talking with Midnight. He felt the need to justify his choice and at least that gave him an excuse not to look at anyone. Instead, his eyes remained on the board. “What I aim to help with and… what I want to avoid. I also wanted something to… strive towards. Something for my future, where I want to go and what I want to be. I want to bring people hope, even in their darkest moment so… so…” That’s when his nerves got the better of him and he shrugged helplessly.

“I like it,” Midnight told him, making him look up only to find a kind smile on her face. He could only return the gesture, if only slightly. “So, I think it works,” she continued then, her soft expression contrasting a lot with the previous much more boisterous front she’d put. “The question is, do you like it?”

Obviously, was the response that was at the tip of his tongue. He’d written it, hadn’t he? Of course he liked it. He’d just… he hadn’t thought it’d pass. He thought she’d call it silly, or contradictory, or maybe that it called too much attention to bad things, or… A number of other problems that he’d been telling himself would arise.

Kazuki hadn’t expected for her to give her seal of approval.

So, turning the board towards himself, he read it one more time. He realized then that, yes, he did like it. Maybe it wasn’t the most friendly or inspiring. Maybe there were more fitting names…

But this was what Kazuki wanted for himself. This was his past and his future in a name. This was him acknowledging what he’d done. This was him expressing what he wanted to be instead of what he was. Maybe it didn’t fit his dreams or his Quirk, but it fit his past and his dream. It did fit him.

“... I like it,” he said then, more sure of himself as he firmly turned the whiteboard around and presented it, for real this time. “This is who I’ll be.”

Because Kazuki would never deny his past. He couldn’t and he didn’t want to. The Black Rampage was a part of him, whether he liked it or not. It was a disaster that had marked him, in the eyes of the public and in his own eyes. Denying it would be useless and it was something he didn’t want to do anyway. Kazuki wanted to accept that and turn it into something else.

Maybe one day, the name wouldn’t remind people of the Black Rampage. That was what he hoped, at least. Maybe one day they’d be reminded of the incidents that’d he’d helped in, as a hero, instead of the one that he’d caused. That was his goal with that.

And then… who he wanted to be. When people were at their lowest, darkest point, he wanted to shine a light for them. He wanted people to see him or his grimm and think that they were safe. Because the worse the situation, the stronger he’d be and the stronger he was, the safer people would feel.

So, that was who he was, who he wanted to be and who he would be.

The Disaster Hero: Beacon.

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How’s it going?

You guys have no idea how much I have agonized over Kazuki’s hero name. I’ve been brainstorming it since more or less when I started the fic all the way until now. There’s been so many ideas, so many options, but none of them fit. Even this one I’m very unsure about, but I think it’s the best one.

In a way, I guess I explained my struggle with Kazuki’s thoughts. Because no matter what I came up with, it either wouldn’t fit Kazuki’s wishes or it wouldn’t fit his Quirk. They are just that different. So, in the end, I just decided “fuck it” and decided to do a bit of both. Is it good? I doubt it, but it’s what I have, guys. Cut me some slack.

Fortunately, this doesn’t need to be the permanent choice. As stated, they are placeholder names, maybe they’ll stick or maybe they’ll change them. I guess I’ll see if you guys like this name or if you have better ideas.

There’s also the rest of the chapter, of course, with Kazuki struggling to be a person once more and dealing with the aftermath of his reveal to the world. I just didn’t feel that guaranteed as much attention in these notes, obviously. Feel free to comment on that though, ValidationTM is always appreciated.

Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: What do you think about Kazuki’s hero name? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Can you live with it without torturing me with complaints every chapter it’s mentioned? Can you think of a better one, or maybe just a different one?... I might be more nervous than usual about this. Hehe…

See you.