This Venerable Demon Is Grossly Unqualified

BBnB - B2 Chapter 15

Li Xun was not a man who frequently attended formal banquets.

This was not truly by his own choice. He hated the format of course. Being placed next to an arbitrary pair of his fellow daoists, or senior members of the gentry, rarely yielded conversations worth the breath expended. And that was making the optimistic assumption that lesser guests were granted leave to speak at all. It was not uncommon, or considered inappropriate, for the discourse of their host to dominate the gathering....

BBnB - B2 Chapter 14

Orange-crest sat alone in the shade of his favorite willow, watching dusk overtake the day. His toes were half submerged in the cool water of the fishing pool. Every so often, a particularly brave fish would dart forward, mistaking them for especially ugly worms, and discover what monkeys tasted like.

Bad apparently, from the way they recoiled. But they kept giving his toes nibbles all the same. He was keeping very still, and fish had short memories.

Normally, orange-crest would h...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 13

Orange-crest did not pass out after defeating Yang Wei.

But it was a close thing. He was already sitting when his master arrived. He didn't quite remember when that happened. Maybe when Yang Wei's uncle had descended and it'd gotten hard to breathe for a few moments?

That man was scary. He felt like the king. Heavier than life itself. Not quite so weighty an existence as the king, but heavier than any other cultivator he'd ever seen.

Sitting was hard, so orange-crest rolled ...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 12

The centipede wine hit like Daoist Enduring Oath.

Unfortunately, so did Yang Wei.

Orange-crest's head swam as he slid backward beneath the weight of Yang Wei's charge, stone cracking in the wake of his passage. His staff, once Yang Wei's, bent overhead beneath the weight of Yang Wei's strike. The spearhead stopped just above his head, the aura emanated from it prickling the back of orange-crest's neck like a sharp sun.

Orange-crest wondered if there was a world out there in ...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 11

Note: This says chapter 11 again. It is the next chapter, what would have been 13. Since I'm moving the FG stuff later, closer to when it becomes relevant to orange-crest, chapters have been reordered.

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"You have the eyes of a tiger."

He really did. Orange-crest couldn't not say it. Some thoughts were too true not to give voice to. Hungry eyes narrowed as Yang Wei stalked forward toward the monkey. ...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 10

NOTE: 2 chapters this week, make sure to read 11 first!
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"Another drink, Marshal Yang?"

"Of course, Elder Xun." Yang Shui said, holding out his cup. Elder Xun poured almost absentmindedly, his eyes never leaving the duels taking place beneath them. Despite his distraction, he did not spill a drop, cutting off his pour just as Yang Shui's cup threatened to overflow.

The inner disciple w...

BBnB -B2 Chapter 9

Orange-crest was supposed to be asleep. Dark had long since fallen. There were only five more nights until his duel with Yang Wei.

He was having lots of sleepless nights lately, despite Daoist Scouring Medicine's continual exhortations that he should rest well to recover from the exertions of the day. His master insisted that though a truly powerful cultivator almost always grew beyond the need for sleep, orange-crest was still far too low in realm for such a thing to apply to him. His ...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 8

"It turned into stone." Outer Disciple Ma Bojing repeated. "Effortlessly turned multiple blows from a magical weapon that is clearly beyond Wu Yingjie's own level of cultivation. How do you not see how impressive that is? Most daoists cannot perform such techniques. None of us could hope to. Elemental transformations are considered to be an art on the same level as true flight. They're practically the signature trump cards of the Azure Mountain's elders. Elder Lu, Elder Xun, Sect Master Ren, ...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 7

Double post this week. Make sure you read Chapter 8 first.

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Wu Yingjie was not what orange-crest expected.

The initiate was big, whether by the standards of man or monkey. His limbs lacked the colossal muscles that Daoist Enduring Oath bore, but they were still quite large. Just not as large as his very healthy belly. Big people could be deceptive like that. Their limbs often looked small next to the bulk of their torso. But when you held y...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 6

Orange-crest was exploring himself. Or, he was exploring the mountain? He wasn't exactly sure which statement was more true.

Cultivation was mysterious like that.

The monkey had found a spot beneath a tree he rather liked and sat down in the tall grass that tickled its roots. He'd tried sitting as his master taught at first, back straight and legs knotted. But it'd felt wrong. He'd tried curling up next, the most comfortable position, but that'd felt wrong as well. In the end he'd...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 5

Author Note: I reorganized the chapter order a little. Ya'll were right, it was a rather abrupt transition to the Hao/formless-gleam chapters. This guy will come before the previous 5/6 in the final version, those are now 6/7, and the next chapter will be 8.

