CarissaExplainsNothing

The Best I Can Do

My dad died of COVID and since then I have a lot more responsibility to help my mom. I’m also a mom myself, have a lot of financial responsibilities that can feel very heavy, and always feel like other people are needing something from me. I’ve allowed it all to overwhelm me far too often. Recently I’ve been realizing something… it’s not all on me. I’m just one person and I have to take care of myself and my daughter first, before anything or anyone else.

This is all a diffi...

The Little Mermaid

I went to see The Little Mermaid yesterday and absolutely loved it! Disney’s The Little Mermaid was the first movie I saw in a theater and I thought I WAS Ariel. 😆

This new movie is so much better than the original Disney animated version! One thing I really liked was how, close to the end, Ariel looks back and sees Eric in the water but then turns to swim to her father to try to save him. One of my issues with the animated story was how she abandons her family and who she is for t...

Saturdays

Saturdays used to feel so weird. A day sandwiched between a work week and a busy Sunday of church stuff. It’s easier to relax now knowing I have tomorrow to enjoy too! 😃

Being a pastor’s wife was total bullshit and I’m glad that phase of my life is way over.

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Happy Friday!

I hope you’ll all have a great weekend ahead. I’m ready to relax and get out in the sun!

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Mental Rest

I used to feel guilty for any time spent doing nothing productive. But it’s actually incredibly important to rest, take breaks from work, and reward ourselves. We work better when we’re rested and incentivized. 😁

Today, I’m trying to take more mental breaks; little spaces in my day where I think about nothing important and maybe just laugh at silly videos or go for a walk. It’s been a heavy week and I need the rest.

I hope you can find some moments of rest in your day!<...

Talking Over Me

It’s been a wild week on social media for me. After watching the Shiny Happy People docuseries on Prime I’ve been talking a lot on TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram about my own negative experiences. Turns out, this offends the homeschooling moms, in spite of the fact that I’ve never claimed that public schools are anything close to perfect. As they have my whole life, the homeschooling moms talk over me and shut me out when I speak up about the abuse and neglect I suffered.

And stil...

Perception is Not Reality

One big lesson I’ve learned over the last year is to not worry myself over trying to control the narrative that other people create in their own minds about me. I can’t fix the incorrect perceptions of others, no matter how hard I try. All I can do is continue to live my life in the best way I am able and be true to my values and morals.

Ignoring the bullshit that people say about me isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s usually VERY difficult. But there is a wonderful peace that com...

Self Care

When people first started talking about “self care” I remember my mom and other women in my church would scoff. It was made to sound so selfish. But in reality, it’s very important that we care for ourselves.

Setting aside time for what we need can be difficult. I used to claim an hour for me-time every evening after my daughter went to bed. In the cold months I took a bath and in the warm months I went for a walk. Now it’s a little more challenging, but I do try to make time j...

Social Media

Wow… my Twitter and TikTok are blowing up today (at least wayyyy more engagement than I’m used to). I’ve shared things about being a survivor of fundamentalist Christian homeschooling and now it’s constant notifications. I can’t keep up. 😆 Better than nothing though!

I’m turning it all off for a bit to go to parent night at my daughter’s school. It’s good to disconnect at times, and now is one of those times.

I hope you’re all having a great Monday!

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Sunday Nights

Sunday nights are weird. It’s that quiet restlessness before the work week begins, trying to soak up the last bit of the weekend but also thinking about all that needs to be done this week.

Growing up, Sunday nights were weird. As a kid I spent those evenings in church. I didn’t mind too much because I was a lonely homeschooled kid and church was my entire social life. It was extra exciting if we got to go out to eat after Sunday night church with other families. Wendy’s had a bu...

Sleep In Sundays

A major benefit of “faith deconstruction” and leaving the church is not having to go anywhere on Sunday mornings. 😃 Staying in bed as long as possible on the weekends is my new spiritual practice.

If only food delivery services would drop the food off at my bedside, I’d just stay here for the whole day. 🤣

1 Week

Wow! I just started this Patreon a week ago and I’m really glad I did. I was very nervous and a little shy/embarrassed, but now feel more confident and empowered.

Thank you all for being here and for all the kind words. It’s very much appreciated!

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Happy Weekend 😘

Shiny Happy People

There’s a new documentary series on Amazon Prime called Shiny Happy People. It’s about the Duggar family, but more about “Gothardism” and the fundamentalist Christian homeschooling movement that shaped my own childhood. I watched last night and while it was exciting to see many of my friends and TikTok mutuals sharing their story in the documentary, it was difficult to watch because I know it all too well. It was very personal for me. And heartbreaking.

I definitely encourage ev...

Middle of the Night Pics

Many nights over the past 18 months I haven’t been able to sleep… so I take pictures. 😬 I highly recommend this, although it’s never helped me fall asleep any easier.

