In Your Shadow [Chapter 8]

[Chapter 7]

Katsuki couldn’t believe he’d had to skip a patrol for the stupid meeting, for leaning his head on his hand as he stared at the screen, his classmates’ voices droning on and on about their experiences so far, the heroes they’d been working with, the things they’d learned. Aizawa had deemed it mandatory to attend, had picked a Sunday for it on the assumption they’d all have some time off – and honestly, other than Katsuki, it seemed like they did.

He glanced at his timetable beside him, wishing not for the first time that Aizawa wasn’t CCing Deku in on all the class emails, so he could have claimed Deku wouldn’t give him the time off.

“Ryukyu has been awesome,” Mina began, when Aizawa prompted her. “We have a really good balance of working hard, and hanging out with her and the sidekicks, so I’m experiencing both sides of the job, asking a lot of questions, but getting my hands dirty sometimes too. I got to join a patrol team on Friday morning, and we spent some time analysing it afterward, talking about how they decide routes and who takes them, and I get to do another one tomorrow!”

“It sounds like you’re learning a lot.” Aizawa nodded. “How about you, Bakugou?”

Katsuki grimaced. He’d hoped that, somehow, Aizawa might skip over him.

“It’s fine,” he shrugged, even though he knew Aizawa wouldn’t let him leave it at that. “I had to miss a patrol for this meeting, so that kinda sucks.”

“You’re working on a Sunday?” Kirishima asked, his tone laced with sympathy. “I guess that’s how it goes with the Number One, huh?”

“That sucks!” Mina agreed. “I’m sorry, Blasty! You deserve some time off! Hopefully you’ll get a rest tomorrow instead!”

“My timetable is pretty much the same every day?” Katsuki’s eyebrows knitted together. “Do you guys have weekends off?”

“I had Tuesday and Thursday off,” Kaminari said. “And this morning, but tonight we’re meeting up with Sero and Kamui!”

“I had yesterday and most of today off,” Sero added. “Do you finish early or something?”

“Maybe,” Katsuki mumbled – he knew it wasn’t true, but he didn’t really want to continue the discussion. “It’s whatever.”

“Aw, well we can all keep our fingers crossed for you, that you get a day off soon!” Uraraka smiled sympathetically. “I’m sure you’re learning a lot, at least!”

“Yeah.” Katsuki nodded. “It’s… interesting.”

“Well then,” Aizawa said, saving Katsuki from having to elaborate. “I think we can wrap up there for the day. Thank you all for your reports. I know a few of you mentioned the banquet later in the week, and a lot of you will be there with your mentors, so I expect you to present yourselves well as students of U.A. and to make a good impression not just for your mentors, but your teachers and yourselves, too. Remember all your actions should be aimed at getting a work studies placement, and there will be many eyes on you at this event, so please do your best to round up your internships in a way that befits a hero-in-training.”

As his classmates chorused their agreement, Katsuki just nodded faintly, hoping no one would ask him directly about his attendance at the event – he was sure Deku was invited, he was invited to everything, but he clearly had no interest in taking Katsuki along.

As he hung up the call, Katsuki found himself reflecting on the tidbits of information he’d gathered from his classmates, the things he’d paid attention to about their experiences, when he wasn’t too bored and cranky. It seemed like every one of them was working one-on-one with their hero, getting personal attention, being treated like a part of their team. Admittedly, a lot of them had returned to agencies where they’d had internships or work studies in the past, to try to cement job offers for when they graduated in less than a year, but it still left Katsuki feeling… inadequate. Left out.

“Katsuki!” Mirio called through the door, thumping on it lightly. “Tell Aizawa to wrap it up!”

He couldn’t help but crack a smile, shaking off the frustrations and hurrying to the door to let him in. Mirio ran straight to the laptop to say hi, disappointed when he found the screen blank.

“Perfect timing.” Katsuki smirked. “I’d just hit the button.”

“Boring. Alright, go get dressed!”

“For what?” Katsuki couldn’t help but ask, glancing down at his baggy sweatpants. “Deku said no patrols today, since I had my meeting.”

“Yup! He’s out at a bunch of boring meetings this morning, but I promised to get you downstairs for the patrol debrief, so you can at least hear how it went and learn from the reports – later this week he wants you to take a turn doing the debriefs, so we’ve gotta make sure you’re up for it!”

