"I keep telling you, I've got you covered. But you keep buying this store-bought milk right in front of me, making me feel inadequate...and now here you are, dropped a jug and it shattered all over the floor, trying to mop it up with paper towels. Look, here - this wouldn't have happened if you just trusted these! If you think it's too fatty I'll get us a separator.
Yeah, of course people are staring! No, not at me, at you! I'm not the one causing a scene here."