Will my Autism Diagnosis be Valid? | Autistic Advice #3
Added 2024-01-18 18:33:20 +0000 UTCDon't worry - it's not all about Christmas 😂😭 I was a bit ambitious thinking I could edit this before Christmas! But when you're PDA, any day can be Christmas, right? Except Christmas Day, maybe 😆
Thank you sooo much for sending these in and I hope you're all doing well! Lots more to come this month 💛🐌
Comments
Regarding diagnosis private/NHS (I am not from UK) was a surprise to me. In Denmark when you get referred, you are referred to private practicing psyciatrist, who work with the public healthcare, meaning, you will not pay for the diagnosis - but waiting list is 2-3 years. The state has a limit on how many providers can be under public healthcare, because it is paid through taxes and the state. If you go private who do not work with public healthcare, it is not much different, they maybe wanted to but were not in the quota for it, or they decided to be private to offer another choice besides the public route (which is ofc a question if a person can afford that). Not all of them are private practicing within public healthcare, some do work in actual hospitals where they do diagnosis, BUT in order to be referred to an actual department there, you need to be in a really critical state - yes, I know, it sounds super weird. But healthcare here is divided like that, where most clinics are part of public free healthcare, alongside hospitals that are there when the situation requires thourough examination, when it is more complicated case, or the provider in the clinics believe it would be best to be referred to the hospital rather than staying in a clinic or going to another one. That is a long explanation to say that here there doesn't seem to be that divide between being diagnosed within "NHS" or "public" healthcare, as all of them need accreditation from Danish Health Agency and the Psychiatrist union, and need to operate under same rules .
Martina-Eevee
2024-12-01 00:28:43 +0000 UTCI never really believed in Santa Clause but I loved the fun of it
A'niyah Holloway
2024-10-24 20:59:27 +0000 UTCIn Germany, it's actually I thing, that Santa comes during the afternoon/early evening of Christmas Eve either while you are in church or later and he visits you at home. Usually, it's some acquaintance, your child doesn't know well in a costume... to me as a child, that was completely terrifying. I was on edge days before Christmas and after my parents caught my praying before I went to sleep, that Santa would come during church, my parents switched to that narrative instead. When I came home from church and saw the presents already under the tree, I jumped around the house in joy, not because of the presents, but because Santa wouldn't come... :D
imgrundehella
2024-09-02 04:30:16 +0000 UTCI grew up believing in santa, up until my preteen years actually. my mom accidentally spilled the beans while watching a christmas movie with me, but despite being so old when i learned The Truth™ i still think its sweet to let kids believe in this kind of fantastical magical part of life because believing in magic was so important to me, being a depressed and repressed little autistic kid. i dont have kids, but i dont have a problem with other kids believing in santa, only if its for the magic of it. the manipulation and "he knows when youre sleeping" stuff is very creepy and should be gotten rid of
Petie
2024-07-08 14:43:12 +0000 UTCChristmas was never magical here lol, it's originally called Yule, and we still call it that (Jul), so it's a celebration of the coldest and darkest month where you eat and drink and party to your hearts content. And another thing I didn't know; that pig ribs aren't international christmas food lol. It stems from Yule where that was mostly the part that was eaten, and the other parts were conserved in other ways for the rest of the winter. My mom isn't from this country, and so she tried with the santa thing, but it's only decorations here, not an actual tradition of any kind so that didn't work out. Not many kids here believe in santa x)
Maria Grøndahl-Schwarz
2024-06-25 14:59:34 +0000 UTC*cue hysterical laughter in US citizen*
Jennie
2024-05-31 20:40:46 +0000 UTCI really like the way my mom handled Santa, which was with a sense of wonder and never guilt to behave. Santa gave me 3 presents and a stocking, and everything else was from my mom or other family. Santa and all other mythical beings had a different handwriting than my mom's usual handwriting, and used different wrapping paper -- commit to the bit! I also figured it out on my own and it then we... continued to pretend Santa was real. I said something like "I think Santa is more of a thing we all make together than a real individual person" when I "broke the news" to my mom. It felt like a game we were playing together, rather than a lie she got away with. I was getting presents from Santa up until our last Christmas together
Brianna B
2024-05-18 15:39:02 +0000 UTCI have strong feelings about the whole Santa thing, but not AS strongly-coherent of thoughts about it lol. I FEEL like it's bad and messed up, and if I ever had believed then found out I was lied to, I think I would have felt very betrayed and quite upset and frustrated and bewildered about the degree of casual dishonesty that was going on in the world. Luckily, I don't recall ever believing in Santa, I don't think my parents really were big on trying to get me to believe, although they did go along with the typical story I guess they just didn't really push it at all so it didn't feel significant or real? But the hardest thing for me is the whole... supposed to be playing along with not "ruining the magic" for kids, aka basically lying to them because someone else has asked me to. I'm really viscerally affronted at dishonesty in general, and have been mortified at the prospect of myself misleading someone else on the rare occasion it has accidentally turned out that way, and found myself desperate to openly correct the mistake, even if it was minor and nobody really cared either way lol. But yeah, the whole Santa thing triggers that for me. I also I have weird prickly feelings around the whole ritual of compulsory gift exchanging.
