Kevin the Bored

98 Insert Title Here 2 Electric Boogaloo

It takes me a little while to reach Shatterbird, mostly on account of the little spider robot being a lot slower than me, but eventually it leads me to a warehouse, dips it's head twice and then heads back to it's master.

I'd check my watch to know what the time is, but I don't have one and my phone is still in transit, but it's probably somewhere around midnight by now.

With a shrug of my shoulders, I make my way inside to be greeted by a storm of glass twisting around a woman wh...

97 Covid? That You?

Their bodies are all full of tenseness, ready for a fight but hoping to avoid it.

Sucks to be them then, because they're gonna wish this will be as simple as a fight.

"You see, I made us a little bet when we were fighting, and you lost. So now, I am going to kill one of you.~" Almost immediately there are shouts of protests that I don't really listen to.

Those protests are immediately replaced by the silence of fear as I force all of my blood to explode out of me, instantly ...

96 Taxes are for the Weak

"If you want, I can kill you all, but I really do just want to talk, none of you have to die if you just hear me out, kay?~" Why does it feel like I'm the one dealing with a litter of feral cats?

I'm the villain here, they should be the ones stepping on eggshells!

None of them say anything, unless you count pathetic whimpering as words in which case Bunny the Second doesn't shut up. Instead they just remain all tense looking, ready for fighting to break back out despite my casual ...

95 Violence Isn't The Question

"You know, this really isn't how I saw this going." Is all I manage to say before I have to jump to the side in order to avoid a pair of wooden roots extending from one of the kid's arms.

The roots slam into the ground, completely ruining my game of solitaire without so much as a care and quickly wriggling and writhing like tentacles as the move to chase after me with a sweeping motion that I jump over with a flip for style points.

However before I even touch the ground I am force...

94 Interlude: Krystal 'Candy' M'kaeleigh

Columbus, Georgia. April 5th, 21:16.

"Thank you, thank you! You're all real Heroes. God bless you!" The sheer gratitude in their tone is almost enough to bring a tear to my eyes.

I don't think I will ever get used to this part of the job. If you've never experienced it yourself, I don't think it's even possible to understand.

But when someone puts their complete and utter 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩 in you, it makes you want to live up to that ideal.

From living in a whorehou...

93 Smut for £25, Just Saying........

As I'm making my way back to our meeting point, dressed in casual clothes with a hat on to keep myself inconspicuous, I abruptly pause as a strange feeling overcomes me, like something is happening.

It's hard to describe, like I'm hearing something that isn't there. My brain telling me to listen and my ears not knowing what they are supposed to be listening to.

The street isn't exactly crowded, but there are plenty of people around and none of them seem to feel that anything is am...

92 Invitation

Magne's face is one of well hidden but completely understandable surprise as I take of the trooper helmet I'm 'borrowing'.

Then again, it's not like Martha is going to be needing it anymore, so maybe I'll just keep it as a souvenir, I mean, to remember her by. Oh how sad it is to see her go, she shall be missed.

Anyway, I'm glad that a lot of heroes wear masks that reveal their faces somewhat, like the classic domino mask, rather than the villains who typically have full face cove...

91 Interlude: Chad Magnus Wolfgang

Columbus, Georgia. April 4th, 17:34.

"Magne!" Turning to face whoever's calling my name, I see one of the troopers jogging down the hallway to catch up to me.

"Can I help you?" I ask, hoping that this isn't going to be like when fans in the street ask for autographs or whatever.

Especially since we are inside the PRT HQ for this city and it would be incredibly unprofessional of him.

Thankfully, my worries were for naught.

"The Director wants to see you in her off...

90 Plans 2 Electric Boogaloo

Standing in front of the others, I slap my hand on the blackboard behind me, forcing them to look at where I have written 'Super cool awesome plan' with white chalk.

We've already nearly arrived at the location for my latest play and I must admit that Jack sure knows how to pick a fitting venue.

Columbus, Ohio is the city I debuted in and now I am going to debut as a member of the Nine in Columbus, Georgia. How quaint.

"Ladies, gentlemen and Fucket Face-" "Hey!" "-I gather y...

89 Interlude: Jack Slash

"No no, you're supposed to draw three at a time, it's too easy otherwise." I hear Bonesaw hum out an acceptance at our newest member's words as she reshuffles a deck of cards.

