Casual Heroing, Chapter 186

Next chapter comes out Thursday, September 21st!

OH, JOEY NEEDS TO DO WHAT?! 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♂️🦸‍♂️

3/7  chapters this week!

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Chapter 186 – Adventuring, Actually

“Before we start, Drusillus,” I hear Chrysantus say, “I actually have a little announcement to make regarding the Human.”

As soon as I see the smile on the Truffles’s father’s face, my heart skips a beat.

What is this guy doing?

“Joey Luciani,” the man enounces my name in a very solemn manner, “you’ll receive an assessment from the Guild, and you’ll be the first Human to register as an Adventurer on Epretos since the war.”

Everyone went silent.

I look at Truffles, then back at his father. Then back at Truffles. Then at [Captain] Drusillus, who looks as confused as me.

“Huh, no?” I say, “As in, no, thanks?”

“Your official application has already been submitted and stamped by the Guild. You are an Adventurer already. As such, you’ll partake in the duties that come with—”

“Wait, wait, wait. What? First, I’ve never submitted an application—”

“You did, too,” Chrysantus looks at me innocently. “Look at this; isn’t this your signature?”

The man takes a big, long contract and puts it before me.

I feel a bit queasy, and my hands tremble as I clutch the piece of paper and look at the bottom where my ‘signature’ is. It’s a barely legible, kid-written ‘Joey.’

“This is not my signature,” I frown.

“Well, the Guildmaster has approved it. Can’t do anything about that,” Chrysantus snatches the paper back and smiles again. “Now, you are under the protection of the Guild as one of its associates. You’ll obviously have to take on missions if you don’t want the status rescinded and a penalty applied.”

“Penalty? Status?” I look at Truffles, who just stares at me.

“Adventurers can’t be killed by [Soldiers],” Truffles says, scratching the big peg on his nose.

“Can’t they?” I cringe. “Wait, is that the reason for—”

“Investigations are launched when an Adventurer gets stabbed in the city, and they go on until they are fully resolved. The Guild is very vindictive with those who kill its members.”

Chrysantus gives me a pat on the shoulder and a stretched smile, talking to me with raised eyebrows.

Oh. They want to protect me—Truffles must have asked his parents…

“You can take care of this business later,” [Captain] Drusillus frowns. “We must talk about the Dungeon now. The Human said he cleared a Guardian.”

“What’s that?” A voice came from the crowd.

I want to stab this mother—my murderous thoughts directed at Truffles’s father are interrupted.

“Joey Luciani,” [Captain] Drusillus addresses me, “could you explain, please.”

All eyes turn to me.

“Sure,” I sigh, massaging the side of my neck in hopes it will help release some of this tension. “The ‘Guardian’ was a monster who could talk. It looked like a statue made of darkness. Everything down there looks like it’s made of darkness, but Light Magic seems to be quite effective against them. Normal weapons work too, though. But if you go down there, have someone apply a strong [Light] to your blade. It’ll help a lot.”

“A [Light Mage]?” Someone snorts.

“Shut up,” [Captain] Drusillus slams his fist on the table. “Luciani, continue with the explanation.”

“Alright. So, there are hounds down there. Big, wolf-sized quadrupedal monsters. There was only one Guardian. It was strong. Verystrong.”

“How strong would you estimate it was?” [Captain] Drusillus asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I would put the hounds at… huh, I don’t really know the power scale. But the Watch’s patrols only faced the hounds and couldn’t defeat them. The Guardian was an order of magnitude above that.”

“Is he saying that these ‘hounds’ are Silver-Rank, and the statue was Gold-Rank? Why are we all here, then?” Someone sighed.

“My patrols could take Silver-Rank threats, especially thosepatrols—they were all combat-trained and around level 20. A more believable explanation would be that the hounds are in the high Silver-Rank, and this Guardian is approaching Named-Adventurer level. They don’t seem to be swarm-types either.”

“Drusillus,” a huge Elf brimming with muscle suddenly walks up to the front with a dark expression, “are you telling me that this worm cook defeated a high Gold threat and—”

“What did you call me?” I say, stepping in front of the man.

