#1044 Pinch Hitter

What a predicament.

A crisis has emerged right before the big baby boom in this other world.

In this world, divine blessings are required for pretty much everything.

That also includes childbirth.

Here, the goddess in charge of delivering babies is Eretueia.

But once the baby is born, the other mother goddesses, like Hera, Amphitrite, and Demetersephone, throw up their hands and say, “We’re done here!” Totally hands-off.

But with this unexpected surge of births, Eretueia is completely overwhelmed.

At this rate, many mothers and babies might not make it through the process... That’s when a god from another world stepped in to help—none other than Sugawara no Michizane.

Sugawara mobilized an entire battalion of Ubusunagami from his world to lend a hand.

With this sudden boost in manpower...or I guess god-power? We thought we might just be able to survive this baby boom.

But then, the baby boom happened to coincide with Kannazuki...

That’s the month where all the gods have to gather in one spot, apparently.

It turns out even the childbirth gods have to go...

So, all the gods are off to Izumo, and suddenly, there’s no one left to help with the births.

And here we are stuck in a big old mess.

What are we supposed to do now?!

This is where we left off last time.

“Waaaaaahhhh! Three hundred and sixty-five days without respite?! No rest cometh forth to me, so I must flee from ittttttttttt!!!”

Eretueia has officially hit her mental breaking point.

She’s spiraling, unable to cope with the oncoming disaster.

Even Sugawara is stumped, looking all serious...

“Hmm... this doth present a grave conundrum. If the Ubusunagami cannot be moved... nay, if the sacred month of Kannazuki doth prevent their participation, then doth it mean that all the gods of this realm are rendered unable to venture forth...?!”

He’s seriously in a bind.

“...Wait! I recall there be one god who needeth not journey to Izumo in Kannazuki! ‘Tis Takeminakata! Though embroiled in various matters, I am certain that in the tenth month, he hath naught but idle hours! Perhaps we might beseech his aid…!”

“Lord Takeminakata, assisting with childbirth? Impossible!”  “Calm yourself, Lord Michizane!”

The Ubusunagami are desperately trying to stop him.

It looks like Sugawara’s impressive godly connections—uh, “god-nections”—are hitting a wall.

Maybe we need a plan from a different angle?

Hmmm…!

Actually, wasn’t this our problem to begin with?

Shouldn’t we handle our own mess here in this world?

Right. There are tons of gods here too.

There are celestial gods, earth gods, sea gods… so many gods.

“Uh, Eretueia… ma’am?”

“Fweh... If naught else, could I at least hope for some compensation for these endless labours? ...What is it?”

Wait, is she not getting paid for the extra hours?

No. Let’s table that for now. We’ve got bigger fish to fry than the goddess’ unpaid overtime.

“About the shortage of hands, couldn’t we maybe ask the other gods for help? I mean, surely there are plenty of gods with, uh, not much going on, right?”

“Indeed, when gods art idle, their boredom knows no bounds. So much so, they might even spark a final war, just to pass the time!!!”

Well, that’s a problem in itself.

Bored gods are never good news for us mortals.

“But truly, dost thou think it wise to task such gods, unlearned in these arts, with the protection of childbirth? Though I be of Olympian descent, I must confess that we gods are oft prone to meddling where we are not wanted.”

“U-Urk...!”

She’s not wrong…!

I can’t exactly argue with that.

“Art thou certain? Wouldst thou, for example, have my mother, Hera herself, attend the birth of thine offspring?”

“Absolutely notttttttttt!!!”

“My dear mother might bestow such blessings as to ensure that thy daughter be raised in such ugliness as to never attract the lustful gaze of Zeus.” 

What…?!

Asking for help from the other gods could be a huge gamble!!!

It’s not just about hoping for a win.

If someone else gets a “win,” that means someone else is stuck with the “loss”! Can I really trust the fate of my child’s birth and my wife’s well-being to pure chance?!

