Should we FORCE People to get an Autism Diagnosis? r/AITA
Added 2024-06-01 22:30:02 +0000 UTCI thought I’d break up the two upcoming book review videos with an exclusive AiTA (which came in second place on the lost poll!) 💛 Some of you were keen for more of the usual reaction stuff!
Do you think you owe your family members a diagnosis (or at least researching autism in order to help yourself?) and are you obligated to tell your partner if you do have a diagnosis? Do you think it’s okay to keep that secret?
When editing this I became increasing uncomfortable with the way the Reddit commenters clearly view autism through such a medicalised lens. I wonder if/how the way we view autism will change in the next few decades.
Can’t wait to hear your thoughts! 🐌
Comments
I can’t really say comprehend marrying someone but not feeling comfortable enough to tell them you’re autistic. Like, why didn’t she feel she could tell him? Because I get the stigma side of things but telling someone you love isn’t the same as telling a stranger.
Becky
2025-05-17 09:16:34 +0000 UTCBoth spouses should be open about stuff that could affect their kids down the line. If anything, he should be forthcoming. ESH, to use the terminology.
Opus de Stellis
2025-02-25 14:44:48 +0000 UTCI don't like the tone of "But you could be passing this on to our child so you're obligated!" coming from the wife. The sentiment that there is a "risk" the child might be like him and therefore he needs to get tested is so cringy and I hope she's just thinking of an excuse for wanting him to go that she thinks will get him to go when she really sees struggles in his life that she believes could get better. If she's truly hoping to improve his life and her relationship with him, that's normal to ask. But to say it's a "risk" their kid might have it too, that's just like her saying she doesn't like him and doesn't want their child to be like him. Maybe she doesn't look at it like that, but I don't see any other way to interpret that because she's already pregnant, they can't genetically screen for autism yet, there's nothing you can do about it anyway, and there is no way to really test for it until a child is 18 months or older. There's a reason she's feeling apprehensive about him and their child. Is their relationship not as solid as he says or even thinks? Is she afraid of how they will manage to work together as parents? She needs to be honest with him. What she has actually said (according to him) just sucks!
Jessica Penaligon
2024-08-30 04:03:37 +0000 UTCI had a conversation with a friend of mine, about how we have both looked into autism, figured out that we were autistic, but didn't feel like it was even worth it to get an official diagnosis at this point since we are both 40. And sure, there's a definite genetic component, but I feel that, if the wife is pregnant, seeing some symptoms in the husband, and is a little nervous about it, isn't she basically doing an armchair diagnosis herself out of fear of her child needing some accommodations to get along? It's easy to say "Well, if it were MY child..." especially when I don't have kids (don't you love when people do that?) but it probably would be best to just go through life with the child, sort of feeling it out and seeing if they do need accommodations when the time comes. No need for the husband to get a diagnosis at all, when it's really about the child! As to the second part, it's also up to a person whether they want to reveal their diagnosis to someone. I understand that the husband there feels a sense of betrayal. However, perhaps it's more productive to look at it like, he has learned something new about her. It doesn't change that she's the person he fell in love with. I think that humans are infinite wells, constantly in flux, so you could live with someone forever and still learn new things about them. And, I mean, it's not the same as discovering what his wife's favourite cookie is, years into their relationship (which, hilariously, it took me a while to actually pick up on that one about my wife), but it's just an attribute. Just a label. I don't think that she's being an asshole, though. Maybe she's accepted the diagnosis, does things to make her little spot in the world more comfortable without even knowing. It sounds like maybe she does, and she's comfortable with the diagnosis, and that's ok.
Cat Scientist
2024-08-26 08:55:58 +0000 UTC1) You don't need a diagnosis to do research into things and learn about it in order to help the child. I think that guy should be willing to do research, but getting a diagnosis when he doesn't feel he needs the help (especially if he would have to pay money for it) or having it on his medical record isn't necessary because 2) you should always be open and helpful and supportive to whatever your child's needs may be regardless of your own background 3) Like meg said he might actually need it without realizing it and his wife notices that, but that's why learning about it is so important. He might discover he actually needs the diagnosis along the way I don't think the guy is an asshole, he was more so seeming to look for some way to compromise rather than being dismissive of her concerns. She seemed a bit pushy on the idea in my opinion aswell (though I wouldnt say she's an asshole for it either) and im surprised so many people thought he was an asshole tbh
Lindsey P.
