thehardtimes

Toad Warriors

My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land. But most of all, I remember the Toad Warrior. The man we called "Toad." To understand who he was, you have to go back to another time. when the world was powered by the red fuel. The gangs took over the highways, ready to wage war for a jar of spaghetti sauce. One man became the world’s final hope. This episode is so good. In the live action, Mario goes on a date w...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Ray Carlisle

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast! Matt and Bill are joined by Ray Carlisle of Teenage Bottlerocket! They talk about trucker songs, the other Ray Carlisle, threatening your kids goldfish with Windex, posing for the Hard Times in Australia, eating cum in Japan, and making a split record with your kid.

Sweet Sweet Headlines for Your Posing Pleasure

Hello everyone,

     We hope you all enjoyed Ska day, because of you we were able to get Bill de Blasio to admit his love of ska. Stay tuned for more cool stuff coming. In the mean time here are the headlines up for posing this week. Hard Drive headlines are at the top, email jeremy@thehardtimes.net to claim one. Scroll down to find The Hard Times headlines and email bill@thehardtimes.net to claim yours.

And remember, if you have posed a headline before yo...

Welcome to all our new patrons!

Gang,

Thanks so much for deciding to back us on patreon. Badass. We can't wait to send you your gifts (on may 24th when the promo ends). But first we need to know uhhhh where to send it. Sooooo if you could please send me an email with the subject line "Patreon Pop Socket" and then the body put your name and address I will mail them out!

Also, if you want to get followed by us on social media, hit me with that instagram handle!

Can't thank y'all enough for the sup...

Legend of Zelda: The White Knight

Didn’t like the finale of Game of Thrones last night? Well check out the Game of Thrones of 1989… the Legend of Zelda cartoon! This episode, Link gets cucked hard by the gorgeous Prince Facade, who seems super cool and there’s definitely nothing weird about him. Prince Facade. Just an all around great dude. In the live action, Moon Zappa stops by and, even though she’s credited as “herself,” she inexplicably plays a character named Marilyn. Oh yeah, also Mark and Jeremy formulate ...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Frank Iero

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast. Frank Iero of My Chemical Romance chats with Matt and Bill about the worst adult surgeries, emos as the new endangered species and getting pinned by a motherfucking bus.

Ska Day is Coming and New Headlines to Pose

Hello everyone, 

     Great news. We passed 100 patrons and that means Ska Day will be coming to you next week. All ska headlines, all day. Nobody asked for it, but you will all love it. We promise. Tell all your friends to sign up because we have another special announcement for when we hit 150 patrons.

Also, here is the newest batch of headlines for everyone at the $10 level to pose. Give the list a look, if you see a Hard Drive headline you like em...

Brooklyn Bound

A trend continues this week, as the boys discover a new favorite episode. In the live action bullshit, Cher comes over and then Mario accidentally switches bodies with her dog, prompting Mark and Jeremy to discuss a lot of dog related topics, including what dogs go to college for and whether or not there is a man trapped in Air Bud’s body crying for help. Over in the animated Mushroom Kingdom, Koopa is some weird Genghis Kahn/Santa Claus hybrid this week and the boys bump into legendary Bro...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Walter Schreifels

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast. Walter Schreifels of Gorilla Biscuits and Youth of Today joins Matt and Bill as they talk CBGBs, the original big titty goth girlfriends and 12 year old skin heads who won’t stop stage diving.

Jungle Fever

Here's your ad free episode of the SMBSS! This episode is a doozy! Mario gets his brother Luigi break dancing lessons from the legendary(?) Shabba Doo, star of Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Buggaloo. And in the cartoon, the gang gets lost in the Amazon, where King Koopa (regrettably named Native Koopa in this one) attacks them with itching powder, they meet a strange witch doctor, and everyone pretends a character named Butterfingers has been their friend all along. This episode is mo...

Hello Sweet Posers, More Headlines for You to Feast On

Hello everyone, The Hard Times and Hard Drive crew has another batch of headlines for our $10 level patrons to pose. If you have posed a headline before that doesn't mean you can't pose another one. Give them a look and let us know if you connect with something.

