Nero Walker, Book 4 Ch.69 (300)

With the end of the battle nearing, and the fighting tapering off, Mike had come over to see what had caught everyone’s attention.  Not wanting to interrupt, he’d taken a seat among the crowd, keeping his head down.  For nearly an hour he’d listened, enraptured by what he was hearing.

Mike knew that he’d never been all that much of an intellectual.  Not because he didn’t like learning or schooling in general, but because he’d always preferred the practical application of knowledge over the theoretical.  He was focused on the real, material world around him, and high-concept considerations like politics and science weren’t something he concerned himself with.  Consequently, he’d never been part of a conversation like the one he was currently listening to.

For the first time in his life, all those fancy discussions he’d been ignoring for years on the Thought Hub now seemed relevant.  Topics like level disparity and inclusion, societal obligation and duty, he could see now how they had always affected his place in the world.  He’d just never before realized how much.  But, no longer were these topics just something more important people had to deal with, now that he was a Wacko… he’d become worthy of having an opinion of his own.

He was both excited and terrified to find himself being part of something that truly mattered.

While these thoughts churned in the back of his head, his attention remained locked on the two sides standing across from each other.  Along with many others, he was sitting and listening to them both defending their positions.  While he, himself, didn’t yet know he felt about what they were discussing, it was still very exciting just hearing them discuss it.

“I’m not arguing that nobles don’t have a duty to the city they live in.  Of course they do.  I’m just contending that House Walker should not be considered a noble house of the city!  And therefore, it has no intrinsic duty to deal with the trials which are currently affecting Dorchester as a whole,” one of the people in the middle of the conversation circle declared loudly.

Mike was reasonably sure the woman who was talking was named Irene Pascel, a former soldier who’d served under Group Leader Angelton in the army.  From what he’d seen, she was both well-spoken and enthusiastic in her beliefs.  He found her immensely impressive.

Before Irene’s opponent could offer their rebuttal, Team Leader Richardson interrupted them.  He’d been acting as the moderator of the conversation, ensuring that whoever chose to participate didn’t get out of hand.

“Let’s do our best to stay on topic.  What’s under consideration isn’t whether or not House Walker should stay and defend Dorchester, but what we as Wackos should consider our governing principles.  Lord Walker has stated that we are to be adventurers, not mercenaries.  So, if the rumors are proven true, and Lord Walker is banned from participating in the fighting, the question we’re currently discussing is whether or not we have a duty to request to continue fighting without him?” Team Leader Richardson asked.

Dramatically rolling her eyes in an attempt to make sure everyone knew how unhappy she was with Team Leader Richardson’s interruption, Irene replied loudly, “The matter of social responsibility is intricately involved in that discussion!  The point I was trying to make was that the Wackos are not a typical example of a household force.  Yes, Lord Walker is a noble, but he is also a unique.  House Walker itself is an extension of his will.  We pledged our lives to follow him.  Whether you want to call us conscripted mercenaries under his rule, or fellow adventurers under his leadership, either way… Where he goes, we follow.  That is what I believe it means to be a Wacko!  So, that should be where our ‘governing principles’ begin and end.”

Mike found himself nodding along to what she was saying.  He couldn’t help but agree with her, but on the other hand, he thought the other side had a point.  It wouldn’t be right for them to just disregard the safety of the people if they were truly intending to live up to Lord Walker’s noble ideas of what it meant to be an adventurer.

As expected, Irene’s opponent, Eric Holden, immediately replied, “But we are responsible for setting the standard!  Lord Walker himself has made it clear that he values our opinions.  How many times has he reminded us that we need to put ourselves and our ideals before everything else.  Our paths need to be our own, and not something dictated by anyone else.  As adventurers, are we not duty bound to seek out the closest trials and face them?  In the future, adventurers will look back on us and follow our example.  If we’re nothing more than mindless followers of Lord Walker, then what makes us different than any other noble house’s forces?”

Scowling, Irene barked, “Are you proposing that if Lord Walker were to ask us to leave Dorchester, you would refuse?”

Seemingly offended, Eric replied, “Not at all!  My point is only that we should have an opinion, a guiding doctrine that will act as an example for all those who choose to follow in our footsteps!  Lord Walker shall always lead us, but if we don’t have a solid reasoning to follow him, we will fall behind… getting lost along the way.”

Team Leader Richardson, performing his self-appointed job, interjected, “So, what Mr. Holden is proposing is that regardless of what Lord Walker eventually orders us to do, we should follow him while separating the issue of how we feel about it from our concept of service?”