“Oh. Sure, okay. Costume?”

“Gym gear is fine, we’ve got a group run later, and we probably won’t come back here in between.”

Katsuki nodded, grabbing a stack of neatly-folded gym clothes he’d recently washed and dried, heading for the bathroom to change while Mirio waited. As much as he envied the personal attention his classmates seemed to be getting, they’d all been so excited to announce they’d done a patrol at some point in the week – meanwhile, Katsuki had been doing two a day, every day. The class meeting had been the first time something had stopped him, and even then, one of the sidekicks had suggested Katsuki join them on a night patrol later, maybe even a graveyard. He’d be exhausted after, sure, but it was a new experience, and something he’d probably have to do a lot of in his early years as a hero, not to mention the heroes had suggested it – he hadn’t had to beg them, they’d offered it willingly, and Katsuki just had to politely ask permission from Deku on his return, to get it.

His classmates were getting attention, sure, but were they getting experience?

Maybe he’d judged Deku too soon, on the ignoring front.

With his clothing swapped for something Deku wouldn’t complain about if he walked in, Katsuki headed back out to meet Mirio, shoving hair back out of his face as they walked – he needed to get a haircut before his next internship, if he had another; it probably would have saved him from a range of issues, not the least of which his being annoyed by it occasionally. Maybe he’d just buzz it right off after graduation, to save some headaches while he found a job.

As they headed down the stairs, Mirio asked after his friends and their experiences – even remembering their names. He might have known Katsuki’s classmates better than Katsuki did.

“Uraraka, right? The floating one?” Mirio asked, getting a quick nod of confirmation from Katsuki. “You mentioned she was working with Miruko. That must be different.”

“Yeah, I dunno how it works with not having an agency,” Katsuki shrugged. “But I guess Kamui and Edgeshot don’t have agencies, either, so maybe it’s not that weird.”

“I imagine it’s a lot of time patrolling,” Mirio mused. “Staying in hotels, or with agencies they visit, like our set-up here.”

“Must be pretty cool.”

“You want to travel?”

Katsuki hesitated, then shrugged slightly.

“Never really thought about it,” he admitted. “Might be cool. Did a little of it with Endeavour and stuff, but not on the same scale.”

“You’d probably have a hard time doing it straight out of school, unless you joined an established team. Everyone wants to make teams and agencies with their classmates, but they’re always the ones that go under and set you back.”

“I don’t think I’d work with my classmates.”

“No? You don’t like them?”

“Some of them are fine,” he conceded. “Don’t tell them I said that.”

“My lips are sealed,” Mirio laughed.

“It just seems… narrow-minded. Does that make sense?”

“I agree,” Mirio said with a fond smile. “If you only ever work with the same people, you only ever learn the same things.”

“Don’t start preaching this shit again.”

“It’s true!” Mirio insisted, laughing again now. “I know you’re not exactly happy about how little time Deku has had for you-”

“Zero time.”

“He sees you every day!”

“For a meeting.”

“Still, he’s trying. But yes, I know you’re not happy about it, but I promise you he’s been thinking of you. He puts together your timetables himself, to work on the areas he thinks you need most; he teams you with as many different heroes as possible, to learn from them and find the ones you work well with; he asks me for reports every night on how you’re doing. He does care about your progress, Katsuki, he’s genuinely just too busy.”

Katsuki huffed, but as they reached the ground floor, he clamped his mouth shut. He didn’t like talking about that shit at the best of times – Mirio was the only one he’d allow it from, in limited doses – and he definitely didn’t want to talk about it in front of other heroes.

“Spark Plug invited me on his patrol tonight,” he mumbled. “Do you think Deku would let me?”

“He’s on the Graveyard,” Mirio pointed out. “Will you be awake?”

“I could take a nap first, and sleep properly after the patrol, if Deku doesn’t mind me starting later in the morning. Or I can do the patrol, then stay up for his meeting, then do a gym session later in the day if you’re available, or on my own if you’re busy.”

“You really want to do this, huh?” Mirio smiled softly. “I’m surprised, I didn’t take you for a Graveyard guy.”

“I’m not, but if I join an agency I’m gonna get stuck with shitty shifts for at least a year, and it’s probably a lot different, so I should get some experience in them while I have a chance and an offer, right?”

