Daughter of Damnation Ch. 7 - Reflection

And so we find ourselves at the end of the road. With only seven chapters, this will probably be the shortest book I ever write, and I couldn't be more thrilled with how it turned out. This chapter in particular was an absolute beast at nearly 16,000 words, and predictably, I'll likely have a lot to say about it.

To start with, a bit of a fun fact with how this chapter starts. In my original outline, chapter seven was going to start later in the adventure, when they were already racing through Yellowstone on the way to The Wilds. Chapter six was going to spend some time setting everything up in Yellowstone, including some of the early hiking, and was then going to end with Zad and Evelyn getting ambushed.

However, when I wrote chapter six, the timing didn't really work out. I opted to instead leave chapter six a bit shorter (well, "shorter." It's still ~8k words) and to simply cut as soon as Evelyn drives into Yellowstone. I really like how this affects the feel of the story, as chapter seven then gets to be "The Yellowstone Chapter" in its entirety.

One reason this chapter took a while to write, on top of its ridiculous length, is that I did a bunch of research on Yellowstone to try and make this chapter feel as authentic as possible. I was very careful to pick an appropriate entrance into the park, including describing the exact entrance I chose, and to describe what sights Evelyn and Zadkiel took in as they drove down the specific route I chose. I pored over many different videos of various travel and hiking YouTube channels, which made it very easy to get an understanding for the feel of the park.

I'll admit, the park itself is slightly less forested than I initially envisioned. Apparently most of Yellowstone sits at a higher altitude, and so trees have a harder time growing there. As such, there are large areas that have dozens of thin, fallen trees, which made it interesting to try and find a suitable spot for Evelyn's final confrontation.

After throwing some shade at Yellowstone's pitiful lake, we get to our first and only pit stop before it's time to head deeper into the park. This was another area that required a bit of research, as I wanted to make sure I accurately portrayed this tiny little pseudo-village in the middle of the park. Thankfully, I didn't need to describe it in as much detail, so I didn't stress as much about it.

What's most important is that they stop at a Visitor Center to get an idea of where they should head. In my head, it makes sense for them to shoot for the center of the park, but I also needed to be aware of the time period I was writing in. It's not like Evelyn has a smart phone and can just pull up a map of Yellowstone anywhere in the world, and it was nice to throw in this little touch of early 2000's worldbuilding.

Plus, the ranger here is the last of my reader suggestions! I fit every single one of them into the story!! Thanks to everyone who made suggestions, I hope it was fun seeing your ideas pop up in the story like that.

The big advantage of asking y'all for character ideas is that it makes the world feel big and multitudinous, which is something I value quite a bit. Since this isn't a movie or a TV show, I can't just hire a bunch of extras and ask them to bum around in the background, I have to be deliberate about every single person I put on the page. However, I'm aware that I have a tendency to make certain types of characters, so I love inviting other people to help populate the world.

After leaving the Visitor Center, we get one of the most important bits of this scene: Evelyn and Zadkiel taking a quiet moment to themselves before heading out. They talk about a few different things here, but I wanted to draw attention to one exchange in particular.

Still nestled in the armchair, Zadkiel directed their gaze to the floor boards for a moment. “…We never thanked you for removing us from that facility, did we, Hellspawn?”

Surprised by their comment, Evelyn sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the archangel directly. “You don’t have to, Zadkiel. We both know this is all just a cover to lock you away in my evil hamster wheel, remember?”

She’d hoped for a laugh, but instead her comment drew only further blank expressions from Zadkiel. “…Right,” they whispered.

Notice that Zadkiel still doesn't thank Evelyn for rescuing them, they simply comment on the fact they haven't yet.

In the last chapter, I showed the Zadkiel was willing to start interrogating Evelyn's motives a bit more seriously, which is an important part of their emotional journey. They're still wrestling with the fact that Heaven cast them out, and things are quickly evolving around them. Here, I wanted to hint that Zadkiel is starting to be more aware of the dynamic they and Evelyn have settled into.

Evelyn's clearly internalized their banter as a game of sorts, where she pretends to be an evil, scheming demon to poke fun at Zadkiel. However, humor can often be used to mask very real feelings, and sometimes it's hard to recognize that reality without sitting down and interrogating it.

Sometimes groups of friends have one person they designate as the butt of the joke. Often this is completely consensual on both sides, and everyone is just having a good time with a fun in-joke. However, it's always possible for that humor to start feeling real, for the person being made fun of to slowly feel like they're being laughed at rather than laughed with.

