'M' is For: [Ch14] Blood in the Cut - Part 1

The Saturday after we got back, Missy threw an informal gathering at her apartment for ‘just the girls.’ Kiara, Danielle and I went to Missy’s apartment after grabbing dinner together, and I was glad to have the distraction of their company. I didn’t want to think about what expression I’d have to wear when Missy asked me about my birthday or how to react to any pointed questions about the time Thomas and I spent together. It was different when Danielle idly asked how my weekend went: I got the sense she wasn’t really asking, because she couldn’t imagine anything could have gone less than smoothly. But I knew Missy would be watching me carefully.

We took the elevator up to the 56th floor. Kiara knocked on the door to Missy’s apartment.

“You made it!” Missy exclaimed, giving us each a quick hug and a kiss. She stepped aside as we entered and closed the door behind us.

“You always say that like you’re surprised,” Kiara teased.

Despite Missy’s saying that this event was just for her girls, I wasn’t at all surprised to see Thomas sitting by the coffee table with a book in hand. Thomas was dressed in a plain black T-shirt and jeans. He was also wearing his collar.

Thomas nodded a hello our way, but I couldn’t help but notice he didn’t meet my eyes. Missy, seeing the direction of my gaze, stepped towards Thomas and, twining her arms around his neck, drew him into a kiss.

I pretended to busy myself with taking off my coat and my purse while Kiara went to fix us all drinks. Kiara pressed a glass of wine into my hand and then led me forward to join the others. My heart was hammering in my chest, preparing for the questions that were sure to come.

But Missy didn’t ask me anything right away. She chatted with Kiara about moisturizer creams, and they compared brands of cold creams and serums and debated whether toners really did anything at all. Danielle pulled out a bag of nail polish and remover, and for a short while the air filled with the stinging smell of acetone as we gave each other manicures. I wondered if maybe it was all in my head, and I’d really been making a big deal out of nothing.

It happened just as I was rinsing my hands off in the bathroom. The door opened behind me, and then closed. Turning around, I saw Missy standing there.

“Mind if I wash off my hands too?” Missy asked innocently, and I moved aside to give her the space. As she reached over, she finally asked the question that I had been dreading. “So, how was your birthday?”

“It was good,” I said casually, keeping my face as neutral as possible. I wondered what Thomas had told her about our time together. “Thanks for letting Thomas come out with me. My parents loved him.”

“He does have that gift,” agreed Missy. She switched off the faucet and held up her hands, inspecting the paint job on her nails. “Did you have fun with my little present?”

“Your present?”

Missy lowered her hands, turning to me. A mischievous, lopsided smile tugged at her lips. “The aphrodisiac, of course.”

“Oh, that,” I hesitated. “Yeah. That was…something.”

“I’m sure it was. Tell me, did it hurt when Thomas left you hanging?”

I stared at Missy. “How do you know about that?”

Missy laughed. “Oh please. I know everything.” She drew close to me, her eyes gleaming. “I had a little bet with Thomas. Five hundred dollars if he gave you that aphrodisiac and then ran away. He told me you begged him to help you come. Really, Mal, I’d have expected you to have more pride than that.”

I stared at Missy, unable to disguise my horror. “You’re telling me that what happened last weekend was part of a game for you both?”

“It’s been a game from the beginning,” Missy said, raising her eyebrows like this should have been obvious. “Why do you think I invited you out that Memorial Day weekend? Why do you think Thomas kept going out to lunch with you at work? You know how cheap Thomas can be.” Missy shook her head in amusement. “It was just so funny how hard you were falling for my boyfriend.”

My cheeks burned. “I thought you invited me because you liked me. I thought we were friends.”

“Oh my gosh, Mal, sweetie, we are,” Missy cried. “Don’t get all dramatic on me, okay? It was all in good fun.” Missy stroked my hair, her gaze almost affectionate. “You were just too tempting. It was impossible not to try to mess with you and your goody two shoes persona.”

If I hadn’t been so shocked, maybe I would have said something appropriately clever and withering. But all I could feel in the moment was utterly humiliated and taken aback. At least before, I could tell myself that it wasn’t personal, that I had pushed Thomas too far and he had needed that space to process his feelings. Realizing that I’d been set up as the butt of a joke, that my arousal and my desperation had been played for laughs, was a million times worse. It was true that anyone who hung out with Missy expected the odd prank, but I hadn’t ever thought it might turn out to be something like this. Not from Thomas. Thomas, who I’d thought had been my friend. Who had defended me against my mother. Who I’d fallen in love with.

“I see,” was all I could think of to say. I opened the door to the bathroom, but Missy stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t take it too hard, alright? Think of it this way: you passed the test.” Missy smiled at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her eyes were as cold and brittle as I’d ever seen them, and I shuddered beneath their chill. “I think I would have hated you if you’d actually been perfect.”