2024-08-02 13:13:04 +0000 UTCI think no adult should be forced to get an Autism diagnosis because it can affect your employment. People think that we are less than because we have Autism and it was until recently considered a mental illness. If you get a high level STEM job there is the chance that it might require a security clearance like my dad's job does. If he got a diagnosis now he would lose his clearance ad therefore his job.
Chuck Hargis
2024-07-28 16:55:12 +0000 UTCI have been wondering about this too. I’ve been a member for several months, between PDA and having a ton going on in my life I have just not been able to figure it out. Watching a video has felt too overwhelming. I have never used discord and tech can be frustrating for me. Would you or someone else (ideally not our dear Mother Snail, who already has enough on her plate 🧡) be able to break it down for me into more steps? I.e., open this app or website, do this, open that app or website, do that, etc. FYI I only have a phone, hopefully the steps do not require a desktop. Thank you so much in advance! 🌈
Christine R.
2024-07-23 03:38:18 +0000 UTCComing from a biomedical engineering background, I would say that autism is not curable bc it's not a disease. Cancer for example is treatable but not curable. The side effects can be reduced to avoid damage, but the cancer will never go away completely. But these terms don't apply to autism. It's a neurological difference, not a disease or malady like depression is. In depression, your body doesn't produce the right levels of chemicals needed for your brain to function healthily. This, just like the previous example, once again does not fit autism TLDR these problems stem from a misunderstanding of the definitions of autism, treatment, and cure. A treatment eases the symptoms of a disease or chemical imbalance. A cure gets rid of the disease or chemical imbalance. But autism cannot be treated or cured for this reason.
tubapanda
2024-07-18 08:56:25 +0000 UTCI don't think you owe anyone a diagnosis reveal. You can just communicate with them things that trigger you or what your personal limits are & you can ask about theirs. They don't need to know the why if they haven't shown that they can be trusted with that reason. Just telling them your needs should be more than enough in any healthy relationship
tubapanda
2024-07-18 08:43:55 +0000 UTCThe first guy, there's a lot of focus on him *needing* to get a diagnosis in case he *passes it on* to his child, but it's not some dangerous hereditary disease and his child could be neurotypical or autistic either way. Get the kid tested yes, then if needed they can benefit from accommodations in school and such, but if he's against getting his own diagnosis it seems pointless to push him to it using his kid as a reason.
Lauren Joanna
2024-07-04 17:49:19 +0000 UTCI struggled with this too but you have to go on the website for Patreon go to settings and then synced apps where you can then add discord and you will be able to access it
Mika
2024-06-21 07:00:36 +0000 UTCI think in both cases I lean towards saying NAH. It is a personal decision to get the evaluation. Nobody is owed knowledge of your diagnosis. That said, both OPs sound like they’re letting the stigma make their decisions for them. It could be beneficial to them and their partners to get evaluated and to share diagnosis. For the first OP, even if they’re not autistic, it might give them other insights into their life. But again that said, I know it can be a difficult thing to face. Ultimately I think it’s a personal choice, but you might be doing yourself a disservice by not being willing to get the evaluation or to share your diagnosis with the people closest to you.
Izzy Enby
2024-06-20 14:44:09 +0000 UTCI absolutely think you should let your partner know you have autism. They have a right to know why you experience meltdowns, so they can help you through them, and help themselves to deal with them. This isn’t even a question, if you are a type 1 diabetic. You know that you have a responsibility to tell people around you that you are a diabetic, and what they can do if you have a hypo (hypoglycaemic episode - very low blood sugar).
Argy
2024-06-20 13:18:12 +0000 UTCif you're a member, you should be able to see a link to the discord under the membership tab.