Always remember that humor is an incredibly powerful tool. It teaches us to normalize behaviors, and it can be used to draw attention away from serious misdeeds. If you say something horrible and taboo as a joke, it's easy to distance yourself from your words, but in the end, you're still aligning yourself with a certain point of view, and that's often the first step to truly internalizing a certain train of thought as your own.

This is precisely what Zadkiel is starting to pay attention to. They've been approaching this entire situation under the assumption that Evelyn is evil, and they never once stopped to think about how that affects her. Sure, she's in on the joke, but is that just a defense mechanism? How does it feel to put yourself at huge personal risk to save someone who wouldn't hesitate to kill you if they had the power?

Anyways, that's my quick rant on the power of humor. Please use it responsibly, and try to always punch up with your jokes.

With their quiet little moment all wrapped up, it's time to start this adventure!

I'll admit, I initially intended their trek through Yellowstone to take longer, but the more research I did, the more I realized that many areas of the park are honestly quite easy to reach. I'm sure some areas are more difficult than others, and not all spots have trails conveniently lead to them, but the math was really interesting to work out.

Evelyn just needed to drive to the top of the Mary Mountain Trail, and from there, it's only a few hours to get close enough for Zad's planar senses to do the rest of the work.

With that in mind, I had to shorten my initial plans for their adventure.

When I first envisioned this chapter, it was going to be a much longer adventure through treacherous terrain, with the Coven Heads hounding them at every turn. They'd have a small scuffle, run away, hide, then try again from a different direction. However, the relative ease of traversal made this idea much less appealing, and I tried to instead focus on the fact that the Coven Heads were catching up fast.

However, that doesn't mean there's no time to appreciate the natural wonder of the world. I know I didn't spend too much time describing the beautiful views, but I'm happy I worked in a few passages of Evelyn and Zadkiel simply enjoying the flora and fauna of the area.

We even see Zadkiel including Evelyn on their peaceful moment with the bison, yet another sign that they're starting to view Evelyn in a different light.

However, once Evelyn realizes just how close the Coven Heads are, she sends Zadkiel on their way and tries to set up some distractions. Here, I just wanted to stress that Evelyn truly is putting everything on the line for Zadkiel. I realize in some of the later chapters that their quest has, for the most part, been a pretty chill road trip, and I wanted to make sure they faced proper adversity. Evelyn's choice to escort Zad to safety doesn't mean much if that journey is just a quick roadtrip in a comfy car, so here we see just how far she's willing to go.

She's incredibly weak, has no one to feed on for miles, and yet she still chooses to engage two experienced witches that are, presumably, in prime fighting condition. Plus, as we're quick to learn, Headmistress Blackwood uses ice magic, and it happens to be raining (because I'm a dramatic bitch and wanted there to be rain.)

I'm quite pleased with how Evelyn's discovery that Cassandra uses portals changes her strategy. She immediately rushes back to Zadkiel to keep them safe, which I think is a nice touch that stresses her main goal.

She only catches up to Zad moments before the witches do, however, and Tabitha doesn't hesitate to launch a volley of icicles at Evelyn. Zadkiel, surprisingly, risks the manifestation of their binding chains to throw a shield in front of Evelyn, which Tabitha immediately clocks as incredibly strange. Cassandra, however, doesn't give a fuck and continues trying to attack, managing to stab Evelyn in the shoulder.

(No main character of mine can escape getting impaled, I'm sorry!)

After more confirmation that Zadkiel seems weirdly invested in both themselves and Evelyn making it to the end, they rush into the last clearing before the soft spot. Sadly, that's where tragedy strikes, as they fall into a trap set by Cassandra.

Which brings us to the moment I've been building to all book. Zadkiel has always refused to let Evelyn touch their child, which has caused countless delays in the past. Here, however, as they've started to internalize that maybe Evelyn isn't out to destroy them both, they finally make the hardest choice of all: they show Evelyn how to get to the safe house, and ask her to bring the child there without Zadkiel.

I almost forgot to give Zadiel one last moment with their daughter, which would have been truly terrible. The one thing I wanted to do, more than anything else, was convince people that Zadkiel was truly going to surrender themselves for their child.

I even let Evelyn leave the clearing, walk up to the edge of the soft spot, before she ultimately hesitates.

I'm gonna go on another little rant here, but I promise it's relevant. One of my pet peeves when it comes to media is the preponderance of characters who only ever do what they have to. Characters that always simply react to the plot, they have no agency, and they only seem to make decisions that feel logically appropriate.

Personally, I think this is a problem with the people that make movies being overly sensitive to bad faith film critics who shout down movies where characters "don't act logically" or something similar, but that's a separate conversation.

