DakotaKrout

FMH: Everything ~ Fourteen

The first stop for The Four was visiting the kingdom's Spymaster. Everyone had somewhat expected the Archmage to hold the position, so they were vaguely surprised to be met by Ma’am, the head maid of the castle. She was in a terrible mood, likely because she had been unable to detect the intruder who had taken the future queen, realize that she had been taken, or initiate any chain of events that could begin the process of bringing her mistress home.

“Hurry along!” Ma’am snapped...

FMH: Everything ~ Thirteen

- Luke-

The Murderhobo was escorted to his room, and as promised, it was a well-appointed, luxurious suite. The Royal Guardsman who had escorted him drew a line with his finger at the threshold of the room, “By the King's orders, you're under house arrest. Under no circumstances are you to step outside of your room.”

Luke merely stood where he was, staring at the Guardsman with dead, hollow eyes widened as far as he could open them. He had found the expression to be...

FMH: Everything ~ Twelve

“Your majesty, with all due respect,” Andre began speaking slowly and carefully with a clenched jaw, not sure how he should be handling this topic, “As I understand, it is my right to-”

“I'm going to stop you right there, Archdruid.” Vir firmly stated, holding up one of his hands and motioning to someone else in the room. “The law has changed. We are at war, and the limp-wristed grip my father had on the population died with him. You will hand over those ...

FMH: Everything ~ Eleven

Taylor looked at the city walls that loomed in the distance, even from here her eyes could notice the improvements, upgrades, enchantments, and sheer wealth that had been poured into enhancing them to a degree this kingdom had never been able to achieve before. Part of her was pleased that the kingdom had been using the materials they retrieved for defense—ensuring the safety of their population—but a larger part of her winced internally, forcing her not to make eye contact with her frien...

FMH: Everything ~ Ten

- Taylor -

After she heard the sounds of combat coming from a different part of the cavern than they were in, Taylor blasted her way through the stone keeping her in place, ready to do the same for Zed, then the two of them would make a break for it. They would be trapped in this world until they could find a Druid that was willing to let them out, but at least they would be-

“Taylor! By the order of the King you're to remain where you are!” A man she had never seen before h...

Artorian 14!

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FMH: Everything ~ Nine

It took a short while for Luke to get his bearings, as he had run through the forest with his eyes closed. Yet, without Andre here to repair the damage that he had done, it was fairly obvious which direction he needed to go. “Follow the path of destroyed forest. Can do.”

Then he started moving toward the location of ‘tree eight’, making sure to spend as much time as possible picking out the safest route. Would it be safe to go through those saplings? Who knew for sure? ...

FMH: Everything ~ Eight

- Luke -

Watching the portal *snap* closed right in front of him, it was all Luke could do to not fly into a rage and start smashing things. Squinting his eyes, he tried to make a plan. That made his head hurt, so he decided against it; and fell back on ‘smashing things’.

Andre hadn't left an exit, so there was no real alternative. He ran over to where he hoped the walls and dirt were weakest, twirling around and slamming Cookie into the earth at an upward angle. At...

FMH: Everything ~ Seven

“I'm not sure if anyone has noticed this yet; is it just me… or is there a giant pillar of light going from the ground to the sky from the spot where Andre finished his quest?” Zed pointed straight up, and they realized that he was correct. The only reason the majority of them hadn’t noticed until this point was that they were within that same column, and focused on their own concerns.

Luke turned on his heel and dashed away, leaving the others to scramble after him as they each...

FMH: Everything ~ Six

After a short rest, a good meal, and gathering his friends around him, Andre was most certainly in a better place mentally. Each of his friends were looking on with excitement, interest, or absolute apathy depending on their own temperaments. “Thank you all for being here, I'm sure you all know exactly how much this means to me.”

“Make with the magic, plant boy! I want to see what happens!” Zed had a notebook and plant-based ink that had been supplied by the Druid, and was furio...

Everything is releasing on Patreon!