Nodding emphatically, Eric replied, “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.  The issue isn’t whether or not we should follow Lord Walker, the issue is that we shouldn’t be blindly obedient.  I’m aware that I’m not explaining it well, but I think the point I’m trying to make is important.”

Mike, somewhat unwilling to call attention to himself, felt the need to say something.  It felt like a burning coal sitting in his center, urging him to stand up and be heard.

Awkwardly, he rose to his feet and asked, “Uh… Excuse me, may I say something?”

Eyes around the circle turned to him, along with the two groups of debaters in the center.  Team Leader Richardson stepped forward, easily recognizing how nervous Mike seemed to be with everyone looking at him.

“Of course you can, Mr. Harring.  As the appointed leader of the redeemed ex-criminal faction among us, you have every right to be heard,” he said.

Still uncomfortable with the incredibly important position he’d somehow found himself in, Mike felt his cheeks reddening from hearing the team leader bring up his efforts to reform those Wackos who’d had less than honorable pasts.

“Right… Well, as I’m sure you’ve heard me say many times before, I believe with all my heart that Lord Walker is worth following.  And the idea of what an adventurer actually is should be up to him to decide.  He came up with the term, after all.  So, while I think there is some… ‘merit’ I guess… in discussing what it means to be an adventurer and how the Wackos as a group should behave, I think the question of what our duty to Dorchester and the public is a personal matter and shouldn’t be something we consider for the Wackos as a whole.  I mean, however you want to feel about something is up to you, right?  Lord Walker has said that the journey of an adventurer is one we take alone, and while all Wackos should be adventurers… they don’t necessarily have to agree with one another, they just have to be capable of working together under the Walker’s leadership,” Mike offered somewhat awkwardly.

A loud voice caught everyone’s attention when it shouted, “Not all that well said, but I think we all get your point.  You’re saying that we should feel free to have an opinion, but not to forget our duty!”

Everyone, Mike included, turned their heads to watch Lord Walker slipping through the edges of the seated crowd, making his way toward the center with a smile on his face.

—--

After having replaced those awful field rations with the tasty-stew from his personal space, Nero returned to the conversation circle he’d abandoned.  The closer he got to where they were, the more he could tell that the format of their discussions had evolved into something resembling a forum.  Opposing teams had taken their places across from each other, and someone had stepped up to play mediator between them.

Having instinctually reduced his presence in the ether, Nero had no trouble hiding himself at the edges of the crowd.  With the majority of them sitting down and staying quiet, it was easy for him to listen in on what they were currently talking about.

No longer discussing kingdom level politics, they had now begun to challenge the topic of what it meant to be a Wacko.  Clearly, they were having trouble understanding Nero’s somewhat contradictory methods of leadership.  He couldn’t really blame them for that, as he rarely paid attention to what he was saying.  In a way, it was their fault for listening to him.

Nevertheless, he listened closely, immediately recognizing the central problem.  As a leader, he hadn’t been all that keen on leading them.  Many times he’d told them to think for themselves, going so far as to imply that the only way they’d progress in their levels is if they learned to take charge of their lives and start thinking for themselves.  But, the problem was that their society was inherently based around order, not even taking into account the inherent structuralized nature of the Wackos themselves.

So, in a way, Nero had been practically inciting social rebellion within his ranks, or in other words…organizing an anarchy movement.  Looking back on how he’d been behaving, he found it somewhat funny… and also totally oxymoronic.

On the plus side, he’d initially come over here to hear their opinions on what he should do when he got back to Dorchester.  So, it was a pleasant surprise, and more than a little convenient to hear that they were already debating that very subject.

Interrupting them, he shouted, “Not all that well said, but I think we all get your point.  You’re saying that everyone should feel free to have their own opinion, but not to forget their duty!”

While watching his step, he made his way through the seated crowd toward where the main participants of the debate were currently standing.

No longer all that intimidated by the feeling of so many people focusing on him, Nero began thinking out loud.  “I know that I’ve said that it’s important to think for yourselves, and that the best way to level is to metaphorically chart your own path, but the lady on the left made a good point.  No group can function properly if everyone is constantly disagreeing with each other.”

Arriving near the center, Nero noticed the guy who’d been advocating for individual freedoms slumping his shoulders.

For Nero, it felt completely at odds with who he was as a person to be the one championing for unity as a platform.  He’d always been a proponent of chaos.  Challenging the establishment and being part of the ‘opposition’ was inherent to his identity.  But, now that he was faced with the sight of an opposition party being formed against him, he felt like he was caught between a rock and a hard place.

