This Quest is Bullshit - Chapter 147

Chapter 147 -What Are Ancient Deadly Ruins For If Not Quiet Self-Reflection?

Alvin sent them on their way with packs newly brimming with cloth wrapped bundles of bacon, sausage, crepes, and other goodies to keep them exceptionally well fed over the coming days. Against his protests, Eve paid in gold.

Wes and Preston had justifiably spent the rest of breakfast—brinner? The party had lost track of time since entering the ruin, and had honestly thought it to be early evening—fawning over each other while Eve asserted the extent of her significant willpower stopping herself from making crude jokes at their expense. That would be her engagement present to them, a few hours without any dick jokes.

The fact they’d been awake for going on twenty hours combined with the ungodly quantity of pancakes each and every party member had consumed made for the unanimous decision to stop for a few hours of well needed sleep. Reginald provided the framework for it all.

Wes and Preston slept in each others arms, leaning back against the soft warmth of the drake’s rising and falling belly. Art, meanwhile, sprawled out on top of Reginald’s side, arms and legs flopping out in every direction as he slumbered. In their many travels together, Eve had seen this Reginald-centric sleeping configuration a number of times, and had made a few… observations.

The first, of course, was just how absurdly comfortably they all looked, the second, how gosh-darned cute they all were.

The third was that Art snored like a Managorged bear.

Night by night, Eve could only stare in awe at the boy’s ability to emit sound far greater than any being his size should’ve been capable of, especially one who hadn’t physically spoken a word in the nearly two years they’d known each other. Reginald, in contrast, slept silently, even if the size of his lungs required he move a significant amount of air with each breath.

Eve, taking the ever important duty of watch while her companions slumbered in the middle of a dungeon, sat back against the stone wall just next to the ornate side door that had once led to Alvin’s pancake shop. The only other member of their party that didn’t need sleep floated over.

“Hi, Lumy,” Eve said, keeping her voice low to avoid disturbing the sleeping adventurers. “How’s the dungeon been treating you so far?”

The three floating lights, unable to communicate without Art or Preston to translate, blinked.

“That’s good,” Eve replied, having no idea what Lumy had just said. “You missed out with the pancakes. Alvin’s cooking is the best.”

Lumy’s upper light blinked a single, sorrowful time.

“Yeah,” Eve said, “being incorporeal sucks sometimes. I’ve been there.” She looked down at herself. “Not permanently, of course, but still…”

Lumy’s lower left flickered twice, once blue and once green.

Eve liked to think that after countless nights alone with the phantasmal remnant, she’d picked up some idea what Lumy meant when specific lights flashed in specific ways. She didn’t.

“Yeah,” Eve exhaled, running a hand through her chestnut hair. It was getting a bit long again. She’d have to ask Preston for a haircut once they were out of the dungeon.

Lumy said nothing.

The pair sat in silence for some time, staring off across the enchanted floor listening to Art snore. There was something eminently peaceful about it all, about the excitement of the day coming to a close in such an overwhelming display of affection. Eve wondered how long it would all last.

“I worry about them, you know,” she finally said. “Not… not really about their safety, though you’d think that’d be the scariest part of all this. I don’t know. I guess part of me just can’t really fathom the idea of anything bad happening to them. Another part knows…” Eve let out a breath. “I have faith in us. We’ve all survived through so much random bullshit so far, I just know that no matter what happens, we’ll be able to get through it. We’ll figure it out. Hells, even Alex isn’t gone, and I’m more worried that she or us will do something to hurt somebody else than that we’re not gonna get her back. We will.”

All three of Lumy’s lights flickered in turn, creating a sort of cycling effect.

“It’s the same with Wes’s Vessel class,” Eve said, interpreting Lumy’s response as a gesture to continue. “I know we’ll figure it out, and I know he’ll be okay. I’m just worried that…” She trailed off.

Lumy went dark in silent anticipation.

“If Art’s dad can’t help him, Wes is going to retire from adventuring. He’s said as much. And he’s right to. He’s earned more than enough money to live comfortably for the rest of his life without ever stepping into eyeshot of a fire. There just isn’t a good enough reason for him to risk continuing. This whole thing with Alex and the chess pieces and all that… I can figure that out on my own.”

Lumy blinked once, flashing a deep crimson red.

For a moment Eve tensed before allowing the strain to fall away. “I just don’t want to.”

The two went silent again, one for lack of a mouth with which to speak, the other for lack of words that seemed worth saying. Instead they sat, watching the rise and fall of Reginald’s belly. That was the nice thing about these talks with Lumy. The phantasmal remnant never rushed her to say what was on her mind.

“If Wes retires,” Eve finally managed, “Preston’s gonna go with him. That’s a given. And where Preston goes, Reginald goes. Art’ll be with his dad, and I imagine you’ll follow Preston too, since he’s why you’re here in the first place.”

Lumy flashed yellow.

“I know, I know,” Eve said, knowing nothing. “I’m just worrying. There are so many ifs in this scenario it’s barely even worth bringing up. I just…” Eve swallowed. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Lumy blinked in three dozen tones of exasperation, none of which meant anything to Eve.

