Jesse's Late Night Visit, PT. 2

He cursed the colorful Christmas lights that mom and Violet had strung around her room. He would have preferred the room to be completely dark. Then, he could move about without being detected. If she opened her eyes, there was nowhere for him to hide. Thankfully, Violet tended to be a heavy sleeper, but there was always a chance that she could wake like she had when he left the tent to jerk off. The fact that she’d actually woken up still haunted him… and now here he was, risking it all because he was an addict in need of a bigger hit. He was in a downward spiral and didn’t know how to stop it.

He approached the bed cautiously, blood rushing through his veins, making his skin itchy and hot. His ears were pulsing, and he was starting to sweat. This was dangerous. This could end catastrophically if he was caught… but he needed this, needed her so badly, he couldn’t think straight.

 At dinner, she had a glass of egg nog. When some of it dribbled down her chin, he’d actually reached under the table to wrap around his hardening cock before he remembered where he was. All night, it was like she was purposely teasing him. When they were watching TV, she started doing these crazy yoga stretches in front of him before mom asked for her help with some crafts for her kindergarteners. He excused himself to masturbate in his room, only to have Violet interrupt to ask him to get something out of storage and then barge in a second time for help with her math homework.

He held his breath as he took her in. Violet lay on her side facing him. She wore a pink long sleeve shirt and cupped her face in the palm of her hand. His mouth quirked. She was adorable. He listened to the rhythm of her deep, even breaths and found himself matching her. Amazingly, his clamoring demons began to settle. Maybe being near her was enough.

Violet let out a little moan that made him stiffen. Her legs shifted restlessly under the covers before she flipped to her back. The colorful Christmas lights gilded her face, highlighting her full lips, which were slightly parted and her rising and falling chest, which had grown two cup sizes.

Even as he called himself every vile name he could think of, he sank his hand into his sweats and began to stroke himself. It didn’t take long. Being in her room and seeing her face instead of just conjuring it up in his mind sent him soaring over the edge. I’m going to hell, he thought as his climax hit. He bit his lip to stop his groan and staggered at the sheer intensity of it. He put his hand out to brace himself before he realized he would jostle the bed and wake her. Terror made him light on his feet. Swiftly, he righted himself and backed into the bathroom without taking his eyes from her. He closed the door and waited several seconds to make sure he was in the clear before he once more turned on the light.

He stared at the closed door for a few seconds, unable to believe what he’d just done. He was panting as if he’d run ten miles, and he was covered in sweat. Slowly, he turned and stared at himself in the mirror. He’d just crossed another line, one that could put him behind bars. He dragged his hands down his face as he swore to himself he would never do such a thing again.

Cursing himself, he stripped off his shirt, sweats, and ruined underwear and stepped into the tub. He tipped his face up to the hot spray. His behavior was escalating at an alarming rate. He was scaring himself. He was doing things he would have killed another guy for. He didn’t know loving someone could make him feel so liberated and sick, so desperate, that he was willing to risk anything to get a few hours of relief.

He braced his hand on the wall and bowed his head. His father had drummed into him the importance of discipline, integrity, and honor. All of that had fallen to the wayside once he realized he was in love with Violet. But that didn’t justify all the lines he was crossing. At least he hadn’t touched her… Just the thought of it made his cock harden once more. His inner sicko urged him to go back. The likelihood of her waking wasn’t high. He could get one more hit… Looking wouldn’t hurt anyone, and she would be none the wiser.

He cut off the water with a vicious twist. What the hell was happening to him? Should he get help? The thought of broaching such a topic with Isaac or his mom made his stomach twist. They wouldn’t understand, and would they tell Violet? That sent a bolt of panic through him. He didn’t want to destroy what they had. He would rather have her platonic love and affection than to have her look at him with pity or worse, have her distance herself from him because she didn’t feel the same.

Sometimes when she looked at him, he thought he saw something more. He couldn’t act on it unless he was one hundred percent sure, and he wasn’t. Being in the constant presence of someone he was desperately in love with made it impossible to move forward. He was in purgatory, burning, and starting to lose it. He’d started giving her side hugs so she wouldn’t feel what she was doing to him.

He turned off the water and slicked back his hair. What was he going to do? Now that his mind wasn’t clouded with desperate lust, his mind supplied him with the obvious answer. If he couldn’t have the girl he wanted, he had to find another. Even though the thought was abhorrent, what would be even worse is if in his desperation, he did something unforgivable that ruined not just his and Violet’s relationship, but their family. He had to redirect his fixation for both their sakes. It was the only sane solution.

**This is a raw draft of the prequel for Corrupt Idol. Please do not share or distribute.

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