WarbyPicus

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Chapter 68 Hey Kid, Wanna Learn A Magic Trick?

“Tommy Wells, meet Jember,” Merkovah nodded at the sunny man, “And Etenesh, his cousin.”

Truth waved at them and smiled. They smiled back, looking a little overwhelmed. No idea what that was about.

“Young man…” Truth just looked at him. “Betrayals all around.  Everyone in.  Dinner time, then we have to make a bed for Tommy.”  Merkovah didn’t quite hide his eye roll when he said, “Tommy.”

They piled into the house and started throwing to...

Vote on What Side Story You Want Next!

Exclusive benefit for my Patrons- You get to decide what side story you want next! Voting closes Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023.

Wondering what the sibs have been getting up to? Well, they aren't slackers, that's for sure.  Would you like to learn more about:

Patreon Borked My Post Order

Let me know if all the chapters are unlocked for the new Barefoot Prophet tier. If something isn't, I'll fix it right away. Pro tip- if you set a load of things to post simultaneously, Patreon will post them in any damn order it likes.

NEW TIER NEWS!

First of all- New Barefoot Prophet is up! $10 gets you 20 chapters ahead of RR.  

Second- Sorry about the odd way Patreon loaded the scheduled posts. Apparently, this made sense to it. Somehow. For some reason. Next time, I post things one minute apart.

Third- Patreon does not let me change tiers while people are enrolled in them, so the old, $20 Barefoot Prophet tier is still up. I will be reaching out to them to try and migrate everyone to the cheaper version. 

F...

Chapter 65 A Little Down Payment

“So.  Let’s get you started.  What do you have as your first spell?  Utility spell?”  Teacher Merkovah asked.

“Body Cultivation.  The Meditations of Valentinian.”  Truth replied, still confused by how fast things were moving.

“Huh.  I am both impressed and sorry for you.”  The beardy exorcist looked surprised.  “Impressed, because that is classically the “right” way to do things.  At least on better-developed pl...

Chapter 66 A Slice of Life

Merkovah thought his office looked like some kind of conspiracy nutjob’s “special” wall.  There were little scraps of paper laid out on the floor, different books had been positioned carefully at different heights and angles to the paper, and while it was probably a coincidence, the sunlight streaming through the window seemed to catch just enough of the back of his chair to form an illuminated rune on the ground.  Which rune was debatable.

“So you’ve been busy,” &...

Chapter 59 What Price A Goat?

Truth woke with the dawn, feeling something skittering over his leg.  He tried to shake it off, still half asleep.  He felt something poke his ankle, then again.  Not painful, really, but weird.  He looked down.  A small brown scorpion was trying to sting him.  The stinger hit his skin and just bounced off.  Tap, tap, tap.

He gently picked it up off the ground and held it in his hand.  No need for magic.  Just picking up a scorpion and lettin...

Chapter 60 Nasty, Brutish and Short

The tactical situation was very bad.  Truth was standing out in what was essentially an open intersection.  The nearest cover was two buildings fifty meters away, and everything else was… junk.  Collapsing shacks, a steel bench covered with a corrugated metal roof, some road signs, a heap of bald tires, and more thorn bushes and trees than was good for his mental health.  Nineteen bandits armed with acid bolters were fanned out around him, and the local goatherds were mo...

Chapter 61 Bickering Old Men

Truth sat on a bench in the Agora.  He had long since finished eating, but the two old bastards beside him were bickering like champions, and he couldn't bear to go.

“We agree that it is best to live simply and modestly.”

“We do.”

“And that one should pursue virtue and not fear death.”

“Yes, that too.”

“So why is it that your whole philosophy is just stupid trash?”

“Get fucked.  At the most fundamental, basic level, pleasure ...

Chapter 58 The Measure of a Mage

Truth had learned his lesson the night before- he drove directly to the highway and stayed on the highway.  He still couldn't read the signs but figured “Generally North-East” was manageable.  And the numbers were the same, so B8 should be pretty recognizable, right?

He had himself convinced for all of four seconds.  “Thrush, do you know which way leads to the B8 Road?”

“I do not, Master.”

“Do you know what the sign for the B8 road looks like?”...