“You know what? You’re right. I won’t be alone. Alex is still out there, and even if it takes a while to get her and us out of this proxy war, we’re not the only adventurers in the world. There are all sorts of groups out there. One of them has gotta be looking for a melee dps.”

Lumy twinkled like three distant stars.

“Yeah, I know I still Appraise as an Emissary, but I also bring a lot to the table. I have access to the Dragonwrought vault and job board, I’ve got some pretty lucrative-looking secondary quests going on, and I could probably shatter a mountain if I wanted too. Oh, I’m also level ninety-fucking-one. I think they’ll figure it out.”

Lumy flashed purple in what Eve assumed to be laughter.

She smiled. “That does leave me to wonder what’ll happen when I hit a hundred. Emissary is a tier 4 class, but I kinda doubt any have made it to tier 5. I don’t think anybody makes it to tier 5 without a Unique class. What would the tier 5 version of Emissary even be?”

Lumy flared a rather unpleasant shade of brown.

Eve snorted. “Yeah, talk about missing the point. You’re right, though. I’m an accomplished adventurer and any party would be lucky to have me. I’ll be okay.” She paused once more to look over her sleeping friends. “I’m gonna miss them, though.”

The phantasmal remnant didn’t respond.

“Thanks. I needed to hear that,” Eve said, having heard nothing. “I’m gonna miss you too, you know. If Wes does retire, that is. These talks have been a huge help.”

Lumy could only flash her endless repertoire of colors desperately hoping to somehow communicate that Eve had completely misinterpreted almost every single thing she’d tried to say.

Eve just let out a sigh, letting the conversation come to an end. Together they sat their, having tried and failed to truly communicate yet still somehow coming out the other end better for it. So it was that Eve, her fears and worries somewhat assuaged for the time being, sat back, folded her hands behind her head, and settled in for the night.

——

[Alert!] Spatial Incursion Ended.

Alex blinked away the notification as whatever had bored a portal through the ruin’s enchantments went away. She was starting to wonder if this was a good idea.

It was them. It had to be them. Nobody else had any method or reason to find the Crown. Still, the message gave her pause. She knew some time had passed since her last confrontation with Eve, but last she’d checked, opening inter-dimensional portals had been beyond the plucky Defiant.

It didn’t make sense. Carly had promised her Eve and the gang had been wasting the last year on wild goose chases meant to distract them. The ability to teleport should’ve been far beyond anything a random tertiary quest could bestow. Maybe it had something to do with those weird lights that’d started following them around.

Whatever Carly said of Eve, Alex had been productive over the last year. She still wielded her rootweaver’s pike, of course, but she’d given up her leather armor for an ebonsteel set she’d earned in exchange for helping a dwarven stronghold defend itself from a rockwurm incursion.

The reflective black metal seemed to stay polished no matter how many nights she slept in it, and the silvery mithril trim made her look rather impressive if she did say so herself, not that she’d ever admit to caring about such things. Her tower shield had been a gift from Carly, the dark obsidian matching well with the sheen of her armor.

She Beneath the Earth, or Carly as her friends and employees knew her, had a reputation for being stingy with such rewards. After Eve had escaped Avendreth Manor by pulling some absolute bullshit right out of her ass, it had taken Alex over a month of perilous adventuring just to work herself back into Carly’s good graces. It had taken two more to accomplish anything worthy of a reward.

Fortunately, Eve wasn’t the only one with some bullshit prepared.

While Alex had absolutely embarked on more dangerous and rewarding quests over the past year than Eve had, Alex’s life quest had already wrapped up, while Eve’s continued to deliver absurdly large heaps of exp on a regular basis. The Defender might’ve railed at the unfairness of it all, but Alex knew well enough that if she hadn’t completed her life quest when she had, she never would’ve survived that cave in with the lithodemons. She wasn’t bitter. Nope. Not at all.

As if on cue, something began vibrating on the other side of Alex’s camp. With a sigh, she grabbed it and held it to her ear.

“Hello?”

The Defender couldn’t fathom why someone would choose two halves of an oyster shell as the holder for their communications enchantment, but she couldn’t deny the value of it as she spoke into her half. She just wished it’d stop leaving her pack smelling of dead fish.

“Is there an update?” Carly’s voice came through deep and gravelly as ever. “It’s been a while since you reported the Mana leaks.”

“They’re taking their sweet time,” Alex replied, her words going over clear despite the din around her. “But they’ve gotta be close. There’s no way they leave without coming down here.”

“Very good. Contact me when they arrive.”

“I will,” Alex breathed. She didn’t want to do this. Gods, she didn’t want to do this. She had to. After everything she’d heard, after everything she’d seen, she couldn’t stand idly by. Even now she held out quiet hope that she could talk Eve over to her side, but she knew her odds were slim. Hells, the girl’s stubbornness was the stuff of legends, literally if her class was any indicator. She could only hope Carly would give her the chance she needed. Chances, really.

Alex inhaled, the stench of the enchanted oyster shell causing her nose to crinkle. “She won’t get away this time.”

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