One way this shows up is in how the narrative frames the events of a story. For the best example, look at modern superhero movies. Almost all of them put the heroes in a situation where they're preventing the world from getting worse, and at the end of the movie, things always go back to normal.

That idea, that the world only needs protection from outside threats that might make it worse, operate on the assumption that our current world is fine and doesn't need changing.

When's the last time a superhero challenged a fundamental aspect of society and tried to reshape it for the better?

This idea, in my opinion, is absolutely everywhere. It's hard for me to think of decent examples where the hero of a story is not forced into action, they choose to step up and actively attempt to chance to world to make it better, kinder, or something similar.

I bring this up because it's something I'm trying to avoid with my writing. Now, I'm aware that mainline SaS does this all the time: Amara is simply trying to stop bad things from invading the campus. However, we're only through the first four books of the series as a whole, and I still have a lot of plans for where I want things to move in the future.

Daughter of Damnation, interestingly enough, has become a little bit of a teaser for some of the bigger themes in the story of SaS. I won't tell you what those themes are, but I'll bet you're smart enough to figure some of them out for yourself!

Anyways, this all ties back to Evelyn's decision in this moment. The smart thing to do is to leave Zadkiel and get their daughter to safety. This is what Zadiel wants, and this guarantees their child a healthy future safe from witches and nonsense. However, Evelyn's a pretty emotional person, and she dares to ask the crucial question: why not strive for more? Why not take the risk and go back for Zadkiel?

It's easy to look at optimism and think it foolish, but optimism is how we strive for a better world rather than settling for the shit we live in now.

So Evelyn runs back.

She takes a huge risk, putting the entire trip in jeopardy, purely because there's a chance it might all work out. We've seen small hints that maybe, maybe Tabitha isn't a heartless bitch, and that's enough for Evelyn to hope.

Thankfully, her gamble is rewarded. There have been enough hints that Tabitha is able to piece together what's happening and she makes the call to deescalate the situation. (For those of you also following SaS, this means you get to see Cassandra humiliated twice in two chapters! Lucky you!)

In case anyone missed it, Tabitha Blackwood is canonically Tessa's mom. I make it pretty obvious, and it's not really a twist, but I was so happy I had a chance to add her in here. Since we know that Tessa's parents are dead once SaS starts, we never really get a chance to learn about them. Thankfully, DoD gave me chance to show a little bit of the person Tabitha was, and I'm so happy I got a chance to show her being a hero. She's smart enough to see the truth of the situation, and clearly isn't blinded by the desire for power that seems to fuel Cassandra.

Her choice gives Zadkiel a chance to live out a life with their daughter, and I think that's beautiful.

Once free, and once Evelyn shares a quiet moment of understand with Tabitha, they vanish into The Wilds.

For the second time in this setting, I get to show another plane! We saw Purgatory before, but it was cold and desolate and lame, so I'm thrilled that I got a chance to show The Wilds here in DoD. I wanted to make it seem alive and interesting, but clearly it's own weird thing that doesn't quite make sense to people used to Earth logic, and I think I did a great job with that.

However, we only have a brief moment to appreciate the view before Evelyn collapses, the weight of her injuries and her exhaustion finally proving too much for her.

When she wakes up, we get a brief tour of the cabin before it's time to chat up Zadkiel again. We learn that whoever owns this mysterious house manages to give Zadkiel full copies of all their books and then some, or possible these are the same books they had on Earth? I don't clarify, and I'm happy that I don't.

That mysterious cabin owner is, in fact, Morgan le Fey! Why is she here? How does she know Zadkiel? What's happened between her and Evelyn in the past? Who knows! And I'm certainly not telling :P

I think I've explained in the past that stories should always feel bigger than what we see, and this is me trying to create that sense again. Hopefully Daughter of Damnation just feels like an important step among multiple different journeys!

Anyways, Evelyn tries to leave after talking with Morgan, and Zadkiel apparently has opinions about that. See, it's very important that they see Evelyn off so they can brag about how Evelyn will never see them again, which is objectively a great thing that Zadkiel has no regrets over.

This was a scene I thought about a LOT in my planning. It's the final culmination of Zadkiel's character, and I wanted them to approach it in a way that felt true to the person we've been seeing this whole book. So, yes, there's a lot of subtext in their words, and they try to approach the conversation on the assumption that, with the journey over, it's time for Evelyn to reveal her final plan. This is her last chance to blackmail Zadkiel or try to steal their soul, after all.

However, Evelyn makes it clear she's not going to do that, and Zadkiel finally drops the act. They say thank you directly, using Evelyn's actual name for the second time this book, and we even learn that they named their daughter Hope, which is what Evelyn has been calling her!