Jordan Curry
2024-04-15 09:19:18 +0000 UTCDang that's messed up, I feel like parents will say all kinds of wild stuff and not even think twice about it, not knowing that it affected us so deeply and differently from what they wanted. I'm sorry you had that experience, friend.
Jordan Curry
2024-04-15 09:13:33 +0000 UTC"Don't worry, that's just a random stranger with a bewilderingly strange aesthetic who's approaching you!"
Jordan Curry
2024-04-15 09:11:48 +0000 UTCYeah I feel like I would have felt very upset and betrayed had I ever believed in Santa in the first place, which I thankfully don't remember ever doing.
Jordan Curry
2024-04-15 09:09:17 +0000 UTCI'm sorry to hear your wife is struggling in this way, that sounds like it would be hard for me if I were in your shoes--I actually did have a spouse who was very much in denial toward me when I came out as trans, and it ended up being very hurtful and unfortunate for our relationship. I'm not saying that it's at all the same thing or that that's what's going to happen in your relationship by any means, I just am wishing you the best and curious how it's going now 3 months later and want to invite you to share if you want to!
Jordan Curry
2024-04-15 08:43:00 +0000 UTCTime Stamp: 8:45 I had a parent that accused me of being on good behavior for 2 weeks before Christmas in order to get more presents. They accused me of this sometime after Christmas where apparently I was being bad. I really felt hurt at that and was very absent for a while.
Violet4151
2024-04-12 19:36:55 +0000 UTCI had difficulties trusting my parents growing up (I knew they argued and tried to hide it) so finding out that I’d been lied to about Santa made me completely stop trusting my parents and telling them anything. Not having any adults you can trust when you’re five years old is a dangerous situation to be in. I can see why in a better home environment it might be fun, but knowing where the presents came from made my grandparents at least seem more welcoming to me. Lying to kids and expecting them to tell the truth can make an even bigger imbalance in power though so I ended up not really talking to my parents about anything serious as much as possible until more recently, and now they’re surprised they don’t know me at all. It just all piled up. So that’s my issue with it.
Tea Thief
2024-03-11 20:35:32 +0000 UTCIn 80's, when I was three years old, there was a Santa in a supermarket. He tried to come to say hello to me, but I was terrified. When mom told me Santa isn't real, I was relieved.
Racketty
2024-03-04 11:12:50 +0000 UTCMy mom said that I believed in Santa until I was nine.
Chuck Hargis
2024-02-11 00:22:01 +0000 UTCI refused to tell my child Santa was real. I figured out that Santa made no sense fairly early, but stubbornly refused to admit to myself that I didn't believe it, because my parents said he was real, and it seemed disloyal to doubt. When I finally confronted my mom with my suspicions (way later than I like to admit) and she admitted that I was right, and he wasn't real, I felt absolutely betrayed. I felt like I could no longer trust them. If they were willing to lie to me about something so stupid and trivial, what else would they lie about? It took me a few years to wrap my head around the fact that it was well intentioned, and not a sign of inherent untrustworthiness, lol. I used to think I was a weird child, but now it makes more sense.
Paula Roederer
2024-02-01 00:11:43 +0000 UTCYes, I used to be the worst for creating more stress by stressing about the stress 😂
I'm Autistic, Now What
2024-01-29 11:51:09 +0000 UTCYes on not fighting unwanted emotions! This technique was a game changer for me in dealing with high levels of anxiety and anger. The "I should not be this stressed, angry, anxious, because there in no good reason" voices were very unhelpful and made things worse. When I finally learned to say "hello anger/rage, you are allowed to be here, sit with me, would you like a cup of tea?" I could calm down more easily.