“Deku will have to sign it off, but I’m sure he’ll work something out for you. If not tonight, he’ll definitely get you on another one.”

“Okay. Uh, when can I ask him? I don’t want to interrupt when he’s busy, does he have any downtime in the afternoons or evenings?”

Mirio seemed a little surprised by the question, but he hid it quickly, holding the lobby door open for Katsuki to pass through first.

“I'll be seeing him later, I can get him to call you in.”

A commotion in the lobby ended the discussion quickly, and Katsuki froze when he saw Deku returning to the building, with Hawks at his side chatting up a storm. The veterans of the agency seemed entirely unphased by it all, but the newer hires – and Katsuki – were all stopped in their tracks, staring or whispering as the pair passed by. Katsuki had never seen such a frustrated look on Deku’s face, not even when Katsuki had been bratty to him on his first day, and he found himself almost tip-toeing as he followed Mirio again, like making a sound would get him kicked out immediately.

“Mirio!” Hawks grinned, hurrying ahead to meet them and clapping Mirio on the back fondly. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in months, I’m sorry! I’ve got a thousand things to do tonight, but we’re gonna hang out soon, right?”

“Absolutely,” Mirio grinned back. “I know you two are swamped right now, I’ll still be here when you’re done!”

“You take care of our Deku, alright?” Hawks instructed, his smile fading to something a little less genuine. “It’s been a long morning.”

Katsuki glanced over, to where one of the sidekicks had waylaid Deku – Nightbolt, her name was, if he wasn’t mistaken. One of his first patrols had been with her, and he’d been kind of an asshole, if he remembered right. He’d gotten a second chance a couple of days prior, and she’d actually been alright; he wasn’t sure if she’d gotten less grating, or if he’d just learned to ignore it better. Or maybe it was the other heroes in the group – Nightbolt was the patrol leader, one of only a handful in the agency, but the sidekicks who went along with her changed frequently, so maybe it was them that had been the dicks. He really wished he’d paid more attention.

When Nightbolt moved on, Deku headed their way again, exchanging nods with Hawks as he took his leave. When the massive wings cleared his view, Deku’s eyes landed on Katsuki, and for a moment Katsuki felt like his lungs had ceased to work.

“Katsuki, come.”

The tone was low, no-nonsense, and Katsuki was terrified. He hadn’t even done anything wrong – at least not recently. That he knew of. Fuck, had he done something wrong? Should he start apologising now and try to calm him down?

Then again, Deku didn’t exactly seem angry, it was more like… done. He just seemed done. Was that better or worse?

He felt like a dumb little puppy, scurrying after Deku, but when they started descending he couldn’t help but be a little more hopeful – they weren’t going to his office, they were heading toward the gym. Maybe he just needed a spot on the bench press or something?

They continued down another flight, and Katsuki shivered – not from fear, thankfully, but from the aircon that seemed to be blasting on the lowest level of the building. The walls and floors were made of concrete and metal, like some kind of bomb shelter or dungeon or- fuck, did heroes have their own prisons? Surely Katsuki hadn’t done anything that bad.

It all finally clicked when Deku turned left and opened a door, waving him through. He’d been in that room just the day prior, had stood there when Spark Plug offered him a spot on the Graveyard patrol and when Solar Flare told him he was “good fun”.  The floor was lined with foam mats that Katsuki knew didn’t actually absorb any impact, and the only other furnishings in the room were some inlaid lights in the ceiling, protected by a clear material that he suspected was shatterproof, and a first aid kit, tucked away behind a clear door made of the same material.

Deku stripped off his button-down shirt, tossing it aside in favour of a dark singlet, much tighter than the one Katsuki had seen him wear in the gym once. The pants were next, and Katsuki couldn’t decide whether to stare or look away, whether to be relieved or disappointed to see that Deku had compression leggings on underneath.

“Come on, then,” Deku said simply, stretching his fingers lightly. “Show me.”

He didn’t elaborate, didn’t explain what he wanted to see or what Katsuki was meant to show him – didn’t need to, even though he usually did. Katsuki knew exactly what those rooms were for, and he knew exactly what an opportunity Deku had decided, clearly on a whim, to offer him.

