#894 Playing Cards Trial-and-Error

Playing cards are terrifying.

When one faces them alone, it’s all too easy to be sucked into the rabbit hole of Solitaire.

Can I really afford to linger in such a dangerous place? I must return to my room!

That’s a death flag right there if there ever was one.

But then again, if solitude is the issue, two can brave the Solitaire rabbit hole fearlessly.

Randomly starting a game in the presence of others is akin to putting on earphones in a crowd—both acts of high difficulty.

No matter how adept one becomes at solitude, such audacious deeds are beyond reach.

That’s why I need a companion willing to navigate the treacherous seas of card games with me.

Or rather, comrades.

Is there anyone around?

“...Ah, there you are, Veil.”

“Hmf? What is it, Master?”

Veil just happens to stroll by, looking bored.

In such moments, the presence of a dragon, free from all schedules, truly shines.

“Have you concocted something again, Master? It doesn’t seem to be food this time, so my interest is exceptionally low.”

As usual, her desire for food knows no bounds.

Normally, she’d appear without being called, but her delay this time surely has its reasons.

“What I’ve made today isn’t food, but a plaything. You might find it surprisingly fun if you give it a try, you know?”

“A game, huh? Well, I’m not usually swayed by such rubbish, but if it’s something Master has come up with, I might be somewhat intrigued.”

Fufufu. You underestimate me. 

I can already see where this is going.

Typical for stories of cultural exchange from another world— first, there’s skepticism, then immediate addiction.

Veil, you, too, will soon discover the wonder of playing cards, a pastime that has taken another world by storm!

I bet you’ll be screaming, “Uoooooooh! What is this?! It’s so much funnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!“

“Fweh... What’s this? Just a bunch of paper with some incomprehensible markings?”

That would be the suits of playing cards.

Spades, Hearts, Diamonds, and Clubs, each group marked distinctly.

“Why are there only two colors, red and black?”

“Uh, well, that’s because...!”

“Since there are four, why not use four colors, like red, blue, yellow, pink? It’d be more colorful and fun.”

Then green would feel left out, wouldn’t it?

But that’s beside the point.

Though honestly, such a simple question leaves me at a loss for words...

But I can’t just say, “Okay, let’s change it.” 

There are games that rely on the division between the black suits of Spades and Clubs and the red suits of Hearts and Diamonds.

“And what’s with these cards that have pictures of old men? What’s ‘K’ for?”

“K... stands for King... It means thirteen...!”

“Why not just line up thirteen of those symbols then?”

“That wouldn’t work!!!”

It’d be a mess to count, not immediately obvious at a glance! 

That’s the whole point of having Jacks, Queens, and Kings! Probably!!!

Damn, a mere amateur like me finds myself at a loss for words when bombarded with such innocent inquiries.

The terrifying innocence of those who do not know. 

It feels like I’m dealing with a child here.

“Master, why are there two ‘J’s?”

“Huh?”

Two Js?

...Ah, that would be Jack and Joker.

Jack represents eleven, and the Joker is... how do I explain this?

“The Joker is... sort of a special card?”

“Why is there a need for something special?”

I don’t know!!!

It’s okay for there to be exceptions in everything!!!

There are games that can’t be played without the Joker!!!

Like, for instance... Old Maid.

“Okay, let’s give Old Maid a try.”

“We’re finally gonna play, huh?! I’ve been waiting for ages!”

That’s because you keep asking questions!

Listen up, here’s how Old Maid works!

This Joker right here is the “Old Maid.” We deal cards to each other, and as we form pairs with matching numbers, those pairs are discarded.

The game progresses as we reduce the number of cards in our hands, and the first person to run out of cards wins.

However, there will always be someone left with a card in their hand at the end.

That’s because there’s only one Joker—the Old Maid—and it cannot form a pair with any other card.

And that’s why it remains in the player’s hand until the very end!

“But there are two Jokers here. Wouldn’t they make a pair?”

“Only one Joker is used during play!”

“We’re excluding one? That’s kinda sad.”

Well, if you put it that way...

...Yeah, it’s sad, but the game wouldn’t work otherwise, damn it!!!

Anyway! Let’s just try playing Old Maid!!!

“All right, bring it on. I won’t lose!!!”

First, we deal the cards!

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle!

Then, we discard any pairs we already have.

Discard, discard, discard!

Now we’re set. Each of us has a handful of unpaired cards and one Old Maid.

The goal is to offload all your cards, including that tricky Old Maid.

“............”

Once we actually start...

I’m left with a few number cards.

Too many.

Way more than I expected.

But then again, it makes sense since it’s usually a game for more players, and it’s just the two of us.

And so, as we take turns drawing cards, there’s almost a one hundred percent chance of making a pair and discarding two cards.

That’s to be expected.

With only two players in the game, the card that pairs with one in my hand is bound to be in my opponent’s.

This is getting ridiculous.

Every draw reliably results in a pair being formed and discarded.

And the same goes for my opponent.

And the most crucial fact of all…

If I don’t have the Old Maid, that means…

There’s a 100% chance that Veil has it.

After all, she and I are the only players in the game.

If I don’t have it, then the card must be with her.

“......”

“...”

We draw cards in silence, make pairs, and discard them.

It’s a perfect elimination cycle until I’m down to one card, and Veil has two.

One of Veil’s cards will pair with mine, and the other is the Old Maid.

Now, the tension finally enters the game.

Eyes dart between the two cards... I choose one to draw!

“The Old Maiddddddddddd?!”

“Now it’s my turn. Here’s a pair, and I win!!!”

I lost...

Hey, so tell me. Did you enjoy it?

“Not really. It was too much like a chore until the very end.”

I thought so.

I felt the same way.

Lesson learned.

Old Maid is not a game for two. It’s meant for three or more players to keep the suspense of not knowing who holds the dreaded Old Maid or where the pairs are.

“Let’s try another game.”

“There’s another way to play? Tell me now!”

“Sevens.”

Sevens.

A game where you start with the sevens and sequentially place cards up or down according to their suits. 

The aim is to be the first to run out of cards, creating a continuous sequence from six downwards or eight upwards.

The first one to use up all their cards wins, just like in Old Maid.

To win, you might hold back even if you have a playable card, blocking others from laying down theirs.

I tried this tactic.

By holding back, I could prevent Veil from playing.

But Veil caught on quickly, returning the favor by blocking my plays.

“Heyyyy! Lay down the four of heartsssss! You’re stopping the sequenceeee!!!”

“Not before you drop that ten of clubs first, Master!!!”

With only one other player in the game, it’s blatantly obvious who holds which cards.

Thus, it’s also blatantly obvious who is blocking which cards, leading to a situation where what’s meant to be strategic interference ends up devolving into an exchange of insults under the guise of protest.

Conclusion.

Sevens isn’t meant for two players, either.

Most card games, it turns out, are best with three or more players!