Emmy Noether
2024-01-21 20:57:52 +0000 UTCDo you think, you could give us timestamps for the questions? I would have liked to skip over the Christmas one. 😅
Emmy Noether
2024-01-21 20:45:39 +0000 UTCI've always had such a hard time with the Santa idea but until last year I thought it was because I was brought up a Jehovah's Witness so didn't do Christmas like everyone else. I remember being told as a child that Santa wasn't real but not to tell anyone else so we always felt like it was our little secret. With my children I try to keep the magic for them. My son is 9 now but asked me a few years ago if Santa was real, I turned the question back on him and asked him what he thought. He said he believed and then walked away, phew got out of that one, for now anyway.
Damaris Russell
2024-01-20 09:50:07 +0000 UTCThis topic about getting a private diagnoses is just what I have been wondering. I haven't seen the tiktoks or things like that, but now knowing those exist makes me rethink a bit. I definitely still want a professional diagnoses done, even though it will be expensive. I just NEED to know for myself. But yes, my fear is always going to be the imposter syndrome either way it goes. Even after a professional diagnoses it seems. Argh. Frustrating. I'm in the USA so it will be privately paid and expensive to do. But I guess still as I type through it that I really personally need it for my own mind. Thanks for doing the video on this, it really was helpful!
MistakenlyOdd
2024-01-20 02:12:03 +0000 UTCHonestly. It might be a good thing that you have the diagnosis (I am assuming confirmed by email/letter) but not on your medical records. When buying a house requesting life insurance they will look at your medical records. Autism really sets off alarm bells for them (for some strange reason?) I have been refused. If and when your life gets complicated on there is always the option to go to your GP later on and say "oh I have this letter of diagnosis, may I check that you hold it on file". In the meantime, the insurer can't say you were being fraudulent if the letter isn't on file. It wasn't your job to make sure it was sent. But then conversely, you can pull it out when you do need it 😉
Tim Tree Frog
2024-01-19 16:14:05 +0000 UTCwe were discouraged from believing in Santa and the other holiday characters in order to focus on religious belief, which failed anyway due to my inability to suspend factuality. i got my diagnosis at the VA medical center (USA), took a 20-minute phone interview, an e-mailed quiz, and a 30-minute in-person.
Otter Annason
2024-01-19 03:54:17 +0000 UTCI can sort of see the reasoning, from a business standpoint. Clinics are reviewed like restaurants now & they are rated online, people sharing their positive experiences. Someone that comes away with an answer they didn't like, will either not share a positive review, or give a negative one. I can also see a benefit to "cashing in" & diagnosing as many as possible, as quickly as possible. Maybe not doing a thorough job. On the other hand you put a LOT of time & effort into getting your qualifications, you want to be respected by your peers i imagine. Want to have job satisfaction & to me that autism puzzle piece. This is where it makes sense. Working out what the patient struggles with or not. Finding out how their minds operate, knowing everyone is different. Isn't that the ultimate puzzle? I imagine there would be quite a bit of job satisfaction working that out & it being of great help to people. And then there are the people that will have outdated knowledge. Which could be in the private & public systems. And i suppose you can't blame them. With the work loads they get, they probably don't have time to be trained, or the money (nhs). They are probably very used to standing by their opinions in full confidence. As it wouldn't give off a very profession hue if they did not. I tend to be quite an optimist, but also a realist. I know there will be the bad, but i generally think vast majority are going to be at least trying their best.