If you want to pose a Hard Drive headline email jeremy@thehardtimes.net, if you see a Hard Times headline you like email 2019-05-03 20:11:10 +0000 UTC View Post

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Wesley Eisold

Here's your ad free episode of the Hard Times Podcast! Wes Eisold of Cold Cave and American Nightmare joins Matt and Bill to talk headshots, Boston and playing Tony Hawk. 

Stars in Their Eyes

Mario and the gang go on a space odyssey, as they crash land on a Mars-like planet and wind up as members of Moonman Koopa’s intergalactic chain gang alongside a double snouted alien race known as the Quirks. Mark and Jeremy concur that this is a fantastic episode, and are so inspired that a couple of new catch phrases are coined, making this a sure to be historic episode. Meanwhile back in Brooklyn, our live action brothers are worried that their new friend Ratigator is in danger of being ...

New Headlines to Pose that Will Impress All Your Friends, and Make your Exes Jealous

Hello everyone, The Hard Times and Hard Drive crew has another batch of headlines for our $10 level patrons to pose. Give them a look below. If you want to pose a Hard Drive headline email jeremy@thehardtimes.net, if you see a Hard Times headline you like email bill@thehardtimes.net. Thank you for the support, and hopefully you see something you like.

Hard Drive Headlines email jeremy@thehardtimes.net

OPINION: It’s Called a Die
DESCRIPTION: Someone holding...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Keith Morris

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast. Look, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Keith Morrison of Off! And Black Flag talks A LOT on this episode. I mean like non stop. To try to summarize it all here would be a fool’s game, but definitely stick around for when Keith lists of different animal tranquilizers he found at the zoo. He also pisses in the middle of the interview. 

The Great BMX Race

There’s a bounty on Toad’s head after he owes a fryguy 60 gold coins so Mario and Luigi enter into a Mad Max: Fury Road style BMX race through the desert to win his freedom. They might even win the dang thing too, if they aren’t foiled by that stinkin’ King Koopa! In the live action, Mario and Luigi are visited by their mother, Mama Mario, played by Captain Lou himself and she’s a big ole meanie. This episode kicks so much ass, though. At one point, Mario yells “HEY SLEEZOS, EAT D...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Harley Flanagan

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast! Friend of Allen Ginsburg and Cro-Mags founder Harley Flanagan joins Matt and Bill on the podcast today. They talk tire buddies, jiu-jitsu, PTSD, kicking heads, jail time, Webster Hall and UFC VHS. 

New Headlines to Pose

Hello everyone, thank you for your continued support of The Hard Times and Hard Drive. I have compiled a list of headlines for patrons at the $10 level to look over and see if there is something you would like to pose. The top of the list is Hard Drive headlines, they went the extra mile and supplied a description of what the photo should look like, keep scrolling and you will hit the list of The Hard Times headlines. If you see a Hard Drive headline you like email jeremy@thehardtimes.net and...

Legend Of Zelda: Cold Spells

Here's your ad free episode of the Super Show Show! Hall of Famer Magic Johnson stops by the Mario Brother’s apartment in this week’s live action segment to, you guessed it, show off some actual magic tricks. On the animation side, in just our second installment of The Legend of Zelda,  beloved hero Link bravely pretends to be sick to get out of cleaning a castle and generally just continues to be the worst. In addition to breaking down this surprisingly mop-heavy episode, Mark and J...

Hey... pssst. Want to be in a Hard Times photo?

 Contact bill@thehardtimes.net if any of these interest you.

Headlines That Need to be Posed:

Punk Has Heard of Father But Never Seen Him Live. 

Co-Worker a Bit of a Musician Himself 

Punk Lawyer Only Knows 3 Laws

Intimate Venue Has Kitchen, Bedrooms, Is House 

Helicopter Mom Really Enjoying Tour So Far

Pop-Punk Rhyming Dictionary Clocks in at Just Eight Pages 

Singer Insists Song About Different Katie From Homeroom Who ...