Chapter 62 I Want Spells!

Acid started raining down over the front of the garage, hissing and spitting as it burned holes in the dirt.  He could hear villagers yelling and metal clanking, somewhere between a chime and a drum.  It started grumbling and rolling.  The acid came down harder, eroding the edge of the building.  Truth didn’t dare imagine the roof.

He started racking his mind for countermeasures.  His only ranged weapon was too short-ranged to be useful.  The garage had a...

Chapter 63 Young Man, You Are Posessed!

Truth woke to the sounds of hammering outside the hotel.  He had faintly hoped for more screaming from the System, but you can’t have everything.  Worth investigating why his body could torture the System, but… it would just have to go on the big heap of “Things Truth Does Not Understand.”  Sooner or later, the mountain would be worn down to nothing.  That would be a good day.

Truth frowned.  He was so tired; he didn’t cultivate yesterday.  Of cou...

Chapter 64 The Exorcist's Intern

“I’m not buying anything and won’t sell anything for you!”  Truth barked reflexively in Jeongo.  He didn’t know why, but the short, beardy man with intense eyes gave off the scammer vibe he most vividly associated with his mother.

The scammer looked at him and started slowly shaking his head.

“Speaking in tongues.  It’s already so progressed.  I can only do my best.  Yes, I can only do my best. Young man, do not despair, for God is great, and...

Chapter 67 Alternatives

The ghostly serpent shattered in Truth’s grasp, dispersing as wisps of grey gas under the brilliant tropical sun.  Widow Yettran gasped and rattled on the ground, shivering like she had a fever.  Her color was improving.  The disgusting mottling was fading away.  The green had already vanished.  He looked around awkwardly.  He had destroyed the spirit’s corporeal body, but the spirit was very much alive and around somewhere.  Suddenly, being able to make...

Chapter 57 That Was An Option? (End of Volume 1)

Entrance into the university was unexpectedly smooth.

“I told him you were a wealthy overseas student here while your parents were working abroad,”  Thrush said with as much cheer as it was capable of.

“I am dressed in stolen gangster clothes, and my iron horse is missing pieces.  Like most of the seat.”  Truth looked dubious.

“The clothes actually help sell the image of rebellious youth.  The bike, I informed him, was purchased a week ago and d...

Chapter 56 Wait a Goddamn Second!

Truth coolly cataloged the guard in front of him.  Wearing fatigues, no armor, cap with brim.  No visible rank insignia.  The fetish looks professionally made, and given the size and depth of the carvings on it, clearly intended to handle a high power throughput without disintegrating.  Given that this is the Free State… military and imported.  The spellhound… might not actually be a spellhound.

The more he looked at it, the more he got the sense of a dog th...

Chapter 55 Very Reasonable Questions

Truth chuckled mirthlessly, seeing the notification. Time to explore the city, hit up the university, maybe start scouting districts for raiding.

Great thinking. Hey Genius, take a look out the window.

Truth did. Blinding white lights lit up the area around the apartment building. It was night. Truth had sorted loot for longer than he thought.

“Eh. Fuck it. I still want to check out the city.  And I haven’t seen a hint of Ghūl either.”  Truth muttered. &nb...

Exciting News!

I'm improving the tiers, effective Friday. Barefoot Prophet is dropping from $20 to $10... and getting an extra ten chapters over what's released for the Awakened. Yep. 20 Chaps ahead of RR. 

"But wait," I hear you cry. "What about Discord? Why no love for the Awakened? What's going on with the Dread Magus tier?"

Discord Server has been created. I am going to be kicking the tires on Patreon integration a little bit more (because I am a vicious luddite sometimes,) but expect a...

Chapter 54 Securing The Home Front, And A Sofa

Truth started whistling as he pulled apart the sofa. He didn’t know how to whistle but saw no reason to let that stop him from trying. Springs- could use those. Plenty of iron there.  The cloth was rotten but synthetic, making it still somewhat useful. The wood was so far gone he could carve it with his nails and zero effort. The stuffing was mostly rats' nests and other less palatable things, but perhaps it would burn? Or just absorb sound if he tossed his device somewhere. Yeah, that...