It's fully written :D

FMH: Everything ~ Five

- Andre -

The Druid stood in the center of his terraformed paradise, ankle deep in the mud rich with fertilizers and nutrients that he would need for the final push. He took in a deep breath, letting it out as he expanded his awareness of the area to his maximum capability. As an Archdruid of the Third circle, he was able to feel not only the sensations of the plants, but also the animals and the earth of the planet.

Layer by layer, he inspected all of his work, feeling each sen...

FMH: Everything ~ Four

Weeks later, from their perspective, Luke and Zed stepped out of the portal and back into the lush green forest that had been created by Andre. The Murderhobo let out a deep sigh of disappointment as he looked around the mana-lacking environment.

 To be fair, this place on the planet compared to anywhere else he had been so far, was far more mana-dense than anywhere else. Most of that was the presence of himself, since opening his portals in this area allowed a fresh influx of raw ...

FMH: Everything ~ Three

“I have officially seen the issue for myself, and I think we should vacate the premises immediately.” Zed cautiously released Luke’s neck when the man didn't stop running, tucking and rolling immediately to his feet and into a run that ensured he would be diverted away from Luke’s path. “Whew, good thing I’m a Bard. Any Bard worth their salt can tum~ble.”

The Murderhobo didn't take any time to concern himself with his friend's well-being. The edge of Zone twenty l...

FMH: Everything ~ Two

Zed, Andre, Taylor, and Luke stood together in person for the first time in nearly three months. They had grown comfortable with each other and were aware of each other's presence in a way that eliminated the necessity for constant interaction. Luke, especially, was not one for extravagant or idle chatting for the sake of being social.

The Bard looked around, his unfettered joy showing on his face at all times. “This is nice. Isn't this nice? How are you all doing? I know that we've a...

FMH: Everything ~ One

Luke the Murderhobo slouched in a chair crafted of vines and living wood, staring sullenly at the lush, verdant paradise he found himself in. Every once in a while, a tree branch would slightly extend toward him, offering fruit, nuts, or vegetables—strangely enough. The oddly solicitous vegetation was not why he was in a funk. Luke didn’t mind the ready access to food, and the view was enjoyable… even if the unnatural motion of the encompassing flora screamed at his senses that it must ...

FMH: Everything ~ Prologue

As the first hints of daylight began to transform the false dawn into a beautiful morning, Zed the Bard admired the sky as it was painted by the forces of creation.

“What a beautiful day to achieve everything I have always wished for.” His murmured musings were short-lived, abruptly interrupted by the commander of the forces of the Hollow Kingdom opening the door. “Bartholomew! My dear Commander of the Inquisition, I'm shocked and surprised… that you took my request seriously. A...

CWD: OE ~ Epilogue

Needless to say, that was not the ending that Johnny Meat had been hoping for. The Patron of the CruxTerran Commander was absolutely furious and was trying to scream at Arriod. In fact, he was screaming, his face going completely red with rage, but Kronos’ power had apparently significantly increased upon Nacho's winning the first round of the Juxtaposition. With a mere snap of his fingers, the Patron from the opposing faction had been muted entirely.

“Congratulati...

CWD: OE ~ Forty-Two

The Guild Leader of the Chip's Guild, the last and best hope for humanity, brought his blades above his head and slammed them down. His chef's knife was aimed at the exposed throat, his cleaver poised to chop into Arriod’s ribs.

*Clang!*

Another metal dome appeared around the enemy commander, followed by a flash of gold and red fire that Nacho could only faintly see through the seam at the bottom. Nacho slammed his knives down on it twice more in frustration. “You hav...

Full Murderhobo

Here's a poll: is everyone ready for me to unlock all of the cooking with disaster chapters so that we can go straight into murderhobo tomorrow?

• Yes.
• Also yes, but lower.

Perfect! Tomorrow we'll go right into FMH: Everything. I'm liking the chapter every weekday speed, so I think I'm going to keep it up. Sound like a plan?

CWD: OE ~ Forty-One

Nacho didn't need any tricks; he bull-rushed Arriod, hoping that he would be able to beat the man down with his strength combined with the sheer force of numbers that he was able to bring to bear. Even as the human leader attacked, other guild members were flooding into the area, some firing arrows or magical abilities ahead of themselves if they were fairly confident that they would not hit their Guild Leader. However, the CruxTerran wasn't about to take all of that damage quietly. In one of...