“Get out of my way, worm, or—”

“Come outside,” I tell the big guy. “Come outside, and I’ll whoop your ass so hard your momma won’t even recognize you.”

Someone starts whistling as the big Elf narrows his eyes at me and grabs a big axe that was previously hidden behind his massive back.

“Marcellus!” [Captain] Drusillus stands up, but I’ve already whipped out the huge sword from my bag of holding, and I look at the man with purpose as it rests on my shoulder.

“I’m done taking shit,” I say slowly, “you want to call me a worm? Are you ready to lose your fucking tongue over it?”

That’s when someone else gets in the middle.

A woman.

“Marcellus, put down the sword. You, boy, are you wielding a Vanedeni sword?”

The big Elf seems wary of the woman who just got close to him and wets his lips twice before actually standing down.

The woman coming to rest in front of me has pearly white hair and red irises. She’s wearing a sleeveless leather vest that puts on display some really wiry muscles.

That’s when I notice her unlatching a sword from her back, almost as big as mine, and resting its tip on the ground.

“My name is Lisith,” she says. “Tell me your name and how you got hold of that sword. I shall take your life if I don’t receive a satisfactory answer.”

“You are a Vanedeni,” I voice my thoughts out loud. “You are an actual Vanedeni.”

Joey Luciani. Listen to me very well. Her hair and eyes speak clearly. She’s a descendant of Skialaer. She’s not just a Vanedeni. She’s a noble. Address her respectfully, or she will try to cut you down. Tell her you have been instructed in the ways of the Vanedeni, and you cannot bear slander.

“Lady Lisith, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” I say with a smile to the great confusion of everyone else.

She tilts her head, curiosity brimming in her red eyes.

“My teacher and master is a Vanedeni. I’m not at liberty to discuss his name, though. I have been baptized through fire in the Dungeon. This is the sword I trained with in the way of the Vanedeni.”

Now, her eyes widen, “you have been trained in our ways? Do you even know what that means?”

“The crazy puppet, yes,” I reply. “I almost died fighting against it.”

Everyone else in the room looks at each other in an extremely confused manner. Indeed, I can imagine this conversation makes zero sense to everyone else. Why would anyone try and kill themselves against a puppet just to train?

“Die?” She frowns. “You have had an accident during training?”

“Huh? What? No, I mean, I just wasn’t up to the standards, and you know… the last twenty-three hours?”

“The last what?”

…

“You did what?!” I shout at the old man in my room after he’d insulated it from any sounds possibly leaking out.

“I trained you,” Magister Mulligan explains.

“You lied to me!” I say, out of my mind. “You let me believe I would fucking die! Christ, that training took years of life out of me! This is fucked up!”

“I preferred when you didn’t swear,” Magister Mulligan sighs. “You have been trained in the way of the Vanedeni, Joey Luciani. I ammore than enough to declare what could be considered that or not.”

“Wait, so, were you going to stop the puppet from murdering me?”

“Murdering you, yes.”

“Crippling me?”

“I could have healed most crippling injuries, including a stab to the heart.”

I look at the man with an open mouth.

“Ok, let’s say for a moment that I vaguely accept this type of crazy gaslighting since it was done for my sake. Let’s say I can find it acceptable. Is there anything else you lied to me about regarding my training?”

“As my kin has explained to you, there’s no twenty-three hours of mortal combat. Twenty-three is the number of Cantrips in a set – the highest number of sets being twenty-three as well.”

“Ok, I understand that,” I say, my voice straining. “But why did that woman’s sword look so light?”

“Oh, that,” Magister Mulligan strokes his long beard while looking at the ceiling.

“I’m about to get an ulcer, I swear,” I say, taking a chair and sitting before I faint.

[Captain] Drusillus asked me all the relevant questions and told me he wanted me down with them for the first Watch-led exploration of the Dungeon. He wants to make sure there are no further threats to the city and its citizens.

Also, I invited the Adventurers to tonight’s party. I have to admit, I am more than curious to hear what that Vanedeni woman has to say about being a Vanedeni.

Especially considering all this goddamn anger. How does one even deal with it?

“Your sword is heavier than a normal Vanedeni sword.”

“How much heavier?” I ask, facepalming.

“About three times.”

My ears start ringing.