Bound on Bruel Draft
Added 2023-10-30 01:12:51 +0000 UTCSo, this has been looked forward to for a good long time. Now the main question for this bit of story... is it enough? I think I might be able to squeeze out at least one more part.
I have a mental image out of Anime that I'd love to see little Isaiah pull off. But I'll let you decide.
Your comments are appreciated, as is anything you care to tell me about it.
Comments
What ever becomes of the apuk that Vernon subdued with the dark forest during the shell cracker tournament?
SumJrk
2024-10-19 18:34:27 +0000 UTCOkay, why did take me until now to notice that Moira is Miss Marple?
Rabid Jackal
2024-04-27 03:13:26 +0000 UTCThat was great!! A nice slow burn romance was somewhat lacking in the main story, and it's good to see a normal human in the wider galaxy too.
Mr. Rose
2024-03-17 02:17:37 +0000 UTCYup, felt strange to me too
Mr. Rose
2024-03-17 02:16:45 +0000 UTCI enjoyed this toned down slice of life one-shot. To focus a bit more on the relationships and lives of normal people in the unique circumstances of your wider universe outside cruel space. If there's only one negative to note its the overuse of "oh my yes" by both Isaac and Moira. Isaac having a holdover linguistic quirk is one thing, but both of them using it all the time was a bit strange. I suppose you could pass it off as Code-Switching but it feels off.
Warranty_V0IDED
2023-10-31 04:23:10 +0000 UTCGot it.
Kyle Kent
2023-10-31 02:06:00 +0000 UTCYay! I loved it. Different pacing was welcome from the more episodic OOCS. Hope we can hear more
Peter Underwood
2023-10-30 21:36:25 +0000 UTCFinished the story today. I figured out why the first chapter didn't feel finished. The mention of the equipment and the acquiring of said stuff didn't happen. The rest of the story flowed well and I really enjoyed the wrap-up.
Greg Michael
2023-10-30 18:58:03 +0000 UTCI like it. I am only on chapter 6 so all I have is your pacing is outstanding. You haven't fallen into the insta-spouse shortcut which I like. Your character development is, as usual, well thought out and they don't bounce out of their norms. I think your chapter transpositions could be a bit smoother, but I can't offer an idea on how to make that work. It might be that your first chapter ended abruptly and that has flavored the following chapters.
Greg Michael
2023-10-30 04:12:16 +0000 UTCA normal man and his son exiting Cruel Space, we've seen the supersoldiers. The living legends that would stand beside men like Genghis Khan and Alexander the Great or Jeanne of Arc. Now we meet Joe Average, Joe Single Father with Son. Let the galaxy quake at his coming.
Kyle Kent
2023-10-30 01:30:16 +0000 UTCFirst coupe of pages feel right so I think you got the vibe down man.
King Jerkera
2023-10-30 01:16:33 +0000 UTC