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Orange-crest stood over the prone form of Jiang Yan.

The disciple was wheezing quietly where he lay, but he seeme...

A Portrait of Loss - Chapter 3

I stared down, wondering where to begin.

Not where to end. I had a clear vision of what I sought to accomplish. But the challenge was ever in that translation, from celestial perfection to the movements of the mortal brush.

Those first few strokes were always the most difficult. Sometimes one painted over them entirely, the bones of a work shifting like the departing tide as a new shape arose from flawed design. But that was a rare thing, and not a desired outcome either. Normally...

A Portrait of Loss - Chapter 2

There's an old joke among Clairmorne's Artists.

How can you tell if a man is a musician?

He'll offer to play for you. If his instrument isn't a piano, he probably carried it with him to the cafe anyway.

How do you know if a man is a writer?

He'll tell you. Regale you with snippets from the novel he never seems to finish.

How do you know if a man is a painter?

He'll insult you, then make a pass at your wife.

I would object to the characterization, but ...

A Portrait of Loss - Chapter 1

Book 1 - A Portrait of Loss

Clairmorne. The crown jewel of Riveaux. The city of a thousand luminaries. Some say it is the center of the world. Others do not feel the need to state the obvious.

The city's luminaries speak unity into being, and write glorious new futures for those bold enough to reach for a new age. It's Artists stand at the forefront of every endeavor. The wonders they paint adorn the streets and dance through the skies. Thousands of lesser craftsmen compete to car...

BBnB - B2 Chapter ?+1

Note: This chapter currently does not have a fixed number, because I am reorganizing the ordering for better flow and don't yet know where it will go. It is probably receiving some edits, but is canon. It'll probably eventually end up somewhere in the 20s of book 2. It follows directly after https://www.patreon.com/posts/131010564

"We're trapped."

Hao Luoyang was getti...

BBnB - B2 Chapter ?

Note: This chapter currently does not have a fixed number, because I am reorganizing the ordering for better flow and don't yet know where it will go. It is probably receiving some edits, but is canon. It'll probably eventually end up somewhere in the 20s of book 2. It is the chapter before https://www.patreon.com/posts/131548664/

Outer Disciple Hao Luoyang traced the curve...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 4

"Young Master Yang, if I could have a moment-"

Li Shuwen's steps were like a river returning to the sea. He interposed himself between Yang Wei and the shameless outer disciple with effortless grace. His steps slowed just the slightest measure, allowing Yang Wei to disentangle himself without ever truly reacting.

"Disciple Yang has his match in the Initiate's Tournament later today. He is a man who does not approach even the simplest of trials with a light heart. I am certain I ca...

B2 Chapter 3

Orange-crest couldn't sleep.

It was such a stupid problem, not being able to sleep. Sleep was what you did when you weren't able to be awake. So how could a monkey be unable to sleep? It was like saying you were unable to not eat. Or, was it like that? That would make eating being awake? Did it make sense to say that you couldn't not eat because you were busy eating right now? The logic seemed to run in a circle, never finding a place to rest. Just like orange-crest's busy mind.

U...

BBnB - B2 Chapter 2

Orange-crest was getting tired of sneaking around. It was good then, that today was the day his solitude ended.

There was nothing wrong with stealth. It was a useful way for preserving one's life. But it wasn't a healthy way to live, creeping about beneath the notice of all things. Not that it was really possible to hide so completely on the Azure Mountain. Daoists were cheaters like that, with all their strange extra senses. One could do it, if they lived as formless-gleam had. Hole up...

BBnB - B2 - Chapter 1

Yang Wei spun, stepping to the side as he did. A thick shaft of hardwood missed his side by a finger's width. His own staff spun round, twirling in it's own spiral. He almost absent-mindedly rapped Wu Yingjie's fingers. With the momentum of two spins, he needed exert neither qi nor muscle for his own staff to land with devastating effect.

The heavyset disciple bit back a curse as he retreated, nursing his smashed knuckles.

Yang Wei sighed. This was the fourth time the fool had tri...

BBnB - B1 - Epilogue

NOTE: THERE ARE TWO CHAPTERS TODAY. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ CHAPTER 37 YET, DO THAT FIRST.