Dancing and Then Crying

I’ve experienced so many very painful things since 2021. My dad died, my marriage ended, my kid got covid just a month before she was eligible to be vaccinated, I sold my cozy little house, moved to a new city, lost most of my friends, experienced all sorts of terrible drama in relationships, my dog died, so much financial struggle, and more.

Sometimes it’s felt like I would never stop crying.

Crying is needed and it’s understandable, but sometimes I’ve needed to dance. In...

Good Morning

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Divorced Woman PJs

There’s a joke I heard once but now can’t remember about what a woman wears to bed when she’s married vs when she’s divorced. I’m definitely one who just wore a big t-shirt or whatever to bed when I was married and now wear little nightgowns with lace. 😆

I wish someone had told me to wear the sexy pjs for ME, married or not. I wish I had always dressed for ME, day or night. I wish I’d always felt worthy of the cute pjs for ME, not just to be seen by someone else. This is ...

What I Do

People always ask what I do for a living, and it’s a little hard to explain. Basically, I’m a food blogger. I have websites and I also work for other people with websites. I handle recipe development/testing, styling, photography, and writing articles.

I started this work in 2013 when I began blogging to have something to distract me from my deep depression. Within a year I was making money from my little website. By summer 2014 I had over 500,000 visitors to my site every month. Si...

Good Morning

I rarely leave the house, take a picture, make a TikTok video, or just about anything else without fixing my hair and wearing at least some makeup. But more and more I’m looking for opportunities to show a different side of myself. So here is me, just waking up and trying to not be overwhelmed by all the things I have to accomplish today.

Good morning ❤️

Speak Up

Growing up as a girl in the conservative Christian world meant my voice mattered less.

A huge part of my healing has been speaking out about many of the harmful things I experienced inside the American evangelical church and the Christian homeschooling movement… purity culture indoctrination, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, all sorts of discrimination, etc. Being vocal about these things has brought an end to most of my previous relationships, but it’s also allowed me to connect with...

On Thick Thighs and Saving Lives

I’m not a small lady. I’ve lost a good bit of weight over the past two years, going from a size 22 to a 14. But learning to love my curves instead of just trying to lose them is more important to me than any weight loss.

I think curvy women are soooooo beautiful, but always struggle to see that beauty in myself. Taking pictures that highlight and celebrate my curves and cute chonky legs and thighs and belly is very good for me and my journey towards fully loving myself as I am.

Red Hair

Every single time I go live on TikTok I hear alllll the things about my hair. Yes, it’s red. Yes, I’m a natural red head. I do color the roots now because I’m getting a bit of gray in some spots.

I’ve been hearing “does the carpet match the drapes” since I was a literal child. 🙄 It’s a question meant to embarrass and sexually harass people with red hair. I just ignore it now or respond with a rude statement in return.

But I love my red hair. Naturally red hair is ...

Taking My Own Pictures

I’m not exactly super model material. I’m a chubby 41-year old mom. 😆 But when taking pictures of myself as a part of my post purity culture self discovery, I like to lean in to a bit of fantasy.

Wearing something sexy even when no one is around, taking pictures just because it makes me feel good, beginning to feel comfortable with myself and this side of who I am… I’m so happy I’m capturing this journey in pictures. ❤️❤️❤️

Attention Seeker?

I posted a TikTok recently talking about “attention seeking.” Have you ever been called an attention seeker?

I’ve been learning that what is often called “attention seeking” is actually connection seeking. We’re wired for connection. We need to be connected to ourselves and others in healthy community and relationships. When those connections aren’t strong, we tend to reach out for reassurance, care, and attention. It’s natural.

The breakdown comes when we seek con...

In My Own Skin

I grew up under very heavy purity culture rules. From a young age I was taught that my body was shameful and sinful. The first time I remember being told to change because my clothes were too “sexy” I was 10 years old.

Girls were made to believe we could cause men to “sin” and we would then be responsible for that sin. With the threat of hell always looming over us, we mostly tried to follow the rules and be good.

The indoctrination created a lot of fear which of course br...

Is It Summer Yet?

Every day right now I’m getting the question, “is the pool open yet?” And it still isn’t.

Winter in Ohio feels soooo loooonnnggg and summer far too short. But while it’s here I plan to soak up every available moment of sunshine and warmth.

I was intensely sad about selling my house in spring 2022. I wanted the house to sell, yes. But when people would look through my house with their realtor I would feel like my space was being invaded. That house was my safe place. A ma...

Welcome…

I have 10 posts/pics here now for the $10 tier and will be adding more every day.

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Sometimes Life Begins at 40

Piercings

People always want to ask how many piercings I have. Just the basic ear piercing and then I got my nose pierced in November 2021 after my dad died of covid.

I never thought about getting any piercings before, but I like it!