Ending the $25 tier

At the very real risk of financial ruin, not that I am doing all that well anyhow (this meager Patreon earning is now my sole income), I have decided to end the $25 tier. This will be the last month (May of 2019).

It is a very hard decision to make but after some long thought and soul searching, some hard realities hit me. That tier is ruining my enjoyment of making art and also I am terrible at it.

I have been horrible at actually doing the rewards, and several people's rewards are now more than a year due. I just do not have the same motive or passion to draw when it's obligatory and not really to my personal interest. I strongly envy artists who can still turn out quality work when they have no personal attachment to the piece.

THIS IS MY FAULT, not yours. I did not think hard enough about that tier when I opened it, and things did not go as I expected. Before I go on allow me to state that I will still be working on the rewards owed up to this point, including this month as it is already paid for.

So here's how failure occurred, if you're curious enough:

1. I did not expect to get bored. This one is on me entirely. I honestly thought people would request stuff in my wheelhouse more, but I was kinda dumb to assume that. Drawing characters I don't care about from things I don't care about started to wear me out a long time ago. I also started spending most or all of my art time drawing just commissions or reward stuff. The passion burned out.

2. Depression, lack of confidence, and pressure. I am manic-depressive, or Bipolar if you will. It's real, it's severe, and it sucks. I make promises on manic upswings that I can't keep, because I really think I can do it at that moment, then the depression hits and I fall apart. Add to that mounting obligations, a fear of failure/perfectionism, and forgetfulness, and I crumbled hard.

3. Schedule problems. I really should have put a time limit on when you could claim the reward because... woof. I did not consider to compensate for the different rates at which people would actually request sketch ideas. It made a huge mess. No offense meant to any of you.

4. Sadly, a few people were confusing to work for. Whether it was my own difficulty comprehending them, or their difficulty conveying what they wanted, or both; some projects became mental and emotional nightmares and gummed up the works even further.

5. I let it go too far because I need the money more than I valued my own state of mental well being. Also I was terrified to disappoint people, even though I was anyhow... vicious cycle.

I enjoy the exclusives, I enjoy the exchange of ideas, and I certainly am not ending my other tiers; but it is time to put this one to rest. Thank you everybody who was on that tier, and I am deeply sorry for how bad I am at keeping my promises as they relate to it. This is me trying to fix the problem now.

The last thing I ever wanted to be was the kind of artist who got paid and then did nothing. Unfortunately I over-estimated my mental stability, and I done effed this up.

That said, once that monkey is off my back, the flow of my artwork in other regards should improve. Maybe I can deliver exclusives the way I intended to from the start. I hope so, at least! It'll be nice to just be able to... create again.

Cheers- Skoon.