Latex demon sketch p1-2
Added 2024-07-28 09:19:45 +0000 UTCOk page 1 and 2 of the sketch draft. Decied to go for a bit longer version of the story idea since it's a demon lord story anyway.
Feel free to give a suggestion or correct my dialouge. I'm reallu appreciate you guy help!
Comments
While we are in the busness of correcting things . . . "Feel free to give a suggestion or correct my dialouge. I'm reallu appreciate you guy help!" Should be; "Feel free to give a suggestion or correct my dialouge. I really appreciate your help!"
Ariadne
2024-08-05 00:25:47 +0000 UTCAaah…not exactly but close enough to a Demon Lord follow, I look forward to it, Gilda and her Allies design look just as good as ever and I’m sure the wait will be well worth it😁!
MagicCobra911
2024-07-30 16:04:34 +0000 UTCCannot wait the girlfriend make her boy felling
淳茗 唐
2024-07-30 05:43:01 +0000 UTCGreat lineart, as for grammar: in to should just be into. And Gilda Always take care of her friend, so just an s at the end of take and friend. For the last panel where it says deep in ash forest you could have it as the ash forest, though I'm not sure if it's called Ash Forest or something like that. the bit where the mountain tribe warrior says can you demon hunter hurry up? just an s at the end of hunter should do, though I don't know if he's referring to more than one person. No doubt I've been outclassed but other than that it's great, I always love anything Gilda so keep it up.
Corington
2024-07-29 04:12:37 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 Page 1: What TREACHERY IS this!?” “What is this FOUL CREATURE!?” “Answer me … ! Gilda!” “TEE-HEE, guilty as charged.” “Since you TOOK such good care of THIS poor refugee Gilda, how COULD I not return THE favor?” “Wha!?” “But HERE'S SOME advice from an ex-paladin. You really need to be more wary of OUTSIDERS … especially the cute ones.” Page 2: "Too bad for you, human. Our one true Goddess came back early, HEE-HEE!" "AWW, don't fret! You're about to join the winning team!" "See? I, GILDA, always take care of MY friends …" A few weeks later, DEEP WITHIN THE Ash Forest Can you INQUISITORS hurry up? We must reach ITS lair before nightfall. The uppercase words are the dialogue that needs to be changed. You need more than grammar, you need to understand TONE for each character to make the medieval demon lord world feel alive and under immersion.
Arthur Yeung
2024-07-28 17:36:31 +0000 UTCThank you! I love that you also teach me english grammar too.
ibenz009
2024-07-28 16:35:14 +0000 UTCFormat: Original quote ↴ Modified quote with [notes] ↴ Modified quote without notes. Notes shown in [square brackets] Multiple possible modifications shown in {curly brackets / braces} ―――――――――― Church: "Did you... Did you lure me in to a trap!?” ↴ "Did you… Did you lure me into [‘into’ is one of those annoying words which can trip you up. If talking about moving inside, ‘into’ is usually the correct one.] a trap!?” ↴ "Did you… Did you lure me a trap!?” Gilda: “Since you take such a good care of this poor refugee Gilda. How can I not return a favor.” ↴ “Since {you took / you’ve taken} [Past tense.] such [‘a’/‘an’ is needed when referring to a single item of some collection (‘an apple’), however, importantly, that item needs to be countable. Consider, ‘I’d like a water’ (incorrect), ‘I’d like water’ (correct), ‘I’d like a glass of water’ (correct, since ‘glass’ is countable).] good care of this poor refugee, Gilda, [2 things here: First we merge the second clause ‘how can I…’ with the prior one as they are related. Then, we place commas before and after Gilda, as she is being addressed and you always put commas before and after addressing someone in a sentence.] how can [This ISN’T past tense. She’s offering something in the present] I not return the [While ‘a’ was grammatically correct, ‘returning the favor’ would be the more common parlance for this situation.] favor?” [This a rhetorical question (a question without expecting an answer). They usually end in a question mark, but in certain circumstances they can end in other punctuation. This is not one of those times.] ↴ “Since {you took / you've taken} such good care of this poor refugee, Gilda, how