CWD: OE ~ Forty

The cook blinked as he stared in shock around the empty space where he and Arriod had appeared. An instant later, Johnny Meat arrived, and Nacho began to despair. If the Crux Terran’s Patron had arrived, that meant-

His concerns turned into confusion as Kronos also materialized next to him, the pair of mortals and Patrons staring each other down. Johnny was the first to speak. “Well, ain't this a pickle.”

“They went through at the exact same time. How long has it ...

CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Nine

There was one thing that Arriod had not been expecting: Nacho wasn't the kind of person who would let a little bit of pain stop him from fulfilling his goals. While Nacho wasn’t entirely certain what it translated to, the fact that he had significantly higher stats than any other person around meant that the cook could move at incredible speeds with incredible endurance.

It took but a moment for his cleaver to swing down in a strike from upper left to lower right, his intent clear; if...

CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Eight

Nacho winced as the first hunger pangs of the Starvation Debuff twisted his guts. The smell inside the cabinet seemed tailor-made to enhance their discomfort: every last inch was crammed with a variety of candies. From knee-high Sweet Tarts to Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups the size of tractor trailer tires, packages of Twix bars stacked like cordwood tempted the ravenous group as they picked their way through the sugary gloom. Entire bags of gummy bears had melted onto plates—surely ruining ...

CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Seven

Nacho stood sweating in front of the giant electric stove that continued to glow red-hot. To his right and left, the gas burners spewed bright blue flames. The situation seemed utterly hopeless; at least if they hoped to get past this without getting burned to near death, at the very least.

Kristie was the only one to put forward an idea. “Scratch-Bite! That sponge is going to be releasing torrents of water. If we can kill it, or at least use it, I think we can use the body t...

CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Six

They ran to catch up to the group, and Nacho called for everyone to stop. A few of them were so tired that simply standing still was enough to make them collapse to the ground, barely awake. “Put all your swords, daggers, pocket knives—anything with a blade—down on the ground. I’m going to try something.”

Brie was the first to move, though all she had was a tiny dagger. Jennifer produced various little knives she used for cutting up the ingredients she put into her drinks. Tay...

CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Five

Nacho lifted Jennifer in a Princess carry, clasping her hand and trying to reassure her—even though he knew there was a chance, however small, that she would be nothing more than a burned-out husk in the next few minutes. “It always feels like death when you upgrade your Character Class a Tier higher. You’ll get through this.”

She gasped, gagged, and nearly convulsed out of his arms onto the countertop. His reflexes were enough to make sure she stayed safe, but it was a close ca...

CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Four

Reuben and Jennifer were yelling about something that no one could hear, thanks to the calamitous noise of the garbage disposal. Nacho calculated their odds of escape, briefly letting out a whisper of relief that the Godking of Scrub Sponges couldn’t run very well: it had been made for swimming through dishwater and for scraping the burned stuff off of pans.

It took forty-five minutes of wading through the water, even with their enhanced physiques pushed to the very limits, to reach t...

CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Three

“It’s hour eighteen in the Starvation Dungeon, and no one is losing Hunger Points yet.” Nacho looked around to confirm the accuracy of his assertion. “It’s only a matter of time, so we need to hurry. We can… we’ll honor the fallen after we make sure that we are going to make it through this.”

Brie and Abby both had used their abilities, which meant they had fewer Hunger Points to spare and would suffer a faster death than the others if they failed to reach safet...

CWD: OE ~ Thirty-Two

As everyone sprinted forward in an attempt at pushing past the incoming wave of monsters, Reuben cast Positive Vibes on the group. “That should make it so you can hit hard enough to knock them out of the way, Brie!”

Welcome to Active Combat! This poor freezer food has been ignored for too long, and the food wants revenge!

“For Celestial’s sake, concentrate on running!” Nacho shouted at his friends as he took the lead, surging ahead of the Berserker and doing a f...