#735 A Baffled God

I am Hades.

The ruler of the underworld, the god of the dead.

Of this world split into the heavens and earth and sea... the earth is the realm I do oversee. I hold the role of shielding every living creature from trouble.

Therefore, I also bear the title of the Earth God, but rather the power largely falls to mine own wife, the Mother Earth Goddess Demetersephone.

She gives birth to all life on earth and compassionately watches over them.

Thus, to mine own wife, Demetersephone, I pay respect and do not call myself the Earth God, but as the God of the Underworld.

I respect and love her from the bottom of mine own heart.

I am not a philanderer like those fools Zeus and Poseidon!

Never have I been unfaithful!

I believe I have not!

...I think?

Verily, such is the nature of mine owm existence that belief in me in the earthly realm is surprisingly faint.

The faith of the children living on the earth primarily exalt mine own wife, and thereafter, as the companion of the Mother Earth Goddess, they worship me.

Unlike the dull-witted fellows, Zeus and Poseidon, who art ever eager to thrust themselves into the limelight, I lack a flamboyant devotion, yet that suits me well.

As long as the children of man, borne of my queen, flourish, it is the most significant and irreplaceable of matters.

For I am unlike Zeus and Poseidon, those natural-born scoundrels.

The life of man’s progeny stands paramount!

Being the benevolent deity that I am, I must continue to oversee the lives on the earth and tend to any troubles that might arise...

As I was scanning the distant horizon with this in mind, I chanced upon something peculiar.

***

Huh?

What is this?

Lo and behold, I notice strange entities have permeated the mortal realm. 

Art those figures akin to my visage?

Divine idols?

There art a multitude of them being bought and sold amidst the children of man.

What hath transpired?

“Perchance, the mortals have finally recognized thy greatness, Lord Hades?”

“At long last... Mortals have been obtuse for far too long...!”

My devoted servants of the underworld.

Art thou not Thanatos, the God of Death, and Hypnos, the God of Sleep?

“Forsooth, the mortals of the earth comprehend not! Among the pantheon, none but Lord Hades bestows such benevolence upon them. Yet, the mortals give not a glance!”

“They lack a discerning eye...! They forget their habitation on earth is made possible by Lord Hades’ grace...!”

Nay, speak not so. 

They art but petite creatures, striving merely to survive each day. 

They shan’t be punished if they forget such devotion to the gods.

Divine hands created the world and their lives. 

Enjoying their lives is akin to repaying their debt to the gods.

“Lord Hades! What a generous heart thee have!”

“Lord Hades, thou art the true caretaker of the earth... A ruler filled with profound benevolence...!”

Hahaha, flattering me shall yield thee naught!

“Given such thought, ‘tis only natural that thy statues spread amongst the mortals. They have belatedly recognized thy greatness!!!”

“Let it become a trend...! Let it buzz...!”

Calm thyselves, both of you.

We must not interfere in mortal affairs with divine intention. Even if it leads to our worship, it is meaningful only if they willingly choose to do so.

Forcing faith upon them is the act of villainous rogues like Zeus and Poseidon.

Hence, the fact that the mortals art buying my statues out of free will is a joyous occasion.

The thought of mine own diligent efforts being rewarded brings a tear to my eye.

Perchance, a modest celebration is in order today.

“But Lord Hades...! Please wait a moment...!”

“The mortals art tampering with thy statues... Ah, what is that...?!”

“They have modified thy statue, making them articulate...!”

“And even painted it different colors...?!”

O-Oh...!

What is that?

Is it a mortal trend to remodel the statues of gods in this manner?

I thought they were to be treated with more reverence...!

“No, no, no...! It is conventional to treat idols as the god itself! To tamper with them in such a way is... “

“Such action mocks the gods...! Disrespect! Disbelief...! It invites divine punishment...!”

W-W-Wait, my loyal servants, Thanatos, Hypnos! 

Perchance this may be the manner of respect granted by the children of men! Mortal culture doth shift with the ages, transforming into diverse entities!

There exist aspects that may exceed our understanding – verily so! 

“Ah! What now…?!”

“Such audaciousness…!” 

Huh? What, pray tell? 

What art thou planning next, oh children of men?! 

Eeeeeek!

Why doth mine image hath such elongated arms?! 

‘Tis as easy to scratch one’s back, thou jest, but this is no time for frivolity! 

Look yonder! Mine image hath elongated legs! Rather, is that not a frog in itself?! It is exceptional in the art of the leap! 

As for that figure over there... Why hath it upper torsos for both upper and lower halves?! 

Woah! With no legs, it doth shimmy with four arms! This movement seems familiar – it remindeth me of something I saw in the kitchen…!

“Lord Hades! This is clearly blasphemy against our chief god! Immediate action must be taken to preserve the dignity of the underworld deities!” 

“Divine punishment...! The foolish demons must be struck down...!”

Hold fast, Thanatos and Hypnos! 

Could this not be the children of men showing respect in their own way?! 

“Do thee truly believe that?” 

“It has turned into a grotesque Sabbath…!” 

Indeed, it seems so…! 

Alas, I lack the arguments to persuade these two gods! 

“I, Thanatos, the god of death, shall impose the most straightforward death as divine punishment...! Foolish mortals, I shall drag you to the underworld without even time for regret...!” 

“Slumber, slumber...!” 

No good, the two gods art serious! 

As the god of the underworld, how can I abate their wrath? Perhaps I should prostrate myself in apology?! 

“Enough.” 

Emerging then was the Mother Earth Goddess Demetersephone! 

Mine own beloved wife! 

“Do not rashly invoke divine punishment. Threatening the people thoughtlessly makes us no better than the foolish celestial and sea deities.” 

“But, My Queen! The mortals’ actions art too outrageous! Now is the time for divine punishment!” 

“Deterrence must be used when appropriate…!” 

My loyal servant gods art brimming with murderous intent – even mine own queen struggles to keep them in check! 

What should I do? Should I prostrate myself in apology now?! 

“The children of men art also trying to show respect to the gods in their own way. They understand not what the gods look like. That is why they grope for the most majestic figure that suits the gods.” 

“But a deity’s image has a fundamental pattern!” 

“They want to aim even higher than that.” 

Indeed, my queen. 

I had not considered that perspective. So, the mortals art trying to imagine a stronger, more beautiful figure of the underworld god?

And thus, they seek to worship this most dashing Hades?

“Although some art a bit misguided... there art also some really nice designs, do thee not agree? The one with wings looks astounding.”

“Why do the ladies always go for the winged ones?” 

Hmm, I see! 

In that case, it falls upon me, the true god Hades, to coordinate an even more stylish appearance! 

If I present myself in this form before the people, they will know how to visualize me, and surely, they will be overjoyed! 

Let us see...

I shall increase mine arms to about eight hundred and make them longer. 

This is not because I respected the image of mineself with long arms that I saw earlier, okay?

Then, the lower body will be like a snake... Aye, Demetersephone mentioned that “wings art cool,” did she not? 

Then let us also grow about eight hundred wings. 

From there... oh, this design is excellent! 

Why not equip some exotic heavy weaponry? It adds a unique foreign feeling.

And thus, the new version of the underworld god Hades is complete! 

How about it, Demetersephone? 

What do thee think of mine own new appearance?! 

“Hmm, it reminds me of a final boss from somewhere.”

Does that mean it looks cool?!

Right? Right?!

Very well! From now on, I shall adopt this form when the Immortal King summons me to their plane!

The Saint will be surprised, and surely, they will be moved by mine majestic appearance!!!