Chelsea
2024-06-20 02:26:37 +0000 UTCI also can't DM. My question is how do I get to the Discord from here
Frank Wuts
2024-06-16 04:19:25 +0000 UTCOh, maybe it doesn't let you message when you're no longer a member - I'm not actually sure! You can email advice@imautisticnowwhat.com ?
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-06-15 12:12:33 +0000 UTChello, I’m sorry I realize I probably shouldn’t be posting this here but I can’t seem to message you directly anymore for some reason. Which is unfortunate because I’ve been meaning to msg about an issue with one of the “rewards” (the little cute snail- the woodburned one) I’ve received in the mail. I can’t recall if I’ve already msgd about it but I also can’t check, it seems, now. I think perhaps bc I had just cancelled my membership (I can no longer afford it atm). Not sure what to do?:/:(
Kailey
2024-06-15 03:53:19 +0000 UTCI agree about the second person. It does feel deceitful to go that deep into a relationship and still cover up that information. I understand at the beginning of the relationship when you're dating. Like you said, maybe he might've seen it as a negative and he didn't want to be with someone with autism. But would you really want to be with someone that felt that way about the real you? It reminds me of the most recent "let's not break up" video on the YouTube channel. A person should be given as much information as possible if you're so deep into a relationship so they know if they want to continue that relationship or not. In that situation, the autistic partner was uncomfortable with so much stuff that they were basically using it to control their allistic partner. The allistic partner did have a right to know and maybe cut things off if it was too much for them to handle.
Joe
2024-06-13 13:41:34 +0000 UTChttps://www.cdc.gov/autism/treatment/index.html
Simplyinfamous=D
2024-06-11 21:39:52 +0000 UTCPeople see this kind of many through legislation that will take advantge. On the legislation site it even misinforma what autism is. There are services parents need for support but it's not treating autism.
Simplyinfamous=D
2024-06-11 21:29:23 +0000 UTCI have some video suggestions. I'm alarmed that three new businesses with treatment for autism have appeared in my area. I realized the Autism CARES act (live in the US) is allowing over $300 million towards autism. It's going to people who are trying to franchise ABA. I'm annoyed. I also saw on the CDC website that lists autism is treatable. Isn't that misinformation? Everyone goes over the behavioral approaches we know are bad. But the CDC also lists developmental, social, and educational approaches including psychological CBT therapy as treatment for autism. Could you go over the other approaches? I want to know how misinformed people are going to get now that money like this on the table. So many parents are being misinformed. The website for one of the local businesses say they treat autism and inform parents that autism is a mental illness!!! What the hell are these approaches? They are given money to do good and they are doing so much harm.
Simplyinfamous=D
2024-06-11 21:28:11 +0000 UTCHi Meg, Thanks for your great videos, they help me a lot🙂 I can really recommend this book: Scenes from the Heart It reminded me both of my own childhood and the struggles I currently have with school, doctors and institutions in general, when it comes to my own kids. After reading this family story, I felt (for the first time), that I was not alone (or that I was not just a bad parent, that could not discipline my kids). It is about a family of four, where their children are struggling and they don't know why. There was no help for many years and many awful incounters with the Swedish welfare system untill they finally finds a diagnosis that fits. After the diagnosis, there is help to get, but they are asking: Why couldn't we get the help and empathy when we needed it? Why did we have to wait until we were over the hill (with a diagnosis) and we knew what to do? There is some climate activism stuff in the end of the book, when the kids are becoming teenagers (because it is Greta's special interest), but it seems to be triggered by the disconnect between "what is said" and "what is done" regarding the climate. If the disconnect wasn't there, perhaps she would be a musician like her parents🤔 I had a similar phase as a kid with poverty and injustice in the world, but I see now, that perhaps she wasn't stronger than me as a kid (as a thought before I read the book), she also had more supportive parents♥️. Without to many spoilers: They share both the attempt (to help their kids), that went well and those what failed miserably. In the end of the journey, they are still a happy family and they thrives with their inordanary life's. ⚠️ There is a warning though, Greta had severe problems with eating as a child, which can be a trigger! Some details from wiki: (Swedish: Scener ur hjärtat) is a 2018 book by Swedish opera singer Malena Ernman, her husband Svante Thunberg, and their daughters, climate activist Greta Thunberg and Beata Ernman. I hope you like it🙂 Kind regards Lars
Lars Boss Lindholm
2024-06-11 20:21:05 +0000 UTCMy son was diagnosed around 13 and the only information I could find about it was autism speaks back then. Needless to say we never got to learn anything about it until wonderful autistic people like yourself started advocating and educating others online. (TY!❤️) Because of that, I realized I’m on the spectrum as well so of course it’s become a special interest for me. However, he does not want to know about it. He gets mad every time I bring up anything I’ve learned. He’s 22 now and I can’t talk to the rest of our family about it and I want to check in with him and see if he relates! It’s so frustrating and I’m worried that he’s trying to put his head in the sand rather than learning!