The Hard Times w/ Matt Henson

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast! Matt and Bill are joined by Noi!se member and US Soldier Matt Henson. They talk gun control, racism, stabbing, armed forces and all sorts of breezy, easy listening content that you expect from The Hard Times. 

Crocodile Mario w/ Botchamania’s Maffew!

The hilarious Maffew from Botchamania joins Mark and Jeremy to discuss Rowdy Roddy Piper’s appearance on the Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Roddy lent his prized bagpipes to Mario and Luigi who turned it into a goddang vacuum cleaner. In the cartoon, the gang heads to Austr—sorry, Down Under Land—to list every single reference to Crocodile Dundee they could think of. If you’re following along on Netflix, this episode is mislabeled as “Plumber’s Academy” because this show is the d...

Hey, what'd y'all think of the Fred Armisen episode?

I was pretty excited about it. Bill just asked him after meeting him IRL and he said yes. I'm talking to Andrew Yang (presidental candidate), Harley Flangan (cro-mags), and Fat Mike (nofx) about coming on next. Fucking sick. Please don't go yelling about it publicly tho cause maybe one of them backs out then I look like a clown who can't pull off things that he says he is going to pull off.

WANT TO HEAR SOME SECRETS?

Jonah ray is headlining our comedy night at PRB.

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Fred Armisen

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast! Today, Matt and Bill are joined by Trenchmouth drummer and SNL cast member Fred Armisen! They talk about the intersections of comedy and music, keeping cool around famous people and European hardcore kids. 

Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em

Here's your ad free episode of the Super Mario Bros Super Show Show! This episode is so weird. In the live action segment, Mario and Luigi receive guidance on their Elvis impressions by the king himself. In the animated porton, after a life saving pitch of hot pepper pistachio ice cream, a love potion makes it so that Queen Rotunda… ugh, you’re just gonna have to listen to this one.  Plus, Mark and Jeremy discuss the theme song of the show, which points out that Mario and Luigi “ar...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Donita Sparks

Here's your ad free episode of the Hard Times Podcast! On today's episode, Matt and Bill chat with Donita Sparks of L7! They talk about meeting punk legends, L7's history of plane pranks and because this is the Hard Times Podcast, there's a stabbing story. 

Weekly Update

Gang,

How are y'all doing? You enjoy those stories from Lars as much as we did? WELL GUESS WHAT. This week we have Donita Sparks of L7 on the podcast and she tells us ANOTHER STABBING STORY. Damn. You're supporting the number one stabbing story podcast on the internet. Must feel pretty good.

We finished writing our book and got the manuscript approved. That'll be out later this year. We're going to give sneak peaks of the content on this Patreon page.

We are consi...

Mario and the Beanstalk

Hey Paisanos! Here's your ad free episode of the Super Mario Super Show Show! Mario and company get tangled up with some magic beans and a giant sized King Koopa for this take on the classic children’s tale. In the live action segment, a foreign exchange student named Zolton Dracula (from Transylvania) comes to stay with the boys. They can’t put their finger on it, but something is very strange about their new houseguest that sleeps in a coffin and comes home covered in blood. Or is it ju...

The Hard Times Podcast w/ Lars Frederiksen

Here's your ad free episode of The Hard Times Podcast! Matt and Bill are joined today by legendary punk rocker Lars Frederiksen from bands like Rancid and The Old Firm Casuals. They talk about everything from Nazi stabbings to 11 year olds doing PCP, so just another typical day at the Hard Times studios. 

The Great Gladiator Gig

Mario and the gang head to the Linguine Kingdom to attend a spaghetti dinner intended to raise money for orphan mushrooms in one of the show’s best ever cartoon segments. Do mushrooms normally have parents? Fuck if I know. Let’s just hope the whole thing isn’t some big trap set by King Koopa! Oh also in the live action segment, Mario hits his head and can’t stop screaming so Luigi calls up Doctor Sigmund Fruitycake and the actor seems to have just been cut from his local improv troupe...