Chap. 53 Finding "Home"

They drove over in silence. The apartment building was four stories, blocky, and unadorned. The apartments were arranged around a central courtyard that people had thrown their garbage into for years. The miasma of rot, of fermenting excrement, overwhelmed the senses. Despite this, the building appeared to be mostly occupied.

“Any of these places have working toilets?”

“A few. My late master wasn’t picky about such things.”

“Lead me to one that does.” Thrush di...

Chapter 52- Settling In

Truth took two explosive steps towards the alley, stopped hard, and doubled back for his iron horse. He had a great idea, it required the two-wheeler, and by God, he wouldn’t let these thieving bastards run off with what he had rightfully stolen.

He hopped on the two-wheeler, pulling out the short stabbing spear he looted back in the village. Truth smacked the chained demon into life, and in a shriek of spinning tires, he bolted for the alley. He had no idea how to do this. T...

Keep or Trash $3 Tier?

I have 0 Patrons at that tier level.  It’s basically just additional admin at this point. OTOH, maybe someone will want it someday? I figured I would ask the crowd- Keep or trash the $3 tier?

Chapter 51- Just People Helping People

“Summon humanoid system interface. Hey, explain why I am somehow magic-resistant.” Truth was filled with piss and vinegar after his nap.

The System growled.  “The point of body cultivation and everyone has been telling you this from the first time you heard about it, the whole damn point is making you more real than the things around you. BUT. The universe is real. It’s really damn real. It’s so real, it’s very literally the thoughts of God the Creator made man...

Chapter 50- Trustworthy Numbers

The system slowly materialized, still looking casual. Excessively casual. In other circumstances, hopefully soon occurring circumstances, Truth would have described the look as “unwisely casual.”

“What?” The System demanded.

“Your not gimped edition appears to be mostly lies and, just FYI, there are asterixis next to everything.  Which I assume is not good.”

“How dare you!”  The System flushed with outrage.  “I would never tell you such obvio...

Chapter 49- Wheels and Meals

Truth “thoughtfully” relieved Loudmouth of his spear.  He gave it a quick once over.  It was just a long, polished bit of wood with a broad metal head.  Maybe it had ritual significance?  You could hardly call it a weapon.  Though with his current body, that calculation changed.  He looked down on Loudmouth.  He didn’t have a way to tie up the villager.  Nor did he have a way to gag him.

Truth sighed.  He carefully kicked the unconsciou...

Chapter 48- Your Clothes. Give Them To Me.

“Alright, so everything is terrible. I’m basically naked here-”

“No “basically” about it.”  Muttered the System.

“Alright, I am buck naked in the middle of the desert in the middle of the Ressilaud Free State.  A country where I would not voluntarily come on a bet but apparently will come on business.”

“Heh.  “Voluntarily.”

“God, you are such a joy to be around.”  Truth muttered.  “Before I can figure out… what t...

Chapter 47- Mudball Dreams

Truth stared blankly at the rude little ghost/sprite/hallucination thing. There was a lot to unpack there.

“Presumed dead?”

“You did die. The System did eject from your spell apertures.  There will be recordings of you getting shot in the chest, knocked down a well, and a spell bird crashing in after us. You are not just dead, but extra dead. Dead plus, with the optional sports package. Another overachievement, placing a beautiful finishing touch on your record...

Timed Patreon Exclusive SR Side Story #1: The Broken Contract

Since you guys are two weeks ahead, a quick note- This is set a day or two after the battle at Fort Leucre.

The carriage bumped up the unpaved road. On the other side of these jagged hills were coffee farms, lush and green. Excellent paved roads ran up and down them, heavy with wagons carrying the precious beans to be processed for export. This side of the hills didn’t get any rain.  It was dry, scrubby, barren, home to a few small homesteaders failing to subs...

Chapter 46- Morning, Sunshine

Truth wasn’t sure he woke up.  It was black as the inside of his eyelids, even when he thought his eyes were open.  Did he go blind?  It wouldn’t be surprising after… everything.

What the hell happened?!  He was ORDERED TO DIE?

Truth floated in the cool well water, trying to wrap his head around that thought.  He had been ordered to die.  Ordered and magically compelled to die.  By Starbrite.  The company he had spent...