I rejoined the others, the blood pounding in my ears. I wasn’t sure if I felt more mortified or angry. My gaze landed on Thomas where he sat with the others, leaning over to watch a video that Kiara was playing on her phone. I looked at him long and hard, seeing him with fresh eyes. I’d thought of him as the one person who could keep Missy honest, if anyone could. I was wrong. If all the time we’d spent together had been under Missy’s direction, then did I even really know him at all? As though sensing my attention, his eyes flickered up to meet mine, then quickly returned to the phone screen.

I glanced at Kiara and Danielle, wondering how much of Missy’s scheming they knew about. But they gave no indication that they thought anything might be amiss. They welcomed me back to the circle, and Danielle passed me a bag of gummy bears that they had opened. I accepted the bag and bit my lips, debating whether to ask them about it before Missy returned. I didn’t have long. A couple minutes later, Missy rejoined the group. When she saw me looking at her, she smiled at me sweetly.

Somehow, I made it through another half hour of the party before I couldn’t take it anymore. I announced I was going home. Thomas started to rise to his feet, frowning, and for a panic-filled moment I thought he was going to come after me. Then Missy put a hand on his arm and murmured something in his ear. Slowly, he sank back down into his seat, his eyes on me.

I made it all the way back to my apartment before I collapsed onto my bed. If I’d had any more fight left in me, I might have cried. Instead, I just lay there, eyes closed and exhausted, and tried not to think about how Missy and Thomas had upended my world.

❖❖❖

The next day, I received a text from Thomas. Hey, it went, can we talk?

I ignored it.

I spent my Sunday instead cleaning up my apartment and watching TV with my roommates. It was only as I lay in my bed at night that the sense of deep betrayal came flooding back. What had I done to deserve such pointed malice from Missy? I had trusted her to have my back. Was everything she’d told me a lie?

Maybe the real question was, why was I pining after Thomas like a love-struck school girl? It wasn’t like I didn’t have other options. Edward had made it perfectly clear that he was ready and available anytime I wanted to call him. There were a couple others from Missy’s parties with whom I’d exchanged numbers, including one guy from New Jersey with a cute smile and dimples. Maybe I deserved to be ridiculed for the feelings I’d developed for the one man I couldn’t have.

After a restless hour where I failed miserably at falling asleep, I forced myself to stop thinking about it all. Monday was coming on fast, and that would present its own slew of challenges. For the first time, I hoped with everything I had that I wouldn’t cross paths with Thomas at work. We had just a few days left until the holidays…If I could make it until then, then I wouldn’t have to deal with Thomas until the new year.

I successfully avoided Thomas completely the first couple days. He texted me again, and I didn’t even bother to read his message. To minimize the risk of running into him, I brought my own lunch and ate in the company kitchen on my lunch break. Hanging out in the kitchen introduced me to people at my office whom I’d never talked to before, and chatting with them helped me not feel like such a total coward. But on Wednesday, as I was leaving the office to head home, I heard a familiar voice.

“Mallory.”

I stopped short. Even without looking, I knew it would be Thomas. Slowly, I turned around.

Thomas was leaning up against the side of the building. He must have been waiting outside for a while. His ears and the tip of his nose were pink from the cold, his hands jammed into his pockets for warmth. He was wearing his horn-rimmed glasses, his dark hair pushed back away from his eyes. The thought crossed my mind that no one deserved to look that handsome. It was unfair.

“Please,” Thomas said. “We need to talk.”

“What’s there to talk about?” I asked him stiffly.

“I just want to explain.”

“Missy made everything perfectly clear last weekend. Everything we had between us was just part of some little game the two of you had going on.” I leveled a steady stare at Thomas, my knuckles clenching around the strap of my bag. “I have to give it to you: that prank you played with the aphrodisiac really takes the cake. How hilarious the two of you are. Sorry if you can’t tell I’m dying from laughter over here.”

Thomas’s brow furrowed. “Missy told you that was a prank?”

“Yeah, she did. So go ahead; tell me I’m wrong. Tell me it was something else and she didn’t offer to pay you five hundred dollars to set me up.”

Thomas swallowed. As the silence stretched out between us, for a moment, I actually thought he might. But then he looked away. “I…can’t.”

As I gazed at him, I realized that he and Missy had finally succeeded in breaking the spell he’d had over me. For all his warm intelligence and compassion, he was perfectly content to put aside his sound judgment and let her dictate his life. It almost didn’t matter anymore whether the kisses we’d shared had been genuine or not. In the end, it always came back to Thomas standing with unquestioning loyalty by Missy’s side…no matter what she did or who she hurt.

And that I couldn’t respect.

“Please, Mal…don’t look at me like that,” Thomas said in a low voice. His voice shook a little. “I’m so sorry you got dragged into this. If I could go back and change what happened that weekend, I would. You have to believe me, I never meant to hurt you…”

“Maybe not, but Missy did.” I clenched my fists so tightly that I could feel the bite of my nails in my palms. “You can’t both be my friend and play along with Missy when she’s determined to be a bitch. You picked a side, Thomas, and it wasn’t mine.” I took a step back. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I don’t want to miss my train.” My voice sounded flat even to my own ears. I turned and left him there to be alone with his stupid guilt and stupid apologies.