can I not return the favor?” Gilda: “But some advice from an ex-paladin. You really need to be more wary of an outsider.” ↴ “But some advice from an ex-paladin: [This should be a colon; she’s introducing an elaboration.] You really need to be more wary of outsiders.” [While ‘an outsider’ is grammatically correct, presumably she’s referring to any outsider and therefore should instead be ‘outsiders’.] ↴ “But some advice from an ex-paladin: You really need to be more wary of outsiders.” Church: “Wha!?” ↴ “Wha—!?” [Em dash to denote interruption.] ↴ “Wha—!?” Gilda: “Especially the cute one.” ↴ “Especially the cute ones.” [For the same reason it’s ‘outsiders’ and ‘an outsider’, it’s ‘cute ones’ not ‘cute one’.] ↴ “Especially the cute ones.” Gilda: “Too bad for you human. Our one true goddess came back early heh heh heh.” ↴ “Too bad for you, human, [Like before, the following clause is related to the one before, so we merge them. And then, even though it’s not a name, we’re stilling addressing someone, so, comma before and after.] our one true goddess came back early. Heh heh heh” ↴ “Too bad for you, human, our one true goddess came back early. Heh heh heh” Gilda: “See? Gilda always take care of her friend.” ↴ “See? Gilda always takes [Return of the Simple Present. If the pronouns ‘I’, ‘you’, ‘we’, ‘they’ were used, then it would be ‘take’ (e.g., ‘they take care’), but for everything else, verbs are modified.] care of her friends.” [Presumably she has more than one friend.] ↴ “See? Gilda always takes care of her friends. (Comic): “Few week later deep in Ash Forest” ↴ “{A few weeks / Weeks} [Whereas previously we had an ‘a’ when we didn’t need one, we need one here. It’s ‘a few…’, but if we drop the ‘few’, then it just becomes ‘Weeks’. Regardless, it was multiple weeks, so the plural should be used.] later, deep {in The Ash Forest / in Ash Forest}.” [Technically, if ‘Ash Forest’ is a proper noun, it doesn’t need an article (‘the’), however, certain places often include ‘The’ as part of their title. In this instance I would recommend it, but it is not necessary.] ↴ “{A few weeks / Weeks} later, deep {in The Ash Forest / in Ash Forest}.” Fang: “Can you demon hunter hurry up.” ↴ {“Demon hunter, can you hurry up?” / “Can you hurry up, demon hunter?” / “Can you demon hunters hurry up?”} [Bit of an awkward one. One doesn’t tend to address someone in the middle of a clause (compare this to previous usage of addressing, where the address takes place between two clauses, this is just one clause bisected by an address). The address should be moved to either the start or the end (and, as always, commas before and after). Alternatively, if it’s a group, and not an address to a specific person, having it in the middle is fine. Lastly, this is another rhetorical question, and again, one which should ideally end with a question mark.] ↴ {“Demon hunter, can you hurry up?” / “Can you hurry up, demon hunter?” / “Can you demon hunters hurry up?”} Fang: “We must reach it’s lair before night fall.” ↴ “We must reach its [Classic trip up. ‘its’ is the possessive (‘The dog has its toy)’. ‘It’s’ is a contraction of ‘it is’ (‘It’s a girl!’).] lair before nightfall.” [‘Nightfall’ is one word.] ↴ “We must reach its lair before nightfall.”
trigger_portal_cleanser
2024-07-28 16:24:58 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 So will the Church guard die?
Arthur Yeung
2024-07-28 15:49:29 +0000 UTClooking forward to the rest
Pascal
2024-07-28 15:04:29 +0000 UTCThis is going to get very interesting. Looking forward to seeing the new demons.
Benjamin Francis
2024-07-28 11:01:06 +0000 UTCYou know that time where there's a food that deep down in your soul you know you absolutely hate? And when you are forced to eat it you discover you love it? Replace 'food' with 'demon' and 'eat it' to 'transform into'.
Hojo Norem
2024-07-28 10:44:40 +0000 UTCvery safe to say you very much enjoy Gilda.
ChaosOverlordZ
2024-07-28 10:34:20 +0000 UTCI hope that the transformed can be in shock at there new body’s and that the mental transformation doesn’t fully take hold of them.
CrazedGamma1721
2024-07-28 09:46:34 +0000 UTCOkay but human Gilda is so cute!
StarGazer
2024-07-28 09:23:03 +0000 UTC