If everyone truly went their own way, their little slice of society couldn’t function.  The Wackos would no longer be a unified force, and instead they would be a gaggle of people who occasionally worked together only when it suited them.  Was that what he wanted?  He honestly didn’t know.  Up until right now, he hadn’t given all that much thought to how he actually wanted the Wackos to function.

Running his hands through his hair in thought, Nero continued talking, “Look.  I don’t have all the answers.  Seriously, I don’t.  You all seem to think that I have some great wisdom to impart to you, but you need to understand that I’ve been just winging it.  I don’t know how many times I’ve told you that I’m not leader material.”

The guy who’d been acting as a mediator stepped forward, introducing himself, “My lord, I’m not sure if you remember me, but my name is Tobias Richardson.  I’ve been fighting alongside you since we were up in the mountains.”

Nero nodded as if he did, not remotely remembering the man but nonetheless eager to move the conversation along.

“Well, the issue we were addressing was whether or not the Wackos as a whole should develop a code of conduct.  Normally house forces are simply there to serve the interests of their lord, but you’ve made it clear that you wish more for us.  So, we thought it might be a good idea to discuss how we see ourselves,” he said, sounding both somewhat proud and cautious concerning how Nero might feel about the subject.

Eager to demonstrate her loyalty, Irene said, “My lord, I am Irene Pascel, and I agree with what Mr. Harring said.  How we individually feel about things isn’t relevant.  Wackos exist to serve you, my lord.  And our duty is to effect your will wherever you see fit to use us.”

Across from her, Eric replied, “That way of thinking is contrary to everything the Walker has been teaching us!”  Immediately embarrassed by his outburst, he added with a slight bow, “Apologies, my lord.  I am Eric Holden, a former hunter.”

Nero, feeling the tension in the ether, replied, “I get it, I do.  I’ve been going on about how you each have to learn to think for yourselves, all while telling you to come together for the greater good.  No doubt, it’s a contradiction.”

Behind him, Nero heard a familiar voice ask, “So, what’s the right path, my lord?”

Turning his head, Nero recognized the former assassin who’d once tried to kill him, Mike something or another.  He was standing among the seated crowd, looking incredibly uncomfortable with how many people were now paying attention to him.  While he didn’t remember the man being so skittish, he sensed that it was the subject they were discussing which had the man off balance.

Nero could relate.  From what little he knew of the man, philosophical discussions like this were way outside of his wheelhouse.

Grinning at the sight of a kindred spirit, Nero said, “I told you before that I don’t have all the answers...”

Looking around, Nero could see everyone eagerly waiting to hear what they consider his words of wisdom, but for once he didn’t feel like spouting any of his standard bullshit.  Not because he couldn’t think of any, but because he wasn’t exactly sure what agenda he should be pushing.  On one hand, he could take the opportunity to create a horde of faithful minions who would do whatever he told them.  But on the other hand, he’d grown up following the subculture of going after whatever the popular opinion was at the time.

Thinking about it objectively, he now realized that he’d always been a follower, just like them.  He’d just followed a group dedicated to the counter-culture.  Maybe it was time to fully embrace the cliches he’d been spouting, and then just wait to see what happens.

“It’s like this.  Working together for the greater good is important.  But so is working for yourself.  The key is to keep everything in balance.  Yeah, that sounds right.  ‘Moderation in all things’ is a good motto.  At its core, this is an issue of work-life balance.  Work for you is being a Wacko.  There’s no problem with that being a part of your identity, but it cannot be all of it.  Form your opinions, share them with each other and debate them amongst yourselves.  But, when the time for working together comes, set aside your differences and become something greater as a whole.  Wackos need to be a unified force, a ‘band of brothers and sisters’.  Everyone has their own path, but we’re all heading toward the same place.  Many paths lead to the mountain… right?” he asked, hoping that what he’d just said made sense.

The more he talked, the more his thoughts began to organize themselves into something that sounded remotely coherent.  While there would always be the contradiction between what an individual wanted and what was best for the group, he was finally able to wrap his head around the world’s metaphor for a group identity.  Each individual identity came together to create the greater whole.  It could make sense, but only when looked at in a certain way.