Surely a coincidence.

Full disclosure, I never anticipated that people would think this child was Vee. It legitimately caught me by surprise, and I feel a little foolish I didn't see it coming. That being said, it ended up being a fun diversion that hopefully made the story a bit more interesting. Most importantly, I love that Zadkiel chose this name in earnest after Evelyn initially suggested it as a joke, I think it speaks a lot to who Zadkiel really is.

With Evelyn's intentions now clear, Zadkiel offers to repay her kindness by performing a miracle on her behalf. This is no small feat, and hopefully the weight of this decision is felt as you read the scene.

However, what could Evelyn possible wish for?

Well, to answer that, it's time to pop back in time once more.

The year is 1951. WW2 is over, and Evelyn is finally returning to Earth following her return to Hell. I even reuse the narration from chapter one! I love how everything in this book keeps coming back again and again. Readers with perfect memories will remember that, in SaS, Evelyn once told Amara the years her father lived, and surely 1951 isn't important for any reason.

We see Evelyn slowly track down Vince's place, and she has no reason to suspect anything might go wrong. After all, Vince was still pretty young, he's probably in great health!

Surprising absolutely no one, however, the past section of this story doesn't exactly have a happy ending. Evelyn finds Rosie, who tells her that Vince only died a month prior.

Evelyn's a tough character to get a grasp on, partially because she's functionally immortal. Beings that live that long are fundamentally different than humans, and it can be tough to portray that in a story. Zadkiel, as an example, is weirdly child-like. They believe simple truths, they can't read, and they don't fully understand sarcasm.

This idea, that immortals experience life differently, possibly from a slightly childish viewpoint, is something I've always envisioned applying a little bit to Evelyn as well. From her perspective, despite being thousands of years old, Vince is the first person she's ever cared about, and now he's gone. How do you handle death when you've spent thousands of years only seeing it from the perspective of a monster?

In many ways, Evelyn is a character that doesn't start forming until she grows a heart in 1938. Fittingly enough, this is also a bit of a trans experience! I personally tell people all the time that I feel my life didn't truly begin until I figure out my identity, and that's very much the case with Evelyn.

Despite all her experience, then, she ultimately panics in the face of this bad news and runs away. Again, this is pretty childish, and that's the point. I wanted the 1938 story line to end in tragedy, and Evelyn's journey to being a better person ultimately made her so attached that now she doesn't know how to properly process the loss of the first person she's ever truly loved.

We end the 1951 section with Evelyn casting her thoughts back to the last night she spent with Vince, recalling the promises they made each other

This scene, the final night Evelyn spends with Rosie and Vince, was really daunting for me. It's the last night they all get to live happily together, and they don't know the tragedy that's about to befall their little family. We, the audience, know, and that only makes this whole scene all the sadder.

I've never written a tragedy before, and honestly, I'm shocked this story line came out as well as it did.

I teased last chapter that Vince was always jealous of movie stars, so here Evelyn gives him a single night to pretend like he's one himself. She takes them flying, which Rosie loves and Vince absolutely hates, and then surprises them with a pop-up movie theater complete with food, drinks, and snacks. They watch a delightful swashbuckling adventure and just have a great time enjoying each other's company.

I actually watched quite a few scene of The Adventures of Robin Hood in order to write this scene, and honestly, that movie is a blast. The sword fight in particular, the one that Evelyn and Rosie recreate, is a lot of fun, and I'm so happy I got to give them a playful moment together.

There's not as much to say about this scene, mostly because a vast majority of it exists to show everyone just having a great time.

After Rosie gets tired, Evelyn drops her off at a babysitter so she can slow dance with Vince. These moments, the quiet scenes that just show characters enjoying themselves, are always my favorite to write. I love showing people celebrating, how they engage with the playfulness of others, and how they choose to relax.

The slow dance is something I honestly wish I had art of. Both of them dressed in fancy outfits, holding each other and swaying back and forth on a Chicago rooftop.

Vince asks Evelyn to stay, and she explains why she can't. She promises to come back after, however, and now we know which promise Evelyn was never able to keep.

“Only if you promise to come back to me,” he whispered.

“Of course I do, love. By all the might of Heaven and Hell as my witness, we will see each other again...”

“I’ll wait for you, Evelyn.” Vince pulled her close, tenderly kissing her. “No matter how long it takes.”

Everything that happens in this scene made me cry, I'm not afraid to admit it. It's such a beautiful tragedy, and I can't believe I managed to portray it as wonderfully as I did.

