thehardtimes

Fanboys: Surfabilly? Sure. Why Not

This week’s episode of Fanboys is a crime. The guys crush on some emo Canadians, trip out on a fuzzy surfy rockabilly band, and welcome some Czech listeners before making them regret their friendliness. The boys have been scolded for their apparent joyful xenophobia, and they have assured me that it will probably happen again. Now, since you’re a patron, you get to hear the boys have a conspiratorial Captain Beefheart mental breakdown and subject Ty to mathcore, and that, friends, is the ...

Mario and the Red Baron Koopa

This is the episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! that Peanuts ripped off for years when they had Snoopy get into fights with the Red Baron. Sorry everybody, Mario got there first. Mark and Jeremy discuss this week’s episode, which features such oddities as the gang being horrified of a snowstorm just one week after we did a Christmas episode. What gives? Oh and in the live action, an escaped gorilla makes its way into Mario and Luigi’s apartment just as Luigi is getting ready to s...

More Headlines for You, Yes You, to Pose

Hello Everyone, 

      Below you will find the updated list of potential headlines to pose. If you see something you think you and some friends might be able to pose then let us know and we can make it happen. The Hard Times headlines are at the top and if you want to claim one email bill@thehardtimes.net. Scroll down a bit for Hard Drive headlines and if you see something good email jeremy@thehardtimes.net.

Thanks again for the contin...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Kevin Seconds

Here's your ad free episode of the Hard Times Podcast! Happy Edge Day everybody! To celebrate Matt and Bill chat with 7 Seconds front man Kevin Seconds and talk edge, Eddie Money and stealing gear because the Sex Pistols did. 

The Pitch Group: Episode 20 Michael Luis

Michael Luis joins The Pitch Group this week to talk about how he discovered the Hard Times and how he spends his time on the road playing with his bands, Blackwood Kings & Parasitic Twin. Make sure to follow Michael @Michaelacluis and thanks, as always, for listening! Don’t forget to preorder your copy of the first ever Hard Times book!

Fanboys: PG-13 Punk

This week’s episode of Fanboys is good, clean fun for the whole family. The guys crash an AV club karaoke party, struggle to hear a teeny-tiny singer-songwriter, and deliver a much-needed guitar-tuning lesson. Now, I’m sure you’re asking yourself: I’m a Patron, so what do I get for my sweet, savory patronage? I’m so glad you asked. You get to hear the boys disrespectfully skip through a slow-building indie epic and suffer through yet another shitpost song. This is clearly the best i...

Koopa Klaus

It's October and you know what that means, Hallowe—Christmas episode? Really? Alrighty, then. King Koopa has kidnapped Santa Claus, frozen all the elves, and is generally wreaking havoc on the North Pole. Good thing Mario and the gang took a wrong turn on their way to Hawaii Land and are here to save the day! In the live action, a young boy stops by because he ran away from home to teach his parents a lesson about not loving him enough and we get a whole darn flashback showing us the time Y...

Start Your International Modeling Career by Posing for These Headlines

Hello everyone,
     Below is the updated list of all the headlines available for posing. At the top you have The Hard Times headlines, give them a look and if you see something you think you can pose email bill@thehardtimes.net and claim the headline. Scroll down a bit and you will find Hard Drive headlines and if you see something there you want to pose email jeremy@thehardtimes.net. These are first come, first served, so don't hesitate. Thanks everyone, and do...

Hard Times or Hard Drive?

Hey everyone, 

    So we want to make sure when we use your name in an article we put it in the vertical you support the most. Right now all names default to being put in The Hard Times drafts. If you would prefer your name get used in a Hard Drive article email email bill@thehardtimes.net and say something like "Hey jerk, use my name (your name here) in a Hard Drive article. Thanks jerk" and we will make sure you are taken care of. If you do not email, your nam...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Colin McFaull

Here's your ad free episode of the Hard Times Podcast! This week, Colin McFaull of Cock Sparrer joins Matt and Bill to talk about the 70’s, putting dirty words on merch, composing music for MMA fighters and breaking up because you sold all o your gear.