After she sets up another game of solitaire for the little girl she returns to her conversation with Shatterbird to her side about that alchemist.

While they talk I only pay minimal attention to the road as my thoughts wonder to our latest recruit.

Tear. She's dangerous.

But so are all of the oth...

88 Go to School 2 Electric Boogaloo

It didn't take long for Bonesaw's drug to wear off. In fact it took less than a minute.

Since it only disabled my body instead of knocking me out, I was fully aware while Bonesaw got Siberian to pick my up to put me on the operating table, which meant that when the drug wore off, I already knew I was in prime position to lean forward and give her bare nipple a bite.

I didn't even have to worry about hurting her since that's literally impossible to do.

The best part was that ...

87 Speedrun 2 Electric Boogaloo

After spending at least a couple of hours locked in a big dark room, constantly getting attacked by a tornado of glass that can't even draw blood from my skin, I must admit to getting a little bit bored.

The only actual way that Shatterbird's glass can even cause me any harm is by bypassing the skin via already existing holes, but that was a problem easily solved by making myself a pair of panties with a partial manifestation of my armour.

Combined with manifesting the mask at the...

86 Speedrun Any(%) No Glitches

"Since you two have already started anyway, you might as well do Siberian's test first, assuming that the test is going to be the same as always?" Jack directed his question to the sexy tigress who simply responded with a feral smile and a nod.

At the same time, the others of the Nine are starting to gather around, none of them particularly upset about the loss of Chuckles, in fact Bonesaw's little spider drones are already collecting his pieces for whatever reasons.

Oooh, maybe s...

85 The Importance of Arithmetic

The street is full of tension, enough that even the bears are frozen and silent, their instincts warning them of just how many predators there are now surrounding them.

However, there is one person who doesn't seem to get the message.

"Oi!! I'm in the middle of something here!" I shout at Jack, waving my arm at him like an old man would to complain about kids on their lawn.

Jack's eyes barely widen enough for me to notice it to denote his minute surprise while his lips quirk...

84 Party Crashers

Dressed in a never worn before prison outfit, Kitsune's gift to me having finally been beyond repair after my fight with extinction, as well as a cheap plastic bear mask, I ride into town atop Yogi, with ten more bears following behind me.

Call me the bear master, for I am master of all bears! Muahahaha!

Ok, turns out I might have underestimated exactly how long it would take a group of bears to make their way back to whatever the village was called, I already forgot.

Boring...

83 Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica

A couple of days after swapping bikes with a random stranger and I found myself in a little town called Clayton and as I was trying to think of something fun to do I came across a rather interesting bit of information.

Just a short drive westward lies an even smaller village called Cimarron. Now, Cimarron doesn't really have anything interesting to offer by itself, but what 𝘪𝘴 interesting is what lives just next to the village.

Bears.

I'm going to go fight with bears. ...

82 PHO Interlude 2 Electric Boogaloo

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81 A Journey Without a Map Never Ends

"-and that about sums it up!~ If you guys decide to move in within the week then it should be no problem gathering the Xiao Longs under you and you could probably convince most of the 'Lords' to change sides. All the while, the Heroes will probably do nothing so that you guys can bring the city back to order for them.~"

Kicking my legs back and forth over the edge of the tallest building in Denver, I play with a single Joker card in my right hand while I hold my phone to my ear with my ...

80 Interlude: Xiao Long

𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬

The door opens and I turn as Rose leaves the Boss' office with a sigh.

"Everything good?" I ask.

I may just be a 'grunt', a glorified doorman, but everyone knows everyone here and Rose never treats us normals any different to the other capes, so we're at least close enough for me to ask if she's doing good.

She gives me a light smile as she closes the door behind her.

"Yeah, just more work, you know how it is right now. Boss says that he need...

79 Interlude: Taiyang Xiao Long 2 Electric Boogaloo

Releasing a low groan, Taiyang Xiao Long leans back into his seat, exhausted by yet another pile of paperwork.

"Damn that madwoman and double damn that walking missile."

After muttering to myself I just close my eyes and try to relax.

Ever since Extinction decided to drop a miniature sun on the city, 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘦, things have been incredibly chaotic and the amount of work piling up on my desk has increased enough that I might as well be some kind of desk jockey.

78 Morning After 2 Electric Boogaloo

All around there is only steaming rubble forming a wasteland hundreds of metres wide.