He moved cautiously at first, refusing to launch himself in like an idiot and mess things up, but Deku didn’t seem pleased by his caution. He turned the tables immediately, his foot lifting to kick at Katsuki’s side, and Katsuki just barely managed to dodge the worst of the impact, whirling to make a move while Deku was off-balance. He struck, and Deku brushed him aside like an annoying bug, his eyes still surprisingly dark as they began to settle into a rhythm of punches and kicks and blocks and dodges.

When Katsuki felt the sweat beading on his hands, it took everything in him to focus on the match and resist the urge to smirk. He was finally warming up, finally getting somewhere, and when a tiny spark popped in his hand, Deku’s eyes widened slightly. He didn’t give himself time to second-guess using his quirk, considering he’d used it plenty the day prior in an identical room, just used the momentum of an explosion to duck and spin in a hurry, slamming his fist into Deku’s stomach and finally feeling it connect solidly. Despite the strength, Deku barely flinched, already thrusting his knee up toward Katsuki’s chest – but Katsuki was prepared this time, shooting off a series of rapid-fire explosions that launched him higher, then back down again, this time with a foot aimed at Deku’s head.

By the time they began to slow down, beaten, bruised, and breathing heavily, Deku’s face had finally cleared of the dark clouds – in fact, he was laughing through their last few attempts to hit each other, and Katsuki couldn’t even bring himself to be mad about it.

“That was fun,” he said breathlessly, by way of wrapping it up. “Once you stopped being so careful.”

“Careful?”

“At the start,” he clarified, sitting down to lean against the wall for a minute. “All slow and hesitant, not even using your quirk.”

Katsuki cackled, and Deku blinked up at him, his face softening when their eyes met.

“I was cold,” Katsuki explained, snorting when he tried to repress the laughter. “I need sweat, Deku.”

He regretted his tone immediately, but Deku was smiling, so his briefly-contemplated apology died on his lips.

“Yeah,” he said finally, as if everything in the world made sense to him with no further words required. “You’re quick.”

“Yeah?” Katsuki asked, standing a little taller under the praise.

“Don’t let it go to your head,” Deku said knowingly, still smiling all the same. “Your versatility is pretty good too: your use of momentum and propulsion to catch people off-guard, your brute strength on top of it, and your endurance is nothing to be sneered at. Your reflexes are good for dodging, but you take too long to counter, you should be doing both at the same time like it’s second nature.”

“I’ll work on it.”

“I know you will.” Deku paused, reaching for his trousers and finding his phone. “You’d better go, your appointment is soon and I imagine you’ll want to change.”

“I’ll skip it.”

“No you won’t,” Deku said firmly, chuckling all the same.

“I mean it, I don’t mind.”

“You need to go. I have things to do anyway.”

Katsuki nodded reluctantly, stretching a stiff shoulder and watching his tattered shirt practically fall off his arm. He tried to find words, but couldn’t quite seem to manage it, not sure whether to go for again please or this was fun or I told you so or some weird amalgamation of the three. Deku decided for him, though, as he rose to his feet, reaching out to ruffle Katsuki’s sweaty hair.

“Thanks for sparring with me, Kacchan.”

Katsuki’s mind went blank, removing any chance he’d had of saying a single coherent word, and he knew his eyes were as wide as saucers as he watched Deku go. Deku just grinned back at him briefly, heading off toward the stairs, and Katsuki felt his heart threatening to burst from his chest, his lungs aching with the effort it took to breathe – because of the sparring, obviously.

His legs were jelly, but somehow he managed to hobble over to the elevator – he rarely used the thing, mostly stuck to the stairs, but he wasn’t sure he trusted himself on them at that moment. Thankfully, no one else seemed to need a lift up through the building, and Katsuki got the elevator to himself for the short trip. He practically crawled his way to the apartment, and finally collapsed onto his couch, hands trembling as he tried to get his breathing under control.

The clock ticked over to 6:55 and he knew he needed to get changed and go, but he wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to make it there in one piece. He still had to find clothes, and probably put deodorant on, and get back downstairs to the little office by seven o’clock lest anyone find out he was late for something.

But hey, maybe it would… help, or something, right?

It wasn’t often that you got to face your therapist mid-panic attack, after all.

[Chapter 9]