The Pitch Group 19: Kyle Sekaquaptewa

The Pitch Group Podcast is joined by the very funny Kyle Sekaquaptewa! We talk about some of our favorites headlines from Kyle as well as Kyle’s unique introduction to the Hard Times. Thanks, as always, for listening! Don’t forget to preorder your copy of the first ever Hard Times book! Please subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, Spotify, etc. 

Fanboys: Father-Daughter Slam Dance

This week’s episode of Fanboys is heartwarming. No, seriously - some super positive vibes in this one. The boys get insulted by an ambiguously British person, shine a spotlight on the world’s punkest primary schooler, and have a reeeeeal bad time at a rave. That Screaming Burritos track is perhaps the finest work of art ever to grace the Hard Times Podcast Network. Anyway, you know the drill: you’re a Patron, so you get to hear the boys scream obscenities at an open mic and desperately ...

Legend of Zelda: Doppelganger

Today’s live-action segment of The Super Mario Bros Super Show is so obscure that the best version we could track down is a subtitled Swedish video. As best as we can tell, Madonna’s car breaks down outside of Mario and Luigi’s apartment and she comes in to use their phone and bites a magic apple and falls in love with Mario and then does the exact same thing with Luigi. Oh wait sorry, it’s Mad Donna. She just looks like Madonna is the thing. Our mistake.  In the animated part of...

Headlines, Oh So Many Headlines That Need to be Posed

Hey we are back, thank you to all the Patrons that stuck around, and death to all those who left. Below are a list of headlines that are available to pose. These are first come, first served, so if you see something you want to pose reach out to us fast. At the top we have The Hard Times headlines, if you want to pose one of these email bill@thehardtimes.net and specify which headline you like. Scroll down a bit and you will...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Nate Newton

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast! On todays podcast, Nate Newton of Converge, Cave In, and Doomriderschats with Matt and Bill about explaining punk to other dads, witches, being too old to kick flip, and the delicacy only known as “Punk Stew.” Buy our book: https://thehardtimes.net/book/

Pitch Group: Episode 18 Courtney Baka

Courtney Baka joins the Pitch Group Podcast this week to talk about stand up comedy, music and her introduction to the Hard Times. Make sure to catch Courtney at the 10,000 Laughs Fest. Oct.17-19 and follow Courtney @CourtneyBaka on Twitter! Thanks, as always, for listening! Don’t forget to preorder your copy of the first ever Hard Times book! Please subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, Spotify, etc. and consider becoming a patron of our podcast network at 2019-10-02 09:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post

Fanboys: Classical Godzilla Studies

This week’s episode of Fanboys is noisy, misleading, and immoral. The fellas welcome back a returning caveman, get transported back to high school band class (but, like, the Japanese version), and listen to something that is either noise music or some kind of cyberpunk pornography. And of course, you’re a Patron, so you get more content, but that’s kind of a good news/bad news proposition this week. The good news is that you get to hear the Fanboys belittle some sad French teenagers, wh...

Mario Meets Koopzilla

Uuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The Super Mario Bros. Super Show does a racist one. Mario and Luigi head to the city of Sayonara to stop Koopzilla who became the size of a building due to eating Super Sushi. In the live action, a fortune teller does schtick and the show literally inserts seven rimshots into the audio. Mark and Jeremy dissect and discuss this troubling episode in an otherwise 100% flawless run of extremely im...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Nobody

No guests today as Matt and Bill record the last podcast to talk about Shane Gillis. They also talk about the dredges of local comic Facebook groups and recap Riotfest. Make sure to preorder The Hard Times book!

