This is a fuck load of damn snow.

Oh, great, just what we fucking needed: 11 goddamn inches of snow since 4:30 a.m. Crazy shit, right? In case anyone thought I was full of it, here’s your icy-ass proof that my forecast is about to smack you right in the face with accuracy, especially if you’re stuck in those lake effect areas. Lucky you. I'm not saying this in a mean way, haha. This is fuck this forecast! I hate it, but it's accurate! :)

Keep those boots on, because this intense lake effect snow isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Oh no, just when you think Mother Nature might cut us some slack, BAM! An Alberta Clipper comes flying in to fuck up the day even more. Behind that sneaky little shit of a clipper? More cold. More goddamn lake effect. Because why not? Get ready for those jagged icy flakes of fuck to hit your right in your eyeballs with the high winds, too.

Speaking of those asshole winds, that's what makes or breaks this shit. Saturday, they’ll stick to the northwest with a little wobble, just enough to keep you guessing. By Sunday and Monday, they’ll tilt a bit more northerly, which means the lakeshore folks get to enjoy a nice, focused snow dump. Aren’t you lucky bastards?

Tuesday might finally give us a goddamn break. Winds shift southwest, temps warm up just a tiny fucking bit, but don’t get too excited. That southwest wind is just the appetizer before Wednesday’s Alberta Clipper. Clippers usually crap out about 2-4 inches of snow, but who the fuck knows? Depends on where it feels like going. And, of course, right after it passes, colder air and a northwest wind kick lake effect into high gear AGAIN. Because clearly, we didn’t have enough snow to shovel yet.

Everyone’s dealing with the same frozen bullshit, so I’m not breaking down regions here. Just check the damn 7-day forecast and prepare to freeze your ass off.