Evelyn also explains why she can't have more children, but Vince convinces her to make another promise, and now we understand what's at stake back in 2000. Evelyn promises to hold onto a piece of Vince, and if the time ever comes, to give them a child. Hopefully a daughter, Vince muses, as he already has a name picked out.

We don't hear that name, however, we instead cut back to 2000. Evelyn tells Zadkiel that she wants a human child, and Zadkiel seems legitimately surprised by this, but ultimately agrees.

Here, we get another few lines that I consider really important.

Can I truly trust them?

Memories of Vince appeared in her mind again. Flashes of his smile, his warmth, his unending faith in the world around him.

He would.

And I trust him.

Another simple moment of a character finding strength in their convictions by relying on their connection to other people. This is the whole point of the story, after all, and I think it gives Evelyn more depth that, despite all the sass, she isn't fully ready to trust Zadkiel in the end. Still, she knows Vince would, and that's important.

Thankfully, her faith is rewarded, and she ends up pregnant.

We then cut to a month later, where Evelyn is meeting a strange older woman in a bodega. Who is this? Why, it's Rosie! It turns out Evelyn stayed in contact with her, but only slightly. She refused to introduce herself to any of Rosie's family, and this is where we understand the choice Evelyn ultimately made. Sadly, she chose to run away, to retreat from the world. She's willing to see Rosie, someone she already made a connection with, but she doesn't have the heart to fall in love with more family members, as she knows she'll out live all of them.

Cards of the table, you all need to thank my Beta Readers for this scene. My original draft didn't give Rosie any closure. Evelyn simply ran away, and after she got pregnant, we cut to her giving birth in the last scene.

I always knew that Evelyn was going to run, that the weight of losing Vince would be too much for her, but I didn't account for how important Rosie would end up being. Thankfully, my Beta Readers were absolutely correct: Evelyn would never have truly abandoned Rosie, and I think the routine that I hint at here is the perfect outcome. They still get to see each other, and Rosie respects Evelyn's decisions, even if she doesn't fully agree with them. We get to see older Rosie being a little silly despite her age, and we see that Evelyn has been secretly giving her a helping hand throughout her life. I'm honestly so happy I had the chance to add this in, it completes the story in the way it deserves.

It also helps explain why Rosie isn't a part of Amara's life. Evelyn wants so badly for Amara to think everything is normal, and there's simply no good way to explain Rosie's presence. Again, we see Rosie being the more mature person here, volunteering to not see Amara until they meet in the afterlife, which is a touch I'm really happy with.

I also get a chance to bring back to playful quote from the swordfight Rosie and Evelyn reenacted back in 1939!

More tears formed in the corners of her eyes. “Well, you’d better make sure you make it to Heaven yourself, then. Should I put in a good word for you?”

“Please, a demon like you?” Rosie asked, playfully smirking. “Do you even know any prayers?”

Evelyn forced a bittersweet laugh. “I’d say one for you, Rosie.”

For me, this is really what ties it all together. It speaks to their history, to the time they had together as a true family, and it speaks hope to their futures.

But the story isn't over yet. We cut to a hospital room, where we see the aftermath of Evelyn's pregnancy. We see that she refuses to shapeshift, that she's doing everything in her power to keep her child safe.

This scene is ultimately quite short, and there's only a few pieces of the story left to fall into place. First, we learn that Zadkiel kept their word, and their miracle was performed as intended. Evelyn's daughter joins the world as a happy, healthy human girl. This moment, despite not being someone that wants children, always makes me tear up. I love how important this is to Evelyn, I love that it speaks to the actions and kindness of so many strangers, and I love how it ties everything together with Evelyn's relationship with Vince.

Evelyn then remembers her last night with Vince, and we finally get to learn what name he'd picked out all those decades ago.

“Hi, Amara. I’m your mommy.”

This was always going to be the last line of the story. DoD has always been about children, parenting, and the desire to create a family, and there's no better way to end that than with Evelyn giving birth to Amara. After all, on a meta level, this story has always existed to explain the strange circumstances around Amara's birth, and now we know!

To me, this moment solidifies every single theme of the story, but is also a fantastic example of how this book can easily function as a standalone story. In my opinion, someone who's never read SaS could read this story and be completely satisfied with its ending. Will that ever happen? Who knows! But it was always my intention, and I think I nailed that part really well.

And that's that. After 16,000 words, the chapter is over, bringing an end to Evelyn's spin off. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did! I certainly got a lot of really positive feedback from everyone who read through it, and I'm thrilled I was able to write such a touching story.

Thank you so much for joining me and Evelyn!

Nyx ♥