Fanboys: Black Metal Grandpas

This week’s episode of Fanboys starts out pretty and gets progressively more disgusting. The boys groove to some coffee shop james, dive into the freelance jingle-writing industry, and apparently unearth a forgotten relic of black metal. Then Diego writes and records a hair-metal promo for The Hard Times Patreon, and his gift comes with an opportunity: download the instrumental version (2019-09-24 08:12:54 +0000 UTC View Post

Mighty McMario and the Pot of Gold

Haha yes they do the WHOLE Irish thing. In today’s goddamn episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show, there’s some leprechaun who's having bad luck because his pot of gold coins was stolen by Koopa. So everyone drinks green beer and follows a rainbow and eats cabbage and all of that shit. In the live action segment, a self proclaimed teenage heartthrob seeks solace from his maniacal fans in the confines of Mario Bros Plumbing. Mark and Jeremy discuss the legend of Mr. Belvedere and his ...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Elliot Morrow

No Bill this week as Matt chats with Elliot Morrow of Gulch about the Bay Area hardcore scene and try to figure out if they played a show together. 

The Pitch Group 16: Mark Roebuck

The Pitch Group is joined by Mark Roebuck! Mark chats a bit about how his love of video games gave him a little more unique path to the Pitch Group and much, much more!  Make sure to check out Mark’s podcast “The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Show”, wherever fine podcasts can be enjoyed! Thanks, as always, for listening!

Fanboys: Freestyle Dog Punching

This week’s episode of Fanboys is pretty much Hard Times: The Musical. The boys rip off the Mountain Goats, stumble upon a metal song that even Ty likes (incredible, we know), and painstakingly BUILD THE BRAND with some help from the Hard Times Book Band. There’s a lot of music in this one. Like, it’s almost like Diego’s using this as an excuse to build his portfolio. Anyway, you know how this goes: because you’re subscribed to our Patreon, you get to hear Ty’s girlfriend leave hi...

20,000 Koopas Under the Sea w/ Gene Park

The great Gene Park from the Washington Post joins us on our trip to Ocean World to discuss the Super Show's parody of pretty much any famous story involving boats! Kooptain Nemo and his evil bloopers have arrived to defeat a metallic sea monster wreaking havoc on town even though it was very obviously created by Koopa. Meanwhile in the live action, the Mario Brothers are perplexed after meeting their FOURTH vampire. How the hell do these guys keep not knowing what a vampire is?! Every goddam...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ CJ Ramone

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast! Matt and Bill are joined by none other than CJ Ramone and I’ll give you three guesses as it what they talk about. (Hint: It’s in his name).

The Pitch Group Episode 15: Dan Kozuh

The Pitch Group is graced by the wonderful Dan Kozuh! We talk about Dan’s work as an author and how he found the Hard Times through his own love of the satirical and comedic. Thanks, as always, for listening! Please subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, Spotify, etc. and consider becoming a patron of our podcast network at patreon.com/thehardtimes.

Fanboys: Jordan Punkerson

This week on a highly political and polarizing episode of Fanboys, the guys out themselves as Harry Potter fans, hop on the Jordan Peterson dogpile, and hear the Good News about BatJesus. There’s also some talk of circumcision (or lack thereof) that will probably come back to haunt them at some point. Also, good news or whatever: being a Patron makes you a privileged member of society, so you get to hear the boys throw Ty a bone with a boring blues song and, like, totally shit their pants! ...

Hooded Robin and His Mario Men

The Super Show makes some wild choices with this Robin Hood themed episode, most notably transforming the legendary hero into a bird that does impressions. Mark and Jeremy enjoy Hooded Robin and the gang’s adventures trying to thwart the Sheriff of Koopingham or steal their coins back or whatever’s going on. In the live action portion of the episode, Luigi eats some bad sauce and starts sprouting vegetables, prompting Mario to call over a farmer’s son who later grows up to be a televisi...

The Hard Times w/ Jonah Ray

Here's your ad free episode of the Hard Times Podcast. Comedian Jonah Ray of Jonah Radio joins Matt and Bill to talk breaking edge, floral kung fu gis, the Hawaiian punk scene, MST3K, and all the perfect and flawless events the Hard Times and Jonah have worked on. Make sure to preorder The Hard Times Book here: https://thehardtimes.net/book/