HeartTheft Chapter 2
Added 2023-03-03 05:20:42 +0000 UTCAaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-!
Okay, sorry! This chapter was a lot of work and agonizing over getting the details right, and I'm a bit nervous about the themes I'm beginning to introduce in this book, so please let me know what you think so far. How do you feel about the characters? What are your hopes for this novel?
This attachment includes the Parable, chapters 1 and 2
Comments
Your name is cute
Rukis
2023-03-03 19:53:14 +0000 UTCI don't really use the message system here much, I find it really unwieldy. If you'd prefer email - rukiscroax@hotmail.com
Rukis
2023-03-03 19:48:34 +0000 UTCEvery update on this project makes me more exited! I like the theme of religious indoctrination you’ve got going on, and I’m interested to see how Isi develops as he interacts with people outside that system.
Stoatmeal
2023-03-03 19:39:14 +0000 UTCOf course! Would you prefer a direct message?
Sonny Barlow
2023-03-03 18:27:05 +0000 UTCI'd love some examples if you could
Rukis
2023-03-03 16:34:46 +0000 UTCI love the dialogue, it flows well and comes across as natural and realistic, especially given the time period the story is reflecting. For me it was just Isidor’s internal monologue - some of the language used and the way the sentences are structured bogged down the fluidity and pace a little bit. But I understand not everyone will see it that way.
Sonny Barlow
2023-03-03 14:49:42 +0000 UTCIn dialogue or scene description, or inner monologue? The more 'romantic' language for dialogue and inner monologue is intentional (and I'm actually struggling with it, lol) because Isidor is supposed to be very academic and overly proper in his way of talking, even internally. But I'll be the first to admit, writing a character like this is new for me, so I'm very happy to take advice on how to improve in how I write that kind of prose. And if it's in scene description, that's definitely something I can work on, because that's probably Isidor bleeding into the rest of the text, which isn't intentional XP You get your mind in a mode, you know?
Rukis
2023-03-03 14:46:01 +0000 UTCBrilliant. Do not worry about prose, people use it as a foil to hide their inner thoughts and speech. Its a cover.. like civility, but what passions does it hide. I pity Isadore - a young man growing in to his prime, trying to deny his body's nature. And Darcy :) already weaving their spell into Isi's thoughts.
Marcwolf
2023-03-03 14:29:48 +0000 UTCLoving it so far! As far as the prose being too "flowery" is concerned, that's just Isi! It'd be weird if he wasn't so uptight and proper at this stage in the story. Keep it coming!
Trejaan Cavelion
2023-03-03 13:46:16 +0000 UTCI’ve always adored your character and world building, I think you’re an excellent writer as well as an artist. I’m definitely invested in Isidor’s story and his future development alongside Darcy. My only criticism would be the prose; it’s a little too flowery and purple prose-esque at times for my personal liking, and more so than your other novels. But apart from that, it’s brilliant so far. I’m looking forward to the next chapter 👍🏻👍🏻
Sonny Barlow
2023-03-03 10:13:11 +0000 UTC
