DakotaKrout

CWE: OE ~ Six

When they reached the apartment he shared with Brie in the actual core guild area atop Armor Mountain, Nacho thought Reuben would bail. When he didn’t make the move to go in there, the cook realized that Reuben likely wanted to get to the bottom of this ‘problem’ business as well.

Kala came marching down Main Street in her black armor, her huge sword sheathed on her back. “You’re gonna do it? You’re just gonna let him make the challenge like that? I can’t believe you’re ...

CWD: OE ~ Five

Nacho couldn’t get many specifics about the situation from the others. All three said it was a ‘see for yourself’ situation, and were hesitant to share too many details. Nacho pushed, but Brie eventually told him to drop it. “Why? Why can’t I just know ahead of time?”

“We don’t want to push you one way or the other. We want you to make your own decision.” Abby told him in an attempt to soothe his troubled mind.

The cook wasn’t enjoying the deflections. “At th...

CWD: OE ~ Four

“Before we decide to make a whole proposal to raise the three of us to Tier two…” In the predawn light, Nacho added another stick to the fire and stood. Sweet smoke filled the air, and the river gurgled over smooth stones next to them. Everyone was awake, and wanted to continue the conversation from the previous night with a clear head. “…let’s talk cash flow. We’re getting ten credits a day from people on average. That means most people are earning one hundred credits before ta...

CWD: OE ~ Three

Since Nacho had upgraded his Ingredient Processing ability to Tier one, specifically level nineteen, they didn’t need to pull the Tier two Massive Millet Stalker into the forest. He could process the Putrid Mana out of the grains remotely. He bought bright yellow sacks from the Store with ‘It’s Juxta-bag’ written on the front in big red letters.

Brie was clearly still feeling concerned about their reactions to her reckless charge, so didn’t say a word against his request for h...

CWD: OE ~ Two

Brie flashed like lightning through the meadow grasses. When she got in range of the grain monsters, a wave of energy tore across the meadow and struck the first Massive Millet Stalker. The resulting explosion of millet and black sap splashed across the ground while Brie was still fifteen feet away. She’d hit one of the plants and reduced its total Health from four hundred and twenty, to three hundred and forty-five.

“I’ll have to hit it six more times to kill it!” She whirled h...

CWD: OE ~ One

Eli ‘Nacho’ Naches stood at the edge of the forest holding his Skillet of Turtling. Reuben and Brie flanked him, hidden in the trees. The Dinner Party gazed with astonishment at the field of vicious millet, misshapen stalks heavy with monstrous grains of epic proportions. It was a farming nightmare; a bedtime story wild-eyed vegans told about what would happen if people didn’t stop eating meat. “Guess they ended up being right in the end, though, so what do I know?”

Fifteen fe...

CWD: OE ~ Prologue

Arriod QuaJohn of A-One District’s Ultra Unit Strike Force stood just behind the tree line. As the Ultra Commanding Overlord of the Ideal CruxTerran Unified Peoples—better known as the ICUP—Arriodd knew all of his commanders and soldiers were waiting on his signal. He waited patiently in the shadows, with one hand on his very special, very deadly katana.

His sunglasses were pushed up on his head to keep his thick black hair back, and as always, a lower-face cloth covered his chin,...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Epilogue

“I don’t care how ‘trustworthy’ you’ll be as a guild member. We’ll control the credits.” Nacho’s eyebrow twitched as Kala balked at his flat denial of the last in a long string of demands for joining her guild to the Chips. “The Chips will control the credits. I’ll cook, you’ll eat. Together, we’ll figure out how to beat the CrossHumans. You need to remember that it’s not just monsters we’ll be fighting, but beings that can think and plan as well as we can...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Thirty-Five

“Stand… down?” Brie turned and slowly met his eyes. “Nacho, what are you doing?”

“Brie.” Nacho stared intently into her horrified face. “We lost. They out-level and out-Tier us. We don’t want to risk Taye, and they’re going to win one way or another. We’ll back up, and… try to run.”

