I owe you an explanation.

Hi everyone.

Its been four weeks since my last post here, in which I said the dialogue would be done in a few days. However, during those few days my family experienced a barrage of problems all stemming from one thing: My brother.
I don't exactly recall if I specified what exactly my brother has for his mental illness, the thing he said to us (BPD) might be a lie because we can't trust him anymore.

On the 4th, we got into a fight. My brother had been drinking for a week non-stop, so when my mother went to ask him to stop, he got violent. Things got bad. He smashed up furniture in the house, swung a table at my mother, kept yelling that he'll kill us and that he'll send people to hurt us.
I couldn't stop him. I used to take pride in being strong, but being lifted up like a piece of paper and being choked made me realize I'm not.
At the end of the day, he got even more drunk, and left the house. But not before making sure to share posts about us hurting him, resulting in a lot of calls from mutual 'friends' asking why are we hurting him. A few other people told us he might've not been just drunk, but also high on something.

He did return a few days later, unaware that anything happened and back to his drinking. The cycle just keeps repeating, he promises to get better, to seek help, but he doesnt, just gets drunk and just keeps on getting more and more violent.

I've haven't slept properly in weeks. Every time there's a loud noise, I find myself scared and thinking that there's going to be another fight, and if I'm not the one getting hurt, he'll hurt my mom or grandparents. He already tried punching my mom, but apparently he stopped mid-swing. But if he already had a swing ready, when will he actually do it. I'm scared.

I'm trying to work. As of right now, there are 11 pictures with dialogue in the archive, but I dont think they are good. In fact, most anything I write down is not good. It feels like the thing I love, making renders and lewdness, was taken from me. This set especially hurts, since at the start i had a clear idea, and i wanted to show what my grace is like, but now? It's all bad.

I'm sorry for the silence here. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to make a post about this. When I talked about this with a professor from univesity, they told me that I need to be understanding of my brother's illness. But they don't wake up to ten messages on their phone with nothing but different death threats.

I'm sorry.