Cinder_Royale
2024-06-06 16:05:42 +0000 UTCIn both contexts one partner is withholding information that would relevant for discussion when considering having children. It is no different than genetic testing for other traits. On this point specifically, some of us late diagnosed Autistic and ADHD ppl lament how our lives would have possibly been better had we been diagnosed earlier and provided the accommodations and supports. Granted, most of those were not available when I was young. 1st, I am not saying that having found out about a diagnosis is a deal breaker for having kids. It is part of the discussion and afords both partners to come to the decision together, educate themselves and advicate for their kids shiuld the need arrise. 2nd, informing a life partner about any condition that is going to have a significant impact on their relationship is just being fair. It is part of building trust and being honest with the person you love and that you believe loves you. In both of these cases the OP is hiding or wants to hide their biological profile. Are they an AH? No, because there is always more context to these situations. But I do think their lack of trust and fear will have a negative affect on their relationship with their partner.
Ken Mc
2024-06-04 15:03:32 +0000 UTCAnd as far as telling my partner, I wouldn't have an issue telling my partner if I'm autistic. If that would cause a problem to me, then I think that person isn't really a partner in the first place, despite occupying the position of one in my life. I would rather know that up front so I can act accordingly.
Keith D.
2024-06-03 17:55:11 +0000 UTCI think forced diagnosis would be wrong, but I also think that in a healthy world it would always be beneficial and should be sought. But I'm also too keenly aware that the world we actually live in is so far from healthy that it would be immoral to force people to get a diagnosis. The real world contains a myriad of dangers from all kinds of places it shouldn't have them, so not forcing diagnoses and allowing people to keep one secret from whomever they seem necessary are perfectly fine with me. The reality is, knowing or not knowing someone is autistic is only a point of interest to me - it doesn't make any difference to me otherwise. If someone has certain accommodation needs, I don't believe any diagnosis or lack of one should have any impact on whether they have those needs met or not. To me a human being is a human being is a human being - that's all I need to know.
Keith D.