He was communicating with her with all of his might. They’d known each other for a long time—they were best friends. Abyss it all, after everything they had been ...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Thirty-Four

As they progressed through the tunnels, they kept their eyes peeled for any signs of other people, but the nearly identical paths refused to divulge any secrets. As soon as Nacho had that thought, he realized that he needed to get an answer to the pigeon problem. “Reuben, you said you know how the Cootie attack was finally defeated?”

“Yes! Right, so… it was the fact that he went into the Green Room. That by itself fixed the issue,” Reuben stated instantly, then scanne...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Thirty-Three

As their heads popped above floor level, all three of the men blanched and ran to intervene. Reuben pulled Brie back and whispered furiously in her ear, while Taye tackled Abby and wrestled her to the floor.

Kala slammed her helmet on and gripped her sword in both hands, taking a deep inhale as though she were about to command her forces to attack. Nacho flipped through the air in a flashy maneuver, landing between the factions and shouting for attention. “Everybody stop! Bef...

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CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Thirty-Two

He awoke to bees, lots of bees—both the Mis-Bee-Haves and the Bumble Dumpers. Active Cooking was officially over, but his team was still smack dab in the middle of combat. Something new had appeared, furiously buzzing down from a big gaping hole in the roof. Somehow, the bees must’ve gnawed through the ceiling, and the opening allowed their queen, the Beehemoth, to swoop down.

That giant insect thing had to be a Tier two. Nacho couldn’t get a good look, but it wa...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Thirty-One

When someone died in the Juxtaposition, whatever was in their Storage Slot appeared, but it seemed that Scrubz had been traveling lightly. A pillow fell to the floor off the low pile, followed by a blanket. A plate of Nacho’s pancakes clattered off the shattered tile, along with a bottle of Epic Tier one maple syrup. That was it.

It was a terribly sad sight for Nacho.

A flaming arrow—part fantasy fire arrow and part concussion grenade—arched through the convention center and...

Grilled Armageddon all cleaned up!

Hello, my friends!

CWD book one has gone through dev and copy edits, and is now re-uploaded. Feel free to take a look at that book again and see how it compares to your memory of it!

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Thirty

“At least I’m still useful over here.” Nacho was pulled back into Active Combat as he closed in on his friends and quadruple-chopped a beetle-headed chicken into pieces. He leapfrogged over a Lesser Hana and landed amidst his people, then pulled the lid off his pot helmet. Thanks to his Gauntlets of Oven Taming, he was able to lift out the eggs without suffering any steam or scalding burns on his hands. He yanked out the last egg just as an inferno of pink energy lit up the convention c...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Nine

Nacho’s helmet was still hanging over the fire, full of water, and he was angry with himself for wasting the wood to get it boiling. It was a magical item that was specifically designed to instantly boil whatever water was put into it. However, that did leave him without headgear, so he would have to fight while keeping his exposed noggin’ from getting torn off. Chalk one up in the ‘negatives’ column of having armor that moonlighted as cooking utensils.

His battle plan coalescin...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Eight

Cootie Pigeon

Effective Tier/Level:??

HP:?

The name completely threw Nacho off, as he had expected something like ‘Muscle Pigeons’, given the fact that the birds looked like refugees from a militant CrossFit class. He was still more confused when one of the birds swooped down and let out a throaty, *Coo!* instead of ripping through his friends with the arm-length claws at the ends of its sinewy legs.

Eduardo swung his hammer, but...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Seven

The Dinner Party, along with the mostly-welcome addition of Scrubz, Eduardo, and Kristie, left through the smashed front doors of the Marriott. They weren’t coming back from this mission without at least a clue about either this ‘Caelius Apicius’ character or the KC Cesspit.

Nacho had left his mobile kitchen backpack behind, as their trek was supposed to be just a quick run through town. He did load up his Storage Slots with sacks of treats in case they got pulled into co...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Six

“Don’t go to sleep yet; let's find you a proper bed.” Reuben shook Nacho awake just as he had started to doze—potentially deadly in an open area. The cook had no idea what he had been thinking and happily moved inside.