“Alright, so bear with me for a moment, because this might end up sounding more preachy than I mean it to…” he said while trying to come up with the right way to put into words what he was thinking.  “This whole world is built on identities.  That’s unfortunately what passes for a scientific fact here.  So then, logically, levels are all about how well you’ve developed your own personal identity.  But, if you’re interested in consciously manipulating the identity of the Wackos, then I’d suggest you start with what you can all agree on.  However, since I’m the one in charge of the group, it only makes sense that I steer the direction of that development.  Everyone should at least be able to agree on that,” he said, while tapping his chin in thought.

Pausing for a moment, Nero placed his hands on his hips and muttered, “Crap… did I just talk myself into being a dictator?  Is this how evil overlords are born?”

Waving his hands back and forth he shouted, “Hold up!  Forget all that.  Let me start over.”

Sighing at the sight of everyone staring at him in confusion, he began again.  “OK.  Individual identities lead to individual levels.  Refining your identity through experiences and challenges is what ‘growing’ means.  So, logically, growing together means that you’re… Nope… wait… Yes! I got it!”

With a grin on his face, Nero placed his hands on his hips and said, “It’s like a group of saplings all twining around each other as they grow.  What the wackos need to be is a group of trees growing together around each other.  A bundle of arrows is stronger together.”

Demonstrating the old cliche, he pulled out a few arrows from his personal space he’d picked up somewhere and made a show of it.

Holding up a single arrow, Nero said, “Each arrow is important and unique.  But together the bundle becomes unbreakable.  We can celebrate our differing opinions, helping each other refine our identities, as long as we all remain pointed in the same direction.”

Enjoying the feeling of everyone’s essence fields displaying their awe of his borrowed wisdom, Nero continued, “Following the analogy to its logical conclusion, then I, as your leader, have a responsibility to be a good bow and point you in an honorable direction.  Which works out beautifully, because I’m currently having difficulty deciding what we should do when we get back to Dorchester.”

Looking around at the assembled Wackos, Nero tried to meet as many eyes as he could while asking, “I need each of you to help me decide our next steps.  From what I’ve been told, it’s likely that the people in the capital will try and force me to go there, and then probably manipulate me into serving them in some capacity.  House Walker’s leadership, my advisors, have all been offering their ideas on how to avoid that fate.  Now that I’m saying that out loud, I’m realizing how ridiculous that sounds.  They’re probably all scrying on me right now, planning to counter whatever brilliant idea I come up with…”

Pausing in thought, Nero felt the silence around him building.

Fed up with the complicated situation he found himself in, Nero tilted his head back to look up at the ceiling, finally saying, “You know what!  Fuck it!  I’m not thinking about this anymore until we get back to the estate.  If you all want to spend some time coming up with some options, I’ll appreciate it.  But until someone makes a move on me, in a real and non-theoretical way, I’m not going to worry about it.”

Team Leader Richardson asked, “Are we going to be moving out soon, my lord?”

Tilting his head back down, he looked over at the man and said, “Probably.  Cath… Battle Leader Averett is handling all that.  In the meantime, feel free to continue discussing stuff and developing the Wacko culture.”

Walking over to Eric, Nero patted him on the shoulder and said, “Like this guy said, you all are defining what it means to be an adventurer.  Hopefully, you’ll be able to put into words what I apparently cannot.  This adventure in the mountain is almost over, and when we get back to Dorchester, I’ll decide what our next one will be.”

Making a shooing gesture with his hands, Nero added, “Go on, discuss amongst yourselves.  Making outlandish guesses with no basis in reality is a time-honored tradition amongst adventurers.  In the meantime, I’m going to go eat something and just listen.”

After taking a few steps away from the center of the circle, he added over his shoulder, “Just pretend I’m not even here.”

*Chapter 300 - Following the leader.

*Spoiler - Realizing they fit into a category is the nightmare every 'individual' eventually has to face.  I'd even argue that successfully going through that realization is a requirement for adulthood.  Around the time you become a teenager, you start thinking that you're special.  You buck tradition and try to find your own way.  Unfortunately, everyone else is trying to find their own way right alongside you, and eventually you and everyone else end up going in the same direction.  Adulthood is recognizing that the comfortable feeling you get by being a rebel is only a manifestation of the sense of safety you feel by being part of a herd... the herd of rebels.  True individuality comes from knowing who you are, and not caring that you are neither all that special, nor required to agree with anyone.  Unfortunately, that state of being is usually only achieved by old people who no longer give a shit and house cats.  Enjoy that delightful bit of wisdom while you search for others who disagree with that conclusion.  There is probably already a discord channel for it.  But on a happier note, how great are the new dipping burritos from Taco Bell... am I right?