2024-06-03 17:53:03 +0000 UTCShortly after I first met my parner a few years ago, he asked if I had ever been assessed 'for anything'. I thought it was a weird question, but shrugged it off. He told me, when we found out that I'm autistic, that he always suspected so.... regardless, I initially found it difficult to come to him when I first wondered myself. When it first occurred to me that I may be autistic at 22, I didn't tell anyone, probably mostly because one of the individuals conducting the screening (I was struggling a lot, withdrawing, kind of bombing out of university) asked if I was sure that I wanted to 'go ahead with it', because 'autism is something that will stay on your record permanently, it's not something that you can remove'... or something to that effect. It scared me, perhaps especially because my older brother had been diagnosed as autistic; I grew up watching him struggle and be ostracised by lots of people, it was super upsetting and difficult for him, which *perhaps* at times wasn't helped by having the label? As some people used it as ammunition to bully him. But in hindsight, he would have been bullied anyway, just as I was - because neurotypical can be quite good at picking up on things that are different. I was scared of what the 'label' meant, would I receive the same treatment? What I didn't think about - him receiving his diagnosis made it possible for him to live an independent life. It allowed him to recognise and access support for what he needed. I spent a long time in a kind of denial state, and meanwhile I was progressively sinking further and further into a pit made by myself. By this point (a few months ago), I was 24; I told my partner, and pursued the diagnosis. What I realise now - I'm upset and angry at both the schooling system and myself, for having not been diagnosed sooner. I could have known myself. Did I hold myself back from that? My partner was understanding when I told him why I hadn't said anything - he reassured me that I shouldn't feel pressured by any stigmatisation, and that it wouldn't change how he views me because it wouldn't change who I am. I didn't think it could be me at all, I wasn't exactly the same as my brother, but *so much* research and pondering on the matter only served to further solidify how I felt... and everything started to make sense in a way that it never had before. Everything started 'falling into place', I finally understood my daily (what I now understand to have been) meltdowns as a child. The blame I received from my parents made me feel like a truly awful person, I really felt that I was this 'devil child' that they frequently referred to me as. I finally understood why I spent the majority of high school not really speaking, and drowning everything out with music. I finally understood why I had been bullied, and for the first time I could accept that it wasn't my fault. I finally understood why I frequently withdrew at the first hint of difficulty and couldn't hand in any assignments at university... and my crisis in sixth form finally made sense (I nearly spiralled out, made it by some miracle with less-than-predicted grades, and with a fair amount of trauma, but reaching university shortly afterward proved way too much for me.. which I have never been able to adapt to). I now have the tools to move forward and hopefully have the successful life that I haven't been able to have yet. So... 'hiding it' is not necessarily the fault of the individual, it could be as a result of many layers of complicated feelings and prior bullying. I felt that I had some internalised-ableism? Somehow I viewed it kinda negatively, and that was wrong of me, but probably I just didn't want another reason to be told that I'm a 'freak', 'weird' or wholly 'different', and I especially didn't want others to know that... almost like a survival response? Regardless, there are still people that I wouldn't trust with it (my partner's family, and members of my family), as I know what their response would be, and I need to prioritise my mental health over any 'right' of theirs to know information about me. Autism is unfortunately still misunderstood and stigmatised by many, our lives would for sure be easier if people didn't perceive it negatively, it really does prevent people from seeking support.
Autumn Noëlle
2024-06-03 06:15:37 +0000 UTCI had a similar experience when I was diagnosed with ADHD! When I told my sister she said, “I mean haven’t you already been diagnosed?” 😂
Indy
2024-06-02 20:17:56 +0000 UTCI don’t think the first person is an a-hole, unless there are specific things he’s struggling with that are affecting the people around him and need to be dealt with and he’s in denial. And if that is not the case, I do think the wife is a bit of an a-hole for approaching the conversation in this manner, if the husband’s description is accurate. In terms of the kid, I don’t exactly see why it matters. If she suspects that her husband might be autistic and therefore thinks her kid is more likely to be autistic, she can ‘be on the lookout’ regardless. I don’t think the father having a diagnosis affects that, really. I’m also kind of speaking from experience, I’m seeking a diagnosis (assessment is very soon and I’m a little terrified) as an adult well into my twenties, partly because my boyfriend brought up the possibility to me. He never insisted though, just let me know what he’d noticed and occasionally mentioned it in a lighthearted manner. He never even suggested I get a diagnosis. I chose to do that by myself after I mentioned it to my therapist and she said that she was actually working up to telling me, and she was the one who brought up the possibility of getting an official diagnosis and talked me through the whole thing. Now I’m not saying the wife shouldn’t have brought it up to him, but I think she certainly could be more tactful, patient and respectful, even if this is affecting their life, because it is kind of a big deal (or can be, for some), it can also be expensive and the assessment isn’t necessarily an easy thing to go through. I mean, I haven’t had mine yet, but I’ve heard that from others, and I find it very daunting. Also, if her husband does have some issues, it is possible to work through those in therapy without getting a diagnosis, so they can also consider that option. So yeah, I empathise with him and I definitely think his wife should take a different approach. I do, however, think the second person is *kind of* the a-hole. Maybe she was not given enough support and information growing up and didn’t really give it much thought, but I think she should’ve shared that with her husband before marrying him. It evidently does affect their life, and people should be allowed to consider whether or not that is something they can or want to deal with long-term. Now thankfully in this case it doesn’t seem like the husband is upset in that sense, which is great actually, but I do think it’s a little deceitful on her end? Again, I understand that she may not have thought about it in those terms, and I understand the fear of being stigmatised, but that’s exactly why I think it’s important to tell your partner beforehand (if you know, of course), because I mean, do you wanna be with a person who *would* see/treat you differently (in a negative sense, of course, not talking about accommodations and whatnot) if and when they found out? I personally wouldn’t.