We need a plan where everyone ends up happy!

“Ah, I put so much thought into that plan, but it’s already scrapped... Things never seem to go smoothly.”

“Verily, the saint’s suggestion was not without merit. The fault lies not with the notion, but with the ineptitude of the gods of this realm.”

Michizane pats me on the shoulder, trying to cheer me up.

To seek aid from this world’s beings may yet prove fruitful. There art many beings in this realm teeming with power, and it would not surprise me if some amongst them were worthy of our trust. It is a path far more prudent than reliance upon foreign gods.”

Ohh, my idea is getting some serious praise.

Being complimented this much is really lifting my spirits.

“Thus, the next question presents itself: whom within this world shall we summon to our aid... hmm?”

Michizane suddenly looks like he had a lightbulb moment.

Following his gaze, I see...

The earth spirits.

A group of little girls, looking about four or five years old, are playing around energetically.

“Touchdownnn!”

“Onside kickkk!”

“Offside twappp!”

Apparently, rugby has become the latest trend around here. Whenever they had a free moment, the earth spirits would gather on the grassy field and start playing.

...Rugby, huh? Is that really rugby?

“.... It appears that the spirits of this world’s very soil have taken form. Rarely hath their manifestation been so vivid.”

“Well, this place is rather unique, so...”

The earth spirits are still going at it, passionately playing their version of rugby. There are intense rallies and some spectacular rushes.

...Is that really rugby, though?

“Indeed... methinks these children may serve our purpose well.” 

Purpose?

What purpose, Michizane?

“Though spirits they be, lowly and weak, they yet possess a measure of divinity. Were we in my world, where gods number in the eight million, such criteria would suffice to deem these young ones gods indeed.”

Did he just casually admit the standards were that loose?

“And like the Ubusunagami, they hold a sacred bond with the land itself, guiding the life that doth spring forth. In them, I see the potential we seek. Aye, we may have found what we require.”

No way... Michizane...

Are you seriously considering...?

Are you planning to recruit the earth spirits to take over the role of the Ubusunagami?!

“Hear me, little ones!”

Michizane calls out to the earth spirits.

They’re just about to hit the climax of their rugby match.

“I have a task most fitting for thee! Fulfill it, and by thy deeds, elevate thine own divinity! As the ancients have spoken, only fools lack ambition!”

That’s not an ancient saying, and even if it were, it’s probably from someone who lived long after you.

“In other words, ye must study the art of midwifery, obtain the credentials to safeguard childbirth, and thus gain a most coveted skillset, advantageous even for future employment—urk!”

“Who’s this old guy?” He’s a stwanger! Totawwy suspicious!”

Earth spirits aren’t the type to sit and listen quietly.

These girls solve all their problems with a good bit of aggression.

“Suspicious person awert!”

“We’ll sound the awarm and end his wife!”

“This world’s so harsh, even gweeting someone gets you awwested!”

Yep, they’re giving Michizane a greeting more fit for a band of wild warriors than for an esteemed figure like him... It’s practically violent.

“Enough, savage brutessssss!”

With a flash of lightning, Michizane scatters the earth spirits.

He’s finally hit his ghostly “vengeful spirit” mode for the first time since he arrived in this world.

“To think that even addressing these creatures provoketh hostility! How barbaric is this world! So be it! If it is their custom to answer words with blows, then we shall respond in kind. Hear me, Ubusunagami!!!”

With Michizane’s command, a group of cute mythical Ubusunagami gather around.

“Thou seemest to have a fondness for sport. Very well, then! Let us settle this by means of a contest! Triumph in this match ‘against the Ubusunagami high school theater troupe and prove thyselves worthy!”

“Yeah, let’s do it!” “Time to show ‘em the strength of Tohogu!”

What’s going on...?

We started with a plan to gather the gods and protect childbirth, and now we’re heading toward... a sports match? Where exactly is this strategy going?