fo4URm
2024-01-19 00:32:59 +0000 UTCI was sooo happy and proud of myself for figuring out that it was my dad's handwriting that signed "From Santa" and for the rest of my life, even now, my parents still go "I don't know what you're talking about" in a joking tone whenever I bring up that story of, essentially, my detective special interest starting. the next couple years my parents got me the Nancy Drew video games and more detective style games/books for Christmas
Ellie Newton
2024-01-18 23:34:10 +0000 UTCI got a private diagnosis as well (US), and it’s also something that I felt. The ADHD diagnosis mills do exist here in the US as well, and the point of them is so that students can get accommodations and medications for schooling even if they don’t have ADHD so that they can gain an unfair advantage on exams (in effect, legalized cheating) and get stimulants. As university admissions for selective schools like Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, etc. require top scores, a lot of extracurricular activities, etc., getting medication even when not medically necessary helps a lot in terms of maintaining the energy involved to sustain that kind of extreme activity level, and is termed “academic doping”. Autism diagnosis should not have this issue as much, though I could see where a bogus diagnosis could be leveraged for accommodations which could be used as a way to “cheat” in school. I’m not sure why they wouldn’t just fake an ADHD diagnosis in that case though and get the medication on top of it. Of course, I was no longer in school when I got my diagnosis, so that doesn’t apply to me, but it’s both true that bogus diagnosis mills exist for ADHD, and that private autism diagnoses are generally correct.
Hanfei Wang
2024-01-18 22:36:34 +0000 UTCThe only way to get diagnosed as an adult in Ireland is to go private. Our public health service doesn't cover it. I don't understand how someone can say that your diagnosis is invalid if it has been carried out by a qualified professional. Doesn't matter if it's public or private.
Edel Margaret
2024-01-18 21:24:13 +0000 UTCHello Meg! Yes! it was me that had to wait for the the diagnosis! What they told me was going to be 3 weeks ended up being 9 weeks! (booo! X3) but I DID GET my official diagnosis at the ripe old age of 60 years old. I feel the weight of the world off my shoulders but now I need to get my wife onboard with the diagnosis as she was sure it wasn't and is in denial. Thanks for answering my question on your video.
Art LaVigne
2024-01-18 20:01:44 +0000 UTCMy parents told me that Santa Claus was a fun make-believe, but we still all pretended that some of the presents were "from Santa," and I didn't know exactly who in the family they were from. I absorbed the meaning of the Santa Claus stories as that we should all be kind and loving and giving. Knowing that Santa wasn't a real person saved me from the trauma of sitting on a stranger's lap at the mall!
Kira Barnes
2024-01-18 19:49:47 +0000 UTCI also got a diagnosis privately (with psychiatry UK, through the right to choose system. I just about managed to get referred i think it was a month or so before they shut right to choose referrals for autism, so i got lucky) and I have a similar fear of my diagnosis not being as "valid". I know my diagnosis is valid, but i'm more scared of others not seeing it that way. Also, because of things getting complicated with me moving back home after being referred and changing GP clinics, I worry that things might have been sent to the wrong place (probably me being paranoid, but i never heard anything from my GP regarding the autism diagnosis, so whether thats just because they had nothing to say in regards to it, or because they never actually recieved it, I don't know) and so I fear that it might not be on my records if it needs to be in the future, so thats where things get complicated, however so far my diagnosis has not really had any use to me beyond just bringing me some peace of mind, so I don't think it's worth my time trying to persue one with the NHS for now. The NHS truly is a mess, and one day if i can get the money for it i think i would consider going private for other health issues too, because i've tried with the NHS and they really haven't helped me out much, and especially as an autistic person who struggles to put up a fight and advocate for myself, i'm getting nowhere. I feel like private services might be the only way to get any actual help with these health issues, but its either that or I just try again with the NHS and use up all my energy on fighting and advocating for myself. I wish the NHS was better funded by the government because then we wouldn't be having these issues, but of course, we all know the government is slowly and intentionally starving the NHS until we have no option but to all go private.
I AGoodWasteOfTime I
2024-01-18 19:27:52 +0000 UTCI am sort of torn on the whole santa claus thing, because for me, as a child, it made christmas extra magical, and more exciting than it is for an adult (or is it just the unfortunate consequence of growing up and not related to santa?? who knows). I found out myself because i was a nosy child and was snooping around and accidentally saw a present i ended up recieving later from "santa". I still believed in it to a rather embarrassingly late age, but hey, at least i got a few more magical christmases while i still believed lol. I wouldn't say i think santa should be used as a sort of disciplinary thing. the whole "have you been good?" thing, i don't think, at least in my eyes, that's what santa is about. Also, I can see how the santa thing can backfire when kids of different backgrounds interact, and theres then a child from a less well off family might start thinking "how come santa got them this expensive thing but he didn't give me as much?" and that could be very not fun for a kid. Theres positives and negatives, i suppose.
I AGoodWasteOfTime I
2024-01-18 18:53:29 +0000 UTC