Alina
2024-06-02 19:11:46 +0000 UTCThe wife may find that she is the one forced into being his support that allows him to function. That may affect her in ways that give her a say in whether he should get tested. She may want him to get diagnosed so that he can learn to take better care of himself and take some of the load off her. If he's having meltdowns on a regular basis but insists it's just his temper, for example, that is going to affect her, and with a baby on the way, she may need him to be more self-sufficient.
Roxann Ireland
2024-06-02 18:12:57 +0000 UTCWhen I first thought I could be autistic I asked my then boyfriend (now fiancé) what he thought. He said, “Oh, really? I thought you already knew..?” 😱 I was so shocked at the time but all I can do is laugh now 🤣🤣
Lily Schaff
2024-06-02 16:36:55 +0000 UTCRegarding the second story about the redditor saying she should have disclosed her autism while dating, I found a video by Illymation discussing what/when to disclose while dating while autistic was very interesting: https://youtu.be/PDospiqiDgY?si=waO8ljCDLJxE13sP
MagnaCorpus
2024-06-02 16:18:57 +0000 UTCInteresting, nuanced take – not the typical reaction to AITA subreddit posts. I think I agree with you that neither of the posters is the arsehole. But both may have some internalised ableism or a not unreasonable fear of being stigmatised. The whole thing about disclosure during dating is also often discussed in relation to being trans, with some people feeling strongly that it’s something you should tell someone straight away. As someone who is trans and Autistic, I disagree, but I’m generally open about both. (I tend to overshare!) Nevertheless, I do like new people to get to know me without preconceived notions of what I’m like based on stereotypes. Not easy!
Anna Nicholson
2024-06-02 11:36:53 +0000 UTCHi there & welcome. On PC you click the "I'm Autistic, Now What?" on the left under "memberships" ...then you go to the Memberships tab & the discord link is there. On your phone it's in a similar place, but clicked on the "I'm Autistic, Now What?" picture at the very top & then you get the Membership tab & discord is in there again. You might have to have discord installed first though. See you there!!
fo4URm
2024-06-02 11:23:59 +0000 UTC1st AITA: I think he's gotta be fully on board with the idea, otherwise it's not going to work. Who knows he might have PDA & all these people insisting, really isn't going to help. I think you need a fair amount of drive to get diagnosed. Takes a lot of mental energy & looking back through your past. I'm sure he'll start to think about it more & more & might come around eventually. It's his choice at the end of the day. The final kick to get diagnosed might be if his child has to go through a similar thing & as he learns more, he decides to lead the way. 2nd AITA: She might just lack the knowledge or education. She might have just been diagnosed at an early age. Was told about it at that young age (4) & largely ignored it her entire life, as there was no support or follow up. Maybe if she looked into it more now, she would be like a late diagnosed person & realise how many areas of her life it's affected. Even her relationships
fo4URm
2024-06-02 11:09:04 +0000 UTChi meg !! regarding your question if a diagnosis earlier in life would’ve been beneficial or would only emphasise one’s ‘weirdness’ pointed out by others i can say that i can clearly see both sides. i’ve been diagnosed as an autistic girl with 16 (almost a year ago) and receiving a diagnosis definitely gave my struggles (especially in school) a reason which felt quite validating. i immensely appreciate the fact that i am able to reflect about accommodations and myself this early to become more self-aware and more comfortable with myself. of course, though, i wished i had been diagnosed even earlier (who doesn’t), but in comparison to late-diagnosed people i feel very privileged and thankful to have been diagnosed in my teens. now, the downsides. i feel EXTREMELY infantilised in school by some of my friends and teachers. to add, even though they know about my diagnosis, the accommodations are basically zero and my needs are usually belittled (in germany, it’s quite bureaucratic to get the allowance for accommodations in school and i waited for almost a year now and still..nothing). people are weirded out by me a lot because of my interests and my behaviour and i wouldn’t even dream of telling the students in my school about me being autistic (it’s frequently used as an insult which depresses me very much). i hope my perspective helped !!