If not for the ruined buildings surrounding this wasteland and the undamaged buildings behind even them, it would be understandable for one to confuse the scene with that of a warzone rather than the city centre that it is.

In the distance the sounds of hundreds of sirens echo faintly, growing louder as they close in on what could only be the location of a natural disaster. Except there is nothin...

77 To Live, One Must Know Death

Flip.

Flip.

Flip.

Shuffle.

Despite the mediative effect solitaire generally has on me, it fails utterly in slowing the thumping of my heart.

I was hired to do a job here in Denver, and quite frankly I intend to go above and beyond what is expected of me.

My actions here will be the final act to have my Clowns truly accepted as a legitimate group that those in the underworld can no longer write off as just another band of nobodies destined to disappear with ...

76 Interlude: Multi 2 Electric Boogaloo

In all my time as Access, parahuman thief extraordinaire, I have been hired quite a lot of times to steal quite a lot of things.

From random, personal stuff like a phone or an item of sentimental value to more obvious things like property deeds and literal gold that one time.

And really, what else am I going to do with these powers of mine? All I can do is unlock things, not exactly a power suitable for a fistfight.

Point is, it's nothing new for me to be hired to relieve so...

75 Interlude: Claude Johnson

"We've got an incident on Maple and Third. Reports of gunshots and possible parahuman activity, likely it's the gangs butting heads. I've pinged you with the location, I'm sure you can handle the rest. Backup ETA 7 minutes."

Bringing my finger up to my ear I tap my piece twice.

"Roger that console, I'll handle it." I say before turning from where I am in the air to face the direction I've been given, preparing the energy that suffuses my body for a quick flight.

"Happy hunti...

74 Interlude: James 'Junior' Xiao Long

February 17th.

Only one week since she's joined the family and Lucy is already settling in well.

It took a couple days for her to really start coming out of her shell. Expected, considering her circumstance. But with the others all being supportive and not trying to push her it didn't take too long before she was opening up with us.

It brought a certain warmth to my heart to see the others welcoming her to the family so seamlessly, giving her a place where she can belong, su...

73 Interlude: James 'Donny' Mikaelson

A/N: God, I'm writing this when I'm a quarter through this chap, but this guy is such an asshole. I don't like him >:C

=============

February 14th.

The day of Saint Valentine, which couples use as an excuse to get together and do something special, while the rest of us spend the day bemoaning our lack of love.

Well, that's what other people do anyway. I've never really been to put out by not finding 'the one', but that's fine. In my line of work, finding a relations...

72 Interlude: Taiyang Xiao Long

In the life of a man who can live for years inside of a single day, it is rare for anything to hold interest.

This is a truth that Tai has come to realise since he acquired his powers.

The worst day of his life was when he had to watch his father die in front of him.

Made even worse as he triggered, and not knowing how to control his powers, he spent days, weeks or even longer watching his father's dying breathe leave him.

However, he eventually managed to understand a...

71 Why do I force myself to make so many OC's? It's hard

So!

Destabilise the area.

How does one go about destabilising an area so that a gang of 'businessmen' can come in and seamlessly take over the drug trade as well as propping up their corporate heroes?

Well, with chaos and death I would assume.

I'm sure there are more subtle ways to go about it, with plots and schemes and misdirection and subverting public opinion or whatever, but I'm young and that's boring.

I'm sure when I'm older and the amount of time such plo...

70 Kind of Lame That No One Bribed Me For a Smutty Chapter 69

Despite my conversation with Kitsune I still set off in the morning.

I told James and Jinx and abbreviated version of the nights events and I was glad to see that rather than even slightly caring about five of his men dying, he found the whole thing hilarious.

Part of the reason I didn't decide to extend my stay even more is that Kitsune has spent most of her life on the side of the angels, so expecting her to suddenly be comfortable with more villainous forms of fun would be sill...

69 Interlude: Yumiko 2 Electric Boogaloo (also Nice)

Making distance is the priority against Brutes, but she's shown to be plenty dangerous at range as well so I transition to keep my hands in front of me, ready to reduce anything she sends my way to cinders.

I struggle to keep my breathing under control as memories of pain flash by me.

"What are you doing here? I thought you left? What do you want!?" The only reason I'm even talking instead of attacking is the sure knowledge that this is a fight that I cannot win.

Damnit. I d...