Brie suggested they send their beta and gamma teams out for some reconnaissance, pointing out that they shouldn’t bother putting guards at the entrance of the DKCU, since there would be any number of ways to reach the Downtown UnderFun. Everyone agreed with her,...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Five

Nacho realized that his pans were smoking, so he used his Gauntlets of Oven Taming to remove them from the grill before returning to the conversation. “Okay, Bill, since you’re looking at my Stat Sheet, let me spend some credits and show you why what I’m doing is in all of our best interests. I’m going to raise my Cooking Magic all the way to the current maximum, and then I’m going to upgrade my Small Blades Skill to Tier one. Who knows? At Tier one, I might be able to slic...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Four

The Dinner Party portion of the Brunch Force raid group led the others down a trail of rubble that connected the entrance to the DKCU to the nearest street, which was as specific as they could be. Currently, it seemed that any street signs which had once stood in the area had now been intentionally ripped out. Luckily, the trio had spent so much time downtown that they had a good understanding of where they were at, even with the Patron’s alterations.

Walking through the underground c...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Three

Only a few people had ever seen someone reach Tier one, and it was always a spectacular display. Brie didn’t end up screaming in pain or doing anything too wild. She tied her hands over her mouth, and that blocked almost everything. Even so, she winced at the pain, grunting a few times as her joints lit up, and turned pink with embarrassment as she was blasted a few feet off the ground when her Mana barrier sprang into existence.

It looked like a wild, flaming aura spreading across he...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-Two

Out of all the things they fought in the Barbeque Tunnels—Pigbillies, the Burnt Enders, and the Ironic Booted Shrimp—the Smoked Sausage golems turned out to be the absolute wurst.

The enormous man-shaped creatures had been graced with arms and legs resembling swollen hot dogs cooked in the microwave too long. Their heads were pinched closed with a steel casing clip, leaving them faceless but apparently able to navigate via magic. Those steel clips were also bound around their wrists...

Posting shedule!

Hi all! I'm finishing first round of edits on CWD this week, then going to book 1 and runnnnning through to handle all concerns and add clarity where needed!

To help us get to Full Muderhobo: Everything faster... we're doing a chapter of CWD every day until the books are fully on here! 

See the attachment for a fun graphic!

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty-One

Nacho found their strange descent wildly concerning. Not only had they not been given a dungeon name, but the staircase seemed endless. Around and around they went, dashing from one side and easing down behind the sheet of mucky water until they were hidden from the buzzing menaces above. The monsters hadn’t been willing to come closer, but there was no reason to tempt fate.

Each time they passed under the waterfall, the water seemed hotter, which shouldn’t have been possib...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Twenty

That night, Nacho and the Brunch Force camped on the only dry grass they could find on the edge of a swamp. The prairie had become a morass of various streams and channels hidden by long grasses, although there was one stone path traversing the bog that was frequently submerged in black water.

Thanks to its putrid feel, lack of any redeeming qualities, and general miasma of rot, they all agreed that if there was a downtown Kansas City hiding underground, it would be around here. It was ...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Nineteen

“I have no idea why this thing only requires fifteen in Fitness to use. To move it at all, maybe?” Nacho was glad he had twenty points in Fitness; his mobile kitchen wasn’t light, and he’d been hauling around the huge backpack for two days. Reuben refused to let him use his Storage Slot, pleading the fact that the Yeti travel horn he stored his root beer in was more important to keep safe than Nacho’s heavy and unwieldy mobile kitchen.

Seventeen other people of the ne...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Eighteen

Nacho basked in the noon sunshine outside the entrance to the Bove’s Lair. He was enjoying the warmth, but observing the murky length of the Muddy River gave him pause. Spring rains had swollen its banks a mile wide at the narrowest point, and they’d probably have to try swimming across. “That water is going to be practically ice, there’s no way we’re going in it.”

At Heartbreak Ridge, they’d divided into two groups. Iron Becky, along with Colleen and about a dozen other p...

CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Seventeen

Taye quickly organized the other guild members to dig the wagons out of the Oilbark mud. It wasn’t clear what the plan was after the confrontation with the Sunrise Brigade. Still, Nacho wasn’t going to waste time doing only one thing at a time. He motioned for Brie to follow him back to his mobile kitchen, unfolded a grill which fit over the flames that sprang up, and started roasting the Goat Cheese meat.

Right back into Active Cooking.

At least he had gained some of his Mana...