laurinchen
2024-06-02 10:45:21 +0000 UTCMegan, you mentioned at one point that there are few accomodations available to low need autistic people, so there may be no reason to be tested if a person doesn't really want to. I know that some employers will give autistic or ADHD sufferers extra time to do their jobs, but thee really aren't very many accomodations that people can take advantage of in their everyday life. I'm not sure if I expressed here what I'm trying to say. I just want to chime in here to share a bit of info I just found out today that neurodivergent people might find helpful. If I'm talking about something that people already know about and I'm just late to the party, please forgive me and nevermind. Anyway, what I found out today is that there is an accomodation that is available in many libraries across the world that can help people who have trouble looking at type on a page for extended periods and so have trouble reading. I used to be able to overcome this problem myself, but as I've gotten older, I have found it harder and harder to concentrate on the words when trying to read things in print. Because of this, I satisfy my love of books by listening to audiobooks. I had a book recommended to me today, so I looked to see if it is available in audiobook form. Unfortunately, the book I was looking for is not available that way. In my search, I discovered that there is a service that many libraries offer in which books are read aloud and recorded for blind or neurodivergent people like me so they can share books that are originally only offered in print. I believe the service is called Legimus. I saw that it's a available in Scandinavian countries for sure, but it seems it is available other places as well. Unfortunately again, my book is not available through this service, but I did check to see if libraries in my area have it. I sent a question to them tonight, so I won't get a response for a few days at least. It's possible I have this all mixed up and the whole thing is useless. I just thought that if it might be useful to other neurodivergent people, I should share what I found out. Also, sorry for the novel length comment. I can be overly loquacious at times. 😊
Irisarc
2024-06-02 06:08:53 +0000 UTCHi! Unrelated question (new member here!), how can I access the discord?
Shea O'Donnell
2024-06-02 05:47:21 +0000 UTCI suspect that both my father and I are Autistic but he should really wait on getting a diagnosis until after he's fully retired because it will affect his security clearance. He does IT work around the world and has a very high security clearance which helps in his work. We both did computer work in the Navy and that's how we got such high clearances. I don't need my security clearance but he does. This is one of the main reasons for me to be in charge of my own medical issues and he would feel the same. In many countries a diagnosis of Autism can make a person lose some of their rights, privileges, and responsibilities. I'm fine if he learns of it by seeing me obtain a diagnosis and telling him about it because he and I have almost exactly the same sensitivities. He comes from a family of musical geniuses so it would not be a big surprise. My mother was also a genius and my wife is a member of MENSA but she thinks I'm smarter than she is. I also have ADHD in case it's not painfully obvious.
Chuck Hargis
2024-06-02 04:39:53 +0000 UTCI liked watching this. I've been told by a handful of friends that have been diagnosed as being on the ASD spectrum. They all told me that I am very similar to them and they think I am also on the ASD spectrum. In knowing that I dove right in and did research. Now I had been debating whether I should go for a diagnosis at 21 years old. Can it help me at all? I don't know. I can say I made the change to where noise canceling headphones when I feel comfortable I can. As well as at work I wear ear plugs. Now I still struggle at work but a good bit less now. Any way this helped me confirm on my choice to get a diagnosis. My goal is to hopefully have some type of work accommodation.