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The cultivators of the Azure Mountain sect had a thousand theories about what lay beneath their home.

Even the initiates knew that there were caves and tunnels. It was not a great leap of logic to uncover that much. Once one was introduced to sites like the Fathomless Well or God...

BBnB - B1 Chapter 37

Daoist Enduring Oath stared into the flames.

It was a curious thing, his Mountain-Devouring Flame. Old Xiang had suggested he take it from the Treasure Pavilion, after he'd been granted the right to enter for his work on behalf of the Punishment Hall. Elder Asura's Chains had been so pleased to find a disciple willing to devote years to forging restraining chains that he'd increased the reward on the spot when Han Jian had volunteered to complete the entire requisition order on his own....

BBnB - B1 Chapter 36

"You're alive." Li Xun repeated for the third time. As if his words might make the truth more firm.

"Yes." Orange-crest agreed. "And you're not dying."

"We're all dying. But I'm no closer than I was the last time you saw me."

"And last I saw you was two seasons ago."

"Just over six months, yes. Summer is already giving way to autumn. The end of year tournament, and the imperial's family visit, are less than two weeks away. Most other sects take initiates in the spring....

BBnB - B1 Chapter 35

Daoist Scouring Medicine rose, stretching, and wondered when it had all changed. When a life he'd considered unacceptable had become almost tolerable.

He slept almost every night these days. Spending twelve hours a day performing material refinements without a diet of pills left a man bone-tired. Fully exhausting one's qi was not the same as hard mundane labor, for all they both beckoned dreamless sleep. There were deeper consequences to such exhaustion, for cultivators.

Every day...

BBnB - B1 Chapter 34

Daoist Scouring Medicine blinked. It was already oily.

Oh. He'd already done this section, hadn't he?

He ran a finger along the stone fur, slicked with unguent. It was strange in texture. Unlike anything the daoist had ever encountered in his century of life. Disciple Zhang and Daoist Enduring Oath both had skin like stone. It was not an uncommon affliction, in the Azure Mountain Sect. Not common either, in absolute terms. But they had more experience with partial petrification th...

BBnB - B1 Chapter 33

Orange-crest awoke in darkness.

He blinked, noting how very little it changed what he saw. That should not be surprising. He usually woke in darkness. Night was long in the depths of winter. Only the most slovenly monkeys did not either wake before or retire after the sun. Orange-crest usually did both!

But even in winter, the darkness was never so perfect as this.

Was he in a cave?

Carefully, he pawed around. Rough rock. Smooth rock. Was that... wood? Not smooth, with...

BBnB - B1 Chapter 32

"It is not your fault."

Daoist Enduring Oath regretted the words the moment he spoke them. A thoughtless kindness could be its own sort of cruelty.

Daoist Scouring Medicine turned to his closest friend. His face was a placid mask, without a shadow of tension.

"You think Li Hou did this to himself then?" He asked quietly, venom dripping from every calm word. "Proved himself nothing more than another Disciple Zhang?"

Daoist Enduring Oath held his tongue this time. Neith...

BBnB - B1 Chapter 31

Orange-crest sat in the center of a storm, eyes sharp with focus. Power surged within him, qi burning away at a furious pace. Well, it was a storm in much the same way that a trickle of water winding its way down the side of a rock face was a river. That is to say, there was technically wind.

"Come to me." The monkey whispered in the true tongue, feeling his energies envelope his target. The world greedily ate away at his power, thin strands of qi vanishing in an instant, like the first...

BBnB - B1 Chapter 30

It was finally ready. Perhaps finally was the wrong word. One month was fast for wine. It was also slow. Wine was fun like that, with many secrets and nuances.

Green worms worked slowly. On Mount Yuelu, he would usually leave his green worm batches for an entire season. Orange-crest had not made a habit of checking in at any regular interval, but he'd made enough batches to understand the process. First green worms would surface to the top of the mash, and make their homes there. The wo...

B1 Chapter 29

During the winter, orange-crest did not often attend the beginner quarterstaff classes. Not for fear of his fellows, nor deficit of energy. When he neglected to attend Disciple Chang's lessons, he usually found other ways to exercise his body. Ice-fishing was good on the Azure Mountain, likely due to the lack of competition. Some days his brother would give the monkey pointers on hand-to-hand combat, claiming the exercise did his stiffened muscles good. Other days, he would visit formless-gle...