Starr Lishman
2024-06-02 02:30:26 +0000 UTCI'm 59. Only 3 years ago did I learn I was autistic! It had never once occurred to me, or anyone I knew that I might be autistic. ADHD yes! And that was because... Wait for it... My first son being diagnosed as a touch of Asperger's 20+ years ago. Wife said, "wait, that's YOU!" But again, we only thought ADHD, because, well the preconceived ideas that my generation grew up with (thankfully things are changing). I was recently seeing a therapists for some other unrelated PTSD issues when they casually mentioned me being on the spectrum--they thought I knew, it was so obvious to them. I'm like "wait, WHAT?!" For my entire life I felt like I was on the outside looking in; and now I finally knew why! It was the biggest relief of my life! And now that I have been going down this rabbit hole for the last three years I frequently wonder why no one said anything, or noticed. And I wonder how my life might have been different had I known. But I will never know what I don't know. It was a different generation after all. But for these AITA questions, wondering if they should or shouldn't tell a significant other (or finding out if you are) in today's generation I would be pretty upset if someone kept that information from me (if it's me or a loved one); it really can make a difference in a person's quality of life! Especially if children are involved.
Scott Reynolds
2024-06-02 02:16:24 +0000 UTCAround 8:15—yeah, I’ve had exactly that feeling in other contexts. Like, I’ve put in the work to try to conform to social norms—but it didn’t really convince or help anyone. It’s like learning you were engaging in self-harm with extra steps.
Cecelia Alexander
2024-06-02 00:11:10 +0000 UTCOn the person not wanting to get tested: NTA. If the spouse is concerned, she needs to articulate very specific concerns. “You might be autistic” is not a concern. It’s incredibly vague and potentially very ignorantly presumptuous about what autism actually is.
shapeofsoup
2024-06-02 00:06:43 +0000 UTCI wish I’d known I was autistic much earlier, but since autism is stigmatized it’s hard to tell someone in a way that doesn’t sound like “something’s wrong with you”. And internalized ableism / internalized stigma about your own identity is a bitch.
Cecelia Alexander
2024-06-02 00:06:36 +0000 UTCI don't think any of them are assholes. The wife could always check for signs as their child grows. If she wants it done because she is afraid of how he would handle the transition to becoming a parent she should communicate that. I think everyone wants to help the wife because she's pregnant. Being pregnant is hard. If he has autism she might be taking care of him more than he realizes. The other girl isn't an asshole. The action of withholding something like that in a long-term relationship is more concerning for him. She probably wasnt given the support including the right information on it.
Simplyinfamous=D
2024-06-01 23:28:35 +0000 UTCGreat video! I was diagnosed at 7 yrs old, and it was a mixed bag of both the good and the bad. On one hand, I was put in social skills classes that helped me gain essential skills that I would not have been able to pick up without it. On the other hand, I definitely felt stigmatized by my peers and felt a heavy embarrassment about it for most of my younger years. Nowadays I only selectively disclose that I am autistic if I really trust someone. I have had relationships where everything is normal, but as soon as I disclose my autism, I am suddenly treated in a very infantilizing manner.
Jonathon
2024-06-01 23:01:14 +0000 UTCIt seems like people can’t help but see it in a medical context because we talk about getting a diagnosis and “diagnosis” is a very medical term. I do prefer the term “evaluation” to “test” for the process one goes through to get the diagnosis. I think the decision to get evaluated is solely the responsibility of the adult person who may or may not be autistic. But I think that if you do have an autism diagnosis and plan to marry somebody, it might be a good idea to let them know so that you can receive the accommodations you need for the rest of your life. Also, you would find out if that person was willing to accommodate you and give you the support you require for the long-term. If you don’t know this about yourself, of course you can’t tell anyone else so you would be in a situation of finding out together later on if you could. On the other hand, the person you are is the person you are and if you found someone who loves you, even with the things that you do that might be different from other people, they probably would not be surprised by a later diagnosis. That is how it was for me.
jenniferaslan
2024-06-01 23:00:57 